by C. C. Wood
"You can't afford to hire me or put me on the insurance there and you know it," I replied. "Plus, I refuse to work with you ever again. One summer after college was enough. Y'all are unorganized and you refuse to listen to me. I'm not going to go to work every day with people who don't respect me enough to listen when I'm giving them advice on a better way to organize their business."
D.J. scoffed, which I knew he would. It wouldn't matter if I had an MBA and worked as a CEO of a huge corporation, I would always be his pigtails-wearing baby sister who couldn't possibly understand how running a business worked.
"My point is that you have options besides marrying J.J."
I leaned forward and tapped the table with my finger. "Why are you so against me marrying him?" I asked.
"He's not good enough for you," Robert said.
That made me laugh, long and hard. "Not good enough for me? He's one of the best men I know." I continued to laugh until tears streamed out of my eyes. "Oh, that's rich."
Robert's expression turned sullen. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I stopped laughing then. "You and the other three are the reason I never got to date in high school. You're also the reason I never wanted to date once I went off to college. I realize that y'all were young and made mistakes, but even now you're rough on the women in your life. You don't always appreciate them the way you should and I bet if you took some time to consider how angry you would be if someone treated me the way you sometimes treat them, you'd be pretty darn mad."
Crap. See? This was what I was talking about. When I got angry, I said mean things that hurt people.
I knew it hurt them by the expression on their face. But they also looked chagrined after a moment.
Clayton, bless his heart, was the only one who was still married to his first wife, and he relented first.
"You're probably right. And you're probably right that J.J. is a good man. But please understand why we're so upset. As you just said, you've never dated, and you haven't really dated J.J., but now you're getting married. We just want to make sure you know what you're getting into," Clayton said. "And that you know we'll help you."
I sighed. God, these men were dense. If they'd come here and said that first, none of this other bull would have happened.
"You know, Clayton," I said, resting my chin on my hand. "If you all had come here and asked, 'How can we help?' I would have told you. I never would have gotten mad at you and I never would have said mean things to any of you." I cleared my throat because it was suddenly tight. "And I am sorry I said mean things to you even if you deserved it at the time."
"Ah, shit," Robert said when he caught sight of my tears. "Please don't cry."
I couldn't help it. Darn hormones. I sniffled and tried to blink back the tears but it was no use.
Robert was sitting to my right and he put an arm around my shoulders. D.J. sat to my left and took my hand in his.
"We love you, Leelee," Scott said. "And we want to make sure this is what you want."
I sniffled again.
"Right now, it's the best option," I said. "And I like J.J. If I have to be married, I think he's probably a better choice than most of the men I've met."
D.J. squeezed my hand. "You're right. We consider J.J. a friend. Or did before he had sex with our sister. He is a good guy."
"He likes y'all, too, you know," I stated. "So don't cut him out of your life because of me." I looked at Scott then. "As I said earlier, I'm an adult and I made a choice. I asked him to come home with me. He was never the one pushing for anything."
Scott nodded.
There was a knock on my front door and Clayton got up and nudged Scott and Robert on the shoulder. "Y'all better get your wallets out because I'm not paying for all this stuff on my salary."
I started to get up to get my wallet but D.J. wouldn't release my hand. "I got yours," he said.
"No, I got hers," Clayton said.
They argued about who was paying for my food until I tried to get up again. Clayton ignored D.J.'s final attempt and headed toward the door with just the money from Robert and Scott.
D.J. released my hand and lumbered to his feet, heading in the direction of the front door. I rolled my eyes and rested my head on Robert's shoulder. It was closing in on nine now and I was getting tired.
I yawned and Robert bumped his shoulder underneath my cheek. "No going to sleep," he said. "The food's here and you need to eat."
"How's Corey?" I asked. His daughter was twelve now and I never got to see her as much as I wanted. With Robert's hours at the power plant, I knew he didn't get to see her as much as he wanted either.
"She's got a boyfriend," Robert mumbled. "They talk on the phone every night and text all weekend long. She keeps wanting me to drop her off at the movies with him but I put my foot down. She's too young."
I laughed a little. "She'll be thirteen next month. Before you know it, she'll be off at college."
"Shut up," he grunted.
"She's a good kid, Robert. Don't lock her down too tight or she'll put even more space between you."
He sighed. "I know. I told her I'd consider the movie thing when she turns thirteen. I'm hoping that this doesn't last that long."
"Yeah, but she'll just have another boyfriend by then."
"Yeah." He nudged me with his shoulder again until I lifted my head to look at him. "Shoulda had at least one boy first so he could run the little motherfuckers off for me."
I rolled my eyes for the second time that night. "Yeah, that'll work out great."
"You're not telling me anything her mother and our mother haven't. I know she's growing up but every time I look at her, I see the same little girl with no front teeth and her braids falling apart. I'm just not—" He stopped and cleared his throat. Talking about anything emotional was difficult for Robert so I expected him to leave it at that, but he surprised me by continuing, "I'm just not ready to let go of that part of her yet."
