The boys were talking around me, talking to me, but the fiend’s voice was louder.
You were only a friend of convenience, living across the street from her. She was never actually your friend. I’m surprised you two ever hung out. You are definitely not her type.
Ferdinand drove into my driveway, and Jack said something, as he prodded me to follow him outside.
And Jack. A lost soul who used you to distract him from his ex-girlfriend. What a joke you are to think he values your friendship. He never even called you after you moved when your father died. A true friend would have called. A true friend would have made an effort to see you.
“Stop.” I covered my ears and began shaking my head.
A car door slammed, and Mom rushed over, pausing to look me straight in the eyes. She said something.
Where should I begin with your mother? If she really loved you, she would have made at least a small attempt to take care of you when your father died. And to remarry less than a year after he passed, that suggests even less that she cared about you.
As Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the house, Mom’s words broke through. “Asher, lie down on Daniel’s bed.”
Daniel? The fiend prodded my memories. Your stepfather? You almost killed the man who gave up a career to take care of you?
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Tara—” Asher began.
You really are a mess. But I can take care of you. I will be a friend that never betrays. I will make you stronger, smarter, brighter. We can be I. We can be I. We can be I.
“We can be I,” I repeated as I sat down in the music room.
Yes, that’s right. We can be I.
“Tara, don’t talk to it!” Ferdinand’s voice crackled through the trance.
The fiend molded to me, and I felt like the shadow more than the body.
We were in the music room now. The scene passed before me like I watched it through a window, a viewer and not an active participant. William rushed to kneel in front of me and grabbed my wrists. Nearby, Jack and Jerrick had daggers.
“It won’t work this time, boys,” the fiend spoke.
At first, the feeling of source draining from me was like a trickle of sand, falling on my skin, but then it reversed, source coming from William into me.
The fiend laughed through me, now in control.
A disconnect in my thoughts prevented me from placing why this was significant, why I should fight back.
William jerked backward and jumped to his feet. He looked down at his hands.
“What’s going on?” Jack asked.
“She won’t let me drain her source.”
“What do you mean?” Jack asked.
“She started draining mine instead,” William said.
Fiend controlled, I rose to my feet. “If you touch me again, I’ll break your neck.”
“Tara?” Jack asked, eyes growing wide.
“That’s...not...Tara...anymore,” Jerrick said. He turned to look at where Ferdinand cowered in the corner. “What type of demon did you put in her?” he demanded.
“I didn’t put it in her,” he said. “But it’s a thrall.”
The front door slammed open, and Holden appeared, preventing the fight the fiend wanted between the boys.
He stepped into the room, looking warily at me.
“Hello, dear brother.” I smiled.
His eyes narrowed. “Tara, you have to fight it.”
“I don’t want to fight it. We’re stronger together. I’m smarter, more able to control my source. Besides that, the fiend is right about all of you.” I glared at Holden. “You abandoned me when I needed you the most.” I pointed at Jack. “And he used me to escape his broken heart.” I raised a fist and swung it to hit Jerrick in the face, but came up short. “And you almost killed me,” I snarled, grabbed his neck in a vise-like grip, then pushed him straight into the wall.
“Tara, stop,” Holden grabbed my wrist.
I released Jerrick, who gasped for breath as he collapsed to the ground. I moved to knee Holden, but he shifted in time, and I did a series of punches and kicks that were beyond my trained ability. The knowledge came from the fiend, and there was definitely something exhilarating in the union.
“Mom!” Holden shouted as he successfully blocked and dodged me, finally spinning me around into a choke hold. “Get a grip, Tara. The demon is confusing you.”
“You said you could get the demon out of her.” Mom rushed in, wiping her hands on a towel. The action was meaningful, but it was like a symbol I didn’t know the interpretation for.
“She won’t let me,” William said.
