And then he would look at her across the group and fall silent, staring into her eyes, his dark ones so beautiful as they softened and glittered with something she could easily fool herself into believing was affection.
It killed her when he did that.
She wanted Veiron back, the one he had been before he had died and Heaven had fiddled with his mind. She had hoped he would come back from Hell and tell her that he had seen Heaven tampering with his memories and that he would be his old self if he could only get them back.
Was that too much to ask?
Erin scuffed the sand with her bare foot and basked in the sunlight, letting it wash over her in the hope it would soothe away her confusion and make everything clear to her.
Veiron wanted to remember her.
She wanted him to remember her too.
Sometimes she felt that if she just gave him a chance, she could come to love his reborn self as she had loved him before his death. It only lasted a short while though. He would do something that would remind her of how he had been before and that he would never be that man again, and it would hurt so much that she would have to leave and find some air.
That was the reason she was standing alone on the other side of the island, as far away from everyone as she could get.
Heaven and Hell had taken everything from her that day.
It had taken Veiron and replaced him with a man who left her confused and vulnerable.
It had taken her sister and her family from her. Her past.
It had left her bereft and cold inside. Dark inside. That terrified her. There were times when that darker side of her pushed and a change came over her. She fought it whenever it happened, afraid that someone would see.
Afraid that Veiron would see.
She couldn’t let him witness that side of her. He was an angel again, a man of Heaven. Good. And she was evil. The old Veiron would have understood and comforted her. She could have told him all about it, even let him see it, and he wouldn’t have judged her. He would have supported her. The new Veiron would want to kill her.
Erin cursed herself and scrubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. She pulled in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She was stronger than this. They hadn’t beaten her yet. They had shaken her world and turned it all upside down, but she wasn’t defeated. She could rise above this and come out of it stronger than ever.
She had come so far with her powers now that she was close to feeling ready to return to Hell for the showdown with her father that her heart demanded. If he had left her alone, she never would have gone through all this pain and suffered so much. She would have had her family still.
But she wouldn’t have had Veiron.
Her heart ached at the thought of how life would have been had she not been captured and taken to Hell. She hated both Heaven and Hell for their part in what happened to her but she could never regret it because it had brought her together with Veiron and she had known true happiness.
Now she knew true pain.
Erin picked up a piece of driftwood and scribbled in the white sand with it, keeping her hands occupied while she thought about how far she had come and where life would take her next.
A storm was brewing.
Everyone on the island could sense it.
It wouldn’t be long now before Heaven or Hell, or her group, made a move.
Would Veiron fight by her side when that happened?
Could she bear that?
If she saw him fight, it would only cement her feeling that he was a different person now, and that would only confuse her further and distract her, leaving her open to attack. Would Veiron protect her if that happened? She wasn’t sure how she would feel if he did, or whether she wanted him to do such a thing. She wanted to scream whenever he did something that reminded her of his old self and protecting her was something he had done so often in his previous life.
“It is not safe for you to be alone.”
That deep voice sent a shiver of heat over her skin and she glanced over her shoulder at Veiron, meeting his dark eyes. He stood in the shadows of the palm trees wearing only a pair of long black shorts, the gentle breeze ruffling the longer strands of his short scarlet hair. If it weren’t for his hair and his lack of tattoos, she might have been able to fool herself into believing that her Veiron stood before her.
Erin looked away from him and prodded the sand with her stick.
Veiron sighed and she stilled as he approached and rounded her, coming to stand before her. She lifted her eyes to his again and caught the look in them, the one she hated most of all. He knew that she hurt whenever she saw him and his dark eyes offered a silent apology for it.
He felt sorry for her.
Erin had preferred it when he had been trying to kill her.
At least then he hadn’t made her feel like some sappy girl clinging to a dead love.
“I brought you something.” He held out a green coconut to her.
“I’m not thirsty,” she said and looked away from it.
“Oh.” He lowered it and held it in both hands in front of his stomach.
Erin refused to look at it. She could understand why he had chosen to ditch his Heavenly armour but she wished he had chosen to put on a few more clothes. His body was a distraction. Whenever she set eyes on it, she wanted to lick every ridge of muscle and nibble him in a few choice places.
“Erin, I…”
“I’m sorry, that was rude of me. It’s a very nice gesture. Thank you, Veiron.” Erin hastily took the coconut and didn’t have the heart to tell him that she had no way of opening it and wasn’t even sure it would taste any good if she did. She had only had coconuts that were darker in colour, browner on the outside.
He had brought her a peace offering though, and she had to take it, even though it only pointed out the vast differences between how he was now and how he had been.
The old Veiron wouldn’t have given her such an offering. He probably would have thrown her over his shoulder, walked into the shallows and tossed her in the sea to kill her sombre mood.
No. That wasn’t true. She frowned and stared down at the coconut. It began to swim in her vision as tears filled her eyes. Veiron had done something similar back in London. He had brought her fruit as an olive branch, and shortly afterwards, they had shared their first kiss.
