by Amy Clipston
“I haven’t had this much fun in months.” She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“I haven’t either.” He shook his head. “Actually, that’s not true. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t believe you.”
“I’ll prove it.” Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, savoring her sweet taste as her warmth wrapped around him like a comfortable blanket. Her nearness sent his senses spinning. And in that moment, he knew they were supposed to be together—as if God had blessed their relationship.
When he broke the kiss, she gazed up at him, her eyes wide and intense in the moonlight. A smile curved her lips, and she took a step back and splashed him in the face before giggling and trying to run away in the waist-deep water.
“I’m going to get you for that!” He laughed as he dove after her.
They chased and splashed each other and swam near the shoreline until Cindy began to shiver. Then they returned to the quilt and wrapped themselves in towels.
“Try one of my whoopie pies,” she insisted, handing him one.
“Thank you.” He removed the plastic wrap and enjoyed the sweet taste of chocolate and delicious cream filling. “Wow. This is amazing. Can you bring me one of these every day for the rest of my life?”
“That’s kind of a tall order.” She bit into one and then looked out over the lake.
“No, I think you can do it.” He leaned back and studied her. “What’s on your mind?”
“I was just thinking about how much fun I’ve had the past two nights. I want to do this for the rest of my life.”
“Lose sleep?”
“If it means being with you.”
He smiled. “Did you like the movie night or the swimming better?”
She met his gaze. “I don’t want to choose.”
“That’s fair.” He took another bite of the whoopie pie and looked out at the moonlight sparkling on the lake, trying to think of a location for their next date.
“Drew, thank you for making me so happy.”
His eyes snapped to hers. “I think I need to thank you.”
She set the remaining piece of her whoopie pie on a napkin and scooted over to him. As she kissed him, he closed his eyes and smiled against her lips. His heart swelled with happiness and love.
sixteen
“I appreciate your taking me shopping today,” Gertrude told Drew as he loaded her groceries into his pickup truck Thursday morning.
“You know I don’t mind.” Drew put the last bag into the back seat and then turned toward her. “Do you need to go anywhere else?”
“Hmm.” She turned toward the street and then looked back at him. “I am craving some ham loaf. Would you like to go to lunch? It’ll be my treat.”
“Oh, no. I can’t let you buy me lunch.”
“Ya, you can and you will. I’m your employer, and you have to do what I say.” Her smile widened into a grin.
“Yes, ma’am. I am not one to argue with my boss.”
“That’s right.” She chuckled as she walked to the passenger side and climbed in. “The groceries will be fine. I didn’t buy anything perishable.”
Drew scrambled into the driver’s seat and started the engine. “Where are we headed?”
“How about the Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant?”
Drew suppressed a smile as his thoughts meandered back to Cindy. He’d enjoyed the past three evenings spent on secret dates with her. The night before, they’d driven around for two hours. He’d taken her past the house where he lived with his aunt. They shared more of their favorite childhood memories and she talked more about her mother, telling him about special moments that had made her growing-up years happy and full. He felt as if they had reached a more meaningful depth in their relationship, his love for her growing each day.
But at the back of his mind, he still wondered how they could sustain their secret meetings and lack of sleep in the long term. If they continued to meet well into the middle of the night, not only would they be stuck in a dead-end relationship, but they’d continue to run the risk of getting caught.
“Do you like the Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant?” Gertrude’s question slammed him back to reality.
“Yes, I do.” He forced a smile. “It sounds perfect.”
“Gut.”
Drew drove to the restaurant, where they were seated in a booth by the window, next to the booth where he and Cindy had eaten lunch a little more than six weeks ago. How their relationship had transformed since that day!
When the server arrived to take their order, Drew chose the first item he saw on the menu. Then he picked up his glass of water and took a drink.
Gertrude looked at him, and her expression grew serious. “Ervin and I have noticed you’ve gone out late every night this week. Your truck leaves the driveway around midnight and then returns after two in the morning. Where have you been going?”
Drew froze, his glass suspended in his still hand in front of him. Alarm writhed in him as he stared at Gertrude.
“Drew, I need you to tell me the truth.” Gertrude’s words were slow and steady. “Have you been sneaking out to see Cindy Riehl?”
The air seized in his lungs as he debated how to respond. But the truth was the only option. How could he lie to his generous employer and friend?
“Yes, I have.” Drew leaned forward on the table as panic screamed through him. “Who else knows? Does her family know? Did her father ask you to speak to me? Has the bishop found out?” His words tumbled out of his mouth at a fast clip.
Gertrude held up her hands. “Calm down. Ervin and I have discussed this only with each other. I haven’t spoken to Florence since I saw her at church. No one asked me to speak to you. Talking to you today was my idea.”
Drew felt his body relax slightly, yet worry held on. “How long have you known?”
