by Megan McCoy
Could she? Probably not. So she needed to double down on getting Mac to marry her. But not tonight. Hearing the doorknob turn, she shut her eyes quickly and evened her breath to fake sleep. Why? She couldn’t even figure out her life, much less why she was pretending to be asleep.
“Hey, princess,” Mac’s voice rumbled in her ear and she opened her eyes to look at him. He carried a tray and the amazing aroma of food wafted to her. Food. Her stomach obligingly growled again and he laughed. “Sit up and eat something.”
Frowning, she whined, “I can’t sit up, my bottom hurts.”
“I could put the plate on the floor, and put you over my knee to eat,” he suggested. “I rather enjoy you there.”
“No, thank you, but I’d really like to change,” she said. As if he’d heard her thinking earlier, he walked over to his drawer and pulled out a T-shirt. “Go change in there,” he said, pointing to the master bath.
Wondering where her panties were, she scampered into the bathroom, and pulled off her sundress and slipped on his shirt. Yeah, that felt a lot better. Heck with her panties, where were her sandals? How did she lose most of her clothes during a spanking? It made no sense. She looked in the mirror, which was a lot bigger and nicer than the mirror in the downstairs powder room, at her bottom. Ow! Those were some pretty decent marks and she was pretty sure she’d have a couple of bruises in the morning. Why did that sort of please her? It didn’t, of course, he’d hurt her. A lot.
“Food’s getting cold,” he called.
She hurried out of the bathroom, making sure his shirt was well tugged down, not that he hadn’t seen everything already anyway.
He’d made her a kabob! Steak, mushroom, onion, pepper, tomato and zucchini. It looked and smelled amazing. “Ow,” she said, as she sat down on the bed where he’d put the tray. “Stop smiling. It hurts to sit.” Sliding the first piece of steak off the skewer, she sighed in happiness. Her belly and her mouth had needed that.
“When was the last time you ate?” he asked.
“Breakfast,” she admitted. “I was too upset to eat lunch yesterday, then someone made me go to bed without supper.”
She took another bite. “Who taught you to make skewers? These are great.”
“Actually Ryan made them. He’s been taking cooking classes, hoping to meet women.”
Jessie rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s one way of going about it. At least he seems to have learned something.” She stopped and stared at Mac. “Does he know about... you know…”
“About me blistering your cute ass? He might suspect but won’t say anything,” Mac said.
Jessie blushed. “I don’t like that.”
“What, the spanking or Ryan knowing?”
“Don’t tease me, and both.” She was starting to feel much better. Amazing what a good cry, a few hours of sleep and some food did to a person’s mood.
“So how did it end up with Kelly?” she asked. “Do we think she’s going to sue us for custody or what?”
“I don’t know,” he said, slowly. “Right now, my plan is to proceed with the adoption and act like nothing has changed.” Jessie looked at him, really wanting to ask about her rights, her need to be in Sam’s life, his need for some stability in his life and all the love she could shower on him. But she opened her mouth and took another bite of mushroom instead. There would be a better time, a time when she wasn’t sitting half naked on his bed with an aching bottom. Right? Probably. I mean, she’d already asked him to marry her twice. It was the only way that she could think of to get legal rights to Sam. Marry Mac, adopt Sam, live happily ever after. She squirmed, would he spank her after they got married? Maybe so. Maybe she would put it in their wedding vows that he wasn’t allowed to do that. Would the preacher allow that? Because, yes, she knew they would be getting married, as soon as she could get him to come to his senses. Everyone knew that whatever she set her eye on and worked toward, she achieved. She’d finish her Masters then maybe get her PHD. She’d marry Mac and be Sam’s legal mom. You don’t mess with Jess. That was a given.
Was she being fair to Sam? Only thinking of what she wanted and needed? No, she was doing what she knew Carly would want for him, to grow up in a stable, two parent household, with security and love. Who wouldn’t want that for their child? Sam had a lot of loss in his young life, and even though he might not know it now, except perhaps on some primitive level, he would as he got older. She knew some adopted kids had issues when they got older, though many, most, didn’t, if he did, she wanted a good strong background of love to help him deal with it. That wasn’t being selfish, that was being practical and having her best friend’s back, like she always had.
