by Alex Lake
Because she could not lose another child. It could not happen again.
Max sneezed again. He looked up at her, mucus all over his top lip.
‘Mummy,’ he said, and pointed at it. ‘Look.’
Maggie reached for a tissue and wiped it away.
He sneezed again and his eyes widened in surprise. He smiled, and then laughed. ‘This is funny.’
Maggie nodded. ‘If you say so.’
Another sneeze; another laugh. ‘I can’t stop, Mummy!’
‘That’s what happens when you have a cold.’
‘I like it.’
It was a novelty. He had never had a cold; there were no viruses in the room, other than those the man brought in.
‘You might not, after a while.’
And then it hit her again. For a few seconds she had forgotten what was coming, but it all rushed back.
There would not be an ‘after a while’, not for Max. She felt dizzy; her stomach clenched and her hands shook. She steadied herself against the bed, then fell to her knees.
‘Mummy?’ Max’s voice was alarmed. ‘Mummy?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, the words little more than a gasp. ‘Just tired.’
He put his face close to hers, looking into her eyes. ‘Mummy?’
‘It’s OK.’ She hugged him to her, holding him tightly. ‘Don’t worry, Max. Mummy— Mummy had a little turn, that’s all. I’ll be OK in a second.’
But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t ever be OK again.
2
‘Mummy,’ Max said. ‘Can I have a story?’
‘Of course,’ Maggie said. She had no idea what it would be. She barely had the energy to breathe, never mind invent a story. And she was so distracted. All she could think of was what was coming; stories seemed so unimportant.
But they weren’t unimportant to Max, so she had to try.
‘I’m going to tell you about friends,’ she said. ‘Friends are the most important thing – after family – in the world.’
She thought of Chrissie and Fern. Of how they relied on each other, of how secure she’d felt when she was with them. They were a team, and like all good teams, they were much stronger together than the sum of their parts. She smiled at the memory of a boy, Christopher, a few years older who had kept asking Fern to go on dates with her. She said no; they were thirteen and starting to get interested in going on dates with boys, but she didn’t like him. No one really did; he was sullen and aggressive and a bully, and when the kids his own age started to ignore him he turned to the younger ones.
At a school disco he had trapped Fern in a corner and tried to kiss her.
She refused, but he didn’t let her go.
Maggie and Chrissie watched it happen.
What should we do? Maggie said.
We have to help her, Chrissie replied. Come with me.
They walked over and Chrissie tapped the boy on the shoulder. He turned around and scowled.
What do you want? We’re talking, he said.
We want you to get lost, Chrissie said, then shouted. We want you to leave her alone!
A crowd was forming, and Christopher was starting to look uncertain.
You get lost, he said.
He’s a cradle-snatcher! Maggie said. Leave her alone!
There was some laughter, and Christopher’s face flushed. He backed away and walked towards the exit.
‘Why are friends important, Mummy?’ Max said.
Maggie hugged him. ‘Because with friends,’ she said, ‘you can do anything. If you have friends, nothing can hurt you.’
‘Do I have friends, Mummy?’
She pressed her hand to his heart. ‘In there you do,’ she said. ‘In there you have all the friends in the world.’
‘So nothing can hurt me?’
‘That’s right, Max. Nothing can hurt you.’
‘Good,’ Max said. ‘That’s good.’
She closed her eyes. If only it was true. Because there was something that could hurt Max.
And it – he – was coming tomorrow.
3
The day seemed to pass slowly, and yet it was a surprise when evening came and she heard the scraping noise.
The door opened and the man came in, two plastic plates and two plastic cups on his tray.
Max toddled over and looked at the food.
‘Sausages,’ he said. His voice was thick with the cold. ‘And orange juice. Yum.’ He picked up one of the cups and drank. The man stepped back towards the door.
‘You can take mine,’ Maggie said. ‘I’m not hungry.’
The man shrugged. ‘I’ll leave it. You might change your mind.’ He pointed at Max. ‘Is he ill?’
‘He has a cold.’
‘Orange juice should help.’
‘What do you care?’
The man caught her gaze. ‘I suppose I don’t.’
She watched him leave. She’d had many feelings towards him over the years – anger, of course, and hatred, but also pity and sympathy and wonder. Wonder at what made him do this, at the life he led.
Now, though, she saw only one thing. He was a monster. He had kidnapped and imprisoned a fifteen-year-old girl and taken and murdered – she was sure that was what had happened to Seb and Leo – two of her sons. Tomorrow he would take a third. To the world he seemed mild-mannered and calm but it was a veneer that hid the truth: he was violent and cold-hearted and selfish and utterly lacking in any sense of the harm he was doing to other people.
‘Why are you doing this?’ she said.
He paused, hand on the door.
‘I’m only bringing food.’
‘Not that. You know what I mean. This’ – she gestured around the room – ‘all of it. Why keep me here? Why take me in the first place? Why did you want a girl – and now a little boy – in your basement? How is this good for you?’
He frowned. ‘I told you. You’re safe here. Out there is’ – he shook his head – ‘it’s a bad place. No harm can come to you in here.’
