“I’m not panicking, I’m not.” I chant out loud to myself and park my car. Barging through the doors of the brewery I briskly walk into Vegas’s office where she is working on her computer. I throw myself into the chair across from her at the desk and swallow hard.
Vegas turns in her seat and pulls her black-rimmed glasses off her face and sets them on her desk. She entwines her fingers, resting them on her lap, “You want your job back already?” She tsks her tongue at me teasingly.
Without saying a word, I take the pills out from my purse and slam them on top of her desk in front of me.
“Pawn?” She starts to pepper me with questions.
“Yes.”
“When?”
“A month and a half ago.”
“Shit.”
“Shit is right.” I finally deflate and fall back into the chair.
“You are going to go tell him.”
“Yes, of course I am going to tell him! We live together.” I give her an ‘are you crazy’ look lifting one brow at her.
“No.” She pushes back from her desk and holds one hand up, “I mean, you need to go right now to tell him. Girl, these men bleed for their women. It would break his spirit if you didn’t run to tell him right away.”
“I was scared that he wouldn’t be excited or possibly not be happy. I needed a little encouragement. Things had been rough with us before and this is one of those things that could spin out of control-”
“Get your shit.” She interrupts me then looks at my bottle on the desk then back to me, “And your vitamins. You are going to run into that man’s arms and jump and yell the club down that you are having his baby.” She picks up her purse and keys. “That man deserves the world. Let’s go, Tug.” Vegas pats her leg and Tugger, her black lab, jumps up from the floor to follow.
“I can go. I don’t want to stop you from working.” She has lost her damn mind.
“I’m not going to miss this!” She shouts incredulously. This time looking at me like I’m the crazy one. Together, we take her black Tahoe over to the clubhouse and the entire time she chatters about being an auntie again. I grow more confident that yes this is going to be the best thing that ever happened. The scary unexpected shock is wearing off. We breeze into the bar area and it’s deserted except for a few prospects. Vegas barks at the prospects asking where the men are, they respond quickly that the brothers are in church.
Vegas calls Blade, but when he doesn’t answer she starts pacing. “It’s like he knows when to answer and when not to.” Growing increasingly impatient by the second, I try to calm her down, but she isn’t having it and sends Blade a text saying they need to talk, it’s important.
Within seconds, he comes storming out and finds Vegas. He beelines in her direction, “Everything okay?” His hands gripping her shoulders, his face holds a very intense scowl.
The guys have all followed closely behind him. Vegas’s smile though is full-on gleaming, “Tami needs Pawn.” And she points into my direction. Heat flushes into my cheeks instantly. I hate being in the spotlight and this went too far. God, why did I ask her for her help?
“Tami?” Pawn calls my name and my mental rant stops. “What’s going on?”
Stunned, I stall, trying to find the words on how to rectify this train wreck. “Can we talk in the garage?” I prompt, but Blade has other ideas.
“If it’s so important that the whole club had to stop church, out with it here,” he demands, not looking pleased with us in the least.
Straightening my back, I clear my throat and hold Pawn’s stare, “I’m pregnant.” I quietly respond and at first, I don’t think he heard me at all. Pawn’s face doesn’t twitch or move at first, he is stone.
I open my mouth to say the words again, this time a little louder, but Axl beats me to it. “I can hit him, that worked for me,” he adds in and steps closer to Pawn, but Blade barks at Axl to stop.
That seems to crack Pawn from wherever he went to and the smallest smile breaks free. “We are having a baby?” Something clicks and the smile I was waiting for springs free. “I got you knocked up?”
I nod my head yes and a tear lets itself free. “You can never leave my side. You know that, right?” I quickly wipe the evidence away. I’m not sure if I am happy, scared or a combination of both.
“Fucking, never.” Pawn steps forward and holds out his arms to me, running I jump into his embrace, meeting him halfway. He picks me up and swings me around in a circle before setting me on my feet again. Pawn’s lips devour mine. His hands hold me close as he whispers, “I love you, angel.” His fingers tighten and his hold is fierce on my clothing at my back.
