by Kat Brookes
Hannah glanced down at the high-waisted, wispy skirted dress. “It definitely helps to hide my post-baby belly.”
Autumn snorted. “What belly? If I hadn’t been there for the delivery, I would never guess that you gave birth only days ago. I was referring to the color. Green is so much better suited to your hair color. And it matches, or at least nearly matches, your green eyes.”
They settled into the front seats of Autumn’s car.
“You can have that dress if you like,” Autumn said as she buckled her seat belt. “I will be too big for it anyway very soon.” She looked to Hannah. “Which is another reason I wanted to drive you to the hospital. To talk about having babies.”
Hannah’s eyes widened. “You’re pregnant?”
The smile on Autumn’s face doubled in size. “Yes. But no one knows yet. We wanted to wait until I get a little further along in my pregnancy before making the announcement. But I have so many questions. And who better to talk to about what to expect than you?”
“Your mother?” Hannah suggested. That’s what she would have done if she’d had the opportunity to do so. And she was certainly no expert on the matter. She hadn’t even gone through a complete pregnancy with Austin.
Autumn’s smiled faded slightly. “She wasn’t in my life much when I was growing up. Summer and I were raised by our grandma who is no longer with us.”
“I’m sorry. I lost my mother a little over a year ago.” Hannah was discovering so many things they had in common. But she still wished Autumn would turn to someone more knowledgeable about having babies. Someone who’d had more practice. Although it meant a lot that Autumn had felt comfortable enough to confide in her. Like a true friend. “What about Emma? She’s given birth many times. I’ve only done it once, and even that didn’t go quite as expected.”
“Tucker’s momma had her babies decades ago,” Autumn said matter-of-factly. “So, while she knows all about raising little ones, she’s not as up on the current recommended pregnancy dos and don’ts as you are.”
She supposed Autumn had a point. A lot of things had changed since Emma had given birth to her sons. “I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have,” she told her. “As long as I have the answers for them.” How could she refuse?
Autumn’s smile returned. “I would really appreciate it. And I promise not to overwhelm you with too many questions. I know you’re still recovering from having your own baby.”
Hannah laughed softly. “I highly doubt a few questions are going to tax my strength.”
Autumn glanced her way. “Seriously, though,” she said, “if I get too carried away with baby talk, feel free to redirect our conversation elsewhere. It’s just that I know I’ve already been talking Tucker’s ears off with my endless chatter about our baby and we’ve only just found out we’re expecting. Not that my husband isn’t every bit as excited as I am. He’s just a lot calmer about it. But then I guess, if you spent years riding horses and bulls bareback, having a baby must seem like a walk in the park.”
“That’s only because Tucker doesn’t have to do any of the carrying part,” Hannah pointed out.
Autumn nodded. “True. He only had to hang on for eight seconds. I’ll be hanging on for another seven or so months. But I can handle that, I think, as long as he or she is healthy.”
Hannah prayed Autumn’s pregnancy went full term. She would never wish what she was going through with her own son on any mother. The separation. The waking every morning feeling fearful that things might have taken a turn for the worse and, if they had, that she wouldn’t be there to say goodbye. Funny, but she found herself thinking at that moment that Garrett would never allow anything bad to happen. To Austin or her. That, with him by her side, she could face anything. If only she could keep him by her side forever.
“Hannah?” Autumn said worriedly.
She snapped out of her thoughts and looked to Autumn.
“I’m so sorry for being so unthinking when I spoke, with that precious little boy of yours dealing with health issues brought about by his coming too early. I never meant to be insensitive.”
“Of course, you didn’t,” Hannah said with a reassuring smile. “It’s only natural for a mother-to-be to hope her child is born free of any health complications. Heather had prayed for that same thing when we found out the invitro fertilization had worked, because all she had known with her pregnancies was loss. I prayed for the Lord to allow me to keep my sister’s baby safe.” She looked to Autumn. “I never thought to pray to Him to keep her and Brian safe. If only...” She sighed, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.
“It was their time to go, Hannah,” Autumn said, compassion in her voice. “Just like with my sister. There were times I wondered why her and not me. Summer had a little girl to raise. I didn’t have anyone. I’ve learned that questions don’t always have answers. We just have to learn to accept God’s will and live our lives as fully as He will allow us to during our time here on earth. Focus on our blessings, so to speak. And be the best second mother to Blue as I can be.”
“Second mother,” Hannah repeated in thought. “I have been so torn over having Austin call me Aunt Hannah or Mommy, something he should have been calling my sister.”
“But she is gone, and you will be raising Austin,” Autumn told her. “With Blue, she had been raised by her momma for several years before losing her. I was fine with her continuing to call me Aunt Autumn. But recently she’s been slipping a Momma in here and there instead. I think it makes sense to her because Tucker is her daddy and we’re a family now. In your case, you are the only momma your son is ever gonna know. I think your sister would understand your becoming her son’s mother. She trusted you with his life from the very beginning, and I’m sure she’s watching down over the both of you, grateful that Austin has you in his life.”
