by Allie Hayden
Declines.” I do a double-take and snatch the magazine out of Jesse’s hand.
“I didn’t know you were in a tabloid,” Jesse slyly slips in.
“I’m not,” I retort. “No one should be buying these gossip magazines. They’ll say anything for money.”
The cover is a picture of me and Carlyle on one of our dates in the city. I flip to the featured story page. A two-page spread. I continue reading. The article chastises us for having a night out on the town. There are harsh comments about Carlyle’s recklessness. While his dad is in the hospital, his company is being sued for tax evasion, and he’s avoiding court. The article centers around how Carlyle is a playboy and a no-good immature child.
“Jeez, Molly. This is something I would expect of me. But you?” Jesse shakes his head.
“Numbnuts.” I point to the picture. “Do you see me in this picture?”
I point to the blurry photograph of what seems to be a girl’s face. The image doesn’t depict a clear shot of me straight on.
“You need to be more careful with him. It could be bad for our family if any of us get into some scandal. We’re a publicly owned company, sis.” Jesse rolls his eyes.
I stick out my tongue. He’s right, though. Sometimes I forget who I am. I’m still the daughter of Adrian Stanley, billionaire real estate tycoon.
“You should hide this from Dad and Xander,” Jesse warns.
I look closely at the magazine, straightening it out to make sure I can’t be seen. It’s clear as day that no one can be made out in this picture but Carlyle. The body beside him could belong to anyone. All the features of my face including my hair are distorted completely.
Someone walks in through the back door. I quickly grab the magazine and hide it under my legs. Jesse looks at me with wide eyes. We’re not sure if it’s our dad or our brother. Either one of them would be bad.
My dad pops his head into the kitchen. “Hey, kids.”
We breathe a sigh of relief. I guess one of them is better than the other. Jesse goes back to his mindless scrolling, kicking his feet up on the seat beside him. After Dad leaves, I’ll rip up the magazine collecting sweat under my leg.
“Oh hey, Molly. Can you talk?” Dad looks at Jesse.
Jesse glances at me once more and picks up his stuff and leaves. I hear his footsteps round the corner of the hallway. I try to give off an innocent vibe. It’s not like I’m in trouble for anything! Before sitting down in front of me, Dad fumbles to take something out of his coat pocket. I hold my breath when I see that it’s the same magazine that’s under my leg. He turns it around so I can see it.
“This is Carlyle, right? Not very classy, if I do say so myself. I didn’t expect this of him. If you or your brothers were in a tabloid like this, I would do everything in my power to get you out of it. But I know you wouldn’t get yourself involved in the first place, right?”
“Right.” I gulp and reach for the magazine. “But you know the media, Dad. These types of magazines just make stuff up so they can sell copies.”
I bite my lip.
“Molly. I said I would do anything in my power to get rid of it. I know it was a picture of you, honey. I just got someone to take care of it. That’s why it’s blurred out.”
“Oh, Dad—” I pull the magazine out from underneath me and put it on the table in between us. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t being careful.”
“It’s okay, honey. I know you’re never going to be in control of what the press or media do, but I was just under the impression that you wanted to keep this a secret. A friend of mine called me and let me know about the photo, and I just asked him to help me out.”
I feel like a bad daughter. My dad has always protected me. He has always been on my side. He was just trying to hide this so I wouldn’t need to deal with the negative scrutiny. He’s always been there for me.
We sit at the table, across from each other. My dad has always been patient.
“Darlin’, how are you lately? I feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”
“I’m good, Dad.”
To some extent, I’ve been avoiding him. It does seem like it’s been a while since I was alone with him. I rub my hands together, warming up my fingertips.
“If I may, honey. Can I offer you a suggestion?”
Oh boy, here we go. My dad’s suggestions have always been a bit outlandish. Whatever he’s about to offer, I can only imagine. I nod, careful not to seem too tolerant.
“There might be a solution to this. We’re holding a charity event soon. I’m sure you’re aware of the plans. It’s really been Xander taking the lead for most of it. It might be a good place for you and Carlyle to go public about your relationship. It could really take off a lot of pressure from you trying to keep it on the downlow.”
My dad has a gleam in his eyes. He sympathizes with me. He feels for me. He wants his only daughter to be happy. Except, he doesn’t realize that just leaving me alone would make me even happier.
I can’t blame him for his valiant effort to try to understand me. He’s only offering this idea because he thinks it’s the best thing for his daughter. In his eyes, the best way to get rid of bad press is to be open and honest with them. Let them see what you want them to see. At its most basic, my dad just wants to protect me from negativity.
“Molly,” my dad speaks up again, “I thought you should know up front about something. I’m sorry to have to drop this bomb on you right now as well, but the family business is going through some turbulence. All businesses go through this sort of thing, it’s the way the market goes, unfortunately.”
Dad’s speech is coming from nowhere. I thought we were doing well for ourselves financially. There’s every indication that this is true. We have cars, and a house, and everything’s been going fine at home. Xander’s never once complained to me either about how things are going. So the way Dad is breaking it down to me makes no sense. I watch his facial expression stay serious.