Erin blinked away her tears. Perhaps he was more like his old self than she had given him credit for, but it didn’t change how she felt about him.
“You do not want it.” Veiron snatched the coconut back. “You do not need to pretend that you do.”
Before she could grab it and say that she did want it really, it disappeared from his hands.
That was cheating.
He turned away from her and walked into the turquoise water, stopping when it lapped at his shins.
Was he in a mood with her now?
He huffed.
Erin growled in frustration. What did he have to be moody about? She raised her stick with the intent of throwing it at his back, and then lowered it again when it dawned on her.
Everything he knew was a lie too.
He had trusted Heaven and they had done terrible things to him. He had lost his past, just as she had.
Now, he was alone in the world and, if what Apollyon had warned her about was anything to go by, was in danger of being used against his will to harm her. She couldn’t imagine how he felt but she could sympathise. She wasn’t sure how to feel, and he probably wasn’t either. He had seen himself with her, in love with her, a woman he had been sent to capture and probably kill. He remembered snippets of his past life but at great cost. The headaches he experienced whenever he caught hold of one of his true memories had rendered him unconscious several times in the past three days but he hadn’t stopped trying to remember.
She wasn’t the only one suffering because of Heaven and Hell. They were still playing with Veiron, hurting him and controlling his life.
Erin dropped her stic
k on the white sand, padded down the shore to him and into the shallows. The water reached her bare knees but she didn’t care. She stood beside him, staring into the distance with her focus fixed on him, so he wasn’t alone.
He sighed again.
Erin playfully shoved his arm.
Veiron frowned down at her.
She shoved him again.
His crimson eyebrows knitted tightly above his dark eyes as they narrowed on her. “Stop that.”
Erin shook her head and pushed him harder. He must have been off balance because he lost his footing and fell in the shallow water, splashing it all up her short black dress and in her face. Saltwater burned her eyes.
She rubbed and then opened them and peered down at Veiron, afraid to see the expression on his face.
He scowled up at her, the water washing over his legs and stomach. “What was that for?”
“Sorry… it was just meant to be a nudge to make you smile. I didn’t mean to push you over.” She held her hand out to him. He glared at it. Erin tried to contain her smile.
“You desire to make me smile, yet by soaking me and making me look like a fool, it is you who have found your smile.”
She supposed it was. Erin opened her mouth to speak and he grabbed her right ankle, yanked it up, and sent her crashing into the water. She came up spluttering, arms slapping around as small waves rolled over her.
Veiron laughed.
“Bastard,” Erin muttered and sat up in the water. The waves shifted the sand and she grimaced as it found its way into her knickers. She was going to be picking sand out of naughty places for the next week, but at least Veiron was smiling again.
“Can I swim?” he said and she shrugged.
“You can snorkel, so you can swim… but I’m not sure how strong a swimmer you are. It was a house reef so it was pretty safe.”
“I am going to find out.” He stood and then dived into the deeper water.
When he didn’t immediately come up for air, sharp needles pricked down Erin’s spine. She waded out into the water, scouring it for a sign of him.
“Veiron!” She couldn’t see him anywhere. Could angels hold their breath longer than mortals? Was he drowning? She hadn’t swum on this side of the island before because Apollyon had warned her that the current was stronger here and had dragged him towards the edge of the reef and open sea. Her heart beat wildly against her chest and her stomach twisted. Was Veiron caught in that current? “God, Veiron… I’m coming.”
She dove into the water and opened her eyes in time to see something dark right in front of her. She collided with it and it moved, and her panic spiked. Her mouth opened to let out a scream and water rushed into her lungs.
Every instinct she had said to breathe to get the water out but it only let in more. She choked on it and struggled to reach the surface, pulse racing and mind spinning and growing darker. She wasn’t sure which way was up and which was down. She flailed her arms and kicked her legs, and hit something again.
Cool air assaulted her back and Erin retched, the water burning up her throat and setting her lungs aflame.
“Erin!” Strong hands lifted her higher, away from the small waves, and gently turned her face up. The sun kissed her wet skin and she continued to cough, heart thundering as adrenaline sped through her, leaving her trembling and weak. “Erin?”
She cracked her eyes open and sucked in a long wheezing breath. Veiron towered over her, scarlet hair slicked back and dark eyes wide.
“Erin,” he whispered and gathered her closer to him. “I will get you to shore... keep breathing slowly. Not too much at a time.”
She nodded. She could do that. In fact, it was all she could do as he carried her and carefully laid her down on the warm sand. His right arm supported her back as he knelt beside her.
“You… scared… me.” She managed to get the words out and his expression softened.
“I did not mean to get in your way when you were coming to swim too.” He picked damp strands of her black hair from her face and she shook her head.