Tears filled Mom’s eyes. “Tara, Tara, please. Whatever lies the demon has told you—”
“Lies?” I cried, trying to get out of Holden’s grip. “It didn’t lie when it told me you failed to take care of me when I needed you the most. You abandoned me. You dropped care of me on a man I didn’t even know.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. Tara, please.”
“It’s too late for an apology,” I said.
“Tara, stop,” Holden said into my ear, “If my father finds out you have a demon, he’ll lock you away.”
I struggled away from Holden.
Holden strengthened his grip; curse that his alv ability was super strength and speed. “Then he’ll use you to get what he wants.”
I pushed against his grip. “I wouldn’t mind getting away from this horrible place. Feel actually useful. Wanted.”
“You’re not the one saying that, Tara,” Holden said. “Come back to us. Please. Fight the demon.”
A light step sounded on the hardwood floor by the front door, then Daniel appeared. He should be at the hospital.
“Tara,” he said, in the gentle tone he always used when I was throwing one of my tantrums.
With his appearance, the fiend raced through my memories, trying to settle on something to use against him, but even the times where Daniel had lost his cool with me, the memory fought back that my behavior had been horrible. Then, suddenly, the fiend broke into a memory, stored and forgotten, of me with Daniel when I was a small toddler before going to live with Dad.
It played through my mind like a video reel, and while it ran, it was all I could see.
Daniel held me up in his arms on the beach, ocean waves crashing and breeze carrying the scent of the sea. A safe and secure feeling filled me as I pointed at the tattoo on his upper arm. It was a drawing of three overlapping circles with words written around them.
“That’s new, huh?” Daniel said.
I nodded.
“It’s a ring that never ends, like my love for you never will.” He smiled and rubbed his nose to mine. “You probably won’t remember me, but I’ll never forget you.” He kissed my forehead.
Daniel handed me to my dad, and as he walked away down the beach, I longingly reached back for him. “Daddy,” I said.
“Daddy will always love you, Tara.”
The memory ended. There was Daniel, now with gray in his dark hair and less muscular arms. He was older now, but he still loved me. Had never stopped, even when I was horrible to him.
“Daddy,” I whispered looking at Daniel.
I didn’t want to lose him again.
I broke out of Holden’s grip, which had loosened, and closed the four-foot gap to Daniel, falling into the embrace of the man who’d been there from the beginning.
Fear gripped me. I wasn’t sure I could keep the fiend from gaining control again. “Dad,” I whispered. “Please, help me.”
“Shh, it’s going to be all right.” He gripped me, and positive source returned.
Behind him, Asher appeared, supported by Osmund. I hadn’t been aware that my cousin was here.
“You’re stronger than it, Tara,” Asher said. His words added to the surge of positive source. Clarity illuminated my mind.
Asher wasn’t going to ditch me when he knew the truth.
The fiend wriggled insi
de me.
Liar, I told the fiend. I see what you are doing, mixing truth with lies.
The fiend’s control loosened, becoming a thin thread.
I don’t want you inside me.
“Try draining her source again,” Jack said.
This time, a double set of hands settled on my head, and my source began to quickly drain.
The fiend tried once again to reverse the direction, but I fought back with my control. It screamed in protest. They will fail you again.
Maybe. I spoke back to the fiend.
And maybe Jack had needed someone after his breakup with Lydia. Maybe Lydia was a drama queen. Maybe Asher was clingy. Maybe Mom could have been more involved. It pointed toward all of us being flawed, like all the characters in Gatsby.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t love me.
Looking past all our flaws, and looking at mine, maybe...maybe I’d finally been ready to open my door for them.
We all have flaws, I told the demon.
Daniel’s grip changed as one of his hands shifted away though his arm stayed firm around me. Next, I felt the pinprick of something sharp in my back and knew Daniel held a dagger straight at my back. “Don’t move,” he whispered.
He means to kill you. The fiend thrashed about, trying to raise my doubt again.
“Trust me,” Daniel whispered.
