"So you chose them because they make you feel safe, right?" asked the woman beside Jordan. It made me wonder if she was the co-moderator of this group. For some reason, she seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place her.
"One of the main reasons, yes. Tell us why you chose Jordan, Alice." Nora gestured for her to continue.
Jordan's personality, much more vibrant than some of the other women in the room, brought a surge of energy that I imagined this group lacked at times. Jordan hugged Alice's arm and grinned up at her.
Alice laughed, and poked her forehead. "Because Jordan reminds me to live my life. That she gave me a second chance to do so. Normally, my wife accompanies me here, but she's at work today."
"How did Jordan give you a second chance?" asked a woman in a pink sweater. She sat slouched beside the woman with dreads.
"A few years ago, I was really unhappy at my job. Jordan supported my decision to leave and helped me through it. From that point, I allowed myself to fall in love, get married, become a mom." Alice grinned at her friend. "All because of this rainbow-haired goofball."
"You forgot to mention the part where you saved my life, Allie. Also, you and Vee give me too much credit." Jordan's humility shone in both her voice and the wave of her hand.
"You deserve it." Alice grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her into a hug. "Take the compliment."
"Fine. Bully." Jordan snickered and the group of women all gazed at them with soft smiles.
I glanced to Dax who remained slouched while holding on to her elbows. She listened to them, though she rarely looked up. I scooted my chair a smidge closer to her and her lip twitched as if threatening a smile.
"Aniyah," Nora called out and the woman with the dreads looked up. "Tell us about Gina." She gestured to the woman in the pink sweater.
"She's my girl." Aniyah gripped Gina's thigh and she smiled. "I hear all these stories about how people's partners leave them because they're married to their law enforcement careers, but she was always by my side. She gets it. On the nights when I come home too disturbed to speak, she lets me exist in her presence. When we both feel good, we capitalize on it. Travel. Do active things."
Gina beamed at her girlfriend, and brought Aniyah's hand to her lips to kiss it. "We have a good life now."
"We do. We've both been through shit." Aniyah nodded. "But it's better."
"Yeah." Gina smiled and dropped her head on Aniyah's shoulder.
"Okay. Next person." Aniyah waved her hands in front of her when she became emotional.
Nora chuckled then turned to Dax. "Dakota, would you like to tell us about Willa?"
Dax writhed in her seat. When I turned to face her, my knee brushed hers and her body recoiled out of habit it seemed. A moment after, she relaxed and let her leg fall against mine. I observed her struggle and how she nearly squirmed in her chair, while wondering if she'd ever spoken at this group before. Everyone allowed her time, waiting her out the same way I did.
When it became too painful to bear, I held my pinky finger to her. Her gaze met mine, and to my surprise, she linked her finger with mine.
"She's my girlfriend," Dax said, her voice soft.
"And she's a hot little cowgirl," called the peanut gallery from the bleachers.
"Sali," scolded Maggie, though she tried not to laugh too much like everyone else. "Ignore her."
Dax smirked, glancing from the bleachers to me. "You are."
My face flushed, and I dropped my face in my hand. "Thank you?"
"Well, it sounds like everyone agrees that Willa is hot," Alice chimed in then, and the laughter only continued.
"Oh my God." I looked to Dax, my face on fire, and her amusement appeared to overshadow her anxiety. She smiled with the levity and I leaned over to hide my face against her shoulder. Her chuckle made me smile and I looked up to meet her gaze.
When everyone settled down, Nora addressed Dax, "Tell us about your girlfriend."
"Um…" Dax sat up straighter, and in a bold move, her hand slipped between my knees where she gripped my inner thigh. "I brought her here today because yesterday she came looking for me."
My brow furrowed and I glanced from her to Nora.
"How come it was important to you that she came looking for you?" asked Nora, her voice as calm as her demeanor.
"You know why," said Dax, her lips pursed after.
"I do, but the rest of the group doesn't. I think you should tell them."
Dax inhaled deeply, pulling her gaze from Nora to me.
"Safe with me," I whispered, and squeezed her hand. She nodded and we waited until she was ready.
"When Josh kept me, no one looked for me for days. Not my friends, not my mother. Yesterday, I got trapped on the roof of my barn when my goats knocked the ladder down. I was waiting for the farmhand to come home, but Willa showed up. In a panic. I was out of touch for only a few hours." Dax's voice remained soft despite the intensity of what she shared. "She cares. Just by being who she is."
I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. "You're very easy to care about."
"No. I'm not." She looked at me when she said it.
"Let me rephrase." I gave her hand a squeeze. "It's very easy for me to care about you."
That seemed to settle her and she whispered, "Ditto."
We spent a quiet few seconds watching each other as the climate in the room fell to seriousness. When we looked back to Nora, Sali came to sit in Maggie's lap. She watched us as she held Maggie's hands in her lap.
Dax faded into herself again, though she kept hold of my hand. Nora came to crouch in front of her as she had when we first started.
"Is there something you'd like to tell Willa, Dakota?" asked Nora. When she didn't respond, Nora rephrased. "Is there something you're afraid of?" That time, Dax's gaze flickered in Nora's direction. "Tell her." Nora nodded in my direction. "She's right there."
"I am," I said, giving Dax's hand a squeeze.
Dax's gaze flickered between me and Nora a few times, before settling on Nora. "Not now."
"Okay. We can respect that," she said, nodding to Dax.
Nora returned to her seat and we heard from the last two women, Bridget and Dara, who turned out to be a pair of sisters. No one delved into their stories beyond the reason they chose their support. After they shared, Nora told the group to take a fifteen minute break. Everyone scattered for coffee refills and to dabble in the sugary confections.
Sali made her way back to the bleachers, and when I returned from the bathroom, Dax joined her there as well. They sat a good six feet from each other, neither acknowledging the other. Sali slouched with her rear in between the seats with her legs dangling over the bottom bleacher like a kid while she held a book against her lap. Dax sat with her elbows resting on the bench behind her, her eyes on the floor.
I dropped down beside her, straddling the bench so that I could sit close. She met my gaze and smirked.
"Do you come to this group often?" I asked and she nodded. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Dax."
"I wanted you to know that I come here sometimes." She kept her eyes away so I scooted closer. And closer. Then a bit more until my middle pressed against her and I was obnoxiously close. She laughed softly when she looked at me finally.
"I'm glad that you have a support group, honey. And I'm happy to be your support." I caressed her arm and her acceptance of my closeness relaxed. She didn't recoil away from me much anymore, though reciprocating touch at times seemed lost to her even though I could tell she wanted to reach for me.
Maggie came to sit beside Sali and smacked her knee. "Stop eavesdropping on them."
"They're sitting right there. Anyone can hear them." Sali gestured at us wildly and Maggie laughed. Dax smiled