I wrapped an arm around his flat belly. All my brothers were big, but they all had jobs that required hard physical work, so they stayed in shape. I was taller than my father, but they were all close to six feet or over, so they always made me feel small.
"A little bit of that part of her will always be there, especially for you because you're her daddy. But you have to let her grow up and make her own choices. That's the only way she'll learn to make the right ones."
"How'd you get to be so smart when it comes to pre-teen girls?"
I laughed. "Because I once was one, goober."
He hugged me back and released me when Clayton and D.J. came back with the food.
After the food was distributed and we all settled in to eat, I realized I needed to say something.
"Guys, there's something I need to say to you and I want you to listen and take me very, very seriously," I said.
They all looked up, plastic forks in their hands, with the same wary expression and I had to suppress a laugh. At that moment, they all looked like my father, even though Robert had the same coloring and features as my mother. It was an expression he often wore when my mother said something similar in nature.
"I want you to promise me that you won't do anything to J.J. No immature pranks, no showing up at his place in the middle of the night to scare him, no threats of bodily harm. We're getting married and he's going to be a part of our family. I don't want to start out with something like that between us. I haven't always liked the women you brought home before, but I always respected your boundaries." I saw frowns forming on D.J. and Clay's faces because they were the only ones married at the moment, and I waved a hand at them. "No, no, I love both of your wives now. I'm talking about some of the women you dated before. But my point is, even if they weren't my favorite people or I didn't like the way they talked to you, I kept my mouth shut and let you handle your own relationships. I expect you to do the same for me." I gave them each a hard look. "I want you to treat J.J. like the friend he's always been to you, is that understoo
d?"
"Yep," they all said at once.
I should have known by their quick agreement that they were full of crap.
10
The week passed by in a blur. I did my usual cleaning jobs but Cam and Sierra insisted that I take the week off to "prepare" for the wedding.
I met J.J. at the county courthouse Monday afternoon and we applied for our marriage license. He held my hand from the moment I met him out front until we reached the clerk's office. It was sweet and soothed the nerves that had exploded in my belly as soon as I pulled into the parking lot.
My mother insisted that I buy a wedding dress, even if it wasn't a formal one, and I agreed with her. I knew she and Colette would want pictures of the day. I wasn't sure how I felt about it considering why J.J. and I were getting married, but I knew that our child would probably want to see the pictures one day, too.
Mom took me shopping in Dallas and after a long discussion with the stylist at the store that required us telling her no to more than one dress before she finally understood that we truly meant it when we said we didn't want a formal gown, she found some lovely options.
The second dress I tried on was the one. It was a simple scoop neck sleeveless dress with flat pleats around the waistline. The A-line skirt flared out from there and the handkerchief hemline brushed my knees.
It was pretty, light, and made my slowly thickening waist look smaller.
As soon as I put it on, I knew it was the one. When I walked out of the dressing room, my mother's eyes filled with tears, which told me she felt the same way.
"Oh, Lee. As much as I would love for you to have a big wedding with all the trimmings, I think this dress suits you better than anything big or fancy would."
I nodded in agreement. "I've never really wanted a huge traditional wedding," I admitted. "I like the idea of something small with just friends and family."
"Do you want to try on the others?" she asked.
"No, this is the one."
The stylist came into the dressing area with another dress on her arm but stopped short. "Oh, you look beautiful in that."
"We're going to take it," my mother said.
The stylist took the additional dresses to a discard rack and put them aside. "I don't blame you. I doubt we have anything that would look as lovely as that on her. Would you like to buy some shoes to go with it?"
"Do you have any sandals or something without a closed-toe?" I asked. I was already envisioning what I wanted, white strappy sandals with a two- or three-inch heel and maybe a little satin bow on the ankle or toe. It would keep with the clean, simple lines of the dress and I could always dye them and wear them again.
"Definitely. Do you have something specific in mind?"
I described to her what I wanted and she smiled. "Oh, I think we have just the thing."
She asked my size and disappeared for a few minutes. When she returned, she carried a single box, which surprised me. When it came to the dress, she'd brought several selections then gone back for more.
When she opened the box and pulled out the shoes, I smiled. With the exception of the pale pink hue, they were exactly what I'd described, but with small pink rhinestones in the center of the tiny bows. The bows were set on the outside of the thin strap that went across my toes.
"I realize they're pink, but everything else about them fits what you said, so I took a chance."
"I'll try them," I said, taking the first shoe from her.
I put the shoes on and went to stand in front of the three-way mirror against the wall.
With the soft lights surrounding the glass, my image looked dreamy and radiant. In the light, the pink of the shoes looked darker, but somehow it worked together.
"They're perfect," I said.
Whitney, the stylist, smiled and clapped her hands. "Wonderful! I'm so glad we could help you find what you were looking for!"
After I'd changed back into my regular clothes, my mother had insisted on paying for the dress and shoes. When I'd tried to argue, she said, "This may be your only wedding and I want to pay for it, even if it isn't a huge event."
