Until yet another battle ensued.
That shouldn’t frighten me half so much as it did, but there was no denying the obvious—the last time I’d gone to war with a demon, the demon had won. There may have been a stalemate in terms of our strength, but in the end, he had broken me down, snatching away my virtue and leaving to revel in my defilement.
My breath hitched as hot humiliation bubbled in my chest. Whether I’d sent Damon away or he left of his own accord was irrelevant—that was what happened. He’d taken what he wanted, used and humbled me, then disappeared, leaving me to clear up the broken pieces of the woman I’d once been.
The strong woman with a powerful moral core.
The Supreme Guardian of this district.
Now, look at me. Exhausted and hungry, I trembled as I cowered on the bed, and all due to the tricks of a couple of wicked entities. I was better than this. I was more formidable than they. I couldn’t be cowed again.
I couldn’t let the spat with Damon turn into an experience that rivaled my encounter with Malium. Sighing, my mind flitted back to him, the very first demon I’d ever faced. I had been younger then, fresh-faced and naïve, believing I was stronger than I was. That reciting a few incantations would be enough to cast out his ugly form, but I’d been wrong. Malium taught me that lesson, and in the end, I’d only survived with help from the elder, Severyn, my great-aunt, and the matriarch who governed all Guardians.
Malium had almost destroyed me, and I couldn’t let that happen again.
I wouldn’t.
“Severyn. Sevvy.” I mumbled her name into my chest, using the nickname only I had permission to invoke, and at that moment, I knew what I had to do.
It had been years, but it was time. I needed to call on her once again. I needed to open myself up to her years of experience. Severyn was sage. She had come face to face with the very Princes of Hell over the years, and she would know what to do.
Rising from my sheets, I padded into the shower and squeezed my eyes closed as the warm water fell over me like a waterfall. It was wrong of me, but I still had my pride, and if I invited Severyn back into my home, things had to be just so. The place needed to be cleaned and tidied, and frankly, so did I. It was time to pull myself together. I’d dress, then bake, and only once the aroma of warm bread filled the house would I seek her. Only then would I admit what I’d done and implore the wisest of my kind for help.
Whatever it was who sought to control my dreams wouldn’t stand a chance against her.
***
A little over two hours later, content, I finally went to my study and opened the ancient book of invocations. It had been handed down to me from my mother and before her, from her mother, like a family recipe book, but the paragraphs on these pages were no easy formulas. There were lines of meditation, pages that brought peace, and of course, the words necessary for expelling even the strongest demon, but it wasn’t any of those I sought as I sat cross-legged on the floor. It was a reminder of who I truly was—a call to arms.
“Severyn,” I whispered her name into the ether, the long, dancing flames of the candles circled around me, flicking at the mere mention of her name. “Sevvy, come forward. Enter this space of love and light. Come to me now, for your learned words are needed.”
Closing my eyes, I could feel the energy swirling around me, moving as it reached out to her, seeking her solace every bit as much as I did.
“Cathy.” Severyn’s voice was barely audible at first, its resonance floating around me like the aroma of fresh cherry pie baking in the oven. “Cathy, do you call?”
“Yes, my lady.”
I bowed my head instinctively. Severyn was older than any of us. She had been around for many long years and had fought more battles than any living thing. If anyone deserved my deference, it was her.
A cool breeze from the corner of the room was the next symbol of her arrival, the air rushing past me even though the window was closed. Lifting my chin to meet the chill, I smiled. My kin always traveled with the cold breeze, the fact reminding me, everything that was pure was derived from water and ice, and all ancient evil was conjured from fire. By the time my eyes opened, the flames around me had been extinguished, their smoldering wicks the only sign they’d once brought light to my circle.
“Cathy, dearest.”
Severyn’s soft tone washed over me, and slowly, she materialized beyond the circle, her long skirts blowing in the breeze she’d created. My gaze rose to meet her face, each line familiar, even though it had been years since I’d last set eyes on her.
“Come to me, child.” She opened her arms, beckoning to me to rise and step forward. “Let me see how you’ve grown.”
Gingerly, I climbed to my feet, skipping out of the circle of candles toward her. Severyn was the closest thing I had to a mother, and while I didn’t always agree with her dogma, I needed her now. I needed her badly.
“Look at you.” She breathed the words into the side of my neck as I buried my face into her shoulder. “You’re no longer the waif I remember.”
“Sevvy.”
I smiled despite the tears brimming in my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her until this moment, until the warmth of her arms wrapped around my body, and the comforting scent of honey and herbs wafted from her curls. For so long, I’d been alone, bold, and self-assured in my independence, but it seemed my lust for autonomy only got me so far. Far enough to counter Damon, but not enough to prevent him overwhelming me, and certainly not sufficient to snuff out the growing oppression of whatever sought to overcome me now.
“It’s good to see you.”
She pulled away, holding me by the shoulders as her gaze fell over me. “You’re too thin,” she announced. “You’ve not been taking care of yourself.”
“I’ve been having a bit of a demon problem,” I admitted with a sigh. “That’s why I called you.”
