by Gail Koger
“Beer,” Jake answered.
“Oh. Sorry. No alcohol is allowed on Navajo Nation land.”
Trayon tapped on his armband. “There is a tavern called Billy Bob’s nearby.”
“Bad idea. That’s a biker bar. They don’t like aliens and they’ll want to fight you,” I said hastily.
“Good.” Trayon zoomed off.
“Oh hell!”
Jake sighed. “Wrong thing to say. Askole warriors live to fight.”
“How pissed is the General gonna be when Trayon demolishes the bar?”
“Very.” Jake grabbed me and teleported.
We appeared in a rutted parking lot with eight old Harley motorcycles parked in a neat row. At one time the dilapidated building had been a convenience store. The windows were boarded over, and a weather-beaten sign dangled by one corner. It squeaked forlornly in the breeze. The faded lettering proclaimed: Billy Bob’s Tavern.
“Look on the bright side. There’s no screaming or gunfire yet,” I said.
Jake scanned the interior of the bar. “The operative word is yet. Ten hostiles have Trayon surrounded.”
“A little rain should cool them down. Sepulcrum ibidem solus novum. Vem Hum. Domum rotundam!” Thunder rumbled inside the bar. Lightning cracked loudly.
“Run! It’s that crazy shaman cop,” a man yelled.
The doors flew open and nine wet, tattooed, long-haired guys burst out.
The bikers took one look at me, skidded to a stop, and raised their hands. “Ma’am,” they all said politely.
I smiled at them. “Howdy boys. You have sixty seconds to get gone. Anyone still here goes to jail.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the bikers cried. They all climbed on the motorcycles and roared off.
His eyes narrowed in concentration, Jake chanted, “Oi-oi-oi-oi solus novum!”
I smiled when the storm died down.
“I think I’ve got it.” Jake walked into the bar.
I followed him inside. Trayon was helping himself to a beer. The bartender cowered in the corner. “Hey, Billy Bob.”
Relief flooded Billy Bob’s face as he hurried over to me. “Officer Tsosie I want that fucking alien arrested.”
“Did he assault you?”
Billy Bob twitched. “No.”
“Did he try to rob you?”
“No, but he helped himself to a beer,” Billy Bob whined.
Jake snorted.
“Did he refuse to pay for the beer?”
“No ma’am, but I don’t serve fucking aliens.”
“You do today,” Jake stated, assuming his scary as hell warlord demeanor.
Trayon bared his fangs and his tentacles slithered like angry snakes.
Billy Bob hurriedly handed Trayon another bottle of beer. “On the house, sir.”
I grimaced. Even with the rainstorm, my boots still stuck to the floor.
“I’ll take a beer and a soda for my lady,” Jake commanded.
Bobbing his head, the bartender quickly complied.
“This place is worse than the dives on Belton Three,” Jake commented as he gave me the soda.
“Whatever you do, stay out of the bathroom. It’s the stuff of nightmares.” I took a long drink and frowned as the crawlies hit me. “We have incoming Askole warriors.”
“Fuck!” Jake turned to Trayon. “Who did you invite?”
“My squad. They are due leave time and wanted to visit a human bar.”
“How wonderful.” Through the open doors, I watched as glittering blue lights filled the parking lot. When they vanished six Askole warriors stood there. “Sightseeing Askole warrior. Can we say trouble with a capital T?”
“Understatement of the year,” Jake said, tapping on his bracelet.
“Calling for reinforcements?”
“Hell, yeah. When an Askole warrior gets drunk he is impossible to control. Six? You’re looking at Armageddon.”
Trayon’s warriors marched up to the bar and let loose with a bunch of guttural grunts and clucking.
Billy Bob stared at them in horror. “I don’t speak alien.”
“Tell the puny human my warriors want Datol,” Trayon said.
I rolled my eyes. “Gee Billy Bob, what do you think they want?”
“Dunno. Could be vodka, rum, whisky or bourbon.”
“They want beer. Just beer,” Jake snapped.
“I don’t take no funny money either.”
I grabbed the reluctant bartender by the shirt front. “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?”