Tears blurred Hannah’s vision as she looked at her new friend. Even if they’d only known each other for just a very short time. In a way, Autumn helped to fill a void left in her heart after Heather had died. She’d missed those sisterly talks, that special bond she’d shared with her sister so very much.
“I’m sorry,” Hannah said, turning to look out the passenger side window as she brushed a lone tear from her cheek. “Crying seems to be my thing right now,” she said with a forced laugh. “Just ask Garrett. I’ve cried on his shoulder more than I’ve ever cried in my life. The poor man.”
“I’m sure Tucker can relate,” Autumn said with a gentle smile. “My emotions are all over the place these days. But from what I’ve read it’s normal during pregnancy and after giving birth, until a woman’s body has a chance to return to its normal state.”
Hannah nodded with a soft sniffle.
“And you probably still have a lot of grief you haven’t dealt with,” Autumn said knowingly.
“You’re probably right,” Hannah said. “I couldn’t grieve, wouldn’t grieve, around my father. I didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain for him.”
“Well, maybe you can do some emotional healing while you’re in Bent Creek. It took my bringing Blue here to meet her daddy to force my own grief over Summer’s dying to the surface. The town, the people, are all so kind and giving. And Tucker’s family,” she said, shaking her head, “they are the best. I came here determined to prove him an unfit daddy so I could raise Blue myself in Cheyenne, but they welcomed me with open arms. I wasn’t their enemy. I was a part of their family because I was family to Blue.” This time it was Autumn who was tearing up. “See what you started,” she said on choked laughter.
Hannah couldn’t help but smile.
“I will tell you,” Autumn said, “it was a healing thing to let all that built-up pain go. For both my heart and soul. Just as it will be for you when you are ready to let it go.”
“I want to get to that point,” Hannah admitted. “But, right now, all I can focus on is my son and
how unprepared I am for what comes next. I was more than ready to carry a child for my sister, having read all the books on pregnancy I could get my hands onto. But I never thought about what came after giving birth. That was for Heather and Brian to prepare for. And then they died, and I was too overcome by shock and grief to think beyond the gaping hole their deaths had left in my life to focus on what I would need once their son was born. I don’t have anything but a crib, which my sister and Brian bought as soon as they found out they were expecting.”
“Didn’t any of your friends have a baby shower for you?”
She shook her head. “Most of my friends from high school moved away, just as I did after I got married. After moving back home following my divorce, I spent most of my time with my family. Heather was my best friend. I was supposed to have thrown her a baby shower,” Hannah said, her voice catching. “Not have someone throw one for me.”
Autumn reached over to give Hannah’s hand a squeeze. “We’ll just have to go baby shopping while you’re here. Besides, showers are overrated,” she added with a flutter of her hand. “You have to play all those silly games.”
“Silly games?” Hannah asked. “I’ve never actually been to one, so I honestly have no idea what goes on.” She had just assumed that it was a cake and some pretzel and chips with dip, followed by the opening of gifts.
“Well, you aren’t missing anything,” Autumn said a little too nonchalantly, and Hannah knew she was just saying that for her benefit. “No, I take that back. The food is great. Some sort of sandwiches, veggie trays, fruit, chips and dip, and, of course, cake. But there are usually two or three games played during the shower. One of them involves the guests cutting off a piece of string to a length they think will fit around the expectant momma’s belly. Whoever’s string is closest to the real thing wins a prize of some sort.”
Hannah studied Autumn’s face for a moment, trying to determine if she was teasing her or not. She seemed serious enough. “They really do that?” She was suddenly grateful she hadn’t had anyone to throw her a baby shower, because she had gotten quite round with Austin.
“They do,” Autumn insisted. “Believe me. I’ve played it at several showers. Now that I’m pregnant, I’m rethinking the humor I once found in playing that particular game. I mean, come on, what woman really wants people guessing their baby-expanded waist size? Why don’t people just bring pumpkins to the shower and the one that looks closest to the size of the pregnant woman’s belly wins the prize?”
Hannah laughed. “Maybe because that would only go over well in the fall.”
Autumn’s laughter filled the car.
“Autumn,” Hannah said, growing serious, “had Garrett planned to have a family with Grace?”
“I couldn’t say for sure,” she replied. “I only know what Tucker’s told me. But if he loved Grace as deeply as I think he did, then I would think he had hoped to have a family with her someday. Why?”
She wanted so badly to confess her growing feelings for Garrett to Autumn. To ask if she felt there was any chance he might open up his heart again. Only she couldn’t bring herself to do so. “Because he deserves to find happiness again. Even in the short time I’ve known him, I can tell he’d be a devoted and loving husband. And I’ve seen him with Blue. He’d make such a wonderful father.”
“I couldn’t agree more. If only you lived closer. I think you would be good for Garrett. And we could easily become the best of friends.”
Oh, how she wished she did, too. Not only for the friendship Autumn could offer her, but for the unexpected connection she and Garrett had made. Maybe he was just being kind because that was who he was, or felt duty bound, as a faithful Christian, to keep her company during her brief stay there, but it felt like more than that to her. All she could do was enjoy every moment spent with Garrett during her stay there, knowing it would all come to an end in a few short weeks, because her life was in Steamboat Springs, watching over her father and raising her sister’s son.