Tank whistles as loud as he can than adds on, “Drinks, we are having a baby!”
Spider’s disgusted face leaves us and directs his foul look at Tank, “They are having a baby, you dumb ass, not you.”
Tank shrugs and comes bounding over and takes me away from Pawn, “My lil’ T is gonna be a momma again.”
“Yes.” I agree and happily hug Tank. I am then passed around to the brothers that all congratulate us and give Pawn high fives. I get to Spider and he barely pats my shoulder like I’m a bomb about ready to detonate and shoos me along in disinterest.
Snake, Vegas’s brother, hovers in the corner and doesn’t make a move to join the crowd or help us celebrate. It hovers in the back of my mind, why is Snake back in town? But there’s too much going on to pay too much attention. Especially when Pawn drops to one knee in front of his brothers.
“Tami, will you be my Ol’ Lady and have my baby?” Pawn asks hopefully, taking my hand.
“Of course, you are my baby daddy.” I chuckle at him and how cute he is. “Two times now.”
“Will you wear my ring, when you pick it out, and take my last name?”
“Yes! Now are you going to kiss me or not?”
Pawn stands and dips me back, “About time you asked, woman.” He gives me a kiss fit for a biker’s princess.
“I’m so fucking happy, Tami,” he rasps against my lips when he pulls me back up. Our foreheads touching, we hold on for as long as we can. “We have a chance to have it all, together. I’m never letting you down, you are everything to me. My endgame.”
“Mine too,” I whisper.
The heart is the strongest muscle in our body and has an endless capability to love. Pawn is everything and worth every fight along the way to make it here. It may not have the perfect happily ever after like in my books, but it is perfect to me.
Chapter 29
Pawn
Looking down at the headstone, it feels odd to be here. Last thing I want is for Solo to be where he is and me alive and happy. Parts of me wish it were the other way around. Tami and Cash belong to me and even though that feels like the best thing in the world, it feels so wrong, because my friend has been missed. Tami and I have started shopping and filling the house with everything we will need for the baby and our lives. Solo has been heavy on my mind the last couple of weeks and today I had the courage to face the man and friend I miss, my brother.
I speak out loud, hoping he hears the words, and maybe it will help me to move on, “A lot has gone on since I went away and then came back from prison. Mostly, I have been working on myself. I had to learn to let go of the past. Had to forgive my parents. The biggest of all is I had to believe in myself like I did you.”
The wind picks up the cooler breeze, the change in the air is felt through my thin t-shirt. Tucking my hands into my jeans I try to find some warmth. The same black bird that has always been here flies down and lands on top of the headstone. I’m not a religious guy, but the presence of the bird has happened more than once. It feels right. Is this a sign?
Clearing my throat, I get back on track with why I came here. “Thank you, Solo, for everything you did and who you were. You were the man I looked up to. You always had my back and took care of them when I couldn’t. I don’t know what would have happened between all of us when I came out. I like to think I
would have found it in me to fight for her. That’s messed up, I know, but I think you know why I am saying it. I know that I won’t ever be the best man in the world, but I am the best for her, Solo.”
I know he knew the connection that Tami and I have. I think back to the day at the hospital bathroom and the look in his eyes was fear that day. If I hadn’t been in the position I was, I think things would have been different.
“Doesn’t matter how things could have happened, it just was meant to be what they are. It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened to you and what you did. You loved her and protected her when I couldn’t and then died for the club protecting us. You are just, fuck, you deserved so much more. I promise you this, I will never forget what you did. Never take what I have for granted.”
The bird squawks and I am distracted, lost in memories and pain. Acknowledging the truth, I will always carry some guilt that I lived when he didn’t. It will never make sense, but I am grateful.