‘Every day harm comes to me. Every second you deny me sunshine and laughter and family and love you are doing me harm. And Max.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You never listen. Why won’t you listen? Sometimes I wish I’d not bothered with this, but then I remember. This is my duty. This is my burden.’ His voice rose. ‘I have to save at least one. I watch the girls. They start so innocent, so perfect, and then they change. They are corrupted. By boys and alcohol and cigarettes. And I couldn’t let that happen to you. I tried with your mum, but I let her slip away. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and I was sure that she felt the same way about me, but no. The world took her from me. I realized then that I would never get what I wanted. What I needed. People like me didn’t get such perfect prizes, so I decided I would have to take it. It was too late, though. Your mum was gone.’ He smiled, a lopsided, clownish smile. ‘But then I got the chance with you. And I was not going to miss it.’
‘You haven’t saved me,’ Maggie said. ‘You say I would have been corrupted, but you’ve done worse. You’ve ruined me. Raped me. Dirtied me. You’ve destroyed my life.’
At the sound of his mum’s raised voice, Max looked up from his sausages. Maggie smiled. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘We’re only talking.’
‘OK, Mummy,’ Max said.
The man was staring at her, his face flushed. She could see he was upset. Good. Maybe she could provoke him into an argument and he’d have a heart attack right now.
He shook his head. ‘You’re getting it wrong,’ he said. ‘I’ve not destroyed your life. I’ve perfected you. I’ve kept you pure.’ He raised his hand. ‘It doesn’t matter what you say. You don’t know. You were a girl when I rescued you. You have no idea what happens out there. If you did, you’d be grateful. I know that, so whatever you say, it won’t bother me. Look at your mum. Look at what she became. And your brother.’ He shook his head. ‘He’s wasting his life.’
Maggie stared at him. ‘How do you know what my br
other’s doing? Or my mum?’
‘I see them from time to time.’ He smiled, although his eyes were hard. ‘We’re friends.’
It took her a while – she wasn’t sure how long – to respond. ‘Friends. You’re friends?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘We have been for a while. Ever since you disappeared. I tutored James in maths.’ He pointed above his head. ‘Up there. He did well. Went to Warwick University.’
This, she realized, was punishment. She’d hurt him and he wanted his retaliation.
‘You’re lying. You’re only saying this to hurt me.’
‘Why would I lie?’
‘Because you didn’t like what I said to you. So now you’re making this up to hurt me.’
‘OK. Then I’m lying. But if I am, you won’t want to ask me how they are, will you?’
She tried not to, but it was too hard. Eventually, she spoke.
‘What did you mean, he’s wasting his life? What’s James doing?’
‘He’s made some bad choices. Very bad choices. I think it upsets your parents to see what he’s made of his life. But then he was hit hard when you left, and they know that. What else could they expect?’
‘You fucking bastard,’ she said. ‘You did this to me, my parents, my brother, and then you stand there and tell me James made bad choices when it’s all your fault.’
The man raised his hand again.
‘Don’t speak to me like that, you foolish little bitch,’ he said. ‘I’ll be back for the tray later.’
4
Her family was out there. Close. If he knew them, they must be close.
Her mum. Her dad. James.
They were out there, her disappearance ruining their lives. She had to see them. She had to get out of here. There was a way, there had to be. She couldn’t let him win. She felt a fierce, hard determination. She looked around the room. The bathtub. The bucket. The mattress. Max’s Duplo. Their clothes. Her needle and thread. The bleach in the tinfoil.
Nothing she could use.
Could she get Max out? Throw him up the stairs when the man came, pull the man into the room? But where would Max go? What if there was a locked door at the top, the door that made the scraping sound?
He’d be trapped, and the man would still take him. It had to be something else. She visualized what would happen on his birthday.
The man would come in. He would look around the room. He would point at Max.
Give him to me.
She would say no and try to fight and lose.
And Max would be gone.
It was pointless. She couldn’t protect him. She imagined how wonderful it would be if she woke up tomorrow and Max was gone, magically rescued. The man would come in and look around and frown.
Where is he?
I don’t know. I don’t know where he is, but he’s gone. He’s free.
But that was impossible. There would be no magical rescue. The best she could do was hide him for a few minutes. She could put him in the bathtub, like the day before when, for a second, she had not known where he was. That was her only option, but the man would find him immediately.
She could hide him under the bottom of the bath. It would take the man a little longer to find him there.
But he would still find him, and it would be over. It wouldn’t work.
Maybe not, but it might buy her some time.
Which was a start.
And a start was all you needed. She remembered something her dad used to say when she complained about not knowing how to do something: Get started, Fruitcake. If you’re not moving then you can’t get anywhere, but once you’re up and running you’ve got something to work with. Once you’re in motion, all you have to do is steer.
He was right. Suddenly things felt different. The man would come in and Max wouldn’t be there. She would know where he was; the man wouldn’t. For a change, she would be in control.
And the germ of what she might do with that control began to emerge.
Four Years Earlier: July 2014
James
1
Hey.
