By the time the sky started to look orange, I started to feel good from the drink.
Aurora showed up right before dark. She came and hung out behind the table for a while. I got her a glass of wine and we had a laugh talking up people that passed by and trying to sell them a sandwich and beer.
The night carried on and I had a laugh with anybody within talking distance. People enjoyed it, and Easterhouse came out to pat me on the back while people were laughing and standing around.
Aurora wandered off with Ackerman’s girlfriend to reel in more customers. I wasn’t sure how they would do that, but I imagined it would be their smiles and legs aimed at the more masculine sex.
And they did. They’d both come over with a group full of guys, giggling and talking. And sometimes it worked, sometimes the guys would realize they had just been played when Aurora would grab my hand or I’d peck her on the cheek and Ackerman would do the same with Jenny.
Aurora started to get drunk herself and started to take the job a little too seriously. It was meant to be playful, causal, but she wanted to seduce men at this point. As things got later, Ackerman’s lady stayed with him and Aurora ventured off on her own. Coming back each time with a group of men, but being a little more familiar with them. Laughing a little more, touches on the arm or back. I got kind of jealous but figured it was all just a game and I was drunk and so was she.
I tried to kiss her, and she refused.
If I hadn’t been pissed off before, I could feel I was about to be.
And I got pissed off with her, but not out of jealousy. She was beyond drunk at this point and causing a scene at the restaurant and in the street. She became oblivious to her own actions. I had been there many times before myself and been there with her. But I was calm drunk tonight, putting my energy and passion into the sale.
Ackerman and Easterhouse grabbed me and told me I had to take her home. I talked them down and then grabbed Aurora.
She was reluctant at first, thinking I was being jealous and pulling her away for that reason. But then I get her alone in an apartment stairwell and she started crying and apologizing.
‘You need to go home.’ I said.
She fought it at first, but then agreed.
I waited until she calmed down from the crying, we hugged, and then held hands as we left the building.
Back at the table, she grabbed her purse, we kissed, I gave her my keys, and then she walked around the corner and down the street to my apartment.
All was well again, and I felt bad sending her home like that.
I WASN’T SURE IF IT had been a half hour, an hour, or more, but I saw Aurora coming around the corner. Perhaps she had calmed down and was going to just hang out behind the table with me like before.
She looked calmer, but it was just the eye of the hurricane. She walked right past me and gave me a dirty look. Then marched right into the restaurant and started another scene, yelling at Easterhouse. Calling him a piece of shit and using some information I had told her about him against him. I had my issues with the guy, but he didn’t deserve that.
I grabbed her and started pulling her out of the restaurant.
‘Why do you let him take advantage of you like that?’ she said, yelling at Easterhouse about Easterhouse for me.
Easterhouse started calling her a cunt and then I didn’t feel sorry for the misogynistic bastard anymore as I got a flash of all the shitty things he’s said and done towards the fairer sex.
I walked her all the way to the apartment building and called Pierre down.
She was crying again.
‘What’s wrong, Aurora?’ I said. ‘What the fuck is going on?’
‘I love you.’ She said. ‘But I just let that get in the way sometimes. I just want to protect you.’
‘Protect me?’ I said. ‘From what? Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.’
‘I know.’ She said. ‘But you’re too nice.’
I just sat there with her. My street was quieter, but there were still people walking by and she had just stopped on the stairs up to the apartment building crying and speaking loudly.
Pierre came down.
‘Can you please hang out with her tonight until I get home?’ I said.
‘Yeah, sure.’ He said.
‘Just call me if you need anything.’ I said.
I left and worked the rest of the night.
‘You need to get your woman under control, mate.’ Ackerman said.
‘She’s fucking nuts.’ Easterhouse said.
‘Fuck you.’ I said.
This went off and on the rest of the night until I called it a night.
I went home exhausted. Grabbed Aurora who had passed out on the couch. Walked her down in a state barely alive and leaning on me for support. Laid her down. Undressed her. And kissed her good night.
I went back up to have a beer and a cigarette with Pierre who was in the same place he always was, the far corner of the room, at his desk, playing World of Warcraft.
‘Thanks for looking, homie.’ I said.
‘Yeah, no worries.’ He said. ‘She talked a lot when she first came up. She really loves you, man. You better hang on to that.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘if I can. She may be crazier than I am.’
‘You’re fucking lucky, mate.’ He said.
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘I guess with women I have been.’
‘You know she went up to Kay’s place earlier?’
‘What? When?’
‘I don’t know.’ He said. ‘Like 21h30, 22h’
‘Huh.’ I said.
‘She said they were doing lines.’
‘Mother fucker.’
I sat quietly for a while, finished my beer, and headed down.
Got undressed and laid beside Aurora. I pushed my naked body up against hers and just put my arm around her. I kissed her cheek, and she turned slightly as if to kiss my lips but she was so out of it she only managed half the turn and so I just kissed the right corner of her mouth, she kissed me back, but kind of kissed the air too.