That shut my mouth, not just because she obviously cared about it, but because she seemed to think I was either going to stay married to J.J. for the rest of my life or because she never expected me to marry again if...no, when, he and I divorced.
There was a twinge in my chest at the thought and I took a deep breath. But there still wasn't enough air.
I tried to take another deep breath, but my lungs still felt tight.
The world grayed around the edges and I tried to take another breath.
"Oh, dear," the stylist said, noticing my distress. "Are you okay, sweetie? Do you need some water?"
Mom looked at me, her eyes sharp and concerned. "Let's sit down for a minute, Lee."
I let her guide me to a chair and vaguely heard her say something to Whitney about water.
After the woman walked off, Mom turned back to me. "Okay, Lee, just slow down a minute and focus on that first breath, slow and easy. In through your nose and out through your mouth."
I did what she said, inhaling slowly even though my impulse was to gulp for air.
"Good. Again."
I repeated the process five more times before my breathing returned to normal.
"Better," Mom murmured. "That was a doozy." I glanced at her in askance and she continued, "I think you just had a panic attack."
I blinked and inhaled again, but I didn't speak.
Mom watched me for a moment. "Honey, are you having second thoughts?"
Ha! Second thoughts. More like one hundredth thoughts, but I just shook my head and concentrated on my breathing.
"Did I say something that upset you?"
I blew out a slow, steady stream of air. "Not exactly. Just the idea that I may never get married again if this doesn't work out."
"Honey, that's not what I meant at all. I know you and J.J. have unusual reasons for getting married, but I said that because I hope that y'all will figure everything out and be able to make it work."
I took another breath. "It's okay. I knew you didn't mean anything by it, but it just hit me all of a sudden that this may be it. When the baby is born, if he decides that he doesn't want to be married anymore, I'll be alone."
She hugged me tightly. "No, you won't be alone. Your father and I will be here. And your brothers and their wives will help. And you know Colette will want to be involved in the baby's life. You're going to have tons of help."
That wasn't what I meant, but I didn't say anything because Whitney returned with a small bottle of cold water.
I thanked her and sipped the chilled liquid. It helped.
"Wedding jitters?" Whitney asked.
I just shrugged and she seemed to understand that I didn't want to say anything else.
I leaned back on the settee as my mother paid for my wedding dress and shoes and tried not to cry.
Today was my wedding day.
I wanted to be excited, but instead I was just nervous. And sort of miserable.
J.J. had called me every night since Monday. He hadn't come over, something about wanting to get things organized at his office so he could take the weekend off. Also, he mentioned packing his things.
Just like with marriage, J.J. was the one who brought up our living situation. He said that he was still living mostly out of boxes anyway, so it made more sense for him to move in with me.
I hadn't tried to talk him out of it because I loved my little house and I had so many wonderful memories of my grandmother and the rest of my family there. It would be a little small with the two of us, but there were two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and I had a storage shed out back that was empty except for my Christmas decorations and some of my old college textbooks.
I told him that he could bring any furniture he wanted, and we could move my flea market pieces into the shed.
Considering I'd never even seen his furniture, he seemed to appreciate the offer.
<
br /> Now, it was Friday afternoon and our appointment at the courthouse was at four. We were to be married by a local judge who was a friend of the McClanes. Afterward, we were going to Crave. Cam and Sierra had insisted on closing the shop for the afternoon so we could have a reception there.
I'd tried to talk them out of it, but Sierra told me to be quiet and enjoy it because I wouldn't get another break from work until the baby was due.
Cam stood behind her shaking her head and rolling her eyes, making it clear that I was going to get days off between now and then.
I'd managed to subdue my smile, but Sierra still gave me a gimlet glare.
At the moment, I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, staring at myself in my wedding dress and pink shoes. Colette had helped me with my hair, curling it into loose waves that framed my face and I'd added just a touch of make-up. The dress seemed better suited to a natural look, so that's how I kept it.
I placed a hand on my nervous belly and thought about the baby there.
With everything that happened this week with the wedding, I hadn't given much thought to the reason I said yes to J.J.'s proposal.
There were so many things that could go wrong with this plan and so many things that could cause my life to explode in a spectacular fashion.
But it would be worth it if my baby, our baby, had a beautiful childhood. I would do everything I could to make this work. Even if J.J. wanted to divorce in a year or two, I wouldn't let it make me bitter.
I glanced down at the small stack of papers on my nightstand and wondered if J.J. had gotten his copy yet. I'd sent it with Cam when she left to go help him get ready for the wedding. What kind of help J.J. needed, I didn't know, but she'd insisted he needed it. I'd given her a brown envelope with his name on it and I could see the curiosity in her eyes, but she didn't ask what it was. I was fairly sure she wouldn't open it either.
I'd had a local attorney draw up a prenuptial agreement that basically said anything either of us brought to the marriage would remain ours in the event of a divorce. I wanted to add something about how we would handle custody and child support, but the lawyer explained that sort of thing was determined by a family court in the event of a divorce.