Mac sat watching her. “You are gorgeous, you know.”
Looking up, surprised, she asked, “Where did that come from? I’m in your shirt, eating with my fingers and I know my hair is a mess.”
He just shrugged, so she said, “But thank you.” Flipping her hair like an actress on a beach, she said, teasingly, “Sometimes glamour just comes from within.”
Yeah, she’d wait until another time to ask him about that marriage thing again. Third time was probably a charm, after all.
Finishing the last piece of meat, she stretched a little while Mac took the plate from her and put it on the dresser. She glanced over at the monitor. “I should go to bed. Sam will be up in a couple hours.”
Mac sat down beside her and pulled her in his arms. “You are in bed.”
Jess stretched, smiling, trying not to disturb Mac who snored softly beside her. Glancing over at the clock, she panicked, Sam! It was five o’clock and he never slept this long. She looked at the monitor and he was in his crib, but the sound was off she couldn’t hear him breathing. Jumping out of bed, she hurried out of the room, down the hall and slipped into his room. She could hear him breathing and let out a breath. Maybe this was the start of sleeping through the night. That would make life better for everyone, more awake time for him during the day, and more sleep for Mommy and Daddy. Mommy? Where had that come from? Her dreams? Yeah.
Letting him sleep, she went to the bathroom and stepped in the shower, though she almost hated washing off the smell of Mac on her. Last night had been amazing, but for that spanking thing earlier. But he had been everything she had ever desired in a lover. Was he her lover? Was it a one-time thing? She wasn’t going to overthink, but she did need a shower and some coffee. She’d slept a long time yesterday, too and even though it was early, she felt wide awake and energized. Today was Mac’s last day off from his long weekend and Ryan would be leaving first thing in the morning, he’d said. She assumed they would be wanting to do something together today, they hadn’t had much male bonding time this weekend.
Poor Ryan, walking into what she considered a shit storm. Padding across the hall to her room, she found some shorts and a t-shirt and her favorite pair of sneakers. She’d go make some cinnamon rolls and check her email while the dough rose, she decided, grabbing her laptop. Maybe she’d heard about a job. She probably needed to send out some more résumés. The summer was flying by and if she and Mac didn’t get married, she needed to have a job. Well, she needed a job if they did get married. Hard to believe just a few weeks ago, she knew exactly how her life was, how it would go, and loved it. She loved her job, her house, her little circle of very good friends, her social life and her hobbies. Now, she didn’t have a job, was all but living somewhere else, hadn’t seen her friends but once this summer and had no clue what the next months would bring. But for some reason, she wasn’t stressed about any of it right then. Why? Because she was stupid? A smart person would be worried.
Or was it the endorphins from both – the really mean spanking Mac had given her and the really sweet, tender love making he’d also given her? That was probably the correct answer, she decided. See, she wasn’t stupid. Just high on endorphins. Made perfect sense. Once dressed, she pulled her hair back and checked on Sam again, before she headed downstairs to start coffee. Still sleeping.
Once in the kitchen, she flipped that monitor on, so she could watch him sleep and turned on the small TV in the corner so she could catch up on the news. Rainy day ahead. That was okay, she felt like nesting, but hoped the guys hadn’t planned a golf day or something. Well, she’d find out in a few hours when they got up. It had been nice having Ryan here. Kelly, not so much. She really missed her social group. If she’d been home this summer, she’d be going out for brunch after church with her gang of five other teachers, playing on her softball team two nights a week, working in her little flower garden and helping out her friend Anne at her farmer’s market stand on Saturday mornings, hosting her book club every third week and attending at someone else’s house the other three. She wondered what book they were reading now. She was so out of the loop, she felt as if she’d never get back in. Plus she’d be doing lesson plans and in a couple weeks going in to decorate her room for the upcoming year. None of those things were happening this summer and a wave of homesickness came over her so hard, she could barely breathe. Busying herself by kneading dough, she glanced over at the monitor. Still not stirring. He’d probably skip his morning nap today and that was okay. She needed to make up some bottles for today, too, after she got the dough rising.