Her gray brows rose. “A demon mighty enough to overpower you?”
“Ultimately.” My gaze lingered on her middle as I tried to summon the right words. “He was a powerful one.”
Her head lifted at the concession, her back straightening.
“Then it’s good you have called.” Her lips curled into a reassuring smile. “You can remove that worry from your face, dear girl. There are no demons who cannot be cast out—none who can rival us for control of this world. You just need to prepare for the power. Center yourself and be ready.”
I wanted to counter her words, but I didn’t dare. Severyn knew nothing about the details of my concerns. She didn’t know about the lust that had encircled me or appreciate just how dangerous this new menace was, but I wanted to believe her—truly, I did. I wanted to believe in the idea that enough study and nutrition would work its magic. If I was positive enough and prepared, my light could expel the dark forces I knew lurked within these walls.
“He’s been here.” She sniffed the air, releasing me as she wandered toward the door. “I can smell the creature.”
“I know.” I hurried after her into the hall, watching as she assessed my home. “I have seen him in the night.” I intentionally left out how I’d succumbed, the second demon I sensed, and that I’d been tempted to lap up the bait he offered.
“Naturally,” she said in a dismissive tone. “The demon always chooses the hours of darkness to come out to play, for that is his time, but you need not worry, Cathy. Even in the black, our light shines brighter.”
“But what of temptation, Severyn?” My belly clenched as I drilled closer to the real crux of my concern. It wasn’t the intensity of my power I queried, but the steeliness of my resolve. I’d ceded to Damon’s dark promises, and based on the hedonistic dreams I’d endured the last few nights, this new fiend looked to be even harder to resist. “How do I stay pure in the face of their coaxing appeal?” Her brow furrowed fleetingly, and my anxiety soared at the response.
“Their appeal is shallow, Cathy. You know that. You must see beyond the shiny offerings and
understand the true inducement of the demon. If you give in to their invitation, if you welcome them in, there will be no getting rid of them.” She blew out a breath, shaking her head. “It is just as well our bloodline has more mettle than that.”
I laughed at her quip, but the knot of worry tightened as the weight of her potential disappointment bore down on me. She’d be beyond displeased when she realized how low I had fallen, but worse than that, more concerning than even my great-aunt’s expectations, was the plight of my soul. Having already yielded to Damon, its fate seemed more and more vulnerable.
Perhaps, it was already lost.
Chapter Four
Satan
I came again at night, as was my whim, not because I needed the dark to shield or empower me—I could terrorize and afflict in the bright sunshine—but for the sheer drama of the association. Mortals always feared the dark, and rightly, they feared me, too. The combination was perfect, ensuring maximum effect if they roused, though mostly, they remained still, the nightmares I sent enveloping them as they tossed around in the thin sanctuary of their tiny beds. It was amusing to watch them. So assured were they of their own security and destiny, the majority never even comprehended the danger that lurked at the foot of their beds. But this one, Cathy, was different from the majority.
She understood the threat. Cathy knew all about the demonic. She had met many of my kind before, and based on my research, she had triumphed against them all, including Malium, a beast almost as old as myself and the first demon she had encountered. It painted an impressive picture of the diminutive mortal who rolled in the cotton sheets beside me. Small she may be, but she was mighty. She had fended off Damon’s powers, and while she had ultimately yielded to his charms, it did not change the fact she had risen to his challenge.
Cathy was no walkover.
Gazing down at her, I once again seeped into her dreams. The world inside her head was tempestuous, a realm of crashing waves against rocks and dark thunderstorms, and all the while, she trudged on, ignoring the elements, hellbent on some quest or another. That, I supposed, was a metaphor for the way she saw her life. Always having to plod on, living with the expectations of her kin and an environment of shallow, ungrateful mortals, who likely had no idea how hard she strived to protect their worthless souls.
Her burden was a heavy one, and while her will was strong, Damon, it seemed, had proved useful in one way—he had awoken the woman to the idea of self. The concept that she was important too and her needs were prevalent. For too long, she had wandered alone, shielding a community who neither deserved nor appreciated her actions. Now, she saw the people for what they were—small, insignificant, and selfish. If I wasn’t wrong—and I never was—she had started to resent them. Not that she would confess such an admission, of course. To do so would be tantamount to sacrilege, but I sensed it, and I could exploit it.
“Cathy,” I called into the gloom, the towering mountain she’d conjured crumbling as I strode past it. “Cathy, I am here for you.”
Her blue eyes narrowed, their hue shining in the shadows, but she did not fool me. I could hear the quickening of her pulse and sensed the sweat at her brow. My presence intimidated her, as it should, and while she did not yet know who I was, she could tell I would not be easy to overcome.
I was damn near impossible to escape from.
“Stay away from me, demon!” Her hiss vibrated across the scene to the place I loomed. “Stay back where you belong.”
I smirked at her feigned command. It was admirable she thought she could instruct me, but laughable. Not only was she going to be fun to possess, but she may even be worth the effort—no wonder Damon had been so keen to try…
“I go where I choose, Cathy.” As I spoke, I shifted closer, levitating over the ground in her dreamscape. That got her attention, her gaze widening at my approach. “Neither you nor any other Guardian can halt my pursuit.”
