by S. L. Scott
“I love you,” she whispers.
She knows I love her, but I say the words not only for her, but for me as well. “I love you, too.”
“Gimme a sec. I’ll be right back,” she says, getting up and tightening the blanket around her.
I take the opportunity to clean the mess I made. After I put on a clean pair of boxers, she returns and sits down. Dressed in her tank top again, she’s now too hidden in that blanket to see the rest of her body.
Smiling, she says, “Well… that’s something I’ve never done.”
“I haven’t either, but I liked it.”
She blushes, it’s apparent even over the webcam. “I liked it, too.”
I don’t want to embarrass her anymore and decide it might be time to change the subject. “I closed my first deal today.”
“You did? That’s great! Tell me about it.”
I go through the story leaving out all the boring details. I can tell she’s sincerely interested in the story and gives me several ‘congratulations’, ‘I’m proud of you’, and ‘I knew you could do it’. I go on to talk about the dreaded upcoming board meeting.
“I’m confused,” she says. “Your parents own the company, yet there’s a board of directors who can make him retire?”
“It’s complicated, but my parents own majority stock in the company and have final say and the largest vote when it comes to major decisions concerning the business. But, as a public company, they have to listen to a group of advisors who have been brought in to oversee the overall operations of the company as representatives to the stock holders. This is where it gets tricky. There’s a clause that says if the board thinks my dad is not making sound decisions they have the right to oust him no matter what he wants.” I look at her, watching the monitor, her absorbing the information. “Most boards have representatives from the company on there as well to balance out the decision making process. Sometimes, it’s widows who inherit a seat on the board or a trusted outsider. In our case, we inherited a seat on the board when we each turned twenty-two. It’s unorthodox to have members our age on there, but not unheard of.”
“So if they try to get your dad out, you and Kate have two of the votes for him to stay?”
“Precisely, but we have to have valid reasons and be able to justify those reasons for our votes.”
“What if they vote him out?”
“Someone else will take over the company. My parents will still own the majority and would probably take control of our board positions, if accepted by the other members.”
“It’s a lot of pressure, huh?”
“Yes. We have a lot of information and research, financial statements, and his reputation to back our argument, but I’m still fucking scared to screw this up.”
“I love you, Evan. Your parents love you. You can’t screw this up if you’re prepared and it sounds like you are.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have laid this all out like I did, but she’s the only one I want to share things with. She looks worried because that worry crease is in full effect between her eyes. “Please don’t worry about me.”
“I don’t like you having to deal with so much,” she says, glancing down briefly. “I want you to know, whatever happens tomorrow, I still love you. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
My eyes find the picture of us on the beach that I use as my phone background, reminding me I want to talk to her about our spat the other night. “Hey Mallory, I’m sorry about calling you when I was drunk and obnoxious. I just wanted to hear your voice, so that became my sole focus without thinking about you. I wasn’t taking your feelings into consideration and well, I want to apologize for my behavior.”
“Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. It’s hard on me, too. I want to talk to you all the time, but I get your voicemail a lot. I really want to fall asleep in your arms. I struggle at night without you next to me. It feels wrong trying to live life without you in it, but this was the second time you woke me up when you were out partying.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But please remember that I’m in your life. I’m just not with you right now. I hope you don’t forget what it feels like to wake up next to me. I can’t escape the feeling of absence, but some nights, I can feel you so readily against me I would swear you were here. It’s like a beautiful torture if that makes any sense at all.”
“I understand that perfectly.” I hear her hard sigh. “Should I worry about you falling into your old ways?”
“I didn’t call those guys. I ran into one of them on the street when I was heading home. He invited me out and I went. It was a mistake. I know that now.”
She nods and a yawn slips out. “Sorry, after all that… we did, I might need a nap.”
“I need you to believe in us.”
“I do. That’s what makes the days without you harder to get through.”
“But we will. We’ll get through them.”
“Together.”
“Together.”
55
Evan
There’s a dress code when you have dinner with my parents, so I choose black slacks and a grey striped button-up shirt. I opt not to wear a tie just to piss them off a little. I can’t go changing all of who I am because I’m back in the city. With my hand on the door, I realize I’m being petty and stupid. I want to earn their trust back and exceed their expectations. I don’t want to scrape by doing the bare minimum anymore, so I add a thin charcoal grey tie and leave the apartment.
After crossing the hall and covering the distance to their front door in a few strides, I ring the doorbell. I wait only a few seconds before Helga answers, greeting me warmly, “Good evening, Evan. Please come in.”
“Good evening to you.” We’ve always been friendly with the staff, but when my mom is home, formality is held in the highest regards.
“Mr. and Mrs. Ashford are in the main living room with your sister.”
She starts to lead me, but I stop her. “Helga, I know where it is, remember? I did grow up here. I’m sure you have better things to do than to announce my arrival.”
“If you’re sure?”
“Positive. Thank you.”
I walk through the formal living room and down the hall to the family room. When I enter the large open room, my mom turns from Kate with a big smile on her face. “Darling, I’m so thrilled about the deal. Your father and Kate were just telling me about it.”