I figured making love would wake her up, and I was exhausted anyway. So one last kiss to the corner of her eye and eyebrow and then I rolled onto my back and fell asleep.
THE FÊTE DU PANIER lasted the next two nights, and I made a few hundred euros off of it.
Aurora didn’t share the rest of the weekend with me. On top of her scene and her doing coke with Kay, I found out that she still lived with her ex in her old apartment. We argued more than anything. I didn’t care she still lived with her ex since she spent most nights with me or a girlfriend, but it seemed like she wasn’t trying to move out that got under my skin. It was too much, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it all.
I also confronted Kay about feeding her coke when I wasn’t around. On the defensive, he became an asshole.
‘I could’ve fucked her if I wanted to,’ he said, ‘she was so fucked up.’
In one weekend, I had found that a woman had yet again put me under a bridge.
48
The week after the fête du panier I had a South African friend from the REP and his fiancée come stay with me.
They had called the week before to ask and I told them sure. Aurora knew and didn’t care when I mentioned it. But after the weekend, she soon found it to be a problem. She didn’t feel comfortable staying with me with my friends occupying the living room all week. She stayed one night, and then ignored me the rest of the week.
I didn’t really care. I enjoyed entertaining my company in Marseille. So, what REPmen that were left in Marseille, we all got together and stayed drunk all week at the pub.
One night I came home and drunkenly wrote an email to Aurora, telling her how I felt. Told her my feelings, but also how I wasn’t so sure about things working out. I shouldn’t be allowed near electronic devices when drinking.
She responded:
‘Je comprends ce que tu ressens. Jusqu’à ce que je t’ai rencontré, je ne veux pas
être avec quelqu’un d’autre. Une partie de moi est encore fragile aussi. Mais j’ai l’impression que nous pouvons réparer les uns les autres, se donner mutuellement la force. J’aimerais que tu restes avec moi, mais a tout le moins, tu dois sortie de ton appartement. Ce n’est pas un environnement sain pour toi et a causé la plupart des problems jusqu ici. En ce qui concerne mes amis et ces grand nuits de partager, qui sera bientôt ralentie. Un, parce que je suis fatigué de boire autant et deux, je n’ont tout simplement pas l’argent pour cela. C’est l’été aujourd’hui, et il y aura de BBQs et apéros, mais les gens qui viennent sans y être invité sur s’arrêtera, mes amis vont à la maison samedi, et si tu veux continuer a me voir, il sera just toi et moi toute la semaine prochaine. Je te le promets. J’ai peur d’être blesser à nouveau aussi, mais l’idée de te retrouver cet amour me donne de la force. Have a nice weekend and know that I am always here for you.’
In English:
‘I understand how you feel. Until I met you, I did not want to be with anyone else. Part of me is still fragile too. But I have the impression that we can repair each other, give each other strength. I would like you to stay with me, but at the very least, you have to leave your apartment. It’s not a healthy environment for you and has caused most problems so far. As for my friends and those great nights to share, that will soon be slowed down. One, because I’m tired of drinking so much and two, I just do not have the money for that. It’s summer now, and there will be BBQs and aperitifs, but people who come uninvited will stop, my friends go home on Saturday, and if you want to continue to see me, it’ll just be you and me all next week. I promise you. I’m afraid of being hurt again too, but the idea of finding you, that love gives me strength. Have a nice weekend and know that I am always here for you.‘
I thought it was ridiculous how upset she was I had friends stay over and even spoke to Claudia about it. She agreed with me and told me to be careful with these women I get so attached to.
Things got rocky for a while and Aurora and I went off and on for the next month. We were kindred spirits, but being together was a perfect storm that neither one of us could survive.
49
Kay and I had made up. A heart to heart about what happened. He still thought he could have had his way with Aurora, but wouldn’t do that to me no matter how jealous he was that I was spending time with her rather than him. Drugs and alcohol really bring people together as much as they tear them apart.
Whenever I wasn’t on with Aurora, I’d be with Kay. It started to become a running joke.
‘Hazards on or hazards off?’ Kay said.
‘What do you mean?’ I said.
‘Are you fucking Aurora right now or not?’ He said.
‘What the fuck?’
‘Hazards on, hazards off, mate?’ He said.
‘So wait,’ I said, ‘if the hazards are on, does that mean we aren’t together or are together?’
‘On means on, mate.’ He said.
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘but they’re hazards, so it could mean like caution, stay away, right?’
‘No, mate,’ he said, ‘Hazards on means you're on, you’re fucking.’
‘Ah, gotcha.’ I said. ‘Then hazards off.’
‘Here, take this.’ he said. ‘She is hot. And you have had that for a while.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. She was more than hot though, but how can you explain that to some people. They understood I thought, just didn’t like to admit it.
‘You know I could have fucked her, right?’ Kay said.
‘Yeah, Kay.’ I said.
We stayed up all night drinking and doing drugs.
We roamed the town as we had done so many times before. Some places remembered us; some didn’t. Some places loved us; some didn’t. We got to La Monde when the sun was up again and bought more drugs to continue the day.
