"And the Okalu was defeated?" Amelia took another long drink from the tea. "So this Okalu that the mind shade spoke of is… someone who just took the name, not a reincarnation of it?"
"It's only a myth," AaQar said. "If it ever happened, it was before the inception of the Paras, thousands and thousands of years ago."
Perhaps, but the brothers had been myth in Libysha. And they were currently sitting twenty thousand years in the future of Ecekom. If anyone had survived, they would be myth and legend to those people as well. She finished the last of the tea and then leaned her head back again. This day had not been at all what she had anticipated.
"Are you ready?" Naatos asked.
"No. But we should go." She rubbed her eyes. "You probably need to get in a more comfortable position."
"Hmm." He stretched out beside her but on his side rather than his back, his head propped on his arm. "You might consider the same. Unless you like the idea of smashing into my face."
She smiled a little. "Maybe not tonight." She straightened her shoulders and then reclined on her side, keeping an arm's distance between them.
He arched an eyebrow at her. "You can't look into my eyes from that far away. Not unless you want another headache."
Grumbling, she edged closer. How was he this calm?
He draped his arm over her waist. When she stiffened, he said, "If you need more energy, you can draw from me. You don't have to know how. It should be instinctual since it's part of the bond between us. Really it would work better with skin to skin contact, but this is a good starting point."
There was a wave of energy that passed from him to her. His fingers were dangerously close to the elmis on her back, but he kept his hand on her spine and above the sensitive marks. Relenting, she edged a little closer herself and propped up her head. Even from this distance, she could feel his heat.
A pulse of discomfort twinged through her mind as she peered into Naatos's eyes. This time, she pulled his consciousness into hers rather than sliding into his.
For a moment, the world spun as the darkness erased the firelight, the forest, and the brothers. Then, once it had reached its deepest point, the soft shush shushing of tapestries sliding into place appeared, and light from an unseen source revealed her deep mind. The tapestries had formed curving lines once more, each one wrapped in scarlet yarn. None appeared to be fragmented. There was no evidence of the ripped and torn tapestries that she thought she had seen.
Naatos stood beside her, on his feet and his usual imposing male self. With both his spear and the hunting knife, he was better prepared than she had been. For all the good that was going to do against this Ki Valo Nakar.
"Are you going to stab it inside my head?" She scanned the memories which were on display, hoping that nothing too embarrassing or revealing was playing out on those tapestries.
"Perhaps." He gave the spear a dual-layered spearhead that glistened in the soft yellow light.
"Is that going to do anything?"
He shrugged. "It was vulnerable to my spear when we last met."
"But…" She shook her head. "I hope it works this time if it's needed." It wasn't as if she knew how to destroy the spider she'd accidentally put in Matthu's mind. "Which way do we go?"
"Ask your mind to show you the Ki Valo Nakar."
Just like that then? Might as well get it over with. She drew in a deep breath as she scanned the tapestries. "Show me the Ki Valo Nakar." Her heart clenched at that. She had to know, but it brought that terror to a peak.
Naatos gripped his spear tighter, the only indication he gave of concern.
All of the tapestries except one vanished. It, like the others, was bound in scarlet yarn, but its center was a mass of white.
Naatos breathed a little easier as he approached it. Putting his hand out, he touched the frame. The tapestry remained solid, as if a great weight held it in place. It didn't even slide like the others. "You're safe."
"It's in there?" Despite his words, uncomfortable sensation spread down Amelia's spine as she stared at the tapestry. It felt as if it was watching her.
"Assuming that your mind knows how to sort things properly."
"Could the Ki Valo Nakar be hiding? Pretending it's trapped?" She circled it herself.
He stepped back, canting his head as he examined it. The befuddlement that he tried to hide confirmed his frustration and how far out of his element he was. "Possibly. We'll continue to watch for the signs." He returned to her side. "I am going to have to ask you to do something difficult."
"Oh?"
"Sinara deanimated a number of your memories that contained that early trauma and knowledge you should not have. She also tried to apply filters to help you process things further. If you broke those down and used them, then they will be exposed. That doesn't mean you'll remember them immediately. It takes time for the mind to bring them back to the surface. But it would be wise to know how many we are dealing with here. If you see them though, they will torment you."
"So…" She folded her arms. "You want to go in search of them?"
"Bring them here but keep your eyes on the floor. Whatever you do, don't look up."
He was right. That was a lot to ask. After she gave the command, she'd have to trust that he wouldn't misuse it. But… she nodded slowly. "Don't go wandering off in my head, all right?" She then used the command he gave and turned her focus to the cracked black floor.
The soft shushing of the tapestries continued, interspersed with Naatos's echoing footsteps. His stride was firm, a little slower than usual. Occasionally he paused. It was hard to read him at the moment. It was hard for her to even read herself.
"Some of the memories are no longer deanimated, but the bracelet will keep you from dreaming of them easily. The acts they showed were evil. As long as you are not exposed further, I don't think these memories can harm you."