“No, ma’am,” Billy Bob gulped.
“Good. Get them their beer.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Suddenly the perfect bartender, Bill Bob served the warriors.
Jake stiffened as a sleek, black shuttle landed on the roadway and fifteen Coletti warriors in full battle armor filed down the ramp.
“Gotta admit, that was quick.”
“They aren’t my reinforcements. That’s Drax, Keyan’s father, and some of his like-minded friends.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “The ones who think only full-blooded Coletti warriors deserve Earth females?”
“Yep and Drax is furious with Zarek for sentencing Keyan to fifty years of hard labor on Vesta,” Jake said.
“The idiot’s about to join him there.”
“If he survives. You’re mine and no one touches you.”
Jake was serious and I didn’t know if I should be offended or flattered. “Okey-dokey.” I eyed the Coletti warriors marching toward us. When outnumbered, a smart woman used available resources. I linked with Trayon. “See those Coletti warriors out there?”
“I do.”
“They’re here to stop you and your warriors from getting a Dragos female. What are you going to do about that?”
Trayon bellowed a terrifying battle cry and charged out the door.
Roaring their war cries, his squad zoomed after him.
“I like the way you think,” Jake commented.
“Hey, whatever gets the job done.” I walked out the door.
Firing wildly at the Askole warriors, Drax and his buddies were teleporting around the parking lot like crazed Jack-in-the-boxes. None of the laser bolts even came close to hitting Trayon or his men, but the bar wasn’t so lucky. The walls were soon full of gaping holes.
Several laser beams zinged by me. “Hey! Watch it.”
Jake’s armor took a direct hit and he growled, “Quit playing with them Trayon.”
I winced as bodies suddenly flew in every direction. “Holy crap! Remind me to never piss an Askole off.”
“You should see those crazy bastards after they’ve had a few dozen beers. Lethal doesn’t even begin to describe them,” Jake said.
“The booze doesn’t slow them down?”
“Not a bit.”
Not even sixty seconds later, Drax’s warriors were scattered across the parking lot like broken dolls.
Drax’s helmet folded away and he struggled to rise. “Help us hybrid.”
“Not a chance. You were trying to take my woman,” Jake replied.
I raised an eyebrow at his possessiveness. Enough was enough. “I’m not a possession. I’m your partner, Jackass.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Trayon gabbed Drax by the neck and shook him violently. “Leave Earth and never return.”
“You cannot dictate to me,” Drax gasped.
“You stay. You die.”
“I. Do not. Answer. To you,” Drax wheezed.
Zarek stepped out of the shadows. “But you do answer to me.”
Drax’s eyes bulged in horror.
Trayon dropped him at the Overlord’s feet.
“You were told to leave Earth,” Zarek growled.
Drax shot to his feet and blustered, “Keyan claimed that female and I came to take what is rightfully his.”
“You can’t cure stupid,” I murmured to Jake.
“Nope.”
Zarek’s voice was low and dangerous. “You were warned.”
A cry of utter agony broke from Drax and he crumpled to the pavement.
Was that brain fluid leaking from his ears? “Is he dead?” I asked Jake on our private link.
“Oh yeah.”
“Return to your ship, Trayon, and take them with you.” Zarek pointed to the unconscious Coletti warriors. “You have my authorization to use them in your training exercises.”
Trayon clamped a hand to his chest. “Thank you, my lord.” He uttered a bunch of guttural grunts, groans, and clucking at his men. They quickly dragged the Coletti warriors into a pile. Glittering blue lights formed around them and they all vanished.
I frowned. “Is training exercises another word for cannon fodder?”
“It is.”
The roof creaked ominously, and pieces of ceiling tile rained down.
I backed away from the bar. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Jake agreed.
Snap! Crack! Pop! The roof crashed down. Churning dust and debris rolled across the parking lot.
“Shit! Billy Bob,” I cried.
Jake grabbed me before I could climb into the rubble. “Relax. He boogied about five minutes ago.”
“Whew! Dead people create a shitload of paperwork.”
“As do you,” Zarek commented.
