by Amy Clipston
When Catherine moaned and squirmed, Cindy set her down on the floor. She toddled to the stroller and peeked at Adam and Annie.
“See the zwillingbopplin?” Mollie pointed to the stroller.
A squeal erupted as Alice, Jamie and Kayla’s daughter, toddled to the stroller as well. She lit up when she saw Annie and Adam.
“Gude mariye.” Kayla joined Laura, Priscilla, and Cindy. She seemed to study Priscilla. “You look exhausted. Did the zwillingbopplin keep you up last night?”
“Ya.” Priscilla cupped her hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn.
“And my twin didn’t help you?” Laura rested her hands on her hips.
Priscilla rolled her eyes. “Mark slept right through the crying.”
“That sounds like him,” Laura said. “Why didn’t you wake him up?”
“I thought he could use the sleep. He works so hard on the farm.” Priscilla glanced down at the stroller.
“And you work hard in the haus.” Kayla wagged a finger at Priscilla. “Don’t let him get away with it. You’ll need his help when you have more kinner.”
Priscilla grimaced. “I’m still trying to get used to having zwillingbopplin.” She looked at the ceiling. “Please don’t bless me with more kinner just yet, Lord.”
“You don’t mean that.” Laura touched her arm. “You and Mark will have more, and it’s wonderful for siblings to be close together.”
Kayla gave Laura a nudge with her shoulder. “Maybe you’ll have the zwillingbopplin next time.”
“Don’t be so sure, Kayla.” Laura clicked her tongue. “You and Jamie could have zwillingbopplin. They’re in the family.”
Kayla groaned, and Priscilla and Laura laughed.
Cindy pressed her lips together as dejection rolled over her. When her sisters discussed their children, she always felt like an outsider, someone who didn’t belong in the family because she couldn’t relate to motherhood or their happiness. She longed to disappear, fade into the walls, get away from the feeling of loneliness that plagued her.
Would she ever fall in love and have a family of her own? Her father and siblings had all moved on and found happiness after Mamm died, but she was still drowning in grief at the loss of her best friend. How could she find someone to love when she felt so lost and alone? Everyone else lived as if everything was back to normal, but Cindy felt so left behind, struggling to make sense of God’s choosing to take her sweet, loving, supportive, wonderful mother. Why didn’t they feel the same grief she felt day after day?
When the clock on the wall chimed, announcing nine, she looked up.
“I’ll see you after church.” Laura gave Cindy a side hug.
Cindy forced a smile and then followed her sisters to the barn.
* * *
Drew steered his pickup truck into the driveway, careful to keep his speed at a minimum because of the Amish folks meandering between the main farmhouse and the barn.
After parking his truck in his usual spot next to his house, he climbed out and started for his front door. When he reached the porch, he turned, hoping to get a glimpse of Cindy with the other Amish women who were carrying trays of food from the house to the barn. Disappointment curled through him when he didn’t find hers in the sea of faces.
“Drew!”
He spun and found Jamie and Roy approaching.
“Good morning.” Drew shook Jamie’s hand and then Roy’s. “I suppose I should say good afternoon since it’s noon.”
“How are you?” Jamie asked.
“Great. I’m just getting back from church.”
“Have you had lunch?” Roy asked.
“Not yet.” Drew pointed toward his house. “I’m going to make a sandwich.”
“You should join us.” Roy gestured toward the barn. “We were just getting ready to sit down and eat.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose.” Drew shook his head. “You two enjoy your time with your friends.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re our friend, too, so you’re not imposing.” Jamie beckoned him. “Come and meet the rest of our family.”
Drew hesitated and then shrugged. “All right.”
He followed Jamie and Roy into the barn. The benches he’d helped set up yesterday had been converted into tables, where only men now sat. He glanced around for Cindy and found her in one corner, serving bowls of pretzels. She looked pretty in a pink dress with a white apron. When she said something to one of the men, her face lit up with a beautiful smile. He felt a strange and mystifying connection to her.