“I have to tell you that I asked Tami to be my wife and Ol’ Lady. There’s more. She is having my baby. I can’t ask for your approval, but I wanted to tell you. It’s not the same without you and never will be, but I will keep my promise to you to protect her and love her. Rest in peace, brother.” The last few words are lodged in my throat and is painful to push past. But it needed to be said.
The black bird hops a few times and then soars off into the trees. Like the bird, I’m ready to face what is in front of me. The past and wounds have healed. Scars will be the reminders of where I have been and what I can do.
Today, telling him, was the last thing I needed to be free. Ready to give my dreams wings. I’ve set my demons free and been born a new man, battle born.
Chapter 30
Pawn
“Tami, are you ready to head out to the Prez’s house?”
Tami comes walking down the hallway into the entryway with a tumbling Cash at her side. She holds onto his hand and my life feels whole. I can picture her with her belly full with our baby and that lights my world on fire. “We are coming,” she announces and waits patiently for Cash to keep up with her.
Patiently, I stand in awe of her and wait for them to meet me at the door. When she is close enough, I reach for her neck and bring her to me. My lips catch hers off guard and she gasps into my mouth. I steal all of it for myself. Tami’s heart is laced with love. “I love you,” I whisper against her sweet lips.
“We love you too.” She steps back from me and holds my face, “Are you okay?”
“Never better.” I wink at her.
“Good.” She playfully winks at me and her hand falls away.
Bending over, I pick up my little man and toss him up high in the air before catching him. He squeals and I ask, “Are you ready to go to a party?” Cash is chill, just like Tami, and the next words spoken, are words that I wasn’t expecting.
“Go, dad.” He bats at the door trying to get me to move with him.
“Holy crap. He said dad!”
Tami’s face beams with pride. “He did.”
I hug him a little more and he starts to squirm in my grip to get away and walk himself out the door. “All right, we are moving.” Opening the door for Tami, she walks through first.
“Thanks, dad,” she smarts.
Reaching back, I lay a hard smack on her ass, “I’ll show you later how bad girls are treated.”
Tami halts and turns, “I can be into that so you better.”
“Go.” This time, I demand because there’s no room to continue this discussion.
On the ride over to their house, Tami scoots over to sit in the middle of the bench seat. She rests her head on my shoulder and naturally picks up my arm and resting my hand on her thigh. My fingers run along her smooth skin at first. She then entwines our hands together and wraps her other hand around my bicep. The move albeit small makes me feel like the king in her world. It is everything.
Pulling up at the house, I take Cash out of his seat in the back. We walk into the party together with Cash between us. A prospect stands at the door and lets us through. When we are close enough to see the crowd Cash wiggles away and runs towards the group of kids in the back yard.
Vegas is out back with her twins, who are turning two this year. Dana also has Maddison out there and Kat with Eli. Tami excitedly waves and follows Cash out to the backyard. She fits in like my brothers are her home and the Ol’ Ladies are just as, if not more, integrated into her life. I don’t know where she starts and ends, Tami just fits. The kids’ excited screams can be heard through the whole house that is packed with our family from Sacramento.
The women run around setting out food and chatting. Abuela bosses the crew around while drinking her Corona from the shade. There are so many family members packed all into the house, I don’t know who is who but a few faces. Of course, Fuego and the MC brothers he brought with him. Vegas’s cousin, Jazzy, stands off to the side.
Blade thrusts a drink into my hand, and I look down at the chilled bottle to see the Corona he planted there.
“Congratulations.” I lightly tap my bottle to his.
“Thanks bro, and you too. Of all the brothers that we have, the last one I pictured to catch up to me was you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking proud of you.” The Prez holds my gaze his intent in his words dead serious. Coming from him, it means everything. He slaps my shoulder and looks away to the crowd. “Be sure to get food before Vegas’s family tackles the table first.” He takes off outside and I’m left standing there when I realize he was dead serious on the last part.
A line has formed at the table and plates are filling up quickly. I’m in no hurry and find my way outside and stand under the shade with a few members. Tami has three plates she pushes along the table with her that I watch carefully while the guys shoot the shit.
