by Sarah Morgan
She ran her fingers through his hair feeling it fall, silky soft, between her fingers. “Are you saying I’m a doormat?”
“Doormat?”
“A pushover. Weak.”
“Kindness isn’t weakness. Kindness is a quality that is often underrated—” he rolled onto his back, taking her with him “—except by me. I’ve always been good at spotting value. It’s one of my talents.”
“You have other talents.” She trailed her fingers over his chest and down his abdomen. “Want me to list them?”
She’d been beating herself up about making bad decisions, but every decision she’d made had led her to this moment. If she’d made a different choice at any stage of her life, she wouldn’t have been here now. And she wouldn’t have missed this moment for the world.
He ran his hand down her bare back. “So now you’ve got your confidence back, I suppose you’re going to go back to your room.”
“This is my room.”
“Ah. Right. Good.”
“And I always think confidence is a funny thing—” She slid her hand lower and heard his sharp intake of breath. “It’s fragile. I probably still have a way to go. I might want to use you for a bit longer. Your teeth are clenched. Are you okay?”
He grunted and then rolled her on her back and covered her with his body. “I have a proposal.”
“No proposal. One divorce is enough.”
“Not that kind of proposal. The kind that involves you gaining your confidence in various places along the Pacific Coast.”
She kissed her way down his chest. “What exactly are you suggesting?”
“If you want me to give you a coherent answer, you’re going to have to stop what you’re doing for a few moments.”
She lifted her head but left her hand where it was. “I’m distracting you?”
“Maybe a little.” He spoke through his teeth and she smiled.
“This is fun.”
“For you. For me it’s an exercise in self-control and sexual frustration. When we’ve delivered Kathleen and found out what she wants to do, I thought we could take a drive down Highway One. I’ll show you California. The Big Sur. Monterey. Cliffs. Redwood forest.”
Her heart flew. She felt as if she’d won the lottery. “Don’t you have to get back to work?”
“I should. And if you say no, it’s true that I’ll probably revert to my old workaholic ways.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“It’s negotiation.”
“And what excuse will you give to your boss for not going back?”
“I’ll tell him I met a girl...” He scooped her up so that she was lying on top of him, and smoothed his hands down her back. “So what do you say? Do you have to get back?”
To what? She needed to make a plan, but that could wait. It could all wait.
“Well, I feel a certain responsibility for making sure you don’t slip back into your old, serious ways—so yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“Totally.”
She’d never been more certain of a decision in her life.
22
LIZA
Sean sprinted across the sand to Liza, dripping with water from a final early morning swim. “Invigorating.” Shivering, he reached for a towel. “Despite all the exciting things that lie ahead, I confess I don’t want to leave. I’d forgotten how much I love it here. When we come we don’t use the time for relaxation. It’s always about doing jobs.”
Liza felt a twinge of guilt. “That’s my fault. I always prioritize other things over having fun. That’s going to change, I promise. Fun is going to be at the top from now on.”
“For both of us.” He sprawled down next to her on the picnic blanket, droplets of water clinging to his leg. “It’s so easy to get into a routine, and never question an alternative. I’m picturing what life could be like if we lived here. I’d finish work and instead of sitting in commuter traffic and getting home late and tired, we’d go for an evening swim. In the winter we’d take wild, blowy walks on an empty beach and grab something to eat at the Tide Shack.”
They’d talked about it, but was he really considering it?
“You have a thriving business. In London.”
“Mmm. The way I see it, there are two options. One is for me to keep that business as it is and commute from here a few days a week. Delegate more.”
“You’d be on the road the whole time and pulled between two places.”
“I could make it work. I’d go up to London Monday night and be there Tuesday through to Thursday night or something.”
She reached out and swept droplets of water from his cheek with her thumb. “Then we’d have to keep the London house and we can’t afford both.”
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a kiss. “You’re putting up obstacles.”
“I’m being practical. That’s what I do.”
“Well, don’t do what you do.” He sat up. “Alternatively, I talk to my partners and explore the idea of opening an office down here, focusing on coastal properties. Plenty of people want to reimagine the space they’re living in and I’m good at that side of things.”
She thought about how he’d transformed their small terraced house in London into a light-filled space. “Yes, you are.”
“I’d still have to do the occasional trip to London, but the bulk of my work would be here.”
She thought about what her life could be like living here. She’d have the beach. She’d be able to focus more on her art. She’d be able to see more of her mother, and also Angie.
Liza had visited her the day before, not wanting to leave without saying goodbye.
In the end she’d been honest with her old friend, as Angie had been with her, and that one conversation had reminded her why the connection between them had always been so strong. There were few people in life with whom you could trust your innermost secrets, but Angie was one of those.
She shifted her attention back to Sean. “Do you think you’d get enough work to justify setting up an office?”
“I don’t know, but I’m excited to try.”