“Drew, this is my brother Mark.”
Drew swiveled toward a man who was slightly shorter than Jamie. Mark’s hair and beard were light brown, not dark brown like Jamie’s. But the brothers shared the same bright-blue eyes.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Drew shook Mark’s hand.
“I’m the better-looking brother.” Mark smirked and elbowed Jamie in the ribs.
Jamie responded with an eye roll. “Mark is the comedian of the family.” Then he pointed to the man beside him. “This is Allen, my sister Laura’s husband.”
Drew shook Allen’s hand and greeted him.
“You have to meet my twin.” Mark looked over his shoulder. “Hey, sis! Come here!”
A short woman with dark-brown hair and blue eyes, carrying a coffee carafe, crossed the barn floor and stood next to Mark.
“Laura,” Mark began, “this is Drew. He’s Ervin and Gertrude’s new farmhand.”
After they all greeted one another, Jamie gestured toward a long bench. “We should take a seat.”
“And I’ll fill your coffee cups.” Laura held up the carafe.
Drew sat down between Jamie and Mark and then handed his Styrofoam cup to Laura. After she filled it, he sipped the coffee as the brothers began to chat.
“So I heard Cucumber got out again,” Mark said.
“She did.” Roy pointed toward Drew. “That’s how we met our new neighbor.”
“I think Englishers would buy tickets to come see the escaping cow,” Mark quipped.
“That’s a gut idea.” Jamie nodded. “That would help pay for the repairs to the barn we need.”
Drew laughed.
“Would you like some pretzels?”
Drew looked up as Cindy leaned over him and set a bowl of pretzels on the table.
“I’m glad you decided to join us for lunch.” Cindy smiled down at him.
“It’s nice to see you.” Drew opened his mouth to thank her for the cookies she’d left on his porch, but before he could get out the words, she was gone, moving down the table and delivering more bowls. He would have to try to talk to her later, so he could tell her how much the cookies meant to him.
“So, Drew,” Mark began, “where are you from?”
“Not far from here.” Drew relaxed as he settled into a comfortable conversation with Cindy’s family.
* * *
Drew headed out of the barn and ambled home. He’d enjoyed both the meal and the company, but he was ready to relax and then study for another math quiz. He just hoped to see Cindy again before disappearing into his house.
When he glanced at Ervin’s house, he spotted her talking with Sarah Jane on the lawn—although he thought they might be arguing. He froze, taking in Cindy’s deep frown as Sarah Jane waved her arms. Then Cindy wagged a finger at Sarah Jane, who shook her head.
His eyes followed Sarah Jane as she spun and walked toward the pasture, where some young people were gathered around a few horses and buggies. Her posture was rigid, and her expression frustrated, if not angry.
He turned his eyes back to Cindy, who had hugged her arms to her chest and started down the driveway. Panic gripped Drew. He didn’t want her to leave without talking to him.
“Cindy!” he called as he took off after her. “Cindy. Wait!”
She turned toward him and wiped at her eyes before lifting her chin.
His stomach twisted. What had her stepsister said to make her so upset?
> “Are you all right?” he asked as he approached her.
“Yes.” Her voice was hoarse, as if she’d been screaming all morning. Anxiety and frustration seemed to come off her in waves.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She glanced past him and then looked up at him, her eyes misting over. “Sarah Jane keeps pressuring me to go to youth group with her, and I don’t want to go. No matter what I say, she won’t let up. She doesn’t understand that I’m not like her. I’m not ready to date or get married, but it’s all she talks about. She sounds like a teenager, not a grown woman.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it as if deciding she’d already shared too much.
“I’m sorry she upset you.” Once again, questions swirled in his mind. He’d thought all Amish women wanted to get married. He longed to find out more about her. Why was she so unhappy?
“I’m sorry.” She pointed to the street. “I’m just going to head home.”