I comment here and there but keep my eyes on her at all times. This may be the Prez’s house, but she walks around without a brand, cut, or my ring on her finger. That, I need to remedy as soon as possible. Snake and Cowboy, those dirty fuckers, watch her from the yard opposite me.
Can’t say I blame them, but it doesn’t mean that I’m okay with them doing that either. She finishes spooning salsa onto the tacos and looks around the yard until she finds me. Jealousy is ugly, but my pride is inflated when she spots me and heads straight for me. I’m a lucky asshole.
Her long blond hair flows in the breeze behind her with every step. Long tan legs flex with every step and every fantasy comes to life whenever she is in sight. Reaching me, my hands possessively touch her, claiming her. Sliding my hand from her waist, I cup her ass.
“Hey.” Her smile is brighter than the sun. “Brought you a plate.” She bites her lip when I squeeze her ass.
“Thanks, angel.” I take the plate from her and walk us over to where Cash plays and bend over to pick him up. I carry him over to sit down next to Abuela in the shade.
Tami and she spends a few minutes chatting and catching up. I’m floored at how much Spanish she has learned in the last few years. It’s needed in this case because Abuela is fairly drunk and slurring her words making English even harder for her to remember it seems. A few times she makes me chuckle.
She’s unfiltered and loud when she comments, “¡Tami, vas a tener un bebé!”
My head snaps up and Tami’s taco hangs in midair. “What? How did you know I was having a baby?” She coughs out the words and sets the food on the plate. Clearing the food lodged in her throat.
The yard goes quiet from all chatter and all focus is on us. Abuela doesn’t seem to be bothered by the scene. “Tu cara, es brillante como las estrellas.” Her hands fly through the air.
“My face is bright like the stars?” Tami’s cups both cheeks listening intently.
“Sí. Solo el amor puede hacer que tus ojos brillen así.”
Tami doesn’t move or flinch at the words. The sun is completely blocked, and I look to my left to find Tank standing there with Kat. She mumbles out,
“Only love can make your eyes shine like that.” Kat steps closer and touches Tami’s shoulder, “Is it true? You are having a baby?”
Tami stands and laughs with happy tears streaming down her face and exclaims very loudly, “We are having a baby!” Kat holds her close and soon all the women are swarming around her. The conversations pick back up like before, the men not interested.
“They are having a baby, K-love,” Tank teases, pointing at us. The rest of us getting a laugh out of it.
“Shut it, Tank. She’s my family. We are having a baby,” Kat defends.
“I agree baby, we all are.” Tank looks adamantly for any one of us to argue their logic.
My smug face looks over to find both Snake and Cowboy with surprised faces and I hold up my beer. Like a cheers to my family, my woman. Claimed.
Fuego soon appears with Cuervo and Ghost and a bottle of tequila is shared. Shots are passed around in celebration. I take one, but duck out of taking anymore. Last thing I want is Tami having to drive me home because I get drunk, it just wouldn’t feel right.
Food is all forgotten for the moment and Tami is laughing and talking with her friends. So much has changed, and yet more is to come. The road paved and I am ready to take hold of it with both hands. I help Cash eat and pick him up, setting him in my lap.
Abuela turns her attention to me, “Proud of you, mijo. Take good care of them. Your road will be muy duro, very hard, at times. Be fuerte, strong, for them.” Her stone-cold face startles me. Gone is the carefree woman of moments ago. She reaches for my hand, “Be their strength and bear the pain, este dolor, that comes from being un hombre, a man. Sooner than you think. If you thought you have battled before, that was a warmup for what comes next.” Her surprising harsh grip is released, and she sits back lighting a smoke.
Her words tempt me to ask questions, but I feel the wall that has been placed there. It was meant to be heard. The questions will be answered in time. My spine tingles with anticipation and surprisingly not dread but a knowing feeling grows in my head and chest. For them I will lay down and die, this I do know.
Loving You Forever (Battle Born MC Book 7) Page 15