by J P Sayle
Stuffed full of Christmas dinner and sweets till it felt like he’d burst, Brody sighed in contentment while sipping his Irish whiskey. The heat of the fire seeped past the tension from earlier and let him relax as he listened to the conversations around him. He kept his gaze firmly fixed on his glass, not letting them wander to the other side of the room to where Nick was perched. He noticed that he’d again picked the seat furthest away from him.
His mind drifted to his relationship with Aaden after the little interlude in the forest all those years ago, though it hadn’t sparked more than the urge to kiss, but that one time had cemented a friendship which had stood the test of time.
As they’d grown and gone their separate ways—he to the police force and Aaden to the army—they’d religiously kept in touch. They’d always met several times a year, and for some reason, Aaden had always insisted that Nick tag along. Though why Aaden put them through that was beyond him, when all Nick did was snipe at them continuously.
Not having any siblings, he’d not understood Aaden’s protectiveness towards Nick. He shifted uncomfortably at the deep-seated need whelming up to protect Nick. The feeling was so strong it made him itch to move and drag Nick across the room so he could hold him.
Brody stared at Nick when the feelings wouldn’t let go.
Nick’s cerulean eyes sparked with interest at whatever he and Greg were chattering about. The flickering flames from the fire cast shadows over his angelic face. His blond hair framed his face, highlighting his high cheekbones when he tucked the silky strands absently behind his ears.
The elegant cream cashmere jumper hugged his sturdy frame, offering a hint of the corded muscles he’d seen last night. The dark navy dress jeans hugged his thighs as he stretched his legs out in front of him. His navy leather booted foot tapped out a tattoo on the floor. It was something Brody knew he did when he was concentrating. He’d bet Nick wasn’t even aware he was doing it or that he would habitually suck his thumb into his mouth, like now, and chew on it.
When did I start to notice all the little things Nick does?
More to the question, when did I feel it was my right to take charge and take care of him?
It was the same question Aaden had asked him, after he’d felt compelled to care for Nick when he’d hurt himself and during the panic attack in the bedroom earlier that day. He found the feeling it gave him, ensuring Nick’s safety, was something he wanted, no, needed. Like taking a breath, it was vital to his being.
He shut his eyes when images of those he hadn’t been able to keep safe invaded his head. The recent bombing investigations he’d overseen left him with feelings of dread and serious concerns about how the terrorists seemed to be upping the ante. Targeting kids, how the fuck did anyone justify that? He’d never understand beliefs based on religion, where they thought killing was the answer to problems. Problems he just couldn’t seem to grasp, no matter how much he tried. Wasn’t that why he was here, escaping his everyday reality?
“Brody, do you want another drink?” Brad’s hesitant question roused him.
He offered an absent smile, shaking his head. He closed down his negative thoughts and made a concerted effort to release the sudden tension they caused him. Brody caught the furrow between Nick’s eyes before he quickly turned away from him.
Brody gave an internal sigh.
The sense the night was over was quickly followed by Stuart and Joe saying their “goodbyes,” which seemed to motivate Aaden, Greg, and Nick to follow suit.
Brody followed the others to the front door, thanking Brad and Martin. He gave Brad a warm hug and offered a firm handshake to Martin.
Remembering his plan to return, Brody spoke as he released Martin’s hand, “Before I forget, I’ve booked my return flight to the island for the middle of January. It was the earliest I could manage with taking the last few weeks off. We need to formulate a plan to catch your saboteur. I have some ideas, but we can talk about those when I return.”
Brody waved off Martin’s thanks. Striding behind Aaden, he watched him hug Greg into his body. He caught Greg’s excited squeal when Aaden nibbled on his neck. Avoiding looking at where his friend’s hands started to wander to, Brody found his gaze moving to Nick, who was in the process of unlocking Aaden’s front door, escaping quickly inside the empty house.
Brody wanted to complain, knowing Nick was probably running back to his room to avoid him. As they stepped into the hall, his suspicion was confirmed when he heard a door above him shut, echoing in the hall. He barely heard Aaden and Greg’s “goodnight” when all he wanted to do was follow Nick and continue their earlier conversation.