She sent them away before looking up again. "So we're done? We can leave?" She rubbed her arms, her elmis itching. It was so different, him being here with her now. The last time he'd been horrid, going to see memories she'd wanted to keep private. Now she was glad for his presence. Even this calm of his—hard as it was to believe. That little bit of unease wasn't as strong as she had expected.
"If you have the strength, we should see the damage that the mind shade did."
"You mean other than rendering me barren." She put her elmis to her torso. Though she tried to hold his gaze when he looked at her, she couldn't.
"Do you want to talk about that now?" He didn't let a glimmer of emotion escape the mask of his face, and she didn't have the energy to press.
"It means more to you than it does me." The hoarseness of her own voice startled her. "It isn't like I dreamed of this one day. I never even really thought about it. So—I'm fine. It isn't really a loss if you never—" She dashed her hands over her eyes and resumed walking, sniffing. "It isn't anything. But I'm sorry for your sake. I know you wanted children. That you all did."
Naatos remained silent. Was he even following her?
A chill shuddered through her. "It doesn't even matter for me really. I would have been a terrible mother." She shrugged, her arms still wrapped around herself.
He scoffed scornfully.
At least he was closer than before.
She twitched her shoulders again. "For what it's worth, I actually have changed my mind on some things. Like you and being a father. You'd be a good father. If you could just not kill people and take over worlds, that would be enormously helpful. Maybe that's just how Vawtrians are. And—my point is… you'd have been a good father. I see how you are with your brothers and how much you care for them. And the way—the way you have been with me lately. You're very different here than in Libysha." All those things about him, well, she actually didn't just like them. She loved them.
He offered a noncommittal grunt as he walked alongside her. "I have no intention of taking a shade's word for your ability to conceive, and we are not even close to the point whe
re having children would be a good idea."
"I wouldn't want to give birth out in the wilderness anyway." She set her teeth hard against one another. There weren't going to be any more tears. She didn't want any more emotion, period, if she could avoid it. She wanted to sleep and hide away. Just forget.
"I would not have wanted that though the pregnancy concerns me more than the actual birthing. Pregnant women are rarely swift on their feet, and predators hone in on them."
Ducking her head, she bit the inside of her lip. "If things had gone the way you wanted, when would we have had children?"
"A hundred years or so. And for that reason alone, I am not going to concern myself with what the shade said. If possible, you should do the same. The only thing that matters from that is the mind shade caused you great harm and was malevolent. If it did that sheerly from spite, it probably did worse elsewhere."
She nodded slowly. "Is there an easy way to figure out how much damage was done?"
"Not without another Neyeb who possesses certain skills." He glanced at her, his expression softening. "Ask your mind to show you the damage at the surface."
Simple enough. She asked.
The lights kicked up stronger, revealing the floor. It had seemed smooth only moments before, but now great creases and cracks were exposed as well as brittle edges lining jagged holes. Some looked like they were bleeding.
She took in as much of the floor as she could. Her head ached more as she looked at all those imperfections and breaks. It felt like marble, but it looked as rotted as waterlogged wood in a marsh.
Kneeling, Naatos tested the edges of one of the holes. Collapsing his spear, he continued to examine the floor of her mind. She peered in one herself. Where it went, she couldn't tell. But something had been busy. "Is it all like this?"
"Probably." Standing, he hung his collapsed spear at his side and resumed walking, scanning the floor as they went.
Her mind looked utterly diseased. What would heal it? She frowned as she had to step around an especially uneven hole. "Can I ask you something that might make you angry?"
"Since you asked." He gave her a curious glance. "As long as it is not about the Tue-Rah and giving it up."
"Why did you destroy the Salvation of the Third Nalenth? It just seems—for all of the planning that you do, having something that could heal anything."
"Like now. Or back two weeks ago." He nodded somberly. "It has occurred to me."
"So why?"
"I had plans." His hands slid to his sides before he folded his arms once more. "There were the Sands of Efil and then the countless medical professionals I knew. I had mastered all but five venom bases, and I could heal you from the rest swiftly or had access to resources that would allow it. I assumed that if you had the orbs, you would not save them for yourself. You would put yourself into greater danger trying to find ways to replicate them and probably wouldn't even use them for you. I thought that if you had to rely on me, it would go easier for you. Or, actually, me. It was foolish."
She dipped her head forward, Shon's broken body flashing through her thoughts. Naatos and his brothers didn't know that she'd brought Shon back with the one final orb. They didn't even know she had it. Catching herself, she glanced around at the tapestries to ensure that they weren't about to betray her. "It would have been incredible if more could have been made."
"Would you have used one so that you could have children?"
"I don't know."
"I do regret destroying them. But I'd be furious if I found out you'd had more and didn't use them on yourself."
"Good thing I don't have any right now."
"I suppose it's just you," he continued. "You're the most relentless person I have ever met when it has come to helping. For what it's worth, I don't think those orbs would have helped with this situation. They can't remove curses or curse wounds, and even the physical ramifications of a mind shade are linked to curses. We'd need other resources for that. But we will get them."