She stands and comes to me, kissing me on both cheeks as if we’re mere acquaintances. But her expression changes and she takes my face in her hands, looking at me for a moment. “Congratulations, Evan. I knew you could do it.” She silently appraises my appearance, and then states, “Dinner should be ready. Shall we?”
My dad claps me on the back, bringing me with him as we make our way into the dining room. “Great job today, son. Let’s have a drink and celebrate after dinner.”
When he moves past me, following my mother, my first thought is I might need more than one drink to survive this meal.
Kate shoulders me. “So, how’s Mallory? Did you do a little “Laptop sex” celebration?” She jokes, laughing. Her face turns serious. “Never mind. I really don’t want the answer to that.”
My loud, guilty laugh grabs everyone’s attention.
“Ewwww, gross, Evan.” My sister says, scrunching her face. “That ridiculously big smile gives you away and now I must excuse myself from dinner so I can go vomit over that visual.”
Shrugging, I make no apologies.
Dinner flows smoothly. I’ve eaten with my family a couple of times since being back and my mom seems to have eased up on pressuring me about… well, about everything.
After dinner, Kate goes back across the hall to work at home, and my mom and dad take me into the library where the good liquor is kept. I watch as my dad pours three glasses of Remy Martins Louis XIII Cognac. The only significance to this is that I watched my dad drink this cognac on every special occasion and c
elebration throughout my life, but only once in my honor—when I got accepted into Oxford. I wasn’t even allowed a sip because they didn’t want to encourage bad behavior by letting me drink since I was only seventeen. Little did they know, I was drinking and doing a lot worse already. I was just really good at hiding it.
It was foolish of them to send me to that elite high school. They were worried about me drinking when they should have been worried about all the drugs I was doing. My mind goes into a sensory memory of how the pot and coke got me through life in the city back then. Hanging with the heirs of famous brand names and celebrities’ kids, partying until dawn, that was an average Tuesday for me. I was lucky I was smart. I’d walk into class, completely unprepared, and ace every one of my tests.
“Evan!” My dad says, drawing my attention back to the present. “I think you’ve earned a taste of the best.” He clinks his glass against mine and my mother’s and says, “I look forward to many years of working with you and watching as you grow Ashford Holdings.”
“I second that,” my mother cheers.
Tapping their glasses with a smile, my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach. I want to correct their toast. I want to remind them that I’m only here for four months, but seeing the pride in their eyes, I can’t. There’s plenty of time to remind them of my plans to move to Colorado. There’s plenty of time to remind them that I’m going back to school to get my degree in Psychology. There’s plenty of time to remind them of Mallory.
The burn is instant in my throat when I sip the cognac. I can’t help but feel that burn is indicative of things to come, so I cough, trying to ease it, trying to ease my fate.
“It’s disrespectful to gulp expensive cognac,” my dad says lightheartedly. “And probably burns your throat more that way.”
With a croaky voice, I say, “Oh, trust me, the cheap shit will do the exact same thing.”
“Please don’t swear, Evan,” my Mother scolds. She sets her glass down and hugs me. “I’m off. I have lots of work to do on the Ashford Gala in December. I’ll leave you two gentlemen to discuss business. A reminder, Evan, tomorrow is The Metropolitan Opera House Charity Ball.” She stops in the doorway, turning back. “Will you be bringing a date? I need to confirm our reservation.”
I watch her carefully as she tries hard to sound like this is an afterthought when in actuality she has probably been thinking about this question for weeks.
“No, no date.” I keep my tone flat, not open for discussion.
She clasps her hands together in front of her face in excitement, and says, “Very good. I’ve already emailed your secretary the details. Black tie and I’ll see you there. Oh, and Evan, please don’t be late. Thank you, darling.”
“I won’t be.” I swirl the cognac before looking at my dad and asking, “How are you feeling about the board meeting?”
“More importantly,” he asks, “how are you feeling?”
“I, uh, I’m a bit anxious. I’m ready for it to be over and to move on.”
He chuckles to himself. “Yes, I couldn’t agree more.”
“Do you really want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Good. It makes me more nervous to talk about it with you.” I laugh, but quickly add, “This has been Kate’s full focus for two weeks now. She was reading files and stats all summer.” I walk to the large window overlooking the city and stare out for a solid minute before I speak again. “She’s doing a good job.” I turn to face him. He’s seated at his desk, looking almost regal. “You know, she’ll put in the hours and she has the drive—”
“Kate’s already working for the company. Of course, I know she’ll do a good job or I wouldn’t have her there, daughter or not.”
“I’m just saying—”
“I know what you’re saying. You want me to consider her for what I have planned for you. Correct?” He sits forward, his posture tense as his eyes lock on mine.
“Yes.”
“I saw how good you felt when you closed Pinho, so before you go throwing away opportunities, I want you to give me more than a hundred percent over the next couple months. I think you will find this business even more rewarding than today.” He stands, setting his glass down, and walks towards the door. “In many ways, but you have to give it a chance.”