“Wait.” He held up his hand, and she stilled. “I want to thank you for the cookies. I’m sorry I missed you yesterday. I’d been home all morning helping Ervin and Gertrude get ready for today. I just ran to the market really quickly to get something for Gertrude, and when I came back, I found the cookies. They were a nice treat.”
“I’m glad you liked them.” Her shoulders seemed to relax slightly. “Do you like pie?”
“Who doesn’t like pie?”
She smiled, and relief filtered through him. “I’ll have to bring you one sometime.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
She glanced past him, and her smile faded. He looked over his shoulder as Laura headed toward them.
“Cindy!” Laura hurried over. “Where are you going?”
“Home to take a nap.” Cindy fingered the hem of her apron as she spoke. Was she nervous? With her sister?
“Gertrude invited us all to stay and visit.” Laura divided a look between Cindy and Drew, and then her gaze settled on her sister again. “I haven’t seen you in two weeks. I’ve missed you. Please come visit with us. It would mean a lot to Mollie and Catherine too.”
“Okay. I will.” Cindy turned toward Drew. “It was nice seeing you.”
“It was nice seeing you too.” He said good-bye to Laura and then headed for his house.
As he climbed the porch steps, he realized he knew one thing about Cindy. She needed someone to talk to, and he wouldn’t mind being that someone. Not at all.
four
“I’m so glad you stayed this afternoon,” Laura told Cindy as they stood at Gertrude’s sink. They were washing the dishes they’d used while eating baked goods and visiting with Gertrude and the rest of the women in the family for the past couple of hours. “It’s been so long since we’ve been able to talk.”
“I know. I’m glad I stayed too.” Cindy washed a plate as she looked out the window above the sink. She’d seen Drew go into his house, but now he was visiting outside with the men in her family.
She studied him as she worked. He looked different today. His strong jaw was clean-shaven, and he was dressed in a light-blue button-down shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes, along with pressed khaki trousers. His hair was combed, and the disheveled and messy look was gone. He must have dressed up for church, and he was even more handsome than the previous two times she’d seen him.
She scolded herself at the thought. Why was she allowing herself to think about Drew’s looks, as though he could ever be more than just an acquaintance? He wasn’t a member of her community, and her family would never approve of their being special friends—or friends at all. But she couldn’t deny the growing interest she felt swelling in her chest.
“Are you okay?” Laura’s voice was close to Cindy’s ear.
“What?” Cindy spun toward her.
“You just seem down today.” Laura glanced past her as if to make sure they were alone.
Both Kayla and Priscilla had disappeared into Gertrude’s family room to retrieve their children from the portable cribs they’d brought, and Gertrude had left the kitchen for a moment.
“Was iss letz?” Laura asked.
“Nothing is wrong.” Cindy turned back to the sink and began scrubbing a handful of utensils.
“You seemed upset when you were talking with Drew.”
Cindy rinsed off the utensils and set them in the drainboard as she considered her response. If she told Laura that Sarah Jane was once again pressuring her to go to youth group, Laura would take Sarah Jane’s side. She wanted Cindy to go to youth group too. Lying was a sin, so it was best to not even share her conversation with Sarah Jane.
“I’m gut.” Cindy picked up a mug and began to wash it. “Drew was just thanking me for kichlin I left for him yesterday.”
Laura’s forehead puckered. “Why did you make him kichlin?”
“Remember how I told you he helped Jamie fix the gate and then stayed for supper?”
Laura nodded.
“I gave him kichlin to take home, and when he returned the container he told me they helped him study for his college tests. So I made him more and left them for him yesterday.” Cindy shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal.
“Cindy, I don’t think it’s a gut idea for you to make kichlin for an Englisher.”
“They’re just kichlin.” Cindy set the clean mug in the drainboard and started work on another.
“But he might get the wrong idea.” Laura’s tone held a thread of warning.
“Don’t be gegisch.” Cindy turned toward the doorway as Kayla entered the kitchen holding Alice and a diaper bag. Florence was right behind her.