The instant message popped up on his screen. It was from Penny. She had started the graduate programme at Spinks, an engineering firm in Manchester, at the same time as him. He liked her; she was funny and smart and tough, which he imagined was something to do with her upbringing as a police officer’s daughter in a village in Yorkshire. She had a long-term boyfriend, but from the start they had connected. Sometimes there was a spark when you met someone. It was hard to know why it happened with that particular person – why not one of the other graduates, Janet or Angie or Vanessa, who, at first glance, were equally as attractive as Penny. Why not Mary, who was much more attractive?
James didn’t know, and he doubted he would ever find out, but he was glad it was Penny. He was glad because she was already taken and he didn’t want a girlfriend. He didn’t want any connection to anybody.
He had lost enough in his life, and he didn’t intend to lose any more.
He typed a reply.
Whats up?
Lunch?
Sure. Canteen?
I was thinking of getting out of the office. Maybe the burrito truck in the park?
He looked out of the window. The leafy crowns of the trees swayed gently in the summer breeze. It would be good to get some fresh air.
It would help with his hangover. He had woken up with a stinging headache. He was used to hangovers, but this was a big one. Most nights he and Carl, the guy he shared his flat with, drank a few beers and a bottle or two of wine while they watched YouTube videos of football goals and rugby hits and famous gigs. Last night Carl had taken a bottle of vodka from the freezer and handed him a glass of that. Then there’d been some weed and he’d woken up feeling like shit. Some fresh air and a walk away from his desk sounded good.
You’re on. Five minutes?
2
Penny was standing by the revolving door, looking at her phone. She was wearing tight, dark jeans and a grey, long-sleeved sweater with a V-neck. A pendant glittered at the base of her throat. James imagined what it would feel like to kiss her neck.
She saw him and smiled and they walked out of the revolving door. Outside, James tilted his face to the sky, enjoying the warmth of the sun.
‘Happy Friday,’ she said. He noticed her eyes were puffy and red. ‘You have plans for the weekend?’
He shrugged. ‘Pub with Carl tonight, probably. Then I’m not sure. The usual. Hanging around. You and Bryn doing anything fun?’
Her eyes caught his. ‘Not this weekend. We split up.’
‘What? What happened?’
‘It’s been coming for a while.’
‘Really? I thought you guys had been together for ages?’
She nodded. ‘We have. That’s part of the problem. Bryn’s a lovely guy, but he’s – he’s a bit clingy. He wants to settle down. Have kids. His parents were married at nineteen so twenty-three for him is high time to tie the knot, but I’m not ready. Not even close.’
‘You don’t have to split up. You could agree to wait.’
‘That’s the problem. The more we talked about marriage and kids, the more I realized I couldn’t picture it. I couldn’t see us as parents together. When I tried, it felt wrong. I’ve been thinking of breaking up with him for the last six months. Last night he brought it up again and I kind of came out with it.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I said I didn’t want to marry him anytime soon. He said, well then, when? and I said I don’t think ever. He said in that case let’s break up for good. I think he was calling my bluff, but I agreed. And that was that. It was a rough night.’
‘I’ll bet.’
‘He slept on the couch, but our flat is tiny and you can hear everything. I was up all night listening to him crying. I was glad when he left for work. He went early, at like five a.m. I felt awful.’
‘Sorry to hear it.’
‘Don’t be. It’s for the
best.’
They reached the burrito van. James looked at the menu; Penny didn’t bother.
‘Could I have a beef burrito?’ she said. ‘Extra chilli.’
‘You got it, love,’ the man said. ‘And you, mate?’
‘I’ll have the same,’ James said. They waited for their food and walked to a bench.
‘Where are you going to live?’ he said. ‘Will you move out?’
‘No. He will. At first I thought he was being a gentleman, but now I think he just wants to know where I’m going to be. He’s called eight times today. And sent four texts asking if I’ll be home tonight and if he can come to talk. I will be home, but I feel like going out so he can’t find me.’
‘Not taking it well, then?’
‘You could say that.’
‘Well,’ James said. ‘At least you did it.’
‘Yeah. It feels good. I feel good. I’m sorry for him, but better now than later.’
‘For you. He’d probably have preferred to postpone the inevitable.’
She lifted the burrito and took a bite. It left a smear of chilli sauce on her bottom lip. James brushed his own lip with his forefinger to indicate where.
‘You’ve got some chilli on your mouth.’
She dabbed it with a tissue. ‘Thanks. Bryn would have wiped it away for me. You know, I feel really good about breaking up with him. Guilty and weird, but good. I’m so glad it’s done. It’s strange – I thought about breaking up with him for ages, but I kept coming up with reasons why not. He wasn’t that bad, we had a lot of history that it was a shame to throw away, but now – now I can’t believe I waited this long. I have no regrets at all. It’s like I came out of a long, dark tunnel and I have no intention of going back. You know what I mean?’
He knew the feeling of being in a long, dark tunnel. It had been like that since Maggie disappeared. He didn’t think he would ever come out.
‘I’ve never been in that situation. Not with a relationship.’
‘I hope you never are,’ Penny said. ‘Anyway, I learned my lesson. I’m not going to waste my time any more. If I want to do something, I’m going to do it.’ She caught his eye and looked at him. ‘So, how about a date this weekend? Saturday? Or tonight? Give me somewhere to be?’