* * *
“Not back yet, huh?”
Garrett turned to find Tucker leaning against the open barn door. He shook his head. No sense trying to pretend he was doing anything other than watching for Hannah and Autumn’s return. “I should have gone straight to the hospital after I finished up at the Wilson ranch.” But his brothers had convinced him to take a step back and give Autumn and Hannah a chance to spend some time together. He might not have given in to their suggestion if their mother hadn’t put in her two cents, telling him that sometimes a woman just needed another woman to talk to. Especially, after going through something as life changing as having a baby. So he’d gone home, washed up, and then had driven out to the main ranch to wait for his sister-in-law and Hannah’s return with news of her son.
“You did the right thing,” his brother told him.
Then why didn’t the “right thing” not feel so right to him? “They’ve been gone a long while. What if there was a problem with her baby? An emergency,” he added worriedly.
“Autumn would have called to let me know, and she hasn’t. So stop watching the second-hand sweep by on your watch and find something useful to do.”
Tucker was right. Hannah was in good hands, and there was always something that could be done at the ranch. But it was hard to wrap his head around anything other than Hannah. Thoughts of her smile. Her soft laughter. Her willingness to use his shoulder to lean on, to cry on. Her son. Reining in his wandering mind, Garrett said, “I’ll go check on the horses we’ll be taking on the road.” They had been separated out from the other horses so they could be fed a little extra, and so they would be easier to round up when the time came to load them onto one of the tractor trailers they used to transport their stock to the rodeo.
“Garrett...” his brother said, pushing away from the barn door to follow Garrett to his truck.
He glanced over at his youngest brother, his expression no longer filled with humor.
“I know I was just a kid when Grace died, but I saw how hard it was on you.” Tucker hadn’t even started high school at the time.
“Tucker,” he said with a frown, not wanting to go there.
“Even talking about her isn’t easy for you,” his brother went on. “We all know that. And Jackson and I both said we would have done the same thing if we were in your shoes.”
But they hadn’t been. He’d been the one who had lost the only woman, girl actually, that he’d ever loved. “I didn’t do anything.”
“That’s my point,” Tucker said. “You shut down emotionally for a long time after Grace’s death and I found myself missing the brother I once looked up to. You were closed off, determined to keep everyone at arm’s length. At least, emotionally.”
“At first, I couldn’t feel,” Garrett confessed with a sigh. “I was numb inside. And then when my emotions started to thaw, I felt guilt. How could I even consider moving on, when Grace should have been the one I was moving on with? It was easier to sit back and do nothing. Feel nothing.”
“We figured as much. I have to admit that it’s been hard watching you in your self-imposed isolation where any real relationships were concerned, knowing where it stemmed from, but wanting so much more for you. I gave thanks to God for bringing Blue into our lives for so many reasons, one of them being the change it made in you. You smile more now. Laugh more. It’s like you finally gave yourself permission to live life again.” His brother looked down, digging the toe of his boot in the dirt, before looking up again. “What I’m trying to say is that you deserve to be happy. Grace would have wanted you to move on, to find someone who makes you feel that happiness again.”
Garrett’s first thought when his brother spoke of happiness was of Hannah, and then that all-too-familiar feeling of guilt threatened to surface. “If you’re thinking about setting me up with someone...”
“Not a chance,” his brother replied. “I think you’r
e perfectly capable of finding someone on your own who can make you every bit as happy as you deserve to be. In fact, maybe you already have.” Turning, Tucker strode back into the barn, chuckling as he went.
Maybe you already have.
Garrett stood pondering his brother’s parting words. Had he? His heart took off in a gallop at the thought and his immediate reaction was to find some way to regain control of that runaway horse.
Autumn’s car came rolling up the drive at that moment, saving him from his thoughts. He cut across the yard toward the house to greet them.
Hannah waved to him with a bright smile as she stepped from the car, sending that horse careening right out of his emotional gate once again. Then she bent into the car to retrieve several shopping bags from the backseat.
Autumn closed the driver’s side door and looked to Hannah. “I look forward to doing this again soon.”
“Me, too,” Hannah replied.
Autumn turned and set off for the barn, passing Garrett on the way. “She’s all yours.”
All mine. That thought set a little too comfortably with him. Garrett looked to Hannah as he moved toward her. She wasn’t his. He wasn’t even looking for someone to be “his.” But if he were, Hannah would be the kind of woman he would look for.
Garrett reached for the packages. “Let me get those for you.”
“Thank you.”
He glanced down at the numerous bags and then back to Hannah as they made their way to the house. “They put a mall in the hospital I wasn’t aware of?”
She laughed softly. “No. Autumn and I stopped by the mall on our way back to the ranch to pick up a few baby things.”
He lifted the weighty bags. “A few?”
“I might have gotten carried away,” Hannah said, flushing. “And I picked up some post-baby clothes for me.”
“Your taking time to shop tells me Austin is doing well,” he said knowingly. Hannah wouldn’t have done so if that weren’t the case.