by Amy Clipston
With his muscles burning as if they were on fire, he turned and started down the driveway.
“Wait!” Jamie ran after him. “Please, Drew. Wait.”
Drew balled his hands into fists and kept walking. He needed to get away from Cindy’s family before he said something he would regret later.
“If you really love my sister, then you should convert,” Jamie called after him. “If you were Amish, then you could be together, and she wouldn’t lose her family.”
Drew spun toward Jamie as white-hot anger boiled his blood. “Cindy isn’t even sure she wants to be Amish, so why would I convert?” He gestured widely with his arms. “Why can’t we be together anyway? Why can’t you Riehls accept me as I am?”
Jamie shook his head, his face stony. “This is our culture. This is how we live.”
Drew gave a sardonic laugh. “Your culture makes no sense to me. You call yourselves Christians, but you refuse to accept someone who isn’t a member of your church. You think Cindy is leaving, but the truth is you’re pushing her away by not accepting her love for me. Why don’t you think about that?”
Drew turned and continued down the driveway, sure Jamie was staring.
As Drew dodged puddles, he looked up at the sky. The rain had stopped, and the sun peeked out from behind a gray cloud. The sunshine almost felt like a promise from God that everything would somehow make sense in time.
Drew made his way to his house, where he opened the front door and allowed Bruce to run out. Then he grabbed his laptop, returned to the porch, and sat down in a rocker. He switched on his laptop, and a spark of renewed excitement rolled through him as he began researching how to get a marriage license.
Tonight, he and Cindy would plan their future. He just had to make sure she was certain she would leave her church and family for him, that she hadn’t said yes in the heat of the moment, in defiance of her father.
And if she changed her mind, he would have to find a way to move on with a broken heart.
* * *
“Cindy!” Dat’s voice echoed off the kitchen walls. “Cindy! Don’t you run away from me. We’re going to talk now.”
Cindy spun toward him, her knees jiggling at the pace of hummingbird wings. She lifted her chin and tried to muster all the confidence she could dig up.
“You’re making a mistake.” Dat’s words were measured. “Right now you think you’re in love, but you’re wrong. You’re just confused. I know your mamm’s death was tough on you, but that’s not a reason to leave the church.”
“Don’t do that! Don’t blame this on Mamm!” Anger exploded from Cindy as hot tears welled up in her eyes. “I’ve felt like a stranger in this haus for years. When I met Drew, I finally felt whole again.”
“You’re rushing into this.” Florence’s brown eyes were empathetic. “You don’t really know how you feel yet. You’re so young, and you think you’re in love—”
“Really?” Cindy wiped away tears that had begun to trickle down her face. “How old were you when you married Alphus?”
“Well, I was . . . um . . .” Florence blinked.
“How old?” Cindy asked again.
“I was twenty-five.” Florence and Dat exchanged a look.
“I’m twenty-four. So how can I be too young to know how I feel? Would you say the same thing to Sarah Jane?” Cindy shook her head. “You two just don’t understand me. That’s the whole problem.”
“We don’t understand why you would choose to leave the only community you’ve known your entire life,” Dat said. “How can you just abandon your church? It’s part of you. It’s in your heart. How can that be so easy for you?”
“It’s not easy.” Cindy took a shaky breath. “It’s difficult, but I feel God is leading me to Drew. How can I ignore God’s call?”
“You’re breaking my heart.” Dat’s eyes misted over, and then he wiped them with his fingers.
Cindy closed her eyes as memories of her mother’s death swamped her. Her father had cried so many times in the days following Mamm’s accident. How could Cindy inflict the same pain on him?
No! I can’t let him stop me from seeking my own happiness!
She opened her eyes. “This is my decision, and I need you to support me.”
“I can’t bless this,” Dat said. “If you do this, you’re on your own.”
Cindy nodded. “I understand.” She started toward the stairs, and as she ascended, her heart cracked with each step.
“I never had this problem with Laura,” Dat called after her from the bottom of the stairwell. “She never even hinted at the idea of leaving the church. She was baptized with the rest of her freinden when she was a teenager.”
Cindy spun, her blood pressure spiking. “Stop comparing me to Laura! I’m not Laura, and I never will be.” She looked at Florence, standing beside Dat. “I’m not Sarah Jane either.” A sob caught her breath, but she went on. “I’m sorry I’m not the perfect dochder!”
Before they could respond, she ran up the remaining stairs.
When Cindy reached her room, she fell onto her bed and turned on her side. She looked out the window at the sun peeking from behind the clouds, and her thoughts turned to her mother’s beautiful face.
“Mamm,” she whispered. “I miss you. If only you were here to listen to me and offer your sound advice. I’m sorry for disrespecting Dat. I’m sorry for hurting everyone. I just want to find the happiness Jamie, Mark, and Laura have. I just want to be froh again. If only they understood.”
Closing her eyes, Cindy prayed her father would forgive her someday and let her and Drew be a part of the family.
twenty
Cindy’s heart kicked as she knocked on Drew’s door later that evening. She held the crumbly peach pie she’d baked that morning in her hands, and her stomach growled as she breathed in the sweet aroma.
