Reconcile

by Nicole Dykes

  “Piper had to get to work early. Where’s the missus? You know I prefer to see her pretty face instead of your ugly mug.”

  He chuckles as he lets us in. “She’s sleeping in a little. Had a rough night.”

  “She okay?”

  He closes the door behind us. “Yeah, the little one decided to kick her at two in the morning.” He bends at the knees to look at Audrey. “You cool with hanging out with us guys for a while?”

  Audrey thinks it over, placing her little finger on her chin and then shrugs. “I suppose.”

  He laughs and then signals down the hall. “Baz is in his room.”

  “Bye, Swearer!” She takes off before I can say anything, and it still makes me smile.

  “Bye, kiddo! I’ll see ya later!” I holler after her, but she’s long gone. I turn to Ash. “You sure Viv is okay?”

  He grins and flops down on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “Yeah, she’s fine. But she needs sleep, even if she thinks she doesn’t.”

  I take a seat next to him and kick my own feet up. “Telling a woman what’s best for her. Good call.”

  He laughs easily at my sarcasm. “Yeah well, sometimes she listens.” He cocks his head to the side. “What’s up with you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean you look like someone kicked your puppy.”

  “Who the fuck would kick a puppy?”

  He drops his feet to the ground and turns to face me. “Spill.”

  “I slept with Piper last night.” He waits, and I sigh, annoyed that he knows me so well. “She avoided me like the plague this morning.”

  “Ah.” He leans back against the couch, like what I just told him is no big deal. “So?”

  “What the hell do you mean so? It sucks. I thought . . .”

  “What?” He grins, turning to look at me. “Your cock was magic and could heal her?”

  I place my feet on the ground. “No. I didn’t think she’d run away from me though.”

  “Why wouldn’t she?”

  I stand up. “I have to go to work.”

  He follows me to the door. “Relax, man. I’m on your side. I’m just saying what you did to her . . . It was fucking vile. Of course she’s questioning herself after letting you in her panties. I mean, she’d be crazy not to.”

  “I’ve changed.” I hate how pathetic I sound.

  He places a hand on my shoulder. “I know you have. And she does too. But you owe her at least one freak-out.”

  I know he’s right. “Thanks for watching Audrey.”

  “No problem, man.”

  We don’t say anything else because, let’s face it, that was enough of that shit. I head to work, knowing damn well where my mind will be all damn day.

  I hope she can see that I really have changed.

  “Hey, are you heading out?” I stop, my emotions so damn high that just the sound of a Ross’s deep voice has me on high alert. But at least it’s Cole and not either of the other two.

  I turn around and nod, my bottom lip becoming the victim of my teeth gnawing on it. “Yes.” I’ve been a mess all day, and I know I need to talk this out with someone. That someone is definitely not Cole. But still, I have to wonder. “Do you know too?”

  His perfect eyebrow arches in question. “Know what?”

  “About my daughter.”

  His confusion seems earnest, but I don’t trust him completely. “You have a daughter?”

  I nod once, not moving any other part of my body. “I do. And Spencer knew. How did you not know?”

  He scoffs. “I don’t really make a practice of digging into my employees’ business. Not like Spence. He knew?”

  “Yes.” I fold my arms under my breasts, untrusting and unsure. Shaken up by last night’s events. I had sex with Sawyer. Sex I wanted. Sex I initiated. Sex I loved. “He didn’t tell you either.”

  It’s not really a question, and why I’m ever surprised by Spencer’s actions I’m really not sure. “No.” Recognition must hit. “This daughter of yours . . . She’s Sawyer’s?”

  My head moves in a clipped nod. “Yes. Audrey.”

  A small grin forms on Cole’s lips before he wipes it away and adopts a more serious expression. “Sawyer is a father.”

  “A good one. Truly.”

  Another small smile. “So, when do I get to meet my niece? She might like her cousins.”

  I never thought about that. I never let myself think about the fact that Cole has children who could be part of Audrey’s life. “I’m not sure I’m ready for all that. I’ve barely let Sawyer in.”