She’d put his diapers, wipes and other things babies needed on an auto ship, so if she wasn’t around soon, she wouldn’t have to worry about him running out of things.
Sighing, she rolled the dough into a clean, oiled bowl, covered it and put it on the counter to rise. What was wrong with her? Half the time she thought she’d be here forever, half the time she wanted to go home so badly, she almost cried, and the other half of the time, she thought, what? Both things at once? Something like that. Deciding to go all out, she got sausage and bacon from the fridge and decided to make an egg casserole. Ryan’s going away breakfast since he was leaving very early in the morning. She poured herself another cup of coffee and then saw Ryan walk in the room. She tried not to blush, knowing he’d heard or knew that Mac had spanked her yesterday. Act as if, Jess, she told herself.
“Good morning,” she said cheerfully. “Coffee?”
“Please,” he said. “Where’s your sidekick?”
“Still sleeping,” she pointed to the monitor. “First time sleeping through the night. I’m celebrating with cinnamon rolls this morning, but they won’t be done for a while.”
“That’s okay, I had a late dinner, just looking for coffee right now.” He sat down at the counter with his cup, and Jess felt him watching her while she chopped onions, peppers and mushrooms, then the bacon and sausage that she scraped into a preheated pan.
“So, what happened with you and Kelly yesterday?” he finally asked.
Sighing, Jess got the eggs and cheese out, then a big bowl. “Nothing,” she admitted. “She seems perfectly nice.”
“And yet,” he probed.
“I don’t trust her, Ryan. I just don’t. She could ruin Sam’s life.”
“That’s a bit dramatic,” Ryan said. “If she did decide to go to court over Sam, and they decided she was the most fit parent, his life wouldn’t be ruined. However, Jess, I really don’t think she’s going to do that. She says she doesn’t want kids, and she didn’t seem to want anything more than for him to have a good home and to get to know him as he grows. I want the same for him,” he added. “The more love the little guy gets the better, don’t you think?”
She knew she’d look like a major jerk if she said no, so she just nodded and whipped the eggs harder than probably necessary. Draining the meat, she added it, and the veggies to the egg mix, whipped it again, added the cheese, salt and pepper and poured it into the crockpot she had ready. Bottle making time.
“That was convincing,” Ryan said.
She got the clean bottles out and started mixing his formula to pour in it. “I love him. I take care of him basically alone 24/7 for now and have no legal rights to him. She doesn’t know him, has never changed a diaper, has given him one bottle and if something happened to Mac, she could sweep in here and take him from me. Tell me again why I should welcome her with open arms?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Ryan said, slowly. “Nothing is going to happen to Mac, though.”
“Like nothing would happen to Sam’s dad or Carly? Or Carly’s mom who got early on set dementia before she was fifty? Like Carly’s dad who dropped dead on the golf course?”
“Well, you have a point,” Ryan said. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“We are going to figure it out,” Mac said, coming down with Sam in his arms. Jess felt a pang, she hadn’t heard or seen him stirring. She held her arms out. “You ready for a bottle, little man?” He smiled at her and her heart melted again. Mac passed him over to her and walked over to finish the bottle making.
Nothing felt better than this baby in her arms. She kissed the top of his head and then his fat cheek, and cooed, “Bottle is coming, Daddy is making it.” Sam grabbed her nose and she kissed his little hand.
Taking the bottle Mac handed her, she smiled at him too, then sat on the stool, stifling her wince, to give Sam his bottle while Mac poured himself some coffee and finished making the bottles and storing them in the fridge. She looked in his little eyes. They were changing color, no longer the slate blue of a baby, but starting to turn to the dark brown of his mom and his dad. Carly and Mac’s eyes were almost identical and once when they were about eight, he’d put on a long dark wig for Halloween and looked just like Carly at first glance. Giggling suddenly, she heard Mac ask her, “What’s funny?”