“We’ve had a feeling for a while.” Gertrude took a breath. “Ervin told me he spoke to you about Cindy, and he was hoping you would stop the relationship. When he checked on you late Sunday night, I was certain I had heard two people talking outside—but then you told him you were talking to Bruce. Ervin had a feeling you hadn’t told the truth and you were protecting Cindy. When we noticed you taking late-night trips in your truck this week, we put it all together. Since we’re concerned about you and Cindy, I thought I should talk to you myself.”
Shame rested heavily on Drew’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell Ervin the truth Sunday night. Cindy had come to visit me. I never should have lied. You and Ervin are important to me, and I don’t want to lose your trust.” He paused and sucked in a deep breath. “I never meant to disrespect your community. It just sort of happened.” He held up his hand. “Please don’t get the wrong impression. Nothing inappropriate has happened between us.”
“I believe you,” Gertrude said. “You’re a gut man.”
“Are you going to fire me?” He held his breath. While he’d recover from losing his job, he’d miss the farm and his life there.
“No, of course not.” Gertrude studied him for a moment, and he shifted his weight. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.” Drew slumped back on the bench seat and rubbed at a throbbing in his temple.
“You do realize that if she chooses you over the church, she’ll lose her family. Do you want to be responsible for pulling her away from them?”
“No.” His voice quaked. “I’d give anything to have my parents and my aunt back. I’d never expect anyone to lose their family for me.”
“I know. You’re not a selfish person.”
“I’ve felt bad about seeing Cindy ever since Ervin told me what could happen to her. But I don’t know what to do. We’ve built a wonderful relationship, and I can’t imagine my life without her now. I’m in so deep that letting her go would be painful. But at the same time, I realize we can’t sneak around forever. A relationship can’t grow if it’s based only on secret moments spent to
gether in private. We’re stuck.”
Gertrude looked down at the table and then back up at him. “You know you have to end it, right?”
Drew nodded as his heart seemed to shrink.
“It will take only one of Cindy’s family members seeing her climbing into your truck and sneaking off with you for everything to come crashing down on her.”
“The last thing I want is for her to suffer because of me.” He moved his hand over the stubble on his chin. “But I can’t let her go without talking to her one last time. I need to tell her I care about her, but I can’t risk hurting her. I’ll pick her up for one last date, and then I’ll tell her I can’t see her anymore.”
Gertrude shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a gut idea. You need to stop the midnight meetings now. Ervin and I have heard your truck leave the driveway and return. It’s a wonder her family hasn’t heard your truck too. I’m surprised Kayla or Jamie hasn’t heard you when they’re up in the middle of the night with one of the children, especially baby Alice. Do you really want to risk Jamie seeing his younger sister sneaking home at two in the morning?”
Drew wanted to hide under the table. Why hadn’t he considered that Jamie and Kayla could have caught Cindy? He’d been so focused on seeing Cindy that he hadn’t truly considered the risk they’d been taking, even at such late hours. He rubbed at his temple as his headache flared.
“You’re right. I can’t see her again, but I don’t know how I can explain my concerns and intentions to her, then.” He clenched his jaw as despondency made his very bones seem to ache. “If I don’t pick her up tonight, then I don’t know how to get in touch with her. Her father would run me off his property if I showed up there. I have no way to talk to her unless I run into her by accident.”
“I can help you with that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can find an excuse to deliver a letter to her. You write the letter, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
“Thank you.” Drew nodded. “I’ll do that.” But how could he possibly put all his feelings into writing?
* * *
Drew stared at the blank piece of paper and rested his head in his hands. He’d been staring at it for nearly an hour, but he couldn’t seem to form the right words to tell Cindy he cared for her, even though he had to end their relationship. He didn’t want to break it off with her, but it was the right thing to do. He had to save her from losing her family.
When he heard a whine, he looked over at his dog. Bruce was sitting by the front door.
“I know. I miss her too.”
Bruce whined again and then hunkered down on his belly and sighed.
“I feel the same way, buddy.”
Drew looked down at the paper and finally began writing.
Dear Cindy,
This is the most difficult letter I’ve ever had to write. I’ve sat here staring at the paper for an hour, trying to figure out how to tell you how much you mean to me. How can I describe the light and happiness you’ve brought into my life since that day you ran up the driveway yelling for Cucumber? It seems impossible to put it into words, but I’ll do my best.
I told you that you were my light when you gave me the beautiful quilt, and I meant it. You’ve been a beacon to me when I thought I would never find anyone I could consider my family.
When my aunt died, I felt alone once again—an orphan in a cold world. It sounds ridiculous to say I’m an orphan at my age, but that’s how it feels when you lose the last of your family.
You’ve become my best friend, my closest confidante. Our late-night talks and special dates have been the highlight of my days, and I’ve enjoyed sharing so much time with you. I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you, and I hope you already know that. But that’s also why I’m writing to you.
Gertrude told me she and Ervin knew I lied to Ervin the night you hid in my bedroom. She also admitted she and Ervin have heard my truck leaving late at night. She warned me that we need to stop sneaking out before you get into trouble. She made me realize your family could easily catch you slipping into my truck, and I can’t run the risk of your losing them.