So, he’s heard of me and my kind. Her breath accelerated with the thought. Just like Damon.
“Yes, I know all about you.” I came to stand beside her, once more towering over her miniscule frame. “I know of your kin, of your purpose, and of your faltering resolve.”
It was unlike me to play all my cards at once. I usually chose to keep some close to my chest, to fool, trick, deceive, and lull, but frankly, I was having too much fun with candor. I was not sure how much honesty the little mortal could bear, but I sensed my clarity would perturb her more than my lies.
“What do you want?” She lifted her chin, defiance burning in her eyes. “If you think you know me, then tell me this—what do you want?”
Pulling her shoulders back, she glared in my direction, the intensity of her expression making me smile. She was cute when she was furious, and the passion in her stirred me. Cathy was interesting, not just an opponent to conquer—though conquer her I would—but someone I could engage, an unexpected stimulant in this new human guise.
“You,” I replied softly. “I have come for you, and I will have you.”
“No!” Her voice burned with the anger that pulsed in her bloodstream. “No, I’m not doing that again.”
“Again?” I tilted my head at her choice of vocabulary. “Damon, you mean?”
I had not even considered the idea Cathy was bereft at the loss of him. My kind so rarely experienced loss, the closest thing perhaps being the sting of our prey wriggling free, though we knew there would always be another time. Immortality had its advantages.
“How do you know?” Her tone was accusing. “Has he told you about me?”
About us.
She never vocalized those final words, but I heard them, and only then did I start to understand the full extent of her attachment to him. Apparently, Cathy had relished the intimacy she had shared with my kin, and his abrupt departure had been a slap in the face to her pride.
“There was no need,” I assured her. “Anything I needed to ascertain, I garnered from your own thoughts, and it seemed you were rather taken with him.”
“It wasn’t like that.” Her head fell, but her jaw was still tight. “I’d just never…” She paused, sighing as she shook her head. “Why am I even telling you this? You need to leave, demon. I will cast you out.”
“You never what?” I leaned closer, though my feet never moved. “Were you untouched before Damon?” My brow creased at the unexpected turn of events. I had never considered that she may have been a virgin. So few mortals waited long before they yielded to carnality these days.
“It’s none of your business!” There was a different emotion in her voice now, the pain of some personal slight that my question had reawoken.
“Look at me.” My tone was soft but insistent, and despite her reticence, Cathy was compelled to comply, her chin rising to meet my gaze. “I had not appreciated the significance of your union.”
My hand rose to her chin, brushing the underside of it lightly. There was electricity at that first touch, her flawless skin igniting my lust in a way pretty little Cassie could never have done. Cathy responded by tipping her chin up and away from my touch, but as she would learn, that was folly. There was no resisting the irresistible, no denying the master of all dark creatures.
“It doesn’t matter.” She practically spat the words. “Just leave.”
“I am not leaving.” Again, only a gentle tone was needed. No dramatic displays of supremacy were required to hammer home the point that while this may be her dream, I was in control. Just as I always would be. “You know I am not going to leave, Cathy.”
“Why?” She met my eyes again, blinking away angry tears. “Why do you plague me, and why can’t I defy you? Why can’t you just die?”
I sympathized with her struggle. While I may be without a heart, I was not devoid of all feeling. I had compassion for the mortal coil. I empathized with the plight I saw going on in the world around me—mortal emotions moved me. I sensed how desperate she was. How a part of her understood the irrefutable temptation I offered, whi
le another part would fight to forebear me.
“You know the answers already.” I stroked the side of her face with my thumb, even that gentlest of caresses arousing me. “If you look inside your soul, you know the answers.”
“Because it’s impossible to resist you?” Her eyes fell closed as she inhaled, the weight of that reality falling over her like lead. I felt the way she received the news, the tension in her body and the sense of dread as it twisted and clawed at her insides. “Because you’re more than just Damon.” Her gaze shot open. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Who are you?” Her lips parted, every ounce of her imploring me to tell the truth. “I asked you before, but you wouldn’t say. You wouldn’t tell me your name.”
“You believe my name gives you power over me.” My lips twitched at the frivolous idea.
“It does,” she reasoned, even though admitting it to me was surely counterproductive. Logically, I’d be less likely to give up my identity once that truth has been established. “It always has in the past.”
“With others, perhaps,” I agreed, pressing my huge palm to her cheek. She was so slight and delicate, like a doll, yet I knew inside, Cathy was a power that could bloom to rival many of my kind. The light within her was brilliant. “But it will make no difference with me.”
Her brow furrowed. “You are important? An upper echelon demon, a fiend of some importance?”
“Yes.” I chuckled at her reasoning, sound though it was. “You asked why I did not die, so let me explain.” With one flick of my left wrist, the scene she had created faded around us, morphing into something of my choosing—a red, silken landscape that undulated beneath us.
Damn Me: A Paranormal Demon Romance (The Demonology Series Book 4) Page 3