I flinched when Zarek’s predatory gaze settled on me. “Ah, well, in my defense, I’m not used to dealing with Askole warriors. But the good news is, we found the perfect woman for Trayon.”
A brief smile touched his mouth. “Have you?”
“Yep. Jia Stanka is thirty-two. Her talents range from the ability to confuse minds to manipulating electricity.”
“You neglected to add she is a master thief and assassin,” Zarek replied.
Crap, he was reading my mind again. “That’s true but a docile, Susie Homemaker type wouldn’t last five minutes with any Askole. Zia will keep Trayon on his toes.”
“Undoubtedly. You have my permission to hunt her.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Jake, I am impounding Drax’s shuttle. Have CeeCee fly it back to the ship,” Zarek instructed.
“Me? Really?” I gave a little hop of excitement. “Awesome.”
“You were instrumental in exposing Drax’s traitorous intentions.” Zarek shot me a wolfish grin. “But the cost of transporting the sheep is still coming out of your pay.”
My excitement died. “Oh, great.”
“Askole warriors can be very literal. Think of this as a learning experience.”
“Yes, sir.” To my relief, Zarek teleported away. “Well, there goes my vacation savings.”
“Let me guess. You were planning a trip to Italy,” Jake said.
“I was.”
“Not gonna be a problem. Jia’s in Italy.”
I brightened. “True and maybe I’ll even run into my sperm donor too.”
“Plan on it. Ready to fly a shuttle?”
“Hell, yeah.” Grinning like a kid at Christmas, I trotted over to the shuttle and stepped inside. “Wow. This is kinda fancy for a combat shuttle.”
Jake closed the hatch. “This is Drax’s personal transport.”
“The dude must be loaded.” I ran a hand over the plush seats.
“He was. Zarek will confiscate all of his properties.”
“Keyan’s gonna be pissed.”
“The self-entitled prick thought he could defeat me and take my partner,” Jake snarled, taking the co-pilot’s chair.
I snorted. “Keyan’s not real bright and I’ve seen better mental shields on a ten-year-old.”
“In the last five hundred years, only two males in Drax’s clan have obtained warlord status.”
I settled in the pilot’s seat and drew on Jake’s knowledge. “I’m not surprised.” I tapped several icons on the command console and brought the engines online.
“Fasten your harness,” Jake ordered.
“Yes’um, boss.” I quickly buckled up. Hmm. First, I needed to input the coordinates for Zarek’s ship. A quick check of the scanner and I typed them into the navigational computer.
“Remember. Slow and easy,” Jake said.
“I got it. I got it.” I pulled back on the joystick and the shuttle lifted off.
“Not that slow.”
I added more power. The shuttle was a dream to fly. “Does Drax have his own warbird?”
“He has an old Macchi Class warbird. Why?”
I pointed to the console. “Someone’s hailing us.”
“Let’s see what they want.” Jake punched a button.
A harsh voice stated, “My lord, our informant has advised the prison transport will leave Earth’s orbit in two hours. The assault team is standing by to retrieve Keyan. Have you secured the female yet?”
“Can we say dumb asses?” I quipped.
Jake shook his head in disbelief, hit the transmit icon and did a dead-on impersonation of Drax’s voice, “We have acquired the female.”
“Excellent. Once you are onboard, we will set off the bomb Earth First planted on Zarek’s warbird. Soon Cantor will assume his rightful place as the Overlord. Transmitting rendezvous coordinates now.”
“Copy.” Jake disconnected the comm-link.
“Well, they’re a day late and a credit short, but that does answer some questions. Cantor was in cahoots with Drax and Earth First. Won’t they be surprised to learn their plan failed big time.” I shot Jake a cheeky grin. “This is too good of an opportunity to pass up. I say we pull a Trojan horse on them and arrest all the traitors.”
“Zarek agrees,” Jake said, inputting the new coordinates into the nav computer.
Was Zarek permanently linked with Jake? He always seemed to know what we were doing. “All we need is fifteen warriors to complete the deception.”
Poof. Fifteen Coletti warriors in full battle armor appeared in the shuttle.