Her throat blazed, as rough as sandpaper, and she cursed it. He didn’t understand but it was a relief to know that she had collided with him, not something with fins and large sharp teeth.
“You…” she wheezed.
He shook his head and stroked her cheek. “You shouldn’t speak. Wait.”
He held his hand in front of her throat and stared hard at it. What was he doing? Her eyes widened. Warmth seeped over her neck, going deep into her flesh, and the pain eased. She looked down at his hand. Pale beams of light shone from his palm. Erin’s gaze snapped up to his.
“You can heal now?” she said and her eyebrows rose at how normal she sounded and how painless speaking had been.
Veiron froze, his hand hovering above her chest, the light warming her skin and soothing her aching lungs.
“I could not before?”
Erin shook her head.
He drew his hand away and settled it in his lap. His smile was false and she could see straight through it to the pain it masked. “It seems they have made a few improvements.”
Erin settled her hand over his. “They’re only powers. It doesn’t change who you are. My powers didn’t change who I was… and Amelia’s powers didn’t change who she was.”
“So you are still Erin… and she is still Amelia,” he whispered and stared at their joined hands. “But am I still Veiron?”
Erin took her hand away and avoided his gaze. She didn’t have the answer to that question and he knew it.
“Am I still Veiron to you?”
Erin closed her eyes. Her heart wanted her to say that he was still Veiron, the man that she loved, but her head said that he wasn’t. She wanted to believe that he hadn’t changed but the proof was right in front of her. He was different now.
But he was still the same too.
“I wish to be Veiron to you,” he murmured and touched her cheek.
Erin jerked away and instantly regretted it. She opened her eyes in time to see him standing and grabbed his hand, keeping him in place.
“I’m sorry,” she said and looked up at him, catching the hurt in his dark eyes. “This is still so… confusing. I know it must be confusing for you too.”
He turned his face away from her, towards the sea. “Marcus says there may be a way to free my memories.”
“And that’s something you want?”
He looked down at her and drops of water rolled down from his hair, cutting over his cheek before dripping onto his bare chest. “More than anything, Erin. I want to be whole again… me again. I need to remember everything that Heaven erased from my mind.”
How much had Marcus told him about the game? Erin hoped that he hadn’t told Veiron the one sure way of regaining his memories of her and his past life. It had been Marcus who had told her how much Veiron hated that he was destined to remember everything when he fell into the Devil’s service. Surely Marcus wouldn’t place such an idea into Veiron’s head? She wanted him back but she wouldn’t put him through that and she didn’t want him to choose to go through it either. He despised working for her father.
“What is it?” he said and frowned. “You know something. What is it that you know?”
“Nothing.” She hated lying to him but she had to because the only alternative was telling him the truth and she couldn’t let him fall again.
Not for her sake.
“Do not lie to me.” He caught her wrist and pulled her up to him. Her front collided with his but he held her arm high above her head so she couldn’t place any distance between them. The feel of his hard body pressing into hers with each breath stirred desire that heated her blood. Her lips parted and his gaze fell to them, burning into them with intent. She wanted that kiss that his dark eyes promised but feared it at the same time.
She couldn’t do this.
Her hands heated and heart thumped, darkness obliterating the passion in her veins. Veiron’s frown hardened and his gaze shif
ted to her hand. It began to burn. He released it and she distanced herself, partly to stop herself from giving in to her desire to kiss him but mostly because she feared her power would hurt him.
She didn’t want to hurt him.
“Please, Erin. If you know of a way for me to regain my memories, then tell me how. I need to have them back… I need to remember.” He reached for her but she backed away, placing more sand between them.
She ached for him.
He wanted to remember her and there had to be a way to make that happen without him falling.
Could she go to Heaven and make them give Veiron his memories back?
She almost laughed at herself. Heaven wouldn’t do such a thing. It would use an entire legion of angels to weaken and capture her. It would kill her.
What about her father?
Erin’s hands burned hotter and the fire spread to her chest. She clasped her hands over the spot above her heart and stared at Veiron.
The heat in her grew fiercer, blazing in her blood, and flames broke from her skin, flickering over her hands.
Her father could do something. She could go to him and offer him something, and he might give Veiron back to her.
He might grant both of their wishes.
A dark voice curled through her mind, seductive and sensual, tempting her. Daughter.
Erin tensed. What the hell? Either she was going crazy at last or her father had just spoken to her. If she could hear him, did that mean he could hear her? Could she talk to him about striking another deal? Did she want to do such a thing after what had happened last time?
God, what was she doing?
An unholy roar echoed around her mind. That sounded like her father all right.
Have you still not learned your lesson about that foul creature after everything you have been through? The Devil snarled in her head and she felt like telling him that she wasn’t about to trust either him or the other one. I believe you were making a deal. Something in exchange for this disgusting creature’s memories.
Her Angel: Eternal Warriors Romance Series Complete Series Box Set (Books 1-5) Page 67