  He studies me carefully. “I understand that. Our kids . . .” He smiles. “They’re our everything. Just know that you’re family. Your kid has Ross blood.”

  “Something that mostly only serves to scare me.”

  “We aren’t all bad, Piper.”

  Deep down, I know that Cole is mostly good, and so is Sawyer. But still, every instinct has told me to keep Audrey far away from anyone she shares blood with. As if that will somehow keep her heart pure. “I know. Thank you, Cole.”

  “You better get out of here before Spence comes out of his office and gives you shit.”

  “Thanks.” I wave and drive to Viv’s after sending Sawyer a message to tell him I’m off work a little early and will pick Audrey up today.

  When I get to their house, I hear children’s happy screams of joy from the backyard and make my way there, opening the fence and seeing Viv getting some sun by the pool while the kids play in the shallow end with Asher. “Hi there.”

  She pushes her sunglasses down her nose and beams happily at me. “Are you off work already?”

  I nod, taking a seat next to her, waving at a happy Audrey and Baz in the pool and saying hi to Asher before turning back to Viv. “I decided to take off early tonight.”

  “Well, good for you.” My stomach clenches, thinking about the real reason I’m here, and Viv must sense it because she sits up, placing her hand on my knee. “We can talk about it. Do you want to go inside?”

  I glance briefly at Asher, who has the kids and isn’t paying attention to us, and then back at Viv. “You already know?”

  She looks sheepish and then shrugs. “Not much is a secret around here, and Sawyer was pretty shaken up.”

  My jaw nearly drops to the concrete at our feet. “He told you?”

  “He told Ash. Ash has a big mouth.”

  “You love my mouth!” Ash hollers, and she just winks in his direction before looking back at me with sympathy.

  She stands up and grabs my hand. “Let’s go talk for a bit.”

  I don’t argue and let her lead me into the kitchen. She pours us both glasses of lemonade and then takes a seat across from me.

  “So, you’re freaking out about sleeping with him.”

  “Wouldn’t you be?”

  “Of course. Love is a tricky bitch, Piper.”

  I scoff, taking a drink of the tart lemonade. “I’m not in love with him.”

  “Oh, sweetie.” I roll my eyes, and she just laughs.

  “I’m not. I can’t be. It’s just . . . God! How can I be this stupid? I fell for him all over again so fast. I thought I was stronger than this.”

  “Going after what you want. Falling head over heels. Demanding respect while allowing yourself pleasure. Those are all strong qualities. You’re strong, Piper, and he’s changed. You know it deep down. He was heartbroken this morning when you weren’t there. He wanted to wake up with you. Does that sound like the old Sawyer?”

  He did? “No.”

  She smiles sweetly. “You guys have a lot to work out, but don’t for one second think you’re weak for giving into what you truly want. That’s a beautiful thing.”

  Emotion threatens to choke me, but I manage to thank her before engaging in small talk and asking her about her day with the kids and her pregnancy. After a couple of hours, I bring Audrey home, finding Sawyer in his office.

  Audrey is in her room pl
aying when I take a seat in the comfy chair across from him. “Can we talk?”

  He puts his phone down and nods, staying silent and allowing me to say what I need to say.

  “I’m afraid.”

  “Of me?” He looks so damn hurt it nearly breaks me.

  “No. Not really, just of you hurting me.”

  “I won’t.” He looks desperate, his hands raking through his thick hair as he stands and moves toward me, kneeling down in front of me. “I won’t.”

  “I want to believe you, Sawyer. Last night . . .” I stop and clear my throat, afraid my voice is going to crack. “It was beautiful. The way you let me have control. Every bit of it was perfect, I didn’t want it to end.”

  “It doesn’t have to. Say the word and I’ll make love to you every second of the day.” He takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles.

  “I don’t think we’d get much done.”

  “Who the fuck cares?”

  I laugh at that and don’t pull my hand from his. “I don’t know about us. But there’s one thing I do know—that you’re a good father, an amazing father. And you deserve to have that title.”