The fiend panicked, scrambling through my memories for something to use against Daniel.
I closed my eyes and focused on his years spent coming to my rescue.
For a brief instant, my source was gone, the fiend jerked backward, making my spirit feel like a bandaid was ripped off it.
The fiend screeched, then I felt a blast of wind behind me. As a suffocating smoke encircled me, I buried my face in Daniel’s chest. His embrace changed as he held me in his arms, no longer a dagger in his hand.
I was free.
Trembles raced through my body, and I gasped with the emotional overcharge that raced through me. With a guttural cry of his own, Daniel sank with me to the ground.
Dizziness from fatigue, hunger, and emotional strain coursed through me. I was completely free of source probably for the first time ever.
As Asher rubbed my back, my consciousness slipped, and darkness surrounded me.
36. Darkness Stole My Vision
A memory invaded my dreams.
I sat in the middle backseat of Jerrick’s car, leaning forward to watch the video he showed me of his younger brother wearing a full body T-rex costume attempting the obstacle course Jerrick had created in their backyard.
We were both laughing within the first five seconds.
Being inches from Jerrick filled me with a simultaneous warmth and guilt. Despite now not wanting to ever date Jerrick, I still had butterflies around him, and I berated myself inside. He was Sam’s boyfriend. He chose her. Didn’t wait for me.
The way he smiled at me as the video finished was the way he was supposed to look at her.
The back door opened, and Sam tossed in an overstuffed backpack, not paying attention to me. It jabbed me in the leg.
Ouch. I scooted away from it.
The mirth instantly disappeared from Jerrick, and he slipped his smartphone into a pocket on his shirt.
When she got in, Jerrick leaned over, and she kissed him, passionately, and I looked out the window.
The little girl princess inside me still held onto the belief that kisses were meant to be pretty and sweet. Not what they did.
Should have ridden the bus.
“Tara, I didn’t realize you were back there,” Sam said. “Are you going to come hang out with us?” Her tone made it sound like she was joking.
“You should,” Jerrick said, his tone suggesting way too much eagerness at the prospect.
I couldn’t see Sam’s glare, but I could feel it in the silence that followed.
Jerrick defended. “What, it’s been too long since we all hung out.”
A layer of ice formed between them.
Exactly halfway home, I asked the question that had been on my mind the last few weeks with the end of the school year a couple months away. “Are you two going to keep dating after Jerrick graduates?”
“Of course,” Sam said
The same time Jerrick said, “Probably not.”
“What?” Sam gasped.
He reached for her hand. “This has been fun, but I’m headed to college, and you still have two years until you graduate.”
Samantha jerked away from him. “You’ll only be three hours away, and your grandma still lives here.”
Jerrick drove into his driveway.
My phone buzzed in my backpack, and I pulled it out. Ferdinand had texted. Are you coming over?
An uneasy feeling twisted in my stomach. Originally, I’d started paying attention to him because I felt bad at how much he was bullied. Then I’d needed a weekend friend to replace Samantha and Jerrick, so I could escape my nightmare family.
Despite trying to stay friends, I’d agreed to a date last Friday. All week at school, he’d pushed for something more.
Sam looked back at me. “Tara, what’s wrong?”
“Huh?” I looked up at her. Jerrick had gotten out and was storming to the house. I’d missed the end of their argument, distracted by the text. “Ferdinand wants me to go on a date with him.”
“That’s so gross,” she said. “I don’t know why you hang out with him. He’s a sleazeball.”
“He’s nice, actually,” I said. Nicer than you, anyway.
I sighed.
“You’d better say no and get rid of him fast. Guys like him will get the wrong impression. Trust me, you don’t want that.” She got out, and I followed suit.
I crossed the street to my house. Stopped as I got to the doormat and glanced down at it. Welcome.
I was anything but that here. Everyone hated me.