“We can’t afford to have bad press surrounding us. It’s unrelated, but I don’t want any of this affecting the way you see yourself either. You’re my little doll, and you always will be. You know we’ve had this chat multiple times. Because of who you are, situations like this are different for you. I just want you to make the right decisions.”
My face starts to heat up. I can feel my cheeks getting hotter, and my eyes start to water. It’s my chance to come clean with my father. It’s my chance to tell him the truth. The buildup within me is killing my insides. The truth is just on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell him that this whole engagement thing is just a lie, a front, a little promise that has gone too far. I’m not getting married to anyone, and Carlyle is no more than a friend with benefits.
If there’s bad press that could ruin my family, it would be the little secret I have with Carlyle. But I need to be more tactful. I have to talk to Carlyle first, consult with him. I could approach him with the prospect of going public with our relationship, or better yet, ripping up the contract.
I take a deep breath. “Dad, do you really think going public with my relationship with Carlyle is the right thing to do?”
His forehead wrinkles like it always does when he’s deep in thought.
Dad reaches across the table to grab my hand. “Honey, I’ve been in the same dilemma as you. The media lied about your mom’s death to the public. They blamed it on me and my inability to protect her. All they want is a shocking headline. They don’t care about the people behind those stories.”
He shakes his head. “The media is a scornful group of people. They’ll do anything to get the latest scoop. They’ll never let you live a normal life, and I know I put you kids through that. But their grip is only as strong as your resistance. I’ve played my game with them, and I won. Ultimately, the choice is yours, Molly. You can stand up to bullies, or you can let them get to you.”
I stare at a speck of dust floating by. This morning was looking uneventful. Until Jesse came and slapped a publ
icity stunt in front of me, I still thought I could skate by unharmed. Now my dad wants me to openly tell the public I’m marrying a guy I’m not actually marrying.
What a mess.
“Is it alright if I get Carlyle’s opinion on it first?”
“Of course. This is your decision, and I want you to make an informed one. Whenever you get the chance to talk to him, let me know how it goes.”
He rubs my arm and plants a kiss on my forehead. “I’m glad you’ve found someone. You’re growing up so fast.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
It seems like I won’t be telling anyone the whole truth anytime soon. Maybe I can keep this thing going, maybe I can keep telling my lie. At the end of August, I can put this whole thing behind me. It’s not too far away. I just need to make it through the summer.
I have to think of a way to ask Carlyle. But with how things are going right now, and if that magazine was telling even half the truth, then I could be the last thing on his mind. I’m asking a lot from him as it is. This fake partnership was and always will be, my idea. Would I make it worse by asking him to go in deeper?
There’s only one way to find out. I’ll just have to ask.
18
Carlyle
Summer 1997.
The sun was out, and its rays beamed down on me. It felt nice.
It sure beat sitting in a stuffy classroom all day. It’s one of those days where Phillip and I got pulled out of school early. Mom and Dad were always working. So when they got a day off (which was rare), they made it a point to spend time with the family.
Besides, my dad would argue, we could always catch up on homework on the weekends. My brother and I always assured him we would. Going to the beach when everyone was at work meant we got it all to ourselves. We were at one of the most popular beaches in the city, and there wasn’t anyone in sight.
The ocean was as blue as the sky, the line between them blurred at the horizon. The waves were calm. The ripples looked like part of an unending sea. It was so quiet you could hear the waves of the ocean. The family had set up camp in front of one of the logs. We laid out a giant sheet and put our towels on top of it.
Mom was looking for sunblock for Phillip, and I was sitting there looking out into the distance. I saw my dad setting up his surfboard from the corner of my eye. I could hear seagulls flapping their wings, and there were some birds I didn’t recognize.
Everyone in my family loves the beach. We all had something about it. Mom loves how peaceful it is. Phillip loves the fresh breeze, and my dad loves summer sports. Surfing is just one of the many things my dad did.
At this point in my life, I was still growing up and didn’t have a lot of older role models in my life. Sure, I had my brother, but he was barely even old enough to be anything but a nuisance to himself. The one person we both looked up to was our father.
Dad hit me on the back and started running toward the edge of the water with his board on his shoulder. I looked up and saw Phillip chasing after him. The sand got kicked in my eyes, but I grabbed my board and started running too.
“Be careful out there!” Mom yelled behind me.
Dad was already in the water hip-deep, clipping himself in. Phillip was beside him doing the same. I waded out behind them. And a giant wave came and engulfed all of us. We had to get out of the way.
Instead, I got stuck in the wave and left behind. I fell off my board and got sucked away in the ocean. All I remember is seeing the wave wash over me and hearing the sounds of my dad and my brother. It’s faint, and I can’t make out any words, but I know it’s their voices as my head bobs up and down, in and out of consciousness.
I kicked my feet and tried to stay as buoyant as I could. But the water created a suction around me and pulled me in deeper. Then, I remember just going black.
The next thing I remember is someone blowing into my mouth with such force that I couldn’t wriggle away. They’re exhaling in my mouth, clenching my nose tightly. The sting of ocean water caused me to cough and sit up. I coughed and coughed and heaved up a bunch of water. I looked around, trying to catch my breath. My mom and brother were sitting around me. When I looked over, my dad was catching his breath. He ran over to me when I was finally conscious.