The question was: Am I ready for what might happen when things still aren’t resolved with Luke?
When he couldn’t come up with an answer, he walked slowly up the stairs, going directly to his room. Brody shut the door quietly, walking to the bed. He sat and stared blankly at the door, lost in thought.
At the vibration in his trouser pocket, he stood, pulling out his phone. He wished he hadn’t bothered. He squeezed the phone before he hit the answer button.
“Hey, Luke. Merry Christmas.” Plonking himself back down on the bed with a sigh at the lacklustre way he’d answered the phone.
“Is that the proper way to greet your beloved? I’ve tried several times to FaceTime you today. I was starting to believe you were avoiding me. Never mind how hurt I was at the lack of a gift for Christmas.”
The strident tone had him pull the phone from his ear as the rant continued. His earlier thoughts about why they were still dating came back to haunt him. Pinching his brow to stop the throbbing from getting worse, though he didn’t hold out much hope.
He let Luke run out of steam before he responded.
“I’m sorry about the gift and for being a shitty boyfriend. Please, Luke.” He tried to stop Luke before he started again. He failed miserably. He sat forward, his head buried in his free hand as his elbow rested on his knee.
“A shitty boyfriend. Huh! You always seem to be saying sorry but never doing anything to change. I’ve told you time and time again that you need to stop apologising and do something proactive. We are in a relationship. And that means working to make me happy.”
Brody growled, having enough. When had it just become about what Luke wanted and not about what we both wanted?
“Stop. Can’t you hear yourself? This is clearly not working for you. I’m sorry for not ending this sooner or for doing this over the phone…”
“How fucking dare you try and dump me over the phone!” The loud hysteria had Brody shut his eyes and his mouth. He knew Luke wasn’t listening to him anymore.
Brody let Luke rant and rave, wondering if it was going to be a long night.
He pulled his phone away when it suddenly went silent. His eyes wrinkled at the edges as he attempted not to laugh at the universe’s assistance when he noticed his phone had died.
Brody lay back on the bed, his head cushioned by the padded duvet as his feet dangled over the edge. He dropped the phone on the bed next to him. He considered for two seconds plugging it in to charge so he could ring Luke back, before he thought better of it.
He checked his watch. Seeing how late it was he got up, undressed, and turned the light off before crawling into the brushed cotton sheets.
Realising he’d left his phone on the bed, he felt around in the dark for it. Finding it, he threw the dead phone onto the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. He pulled the green duvet over his head, asking the cosmos to stop Luke from doing anything stupid.
Brody grumbled, rolling onto his side. He buried his head in the pillow, shutting off.
Two days later
Brody felt the sweat dribble down his cheek, dripping onto the messy floorboards under him as he held on to the countertop that both Nick and Aaden were currently squabbling over.
“I told you, Aaden, this is the correct size. If you’d just take your interfering nose out of my business, then you’ll see I’m ri
ght.”
Nick’s angry words had a tiny smile lifting Brody’s lips. Though he couldn’t see Nick’s face, he knew that his eyes would be firing daggers at Aaden, who, it seemed, wasn’t in the mood to listen to reason.
“Listen up, Nick. This fucking thing is too big. Look with your bloody eyes and you’d see I’m right.” At Aaden’s harsh command, Brody vibrated with the need to yell at Aaden to stop harassing Nick.
Before he could interfere he heard an ominous thud as the floor shook under his feet. Brody peered out from under the counter into Aaden’s seething face. It would seem the fight had escalated to fisticuffs. The angry stain of red high on Aaden’s cheekbones made Brody shuffle slightly forward so he could place the countertop down without trapping himself behind it.
Brody laid the countertop against the bare wall and quickly stepped in around Nick and in between the two of them. He could see the dirt clinging to Aaden’s body and face as he stood towering over his unrepentant brother.