It was fun to plan, but she still couldn’t see it as reality. “There is no way the twins will want to leave London. And do we really want to move them at this stage, when they’re heading into important exams?”
“Life isn’t all about the twins, Liza. Our lives are important too. But whichever option we choose, it’s going to take a while to make it happen. So why don’t we agree to spend the next year thinking about how we are going to make this work, with the aim of moving down here when Caitlin and Alice head to college.”
The future that had so recently seemed pressured and full of dark clouds, now glowed brighter. “I love that idea.”
“It will give me time to look for exactly the right property.” He pushed the damp towel into the bag. “Ideally there will be some unloved coast guard cottage with beach views that I can turn into a project for the next couple of years.”
“And I can take my time furnishing it.” She imagined herself picking up pieces from the many local shops selling Cornish crafts along the Atlantic coast. And she’d improvise too, because that was something she loved. She’d collect shells and driftwood, sand and stain the floors of their cottage to a bleached white. “It’s fun to plan.” And most of all it was fun planning together. They’d stopped doing things together and somehow started to live parallel lives. But not anymore.
“Let’s come back soon.” Sean put his arm round her shoulders and stared out to sea. His skin was turning a deep bronze. She’d forgotten how easily he tanned.
“Yes.” Liza stood up and started to gather their things together. “You haven’t changed your mind about what we agreed last night? In the cold light of day it seems impulsive and extravagant.”
“Impulsive
is good. We need to do more of it.” Sean took the bag from her and they walked back to the house, took a shower and loaded their things into his car.
They’d decided to leave hers parked at the cottage for the time being and collect it later in the summer.
Liza checked the front door for a final time. She’d fed Popeye and the evening before she and Sean had driven over to Finn’s to deliver his paintings.
For Liza it had been an awkward moment, but both men had been surprisingly relaxed. Finn had given her a good natured wink, and he and Sean had discussed the architectural design of the house while they had drinks on the lawn.
The other painting she’d done during her visit, the more personal one, was leaning against the wall in her mother’s bedroom. There had been no end of possible subjects for the canvas, but she’d known right from the beginning what she wanted to do and when she’d finally shown it to Sean she’d been reassured by his response.
“Oakwood,” he’d breathed, gazing at the painting of the sun setting over the cottage. “It’s perfect.”
Liza hoped her mother would think so too.
And now they were heading back to London.
Sean took her hand. “Are you sad to be leaving?”
Liza glanced back at Oakwood Cottage. It had provided her with a sanctuary when she’d needed it the most. “We’ll be back very soon. I’ve missed the girls.”
They’d had a long chat the day before, and Liza had been honest about the way she felt. It hadn’t been an easy conversation for her, but the girls were obviously so shaken by that article they’d found, and by the thought that their parents’ marriage might be in trouble, that they were reflective and apologetic.
“You do so much,” Caitlin had said in a subdued tone, “and I’m sorry I didn’t notice or say thank you more. I’m going to do better.”
“A thank-you would be appreciated,” Liza had replied, “but mostly I need you to start taking more responsibility.”
“I will. We will.”
Alice had agreed, and Liza had to admit that on the whole the conversation had gone better than she’d hoped. Whether or not it would last remained to be seen.
“If we’re home late afternoon, I’ll be able to call my mother before they set off for the day.” Liza fastened her seat belt. “It’s weird, isn’t it? You don’t expect your relationship with a parent to change this late in life. I assumed that we’d never be close.” But she and her mother had talked about everything and anything. All the barriers that had kept them separate had vanished.
“I’m pleased for you. Funny to think Kathleen had so much going on in her past. What a life she has led.”
Liza waved a mental goodbye to Oakwood as Sean pulled out of the drive. “I’ve been wondering what her life would have looked like if she’d married Adam.”
“We can all play that game. If I hadn’t met you on the beach that summer, where would I be now? If you hadn’t left and woken us all up, what would have happened to our family?”
“I didn’t leave, Sean.”
“Sorry—you came to ‘feed the cat’.” He glanced at her and smiled. “You do know that from now on all you have to do is threaten to go and ‘feed the cat’ and I’ll be booking dinner tables and buying you elaborate gifts.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“I should probably warn you that the kitchen wall is now home to a giant spreadsheet. Alice allocates tasks for people.”
Liza winced. “That doesn’t sound like a particularly tasteful design feature.”
“It isn’t, but if it reminds them to do their share then it’s worth the visual pain.” He pulled over suddenly and parked in the gateway to a field. In the distance the sea was a streak of blue against the cloudy sky.
“Why are you stopping?”