“I was just thinking his eyes are the same color as his mom and dad, which is kinda icky considering they are brother and sister.” Okay, so she had a warped sense of humor.
“You need more to do,” Mac said. “You think too much.”
“He does look just like you and Carly,” Ryan agreed. “Jess is right.”
“As usual,” Mac said dryly. “Do I need to do anything here other than the bottles?”
“Nope,” she said. “Just waiting on the dough to rise, then we will be having rolls and egg casserole in about an hour, if you all have anything to do.”
“Let’s go to the bait shop,” Ryan suggested. “Load up for later.”
“It’s going to rain all day,” Jessie warned, although fishing in the rain didn’t sound half bad. She loved fishing and boating, both.
“I know a place,” Mac grinned at her.
“Well, let me know what time I’ll be frying fish tonight then,” she said. “Go ahead and hit the bait shop. Sam and I will finish making breakfast.”
This felt right, and comfortable and like life should be, she thought, watching them gather their things before they left for the bait shop. She shouldn’t have to be afraid of someone taking her baby. But then there was her house and life back in Macintyre. She hated this as much as she was loving the moment.
Sam finished his bottle and she took him upstairs to give him a bath and put him in fresh clothes. They came down and she settled him in his chair while she rolled out the dough. “I wish you could talk, little man. I bet you will be very wise, and empathetic.” Hearing that, he smacked one of the blocks on his chair really hard making it fly on the short string. “Or you won’t be,” she laughed at him and went over to spin the block again, making him smile. Wouldn’t be long before he started talking. What would be his first word? Probably da-da. She hoped so.
Slicing the rolls, she filled the pan, then popped it in the oven on warm to rise one more time before she baked them. “Want to help me flip laundry?” she asked Sam. He smacked his block again, so she headed in to move it from the washer to the dryer. Once that was done, she opened her laptop that was on the counter, to check her email. She had two more interviews scheduled this week now. Staring at the computer, she wondered why she hadn’t thought of applying here in town earlier. Mac suggested once she could rent her house out for a year and be his nanny and finish school. That just felt wrong to her. She didn’t
want to be paid to take care of Sam. What she did want though, was to be here for him. So far, she’d sent out six résumés and gotten three interview offers. Depending what was offered here in town, if she could get a job here, Sam could go to daycare this fall while she was working because she had actual normal hours, most of the time, and she could still be with him mornings, evenings, weekends, days off. She could still go to school part-time like she’d been doing, with Mac here to take over sometimes. Sure, she’d miss her home and her hometown, but her friend Emmy was a realtor and property manager and could help her find someone to rent her house for a year. Then this time next year, she and Mac would reevaluate. A lot could happen in a year. She was willing to give up a year, away from Macintyre for Sam.
She sat down at her computer and looked up job offerings here, and, getting up once to turn the oven on to bake the rolls, shot off four résumés while Sam happily played in his bouncer seat. Whoever invented things like that were to be praised to the highest.
This time next year, things could and would change a lot. Sam would be walking and babbling, saying a few words, eating real food, sleeping all night, learning so much. She would have another year of experience teaching in a totally new environment and be a few classes closer to her Masters. Slow and steady wins the race, she told herself.
The guys should be back any time. She’d not say anything to Mac until she got an interview or maybe even an offer. Between her salary and Mac’s she could find a very, very good day care or a nanny since she would have regular hours. His hours were the issue, and needing someone to live in. She could manage a year away from home, for Sam. “You are worth anything, aren’t you, baby?” He shot her a grin that looked so much like Mac’s she melted. Yeah, she was doing this. Marrying Mac wasn’t the only way to stay in town. Finding one more open teaching position, she sent them her résumé, too. Not bad for an hour’s work. How many men could feed a baby, cook a fantastic breakfast, do laundry and send off five résumés in an hour? Not many, she bet.