“Stop it, the pair of you. You’ve been sniping at each other for hours. It’s my fucking back that’s been taking the weight of the marble worktop while you two arseholes have been bickering like two teenage girls. It fucking stops now. Aaden, you deserved to be dropped on your arse.” The fierce scowl Aaden threw at him was ignored as he pointed his finger at the smug grin on Nick’s face.
“You. You should listen to what Aaden was sayin’. The measurement was correct until you decided to move the corner unit a few degrees. If I could’ve got a bloody word in edgeways, I could’ve explained what the problem was. You both were right in essence.” Brody glared at both men. “Now how the fuck do we fix this because I’m not getting back under that countertop until it’s resolved.”
Brody wanted to laugh at the two outraged faces now staring at him.
He put his hands on his hips, putting on his best chief of police face. He knew it worked when both men offered him a sheepish grin.
“Okay. Are we going to have to recut the marble?” Brody tried not to shudder at how much more dirt that was going to create inside when he caught sight of the rain pissing down the large patio windows. The black sky didn’t look like the rain was easing up any time soon. And as Nick seemed to be on a mission to at least finish the worktops today, he was sure he wasn’t going to like Nick’s response.
He kept his grumble to himself when his thought was confirmed and Nick set about instructing him and Aaden to position the marble top on his workbench so he could cut the few millimetres off.
The loud bandsaw whirred to life after they’d all masked up. Nick had them all working like slaves, trying to play catch-up on the work he’d missed. Brody was thankful when all he did was fall into bed exhausted, allowing his mind to shut off.
Brody kept his gaze on Nick while he worked efficiently to cut the newly marked marble. The noise of the saw stopped them from talking. They had all purposefully avoided talking about anything too personal over the last couple of days. He was grateful because he didn’t have answers, yet. And the fact that the dead phone sat on his bed was enough of a hand grenade waiting to go off, without adding to his woes.
His flight home was in six days, and as far as he was concerned, the personal shitstorm he knew he was going to have to deal with could wait until he got back.
Brody was distracted when Greg poked his head around the doorway, shouting.
“Can you turn that thing off a minute?”
Not sure that Nick had heard him, Brody gave him a nudge when he caught movement behind Greg.
His mind emptied.
How the fuck is he here?
Brody blinked, and then blinked again. It was almost as if thinking about him had conjured him. But no matter how much his eyes willed away the vision in front of him, they couldn’t.
Luke stood tall. His pristine navy pinstripe jacket hugged his large shoulders, tapering in at the waist to show off his broad chest. His skin glowed in the gloomy room with the stark contrast of the crisp white shirt he wore under the jacket. The navy fitted drainpipe trousers showed off all his assets. His dark hair was coiffed to within an inch of its life. His smoothly shaven face highlighted his rosy lips, which gleamed with a touch of lip gloss.
Brody saw Luke had dressed to impress. The only thing was there was nobody there interested.
Brody stilled for an instant at the sudden silence when Nick cut the power to the saw.
Nick, still unaware of the person standing in the doorway, spoke without looking at anyone, rubbing off the dust on the marble top. “I think that should do. It may need another millimetre or two, but I’m hopeful that should fit now.”
“I’d hope a workman would be a little bit more than hopeful.” Luke’s hoity-toity voice sneered at Nick, who whirled round. The saw clutched in his small hands forced Brody into asking Aaden to take the countertop as he stepped away. Not looking, he prayed Aaden had taken hold of the marble.
Brody walked around Nick to stand between him and Luke as he pulled his face mask down. He lifted his unsteady hands, speaking quickly in the hope he could stop things from getting out of control. Not that he believed he could stop the shitstorm that was brewing in Luke’s eyes from hitting them all.
“Luke, let me introduce you to Aaden and his brother, Nick.” Brody nodded towards the two frozen men staring at him like he had grown two heads before he carried on like a blundering idiot. “And I take it you’ve met Greg when he let you in.”
He avoided looking at Nick’s startled eyes, which were glued to Luke after Brody’s introduction.