Somewhere inside the house, Bruce barked.
The door opened, and Drew appeared, now dressed in jeans and a light pullover sweater, his hair slightly damp as though he’d just taken a shower. He looked handsome, but then, he always did.
“Hi,” he said as he swung his storm door wide.
“Hi.” She handed him the pie. “I made this earlier today, and I thought you might like it.”
“It smells amazing. Come in. I’ll put the pie on the table.”
Cindy stepped in and smiled at Bruce as he sat erect and seemed to smile at her.
“Hi, Bruce.” She patted his head as tears welled in her eyes. She’d spent all afternoon sewing and crying while trying to convince her soul that she could go on without her family. Would Drew’s love be enough to comfort her for the rest of her life?
The question sent a flood of tears pouring down her face.
“Cindy.” Drew appeared beside her. “You all right?”
Cindy wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek on his shoulder as she tried to control the tears.
He rubbed her back. “I promise it’s all going to work out.”
She closed her eyes and inhaled his fresh scent. She felt as if she’d come home. This was where she belonged. This man was her future, her heart. She sighed deeply and relaxed into him.
She looked up at his handsome face and took in his gorgeous ice-blue eyes. She imagined her future—a home, children, a life with him. Yes, this was what she’d prayed for.
His brow furrowed. “Have you changed your mind? I thought maybe—”
“What?” She stepped back and stared up at him.
He took her hands and led her to the sofa, where they sat down beside each other. Then he angled his body toward her.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking this afternoon.” He rubbed his chin. “I realize what you’re giving up for me. It’s okay if you change your mind. I know what it’s like to lose your entire family, and I hate to see you go through that pain for me.”
“No.” She touched his cheek. “I want this. I want to be your wife and build a life with you. I’m certain God led me to you, and
I don’t plan to walk away.”
He gestured around the room. “I don’t have much to offer. As long as they’ll let me, I’ll keep working part-time for the Lapps, and we can live here until I finish school. Then we can find a bigger place when I get a full-time job.”
“This is perfect.” She whistled to Bruce, and he came to sit at her feet. “We have Bruce. What else could we need?”
He laughed, and warmth surged through her.
“I’ll keep sewing too.” She pointed to the doorways beyond the family room. “Could I set up my sewing machine in one of your extra bedrooms?”
“Of course.” He touched her hand. “This will be your house too. You can do whatever you want.” He stood and lifted her to her feet. “Why don’t we eat while we make our plans?”
She walked to the small dining area and gaped when she found the table set for two with beautiful white dishes decorated with little blue flowers. Two white candles burned in the center of the table, and a pan of lasagna sat in the center of the table next to a basket of garlic bread.
“This is beautiful.” She touched his chest. “You cook?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “My aunt taught me soon after I came to live with her. It was sort of our bonding time, when we’d get to know each other. Cooking was a neutral subject we could discuss without all the emotions of what I had been through. She left me these dishes, and she taught me how to set a table too.” He pulled her chair back and then motioned for her to sit. “Please.”
“Thank you.” She sat down.
“I also got a special drink to celebrate the occasion.” He stepped into the kitchen and then returned with two wineglasses and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. “I hope you like grape.”
“I do.” She folded her hands in her lap as he poured the juice.
Then he sat down beside her and poured himself a glass.
Cindy bowed her head for a silent prayer and then looked up at him. “Everything smells delicious.”
He served her a piece of lasagna and a piece of bread before serving himself. They ate in silence for a few minutes, and she glanced around the house, trying to imagine it as her home.
“What happened after I left today? You were upset when you got here.” His tone seemed strained.
“My father lectured me for a while, and we argued. I spent the afternoon working in my sewing room. He and Florence didn’t speak to me when I left to come here.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“Yes and no. I sort of expected it.” She sighed. “At least he’s not yelling at me anymore.” She looked down at her plate. “This is so good.”
“I’ll teach you how to make it.”
“I can’t wait.” She imagined standing in the kitchen with Drew while he taught her to cook, and happiness coursed through her.
“I researched how to get a marriage license.”
“Oh?”
“I thought maybe we could go next week.” He explained they had to go to the county courthouse and would need to bring certain documents with them. “I also thought we could talk to my pastor about a small wedding. Would you like that?”
“Ya, that would be nice.” Excitement simmered through her. They were going to do this! They were going to be married. She was finally going to have the full life her siblings had, and she couldn’t wait to begin it with Drew.
“I have something for you.” He pulled a small pouch from his pocket. “I know you don’t believe in wearing jewelry, but I want to give you something special that belonged to my mother.” He took out a small gold cross on a chain. “My mother never took this off.”
Cindy touched the necklace and love swept over her, leaving her speechless.
His expression clouded with what looked like disappointment. “Oh, maybe you can’t wear it. I understand.” He went to slip the necklace back into the pouch.
“Wait.” She reached for the necklace. “I love it. I would be honored to wear it.”
“Are you sure?” He held it up again.
“Ya, I am. Would you please put it on me?”
He stood and slipped behind her chair. Then he put the necklace around her neck and fastened the chain.