As much as it hurts me to say good-bye, we have to stop meeting. Please understand I’m not breaking off our friendship to hurt you. I’m doing this to protect you. I don’t want to cause you any more problems with your family.
You mentioned Sarah Jane encouraged you to go with her to youth group, join the church, and find an Amish man who will love you and take care of you. You said she even knows a man who might be good for you. I think she’s correct. I can’t be a part of your community, so it only makes sense that you find someone who is, someone who will love you openly for the rest of your life.
I will always cherish our friendship, and I’ll never stop caring about you. The quilt you gave me will remind me of the time we spent together and how your light gave me back the hope I lost when I lost my parents and aunt. Please don’t forget me.
Always,
Drew
With tears in his eyes, Drew folded the letter, sealed it into an envelope, and carried it over to the Lapps’ house. When Gertrude opened the back door, his gut soured as he handed her the letter.
She gave him a sad smile. “This is for the best, you know.”
“Right,” he said.
But did Gertrude know his heart had never felt so broken?
seventeen
“Gertrude! Hello.” Cindy opened the back door the following morning. “Wie geht’s?”
“I’m doing well. And you?” Gertrude adjusted a quilt slung over her arm.
“I’m gut. What brings you here today?” Cindy searched Gertrude’s face. Did her visit have something to do with Drew? Her heart fluttered at the thought. She’d waited at her window for Drew’s truck last night, but she’d been disappointed. He never appeared through the darkness.
At first she was worried, but then she decided Drew must have fallen asleep. After all, they had met at midnight three nights in a row, and the lack of sleep had to have caught up with him. Hopefully, Drew had rested up and would resume their midnight rendezvous tonight.
“I want to know if you can repair this.” Gertrude gestured toward the quilt. “It has a tear in it, and it’s special to me. My favorite aenti gave it to me many years ago when I was around your age.”
“I’d be froh to fix it for you.” Cindy touched the quilt. “May I see the tear?”
“Could we go up to your sewing room?”
“Of course.” Cindy nodded slowly as she studied Gertrude’s expression. Was there a hidden message in the request? Or was Cindy imagining it? She gestured for Gertrude to follow her through the mudroom and into the kitchen.
“Gertrude,” Florence exclaimed when they stepped into the kitchen. “How nice to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you as well.” Gertrude gave Florence a generous smile. “I stopped by to see if Cindy has a few spare minutes to repair my quilt.”
“Oh.” Florence gestured toward the counter, where potato salad and a basket of rolls sat. “You must stay for lunch. We can get caught up.”
“Ervin’s gone to town, so that would be wunderbaar. Danki.” Gertrude looked at Cindy. “Could you please look at my quilt before lunch?”
“Ya.” Cindy led Gertrude up to her sewing room, where she sat down at the machine and waved to the chair beside her. “Let’s have a look at that tear.”
Gertrude unfolded the quilt and pointed to a small split in the hem. “Can you fix this?”
Cindy looked down at the hem and then up at Gertrude. “Ya, but this is an easy repair. Don’t you sew?”
“I do.” Gertrude pulled an envelope out of her apron. “This is what I actually came to bring you.”
Cindy stared at the envelope and her name written on the front. “I don’t understand.”
Gertrude leaned in closer. “I know you’ve been sneaking out to see Drew at night.” She pointed to the envelope. “Drew wrote you a letter.�
��
“He did?” Her pulse tripped and trotted.
“Ya.” Gertrude stood. “I’ll go downstairs and keep Florence busy. You read his letter and then write a response. You can hide the letter in the quilt, and I’ll make sure Drew gets it.”
Appreciation filled Cindy’s chest as she reached over and touched Gertrude’s arm. “Danki for doing this.”
Gertrude gave her a sad smile. “I know it’s difficult to let go, but don’t risk your family for an Englisher. Mei schweschder did.” She shook her head. “She left the community and even married him, and they wound up divorced. My parents never forgave her. Don’t do that to your dat.”
Fear squeezed the air from her lungs. For a moment she’d thought Gertrude was an ally, but she wasn’t.
“Take your time reading it and responding. I’ll be downstairs with Florence.”
“Danki.” Cindy’s hands trembled as she gingerly opened the envelope. She unfolded the letter and took in Drew’s slanted handwriting. She ran her fingers over the ink, imagining Drew sitting at his kitchen table as he wrote.
She took a deep breath and then read the letter, letting his words fill her mind as she imagined his voice saying them aloud.
When she reached the end of the letter, tears were already rolling down her cheeks. Drew had ended their relationship. She would never see him again. How was she going to cope without him in her life?
Grabbing a handful of tissues from the box on the table, she wiped her eyes and nose. Then she stared at the letter. She had to compose a reply, but how?
Closing her eyes, she opened her heart to God.
God, I don’t want to let Drew go, but like him, right now I don’t see how we can ever be together. Please give me the words to tell him how much he means to me, and help me encourage him to keep asking you to find a way, just as I’m asking you now . . . if it’s your will.