I remember letting my body dry up in the summer sun, sprawled out in my dad’s arms. It’s a comfortable feeling. Whether it’s because I almost died, or that I missed the summer spelling test, I’ll always remember how my dad saved me that day.
He’s always been my hero.
But I swear, no matter how many blue skies you’ve seen in your life, it’s next to impossible to remember what one looks like on the day your old man passes away.
“Did you hear me, Carlyle? We need you at the hospital now.”
The voice on my phone is Dr. Lambert’s. His tone is more serious than usual. He’s been our intensive care unit physician since the beginning of this whole thing. I don’t need any more orders than that. I’m already halfway out the door, rushing to the hospital. My meetings for today will need to wait. Nothing is more important than being with my family.
When I get to my dad’s hospital room, Ma is sitting in the corridor just outside his door. I can make out tissues in her hand and tears streaming down her face. I know what this is even before I go in. Dr. Lambert stands in front of my dad’s room consoling my mother who isn’t just crying, she looks like she’s been bawling her eyes out.
“Carlyle.” Dr. Lambert raises up his hands. “You need to be told first. I have to tell you what happened, so you don’t break down.”
“Whatever it is, Doctor, you need to tell me right now.”
“He passed, Carlyle. He’s passed away. Today at 2:25 p.m. I’m sorry.”
My eyes focus in and out on my dad’s peaceful-looking body lying in the hospital bed. The heart rate monitors beside him display a flat line. A lifeless, steady, flat line.
My mom cries on my chest. The doctor puts his hand on my shoulder. I look into the room, and my dad is just lying there, motionless. Now my reflection is the only thing staring back at me. The future feels so uncertain now. We’d been operating without Dad for a while, so it felt like transitioning wouldn’t be so tough. But it doesn’t mean we’re ready to live without him.
The next few hours seem like flashes of time before me. I’m numb to everything. I only remember driving my mom back to her place. I walk her up the stairs and kiss her on the forehead before turning off the lights. I remember sitting on one of the couches downstairs, looking at the carpet. I might have been staring at the same pattern for forever, I don’t know. Another half memory, possibly, of closing the door and leaving the house. Maybe driving away in the middle of the night.
Maybe lying on the wood floor of the living room of my house.
It hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe he’s still around somewhere. Maybe things really are normal. Maybe he’ll come back and give me a hug, tell me this is all just a bad dream. The floor feels good on my back, it’s so cold.
I’ve pounded back a few glasses of whiskey. I’m planning on sleeping on the ground tonight, so a nightcap is what I need to forget how hard the floor is.
A sense of emptiness washes over me. I must’ve fallen asleep, I don’t quite remember.
19
Molly
For the life of me, I can’t get ahold of Carlyle. Panic takes over when I think it’s maybe because of what I asked of him. The last message I sent had the question of us going public with our relationship at the charity event. He’s left me on read, and I haven’t heard anything from him since then.
The charity event is today, and Carlyle’s supposed to be attending. Whether we’re going to announce it today or not, he’s supposed to be at this event. He’s usually a reliable person. All day I’ve been sending texts, and they don’t get answered. I feel like this is different from all the other times he’s disappeared.
It feels like he’s gone off the grid, completely AWOL.
Xander doesn’t look l
ike he knows what’s going on either. He’s pacing around in circles, biting his thumb. I mean, even I’m starting to get ansy.
“Hey, Molly. I’m going to greet some of the crowd. Can you deal with everything up here?” Xander gnaws at his thumbnail.
He means he wants me to sure everything is okay on the stage where my family and our tight circle are. My family’s table is beside the stage, raised up above everyone else. I nod, staring at the suits and dresses walking through the door. The dining hall is getting filled with lots of people. I didn’t realize this charity event would be so big. There is an obvious look of frustration on Xander’s face as he walks away. I’m starting to stress out a bit more. I watch Xander from the top of the stage. I see him walking into the crowd and shaking hands with people, maybe making conversation.
My job is to make it seem like everything’s normal. That my fiancé didn’t just ghost this partnership announcement between our families.
Jesse is easy. All he needs is small talk about the girls in the room. Dad, on the other hand, is much smarter. My plan is to avoid him and keep his suspicions at ease. I didn’t exactly get Carlyle to go along with me on this whole going public thing, and I don’t even know if he’s coming to this event. No time to panic now. I just have to do the best I can and hope he comes through.
“Jesse.” I scoot toward him. “Do you think that girl in the back over there is cute? The one with short blonde hair in the spaghetti-strap dress?”
“Yeah, already checked her out, Moll. I’m one step ahead of ya.” He pops his bubblegum.
Dad is only a few seats away from us, so I make sure to keep my voice quiet. I scrunch my nose and lean in closer so Jesse can hear me.
“I need a distraction. I need you to create a dramatic diversion about your life so Dad focuses his attention on you, and not me. And you can’t ask why. You just need to do this for me because I’m your sister. And also, because if you don’t, I’m going to suddenly start remembering the story of when you were seven and I walked in on you with a stuffed elephant. I think I’ll be giving some sort of speech later…”