“I need to get her home. She needs another nap.” Kayla sighed as Alice moaned and rubbed her face against Kayla’s shoulder. “It was really gut seeing you, Laura.”
“You too.” Laura dried her hands and then walked over to Kayla. “Have a gut nap, Alice.” When Alice snuggled deeper into her mother’s shoulder, she kissed her niece’s head.
“Let me walk home with you,” Florence offered. “I’ll carry your portable crib.”
“Danki, Florence,” Kayla said, and Florence left the room to get it.
“It was so nice spending time with you,” Gertrude said as she walked into the kitchen.
“Danki for the fun visit.” Kayla gave a little wave and then headed outside, Florence following.
“I should get going too,” Laura said. “But I’ll finish drying the dishes first.”
“You can go,” Gertrude said. “I’ll finish them.”
Cindy helped Priscilla and Laura gather their portable cribs, then carried them outside one at a time. She said good-bye to Laura, Allen, and her nieces, then waved as their buggy started down the driveway.
“Cindy.” Priscilla sidled up to her. “Is everything all right?”
“Ya.” Cindy folded her arms over her middle. “Why do you ask?”
Priscilla glanced behind her to where Mark was loading the twins into their car seats, secured in the buggy.
“You don’t look all right. No one can hear us, so you can be honest with me.” Priscilla lowered her voice. “You were so supportive of me when I was struggling with returning to the church. What’s wrong?”
Cindy pressed her lips together and glanced toward Drew’s house, where Drew stood on the driveway talking to her father and Roy. While she longed to pour out her heart to her sister-in-law and tell her how she was tired of Sarah Jane’s pressure and feeling like an outcast in her own family, it would take more time and emotion than she could spare before Mark would announce it was time to go.
“I’m gut,” Cindy said.
Priscilla was silent for a moment as her chestnut eyes studied her. Then she leaned forward and lowered her voice again. “When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me.”
“I appreciate that.” And Cindy did.
“All right, you two.” Mark sauntered over to them. “That’s enough girl talk. It’s time to get these narrisch kinner home.”
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“I’m not crazy,” Ethan called from the buggy.
“That is up for debate,” Mark quipped.
Priscilla laughed as she swatted his bicep. “You need to stop talking about our kinner that way. If they’re crazy, then we made them crazy.”
“And I take pride in that.” Mark grinned down at Priscilla, and Cindy could feel the love sparking between her brother and his wife.
Will I ever be blessed with a love like that?
“Well, we’ll see you soon.” Mark touched Cindy’s arm. “Be gut, and make sure Cucumber doesn’t escape again.”
“I’ll do my best.” Cindy gave Priscilla a hug and whispered, “Danki,” in her ear.
“Come visit me if you want to talk,” Priscilla whispered in return.
“I will.” Cindy leaned into the buggy and waved at her niece and nephews.
The twins smiled and waved, and Ethan said good-bye.
Cindy stepped back as Mark guided the horse toward the street. She waved once more and then turned toward Drew’s house, where her father, Roy, and Drew now sat on the bench and rocking chairs on his front porch.
Dat waved. “Are you heading home now?”
“Ya,” Cindy called back.
“Would you please tell Florence I’ll be there soon?” Dat asked.
“Of course.” Her gaze moved to Drew, and he gave her a smile and a nod. She longed to sit next to him and talk to him. But instead of giving in to that urge, although she knew it wouldn’t be the same with her father and brothers there, she continued down the driveway.
Surely Drew would finish the cookies she’d left and return the empty container soon. That container would be their key to another meaningful conversation, and possibly a deepening of their friendship—forbidden or not.
* * *
“Cindy!” Kayla’s voice sounded from the back of the house as a baby wailed. “Cindy!”
Cindy dropped the broom she was using to sweep the family room and rushed into the kitchen, where Kayla stood holding a screaming Alice in her arms. Calvin stood behind her sniffing and wiping at his red, puffy eyes.
“Was iss letz?” Cindy touched Kayla’s arm as worry slammed through her.