It was about nine in the morning when we saw a large group of people walking down rue Paradis. I walked over to see what was going on and Kay started yelling at me. Then he just walked over behind me.
We stood there smiling like idiots at what we saw. Making jokes at all the people out loud.
They were all colorful and loud and happy.
I looked at Kay and he understood that I wanted to play too.
We jumped in the group and started the march with these random people. There were hundreds, thousands of people. As far as the eye could see in both directions. There were floats and trucks with speakers playing loud music.
People were drinking. People were high. It was great. We fitted right in. And it was still morning.
I was high and dancing like a champion down the street. Sometimes we would just walk, sometimes we would stop at a store and buy more beer, sometimes we would duck into an alley to do more coke.
People were so happy and enthusiastic that it made me happy and enthusiastic.
Then a pretty, young girl tapped me on the shoulder. She had been walking in our general vicinity for the past few minutes.
‘My friend wants to kiss you.’ She said. She pointed to her guy friend.
‘I’m not gay.’ I said.
‘Then why are you in the gay pride parade?’ She said.
‘Morale support.’ I said.
She smiled. ‘Can I kiss you?’
I grabbed the side of her face and kissed her.
We stayed together and made out off and on until we got to the Avenue du Prado where we eventually turned right to head towards the beach.
Kay wanted another stop to do another line, and I thought he was jealous again.
So I did and kissed the girl one last time for goodbye.
Her gay friend gave me an ugly look as if I had just used her, but she seemed okay with it.
When we found our way back out into the parade, I met an ex of a friend. She saw me too and was with a few girlfriends. She was also another girl that had confessed her attraction to me. I had turned down for the invisible contract. French girls like to mix inside the circle. It was unnatural for us anglophones despite our many temptations.
I had my shirt off at this point and was already covered in the paint bombs of powder. Quite the sight I was, but we all looked like ecstatic warriors in our current state.
I kissed Clementine, and we danced together as we walked and I held her in front of me with my arms around her waist and her ass pushing into my crotch. Kay tried talking up her friends as we walked and Kay was a talker, he could sell anybody anything. He could get any woman he wanted, but he’d eventually fuck it up by being an asshole and saying too much.
Clementine and I stayed locked together for some time until Kay and I disappeared again for another line. Clementine understood and causally said she’d be up for it.
Kay told her to fuck off, we didn’t have enough.
So, Kay and I wondered off down another alley avoiding the police.
We got back to the parade and marched the rest of the way, explosively interacting with other people and just as quickly moving on to the next victims.
When we got to the statue of David, there was already a massive crowd on the beach and looking back showed an even larger crowd yet to come. We were fairly early and looked for an open spot near the water.
We found two beautiful, dark-complected women and sat next to them.
They were Italian and spoke English better than French, so that’s what we went with.
We sat with them and started chatting. Then Kay pulled out the coke and tried to set up a way to do lines, but the wind was strong on the coast.
We folded a piece of paper in half and did the lines from the crease of the folded paper. There were probably better ways, but that’s what we came up with in our state.
The girls partook and Kay and I felt like we had just made friends for the day.
We talked and talked. It was only lunch by the time we arrived and still a full summer afternoon and evening to get to know each other.
We went swimming together, and I started to become more attrac
ted to one girl over the other, so I made it known in a casual sense. I would have been happy with either girl, but one seemed more feminine than the other and I went with her. I didn’t come out and kiss her, but I just started to make contact with her more, a hand on the waist or a kiss on the cheek when she said something funny.
It wasn’t enough to define anything, but enough to show my interest and she accepted it.
By the time the sun started to come down, we started to divide off. We were still four in a group talking, but at this point I had my head in the girl's lap I liked and she was petting me. Kay was sitting next to the other girl, shoulder to shoulder and things were going well.
Kay always just said I was lucky with women to get away with my forwardness, but I always thought he never tried. He knew I got rejected all the time, but he only ever remembered the times I got lucky.
The girl Kay was getting close to went for another swim.
‘You fuck head, look at you just laying there being petted.’ He said.
Mariella just laughed and leaned down to kiss me.
‘Thank you, Kay.’ I thought, but I just smiled.
‘You know she’s gay, right?’ Mariella said.
‘Of course.’ Kay said.
‘No, you didn’t.’ I said.
‘The fuck you did.’ he said.
I really hadn’t either.
‘Yeah, it seems pretty obvious,’ Mariella said, ‘but yeah, she’s the reason we came here.’
‘I thought you Italians just came to Marseille for vacation and shopping.’ I said.
‘We do.’ She said. ‘But she knew about this parade, so we chose this weekend to do both.’
Angie started to come back from her swim. She sat next to Kay and the feeling of the group had changed on the inside but not on the outside. I could tell by looking at Kay that he was debating whether he still had a chance.
Once it started to get dark, Mariella, and I had already established our attraction to one another and Angie told us to go for a walk since we were being disgusting.
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