His confidence was almost flawless. Even if it was just denial, there was something rather inspiring about it.
"Look at this." He sighed as he knelt down. Reaching out, he ran his finger along a long, cracked crease in the floor. "That shade was eating you alive in the most destructive way it could manage."
"Did my mother do this to me?" She didn't want to touch any of the cracks or breaks.
He shook his head. "This is beyond your mother's abilities. More importantly, I would hope it was too cruel for her. To trap a mind shade within a person is almost always a death sentence. A long slow and painful one. I didn't even do that to my enemies. It feeds off your everything, and it gets stronger each time you actively use your abilities. Which means you've been serving it a feast these past weeks."
"Do you know why she hated me so much?" she asked, her voice much softer than she intended.
The silence hung deep between them. He focused on the stretch of darkness ahead of them as they walked through the lines of the tapestries, his gaze occasionally flicking to the memories portrayed within. "I don't know that she actually hated you, Amelia. You were a tool she created for a particular purpose. More than likely this Okalu, whatever it is, convinced or forced her to do it for some larger purpose. She was very careful not to touch you after you were born."
"Why?"
"To avoid forming an attachment. Neyeb parents and children form intense bonds. But it requires a measure of physical contact. Deny it long enough before the bond is set and the parent can cut themselves off from the child entirely. Which she would have had to do to subject you to what she did. Otherwise, she would have experienced it too."
"So she didn't hate me. She just didn't care about me. I guess—I don't actually know if that's better."
"None of it is good."
"Your optimism is one of my favorite things about you."
He gave her a sidelong smile before he stepped back from the nearest of the pits. "Ask your mind to take us to your skills and energy."
That struck her as rather abstract, but she did so anyway. The tapestries swept up into the dark abyss of a ceiling above, and the light moved down. There was a rushing sensation as they moved down, down, down into a great rocky cavern with dozens of pillars and buttes and stretches of flat rock.
"Crespa." Naatos's eyes widened briefly.
"I have no idea what I'm looking at here." The shock on his face made her search even harder around the cavern. Though strong, the light did not reveal everything; it would take a very long time to walk through here. "Is this bad?"
His gaze traveled over the spires and columns. "You have far more potential than I realized. But that mind shade has been eating you alive for decades now, and it shows. I'm not entirely sure how you held on."
"I don't know," she admitted. "I guess even though I think it will be good when I do die, I don't actually want to go yet. I have things to do. My destiny. It gave me purpose. I couldn't die before it was finished and fulfilled, even when I wasn't sure if I was even doing it right. There were people and worlds to save. My family—" She stopped, images of Libysha flashing back into her mind. It wouldn't have been so easy to hold on if she had known the truth about them even though she understood their anger and resentment toward her. Maybe she'd even idealized them somewhat at the start. Clung to the best interpretations rather than seeing what they were. "It helped me get through because I knew there was a reason for me to live."
"Purpose gives strength."
It certainly did. She picked her pace over the uneven ground with care. "You really aren't worried about what the shade said, are you?"
He gave her a searching glance as if assessing all of these words. "The matter with the Okalu is troubling, but that shade has been trapped in your mind for years now. Who is to say that this Okalu has not already failed? This Bealorn nonsense will be dealt with in time, if it becomes an issue at all. Again, it has been years and years."
"You know the Serpent Father and Spider Mother?
" Those names made her twinge inwardly.
"Yes, and they are no one you should ever meet. But they are not on this world. And they are unlikely to find their way to you. If they do, we will deal with them."
"You'll have to tell me about them. As it stands, you are owing me quite a lot of stories. The Epic of Ramagushra. The Okalu."
A smile softened his features. "I will tell you at least one of those soon. But know that none of what that thing said is binding upon us."
She raised her brow, unable to look at him. "Really?" It had felt so real. Even now there was a hollow aching inside her body. How could it be real enough to have caused all this harm and not been binding? Why was the floor here so uneven? It had a rougher texture as well.
This particular representation did not make sense to her really. A cave with pillars and columns of stone? Some of them appeared to go all the way up into the ceiling, and above that were the tapestries. Perhaps there were other things in between. It seemed too large, too cavernous.
He was directly beside her again, his focus now on her rather than on the wall. He spoke calmly, firmly, almost… tenderly. "I've dealt with mind shades in the past, veskaro. It's the whole purpose for that wraith warg form. Most of the time we had support from others, usually the Neyeb. And mind shades, truly shades of any sort, are always alarming. They weave a few lies into their truths, but the one thing that they will always pretend is that they are utterly certain and that their words are pure truth. So none of us will put much stock in what was said by that thing."
"But if—"
"Here on Ecekom, they were developing powerful sentient cloning technology as well as procedures that would allow them to take any DNA sample from two people and combine it to make a zygote. Some said they were going to find a way to eliminate the locking permitting only a single spouse as well. Counteracting curses with technology was something that the Tiablos were very enthusiastic about. And they lived on more worlds than Ecekom."
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