Brody rubbed at the grit on his face, stepping closer to Luke, ignoring everyone’s attentive stares. “What are you doing here, Luke?” The defeated tone he could hear made Brody shift uncomfortably. The urge to look back at Nick left him unprepared for Luke’s sudden movement.
Expecting a barrage of abuse, Brody was stunned into immobility when Luke wrapped his powerful arms around him. His strength held Brody’s arms captive as Luke’s sticky lips meshed to his, spreading lip gloss all over his mouth. The taste of peach made his lips curl in distaste. Luke didn’t seem to notice, taking his parting lips as an open invitation. He clung to Brody like a limpet.
The more he struggled to untangle himself, the harder he clung on. He groaned in despair as he found he couldn’t move his clamped arms. Luke held on, hugging him harder, his hands sliding down to his arse. Gripping him, he yanked Brody against his hard, aroused body. The show of strength caused Brody’s cock to wake up and take notice, even when he found himself disgusted. He struggled to pull back when he heard the resounding crack of a door slamming shut above him.
With one massive tug, he managed to release his mouth from Luke’s. “Release me now.” His harsh rasped command made Luke’s pupils expand. His breathing increased as he pressed his arousal against Brody.
“Why, lover boy, you’re clearly enjoying what I’m doing.”
Brody growled when the words were followed up with a hip roll. His anger grew by the second, forcing him to yank away. Stumbling, he made sure to ward off Luke’s wandering hands.
Brody stepped away, rubbing at his sticky mouth while he dodged behind the countertop sitting in the middle of the disarrayed kitchen, using it as a barrier. He didn’t care how much of a coward it made him. He’d had enough of Luke pawing him. And while his cock seemed on board with, it his mind, on the other hand, was not.
The conflicting signals his body sent his brain acted like an out-of-control set of traffic lights that wasn’t sure if it was red for stop or green for go. Brody rubbed at his gritty face. The dirt scraped at his skin, reminding him what he’d been doing before Luke arrived.
His eyes darted around the room, coming up empty for the one person he wanted to see. He looked into Aaden’s angry onyx eyes, which was firing yet more silent questions at him. Questions he yet again seemed unable to answer.
When did my life become one big question mark?
He exhaled at the chaos that was his life.
How am I going to sort this now and have any chance with Nick?
The idea seemed to gets its hook into him as if he were a fish swallowing bait, and now it wouldn’t let go. Did he want a chance with Nick?
Yes. Yes, and just for good measure, yes. The one question it seemed his mind had an answer for had him lower his eyes to the dirty floor, and he took a deep dusty inhale. He collected his thoughts before he looked back at Luke, resolute about the next step.
The denial he could see on Luke’s face made him turn to Aaden. “Could you guys give me and Luke some privacy, please?”
Greg, who was still standing by the door, stepped back to allow Aaden to pass. Brody didn’t miss Greg’s angry glare or the mouthed “you’d better fix this” before he followed Aaden’s rigid back out of the room.
The silent accusation in Luke’s eyes matched the thick layer of dirt covering everything in the room. It made Brody feel smothered. There was no escape from the dirt in the room or the mess he was going to add to his day. Resisting the urge to sigh again, he gave Luke his full attention.
“What are you doing here? I told you on the phone it was over. I’m sorry to do that to you, but you’ve only made it worse by coming here…” Brody lifted his hand to stop Luke from stepping forward. “No, Luke, that won’t work. My cock may have been interested for a nanosecond, but my head, my heart, aren’t. And no matter how hard you try to change that, it won’t work.”
He pointed between them, trying to take the bite out of his words. “This thing between us hasn’t been working for some time, and if you’re honest, you’ll admit that. We’re both at fault for not halting this sooner. I’m not what you want, and I never have been. Otherwise you wouldn’t want to change me.” Brody felt exasperated when a mutinous glint appeared in Luke’s eyes. The denial was clear to see, and Brody suddenly felt exhausted and saddened that it had come to this. His heart hurt, but he couldn’t figure out how to make it right without giving Luke hope.