“Because these last few days have been special and leaving here makes me nervous.” He turned in his seat. “I’m terrible at remembering anniversaries. There’s no excuse for that, and I’m going to do better. It’s one of my flaws, I know that. I can focus on work, but not have a clue where my blue shirt is. I try and approach everything calmly which I know drives you crazy because you work at a pace that would shame a racing driver, but here’s the thing, Liza—I love you.” He took her face in his hands. “I love you, and I have loved you for every one of the years we’ve spent together, even if I sometimes forget to mark the moment. And part of the reason I forget to mark the moment is because I feel lucky every day I’m with you and picking one day a year to celebrate is almost like saying the rest of it isn’t special. It’s all special.” There was no doubting the sincerity in his voice.
“Sean—”
“Let me finish—” He smoothed her hair away from her face. “Yes we’re swamped by things to do. My job is busy, having twins has always given us more than enough to do and you bear the brunt of it, and we both have constant demands on our time and we have to prioritize, but since when has our relationship come bottom of the list? It should be top priority, not bottom. It should be the first thing we pay attention to, not the last.”
“I know. And we’re going to do that.”
How had she ever prioritized washing Caitlin’s strap top over a conversation with Sean? How had they stopped prioritizing themselves? She made lists of all the things she had to do, but spending time with Sean where they did nothing but focus on each other wasn’t on that list.
Sean kissed her gently and then steered the car back onto the road and headed for home.
As they pulled into their road, Liza felt a flicker of nerves. It felt strange, being home, as if she’d been away for a lifetime even though it was only a matter of weeks.
But then the front door opened and Caitlin and Alice raced out to greet them, as they’d done when they were very young.
“Mum!” Caitlin grabbed Liza so tightly she couldn’t breathe, and Alice did the same.
“We missed you.”
“And not because we can’t find anything when you’re not here.” Caitlin finally released her. “You look amazing. That dress is cute on you. Is it new? Come inside, we’ve made a surprise for you both.” She and Alice glanced at each other and then ushered their parents through to the kitchen.
The house was sparkling, and the kitchen table was loaded with plates of food. Tiny finger sandwiches, scones, cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies—
Liza put her bag down. “You did all this?”
“We thought you’d be hungry after your journey. Alice did most of the cooking. I did the cleaning.” Caitlin looked nervous. “I did the mirrors and even cleaned behind the bed in your room. And we’re going to help get ready for France. Alice and I are going to do everything, so you can relax.”
“Ah—” Liza looked at Sean. “We need to talk to you about that.”
Caitlin’s face fell. “We’re not going to France?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Because it’s too much work for you?” Alice looked anxious. “Is it our fault?”
“It has nothing to do with you. And this is all wonderful, as is the tidy house. I’m touched. Goodness, it looks delicious.” Liza reached out and picked up a cupcake. Were her girls really capable of this? She’d underestimated them. Or maybe it was simply that she’d never given them the chance. “But we do have some bad news about France. They called yesterday—they had a burst pipe and the downstairs is flooded.”
“Oh no!” Alice slumped onto the nearest chair. “But it’s our special time away as a family. We wanted to spoil you, and—can we find somewhere else? Caitlin and I can do a search.”
“That was our first instinct, but then we had a different idea.” Liza took Sean’s hand. “We have another plan, which I hope you’ll be excited about. It’s not France.”
“Not France?” Caitlin caught her sister’s eye. “But whatever you think would be fun, works for us, M
um. We want family time, that’s all.”
Family.
Liza smiled. “We can guarantee you family time of the very best type.”
23
KATHLEEN
BARSTOW~SANTA MONICA
Kathleen stood on the pier at Santa Monica and stared across the waves.
She’d crossed prairie and desert, seen the Grand Canyon and the bright lights of Las Vegas, and now she was here, at her final destination.
She felt Martha’s hand close over hers.
“We made it, Kathleen, and I didn’t drive into a lamppost.”
Kathleen said nothing, but clung to her hand. She couldn’t find the words to describe everything she was feeling.
Josh took her other hand and they led her closer to the beach. “That’s the Pacific Ocean, Kathleen.”
“Yes, I can see that. My eyes are the one part of me that still work.” The Pacific Ocean. Kathleen felt the sun on her face and the warmth of the breeze, but she couldn’t relax. All she could think about was Ruth. “She lives near here?”
“Not far.”
Kathleen turned back to the car. “Then let’s go. Let’s do this. I don’t want to wait any longer.” She saw Martha glance at Josh, as if they were calculating something. “What are you two plotting?”
“Nothing.”
She knew they weren’t telling her the truth, but she was too anxious about her meeting with Ruth to probe further.
What if it felt awkward? It had been almost sixty years since they last saw each other. They would have nothing in common except the past, and that wasn’t exactly a comfortable place to linger.
She slid back into the car that had been their home since they’d left Chicago. Kathleen had grown ridiculously fond of it, and also fond of Martha and Josh.
There was a new intimacy between them. Kathleen saw it in shared smiles, the brush of fingers, the promise in a look. She was thrilled for them, but their new closeness made her feel alone.