I hesitated to insert the key. My dark source always spiraled out of control when I was home alone, then I ended up taking it out on Daniel and Nathaniel. Mom was smart to keep her distance.
Set friendship boundaries with Ferdinand, and I’d be fine.
I texted Ferdinand. Coming over now. Ditching my backpack inside, I changed course toward his grandparents’ home at the end of the cul-de-sac.
After I rang the smart-doorbell, his voice echoed out of it. “Hi, Tara. Come right in.”
His grandparents’ house was always so dark. Not a single curtain was opened or light was turned on throughout the main level, making the entry feel incredibly unwelcoming.
Usually, we hung out in the family room, playing video games, but based on the absence of sound or light from that direction, I knew he wasn’t there.
“Ferdinand?” I kept my sneakers on.
“Up in my room.”
I twisted my lip, feeling uneasy about being alone with him in his room, but he’d never made a move before, so I headed up the steps.
He was mid-play in Zelda. Part of what I liked about hanging out with Ferdinand was that we didn’t have to talk, and we were never bored, because there was always another game to play, and right now, we were on our second time winning Zelda. It wasn’t a game he played on his own. His usual choices were the violent ones that made my dark source burn.
“Hey,” he said, smiling. He paused the game. “Take over for me. I’ll get us some snacks.”
He handed me the controller, and I sat down, starting up where he’d left off. A couple minutes later he returned with popcorn, soda cans, cookies, and a cupcake.
Ferdinand held the cupcake right up to my mouth, forcing a bite on me. “That’s not distracting,” I said, through a mouthful. “Dude, you got me killed.”
He laughed and sat down by me, downing the rest of the cupcake.
Starting over where it had last saved, I began exploring again. Lying down on the bed behind me, Ferdinand pulled the bowl of popcorn close to him and began to munch.
As I was tackling a foe in the game, he tossed
a couple kernels at me, making me lose a couple of hearts. Pausing, I grabbed a handful and dumped them on his head. He smiled mischievously at me. We grabbed the bowl of popcorn at the same time, then wrestled over it which resulted in the contents getting tossed everywhere.
We laughed. Ferdinand picked up a kernel and put it in my mouth. There was that look of interest in me, the one I didn’t want from him.
I didn’t like him that way. He wasn’t attractive—just fun. That thought made me feel guilty.
He picked up my hand and began to massage it. The feeling was pleasurable. Something about his appearance changed, becoming more attractive.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” he asked.
“No, have you?” I shot back, nerves beat with my heart, and a raw anxious feeling shot all over me.
He sat up and left only a clothes-line distance between us. The back of my brain screamed that it was time to leave, but the feeling of attraction his touch created lured me to him.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked.
I squirmed under the thought. “Ferdinand, we’re friends. I told you that when we went on a date last week.”
“What about me don’t you like?” He leaned back an inch, disappointment riddled over his face. “I thought we had fun.”
“We did, but—”
“Do you think I’m ugly?”
“No, I, it’s not that.” It totally was that. Guilt turned in my stomach for thinking he was ugly.
Ferdinand cupped my face. “We can make out and not have to date,” he spoke softly. “Don’t you want to find out what it’s like?” His lips teased mine, sending an uncanny shiver through me, this dual pleasure and disgust.
“Yes, but…” My breath came in and out short. “Let’s play video games, Ferdinand,” I whispered as he kissed me.
I kissed back because I didn’t want him to feel bad.
This wasn’t pretty or sweet, and it definitely didn’t feel right. The way I felt making out with him was like disgust tossed with a strange sort of pleasure, stirring up more dark source than positive. The negative slipped from me into him. “Stop!” I scrambled off the bed.
I felt like throwing up, and guilt plagued me for not liking kissing him, because I knew he’d be hurt. I didn’t want to hurt him. I held up my hands. “I’m sorry if I led you on to think I liked you that way, but I just want to be friends.”
The Changeling's Source (Evedon Legacy Book 1) Page 40