  His eyes widen as he searches my face. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I want to tell Audrey the truth. That you’re her dad.”

  “I want that. More than anything, I want that.” His eyes are shining with hope, and I know I’ve made the right decision.

  “Let’s do it then.”

  “When?”

  “Now.”

  He looks shocked as he stands up. “Right now?”

  I stand and take his hand in mine. “Right now.”

  There’s no going back, but somehow, I’m not afraid of this next step. He loves Audrey. That much I’ll never doubt.

  We’re going to tell Audrey she’s my kid. It’s actually happening. I don’t know exactly what I feel, but I think it’s as close to giddy as I’ve ever been.

  We walk into Audrey’s room where she’s playing, and Piper sits on her twin bed, patting it. “Audrey, can you come here for a minute?”

  My heart is beating way too fast. I think I’m too young for a heart attack, but who the fuck knows?

  Audrey puts down the dolls she was playing with and studies her mom cautiously as she walks to her. “What?”

  Piper smiles and pulls her onto the bed. Audrey giggles and squirms before finally settling next to her. “Do you remember what I told you about your dad when you asked me?”

  Audrey thinks it over as I stand there with sweaty palms, still wondering if my heart is okay. “Yeah. You said he’s a friend.”

  Piper nods her head slowly, her smile looking forced. I know this can’t be easy for her. “That’s right. He was.” She turns to look at me, Audrey’s eyes following and widening as something clicks. “Sawyer is your dad.”

  Damn, she’s good at just ripping off the Band-Aid.

  Audrey stares at me in shock. “Swearer is my dad?”

  I smile and then nod my head, forcing my legs to move me closer to her. “I am.”

  She turns to Piper. “Really?”

  Piper lets a small laugh escape. “Yes, really. Is that okay?”

  Audrey looks at me again. “Where were you?”

  And yeah, I think I just died. At least a little piece of me did. Piper looks like she’s about to rescue me and take the blame, but I shake my head in her direction and kneel in front of Audrey. “I was, um . . .” I force a smile, even though a part of me is so goddamn angry at myself for my past actions. “I was an idiot. I needed time to grow up, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you and your mom.”

  I can’t look at Piper. I can’t. I think it might kill me to see the disappointment on her pretty face. Audrey seems to be thinking it over. “You’re here now though.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. If you want me to be your dad, I’ll never leave. If you tell me to go away, I’ll just quietly stalk you from the bushes.”

  Audrey giggles at that, and I hear Piper’s laugh, making me look at her. She has a pretty smile on her face as she shakes her head and then says to Audrey, “We won’t make him do that, will we?”

  Audrey giggles again. “No. I like Swearer.”

  Piper smiles and pulls Audrey into a side hug. “Me too.”

  Fuck, if that doesn’t make my heart soar. “Can I call you ‘Dad’?”

  Well, that’s it, I’m never getting my heart back. Not after this moment with Audrey’s big eyes looking at me. “Yes. Forever.”

  “Can I call you ‘Swearer’ too?”

  Fucking Baz. I laugh at that and pull her into a hug. “Yeah. You can call me that too.”

  She laughs and then pushes me back so she can run back to her toys, going back to her day, as usual, even though mine has been changed forever.

  Fuck, I love that kid.

  Piper grabs my hand and pulls me toward her room. I go willingly, taking one last glimpse at Audrey before we leave. “Thank you.”

  She smiles sweetly at me as she takes a seat on the bed. “Thank you. You earned that. You could have forced me into court and done all kinds of horrible things, but you let me have time.”

  “I kind of blackmailed you into moving in.”

  She laughs, “Well, you’re still an ass.” She grins at me as I walk closer to her. “But I’m glad you did.”

  “Me too.” I lean into her, my lips brushing against hers, wanting to kiss her so fucking badly but not wanting to push her.

  Sure enough, her hands move to my chest as she holds me back. “Sawyer . . .”

  “I want her as my kid. I want to be her dad. But Piper, I want you too. I want us.”