He leaves me there with over-priced cognac and a lot to think about. I down the drink to spite his previous warning. Standing, I set the crystal glass on the side table and go back to my apartment across the hall.
When I open the door, Kate is sitting at the dining table with combed wet hair, a robe on, and her glasses. She looks up from a stack of papers lying in front of her, and says, “Hey, how’d it go over there?”
“Fine.” I walk past her tugging at my tie to loosen it. “I’m going to bed.”
She follows me down the hall to my room. “What’s wrong?”
Maybe it’s the cognac or feeling like I was under a microscope all night. Or maybe it’s all the pressure everyone’s putting on me, but I snap. “Shit!” I go inside my room, hearing her trail behind me. “What am I doing here, Kate? This isn’t me,” I state, disgruntled, as I pull off my tie and throw it on the bed.
“What’s not you? The business, the clothes, the city? Evan, it might be time to grow up.”
“I don’t want another fucking lecture in the form of ‘advice’ if that’s okay with you.”
“Try this on for size then. What you’re doing here is important. It’s important to more than just you. You’re a part of something here.” She walks to my bed and sits on the edge as I remain standing, arms crossed, and listen. “Hawaii is great. Murphy is great and Mallory is great, but they have chosen their path and you have one that has chosen you. You need to stop thinking about only the here and now, and start thinking about the future. I’m not trying to lecture you, but you really do need to think of the big picture.”
“Nice,” I start, having trouble keeping the sarcasm at bay. “So you’ve moved back here with the go-getters and ladder-climbers and you fall in line and forget all about Murphy? Just like that. That easy, huh, Kate? Well, I’m sorry, but I refuse—”
She’s looking down at her feet when her head bolts upright. “I’m not forgetting about Murphy! I love him, but he’s in school and I’m working. We’re trying to make it work the best we can and right now that means we’re apart. We’re doing what we have to do in the present. Sometimes that’s not the easy route, but it’s the mature thing to do. What’s wrong with that?”
I sit down next to her, looking at the wall straight ahead, my gaze following the lines of the plaster. “There’s nothing wrong with that if you have to do it, but don’t you miss him?”
“More than anything, but me being in Hawaii doing nothing wouldn’t help either of us.” I see a half smile cross her face, and with a light laugh, she says, “It would probably tear us apart.”
Keeping my voice as low as I can where she can still hear me, I let her know my inner thoughts. “I love her. I love Mallory.”
“I know you do, but you still need to live your life. I’m not saying you have to date someone else. I’m just saying that you have to be able to function and work and play and live even when you’re not together.” She wraps her arm around me and leans her head on my shoulder. “Mallory should be going to parties and class and hanging out with her friends. She deserves to have the full college experience while she can. You don’t really want her to miss out on the fun that she should be having because she’s at home pining over you.”
“I want her to enjoy herself, but I don’t want to lose her either. And that’s looking very fucking likely if I’m working all the time.”
“She loves you. It’s time to trust her, Evan. Mallory is pretty damn hot and she’s going to get hit on, but you have to trust that the feelings you share for each other are more than a superficial summer thing.”
“Being a grown up is way over-rated!”
Kate bursts out laughing, “You can sa
y that again.”
“Being a grown up…OW!” She pops me in the arm.
“Smartass!” She leaves on that note.
I change into a t-shirt and pajama pants and join Kate at the table. Sitting down, I smile. “Okay, let’s do this then.”
Kate and I ride into work using the car service together. We get to the office right before 6:30 in the morning, the only ones there this early. The lights flicker on automatically as we walk from the elevator to our offices in the back.
After checking our voicemails and emails, we meet in the conference room and place the handouts in front of each chair at the table. Yes, we have people who can hand the files out to each board member, but the easy task helps to calm my nerves.
At seven, the catering company shows up to set up the breakfast buffet. I’m walking back to my office, to return emails and mentally prepare, when I notice light coming from under my dad’s office door. I knock lightly and he responds, “Come in.”
The door has a creak when it opens. I walk inside. “Morning, I didn’t know you were here.”
He looks up from his paperwork spread out on his desk, removes his glasses, and rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been here for a few hours.”
“If I’d known, I would’ve stopped by sooner.”
“I knew you and your sister were busy. I appreciate all the efforts.”
I sit down next to him. “Of course, I know this is serious.” I look at the photo frames on the shelves behind him and notice that they’re all of me and Kate. In one photo, I’m sitting in my father’s desk chair when I was two or three. I was happy spinning around. There’s another one of me smiling with pride while holding the varsity jacket letters I earned my senior year in high school. There were six for all the activities I participated in. That was taken before Lani’s death. I look happy and hopeful despite the hard partying I was doing. I’ve been trying to get back to that emotional state ever since, but it’s been a struggle. I have different goals than I did back then. Now I want to do everything I can to help my dad retain his position in his company. After that, I’ll get the hell out of this city to follow my own dreams, which are still somewhat to be determined.