Anticipation thrummed through me. “Woohoo! Our very own SWAT team. There’s nothing I love better than arresting bad guys.”
Chapter Eleven
Following the flashing lights, I brought the shuttle to a gentle stop in the landing bay of Drax’s warbird and smiled. A perfect landing.
Jake suddenly inquired, “What do you have on under your armor?”
“A tunic, leggings and boots. Why?”
“In their world, females don’t wear body armor.”
“Good point.” I handed Jake my laser pistol and deactivated my armor. “Better?”
He frowned. “Cower a bit and don’t meet their eyes.”
“Gotcha. Do you want me to do the full-blown hysterical female act?”
“No one is gonna buy it. You kicked Keyan’s ass.”
“I did, but male pride being what it is, do you really think he told anyone?”
“That wuss? Not a chance. Let’s see how it plays out,” Jake said.
“Okey-dokey. Harmless it is.” I unfastened my harness.
Jake brushed his lips across mine. “Try not to blow up the ship.”
“Who? Me?” I gestured at the warriors. “I’m letting y’all do the fighting.”
Snickers sounded from our SWAT team.
I threw up my hands. “What? I’m telling the truth.”
“You’re mighty fond of zapping the hell out of anyone who pisses you off.” Armor formed around Jake’s head.
“True, I don’t deal well with idiots.” Assuming my timid mouse demeanor, I let Jake escort me to the door. “Let the fun begin.”
The ramp lowered revealing a fat, ugly troll with God awful dreadlocks. Behind him were two armored warriors. On our private link, I asked, “He’s Coletti?”
“Ymer’s a hybrid,” Jake answered.
“Don’t tell me. His dad got drunk and slept with a troll?”
“Drax did have a drinking problem. Ymer’s moth
er was a Hrungnir trader he fucked on one of his benders. Her father made her leave her half-breed son behind.”
“Poor kid.”
“Don’t pity him. Ymer’s a cold-blooded killer,” Jake replied.
Ymer gave a slight bow. “All has been prepared, my lord. The medic is standing by to inject Keyan’s female with Tegetol and Cregazzi.”
The dummy didn’t seem to realize Jake was a lot bigger than Drax, but considering his gene pool, I wasn’t too surprised. “What are Tegetol and Cregazzi?”
“Tegetol makes you docile and Cregazzi increases your fertility.”
“Those bastards are so going down.” I began to sob hysterically.
With an annoyed look on his face, Ymer added, “I also found a way to remove her ownership band and replace it with Keyan’s.”
“Excellent,” Jake said in Drax’s voice and shoved me toward Ymer. “Take her to sick bay.”
I let out an ear-shattering shriek and bolted.
“Catch her you fool,” Jake shouted in Drax’s voice.
Ymer and his warriors chased after me, failing to notice Jake and our SWAT team had vanished. I smiled. It was kinda nice to know my partner had faith in my abilities.
“Stop female,” Ymer wheezed.
I threw myself under the shuttle and shrieked, “No. Wanna go home.”
“What are you waiting for? Capture her,” Ymer bellowed at his warriors.
Retracting his armor, a warrior squeezed under the shuttle and reached for me.
“Bad move.” I unleashed a series of snap kicks to his face, repeatedly slamming his thick skull against the shuttle’s hull. The minute the warrior slumped to the deck; I snagged his laser pistol.
“How hard is it to capture one tiny female?” Ymer growled. “Get her!”
The second warrior jettisoned his battle armor and crammed himself underneath the shuttle.
I flipped the laser pistol to the stun setting and shot him. Violent muscle spasms contorted the warrior’s body. I winced as his head ping-ponged between the floor and the shuttle. Someone was going to have a nasty headache.
Dropping down on one knee, Ymer peered at me. “It is said Earth females are warriors.”
“We are.” I stunned him and smiled as his arms and legs slammed repeatedly against the floor. “That was way too easy.” I reached out mentally to check on Jake. Huh? The guys were having a swell time beating the crap out of the bridge crew. I crawled out from beneath the shuttle and stood up.