She ran her fingers over the cross and smiled up at him. “It’s beautiful.”
“You deserve so much more.” He sank back into his chair.
“All I want is your heart,” she whispered.
His expression grew intense, stealing the air from her lungs. When his lips swept over hers, she closed her eyes and savored the feeling. How she loved kissing her fiancé!
When he broke the kiss, he traced her cheek with the tip of his finger. “I promise I will cherish you forever.”
She nodded, her heart racing, overcome by the bittersweet feel of the moment.
* * *
Cindy hugged her sweater against her chest as she walked up her father’s driveway later that evening. She reached up and touched the cross necklace, then smiled. She and Drew had talked about their future for hours. She could hardly wait to start the rest of her life with him, to change her last name and move into her new home.
Her gaze moved to her father’s house, and she felt her lips collapse into a flat line. While she looked forward to her new life with Drew, she would miss her family and the house where she’d been born and raised. Releasing her old life would leave a scar on her heart.
She dismissed the sad thoughts for the moment. She was finally going to live the happy life she’d always dreamt of having. She couldn’t allow her family to steal her newfound happiness and hope. She tucked the necklace beneath her dress and then touched her collarbone. Although she would hide the necklace when she stepped into her father’s house, she would keep it close to her heart. The necklace was a reminder not only of Drew’s love for her, but of God’s comfort and love. He had brought Drew into her life, and she was so grateful.
“Cindy!”
She turned toward her brother’s house and spotted Jamie standing on his porch, where three lanterns illuminated all three of her siblings. She clenched her fists as she pivoted back toward her father’s house and started down the path, away from Jamie, Mark, and Laura.
“Cindy!” Jamie bellowed. “Please come here.”
“We just want to talk to you,” Mark chimed in.
“Please, Cindy,” Laura added.
Cindy stilled and closed her eyes. Should she go and talk to them? She was done debating her decisions, but maybe she should listen to what her siblings had to say. After all, they did care about her.
She pivoted again and made her way down the path leading to Jamie’s house, lightly touching where the cross lay beneath her dress as she walked. She stopped when she reached the bottom step of Jamie’s porch.
“What do you want?” She fingered her apron as she looked at each of her siblings.
The twins exchanged a look, and then Laura met her gaze.
“Tell me it’s not true.” Laura pushed her rocker into motion and rubbed her belly. “Tell me you’re not leaving the community for that Englisher.”
Glaring at her sister, Cindy crossed her arms over her chest as if to protect her heart. “His name is Drew, and ya, I’m going to marry him.”
Laura stood. “Why would you choose to leave us all behind?”
“Have you really thought this through?” Mark asked.
Cindy held up her hands. “I didn’t come over here for the three of you to gang up on me.” She took a step back. “Gut nacht.”
“Wait.” Mark started down the steps after her. “Don’t leave. We just want to talk to you. We’re trying to understand why you made this decision. We care about you, and we don’t want to lose you. You’re our baby sister. Of course we’re upset to hear you plan to leave us. Why wouldn’t you expect us to be concerned? If we weren’t, it would mean we didn’t care about you.”
Cindy’s heart twisted. Mark was right. She would be hurt if her siblings didn’t care, but she also didn’t want to argue with them. Why was
all of this so confusing?
“Who called you?” she asked Mark.
Mark pointed at Jamie. “He did.”
“Dat was upset when you left to meet Drew for supper.” Jamie sank down onto a rocking chair. “I thought maybe the three of us could talk you out of leaving.” He leaned forward, resting his palms on his thighs. “You’re our family, Cindy. How can you expect us to just let you go?”
“Exactly.” Laura’s voice sounded nearly strangled with emotion. “I want mei kinner to know you. How can you leave all your bruderskinner? They love you so much.”
Cindy pressed at an ache in the center of her chest, feeling the cross. “I’m not deliberately leaving you. These are just the rules of our community.” She pointed to each of them. “Didn’t you each fall in love and marry the person you chose for the rest of your life?”
Mark held up his hands. “Priscilla and I were forced to get married.”
“But it worked out, didn’t it?” Cindy asked.
Mark gave her a sarcastic laugh. “I don’t think this comparison is fair. You’re going to leave the life you’ve known since birth for a man you’ve barely known four months, right?” He looked over at Jamie. “Didn’t you say they met in June?”
Jamie nodded.
“How can you marry someone you hardly know?” Laura asked.
Cindy’s eyes narrowed at her sister. “I know him well enough. I know his heart.”
“Four months, Cindy. You’re leaving your family for a man you’ve known for four months.” Mark held up four fingers. “Don’t you think you might regret this decision?”
“No, I don’t think I’ll regret it at all.” Cindy shook her head as a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach overtook her. It felt like an iron bar. “He makes me froh. Doesn’t that count for something? Why shouldn’t I have the right to marry the person I’ve chosen?”
“If you leave, it will be difficult to come back,” Jamie said. “Especially if you’re married.”
“What if you and Drew have kinner?” Laura added. “Don’t you want your kinner to know your family? Since Drew doesn’t have any family, your kinner won’t have any relatives. Have you even considered that?”