  She gasps at my words, somehow still surprised that I want to be with her. How? I’m not sure. Anytime she’s been in my presence even when we were kids, I couldn’t stand being away from her. “I can’t.”

  “You can. We aren’t the same people, Piper.”

  “What happened between us . . .” Her eyes fill with unshed tears, and I take a step back, allowing her some space, but refusing to leave. “It broke me.”

  “Then let me fix what I destroyed. Let me try. I can’t live without you anymore, Piper. I’ve been a fucking zombie, walking through life in a daze, trying to convince myself I did the right thing when I knew the entire time that I’d fucked up. I knew it the second I saw you standing in the doorway at that party. When I saw that devastated look on your face, I knew I hurt my favorite person in the world.”

  “I can’t do this, Sawyer. You did hurt me. Badly. Even if it was just to hurt Spence. Or you thought you were protecting me. A part of me broke that day. I haven’t trusted anyone since.”

  I sit next to her on the bed, grabbing her hand and placing it over my rapidly beating heart. “Let me earn your trust back. You let me do it with Audrey. Let me do that same thing with you. I’ll fight for it for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

  She lets out a choked sob. “Do you know how hard it was, to see her face, her eyes, and think of you every single time? To miss you and hate you at the same time for six years?”

  “Why did you do it all alone, Piper? Why? Did your parents cut you off?”

  “Not exactly.” She pushes her hair behind her ear, and I momentarily get lost in how beautiful she is before continuing the conversation we need to have.

  “What do you mean?”

  She sighs and turns her body to face me more fully. “When I told them at first, they were, of course, pissed.”

  Not a shocker. “Especially when you told them who the father was?”

  She shakes her head, which surprises me. Maybe she didn’t tell them I’m the father. That would make sense. “They were ecstatic. Well, at least my mother was, my dad wasn’t thrilled, but you know . . . A Ross and a Ward child. That’s a blessing.” Her voice goes deeper as she tries her best at an impersonation of her father.

  “What?” I’m in shock. I go back to the conversation my father had with me rig
ht before everything went to shit. Her father hated me. He didn’t want my spawn growing in her belly. No way. “That can’t be right.”

  “Trust me. They were thrilled. My mother started planning our wedding right away. Down to the people who would be invited and who would be the most jealous.”

  I think my mouth is hanging wide open, but I don’t even care. “So, what happened?”

  Her eyes grow darker, and it seems she’s lost in time, going back there with them. “I told them I’d rather set myself on fire than marry you.”

  “Harsh, Pipes.”

  She smiles. “Sorry. I’d just seen my sister naked on top of you. I hated you. Or at least I wanted to.”

  “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  She takes a deep breath, her voice cracking with emotion as she goes on with her story, “They were furious. Tried every threat they could think of so I’d come to my senses. Said they’d cut me off. Said they’d send me to a nunnery, but I didn’t care. I was eighteen, and I wasn’t budging.”

  “So, you cut yourself off?”

  She shrugs her small shoulder, looking young and vulnerable. “They couldn’t completely do that. You know, for image purposes. But I’d been accepted at Brown University, and they told me they wouldn’t allow that because they knew too many people there. That if I insisted on carrying a bastard child, I had to go somewhere inconspicuous. I couldn’t come home to visit and basically had to keep Audrey a dirty little secret.” My chest aches, seeing her pain as she wipes a tear away. “I knew I needed a college education if I wanted any shot at making a good life for Audrey, so I caved. I let them hire a nanny and pay for expenses while I went to a small private college. I know most girls in my position wouldn’t have even gotten that, but I refused to feel guilty. I needed to do whatever I could for her.”

  “You’re amazing, Piper.”

  She snorts, “I had a house paid for by Mommy and Daddy. An education paid for by them. A full-time nanny paid for by them. I was a spoiled brat even then. But I did try my best to stay with Audrey without the nanny’s help any time I wasn’t in class. I didn’t care. I wanted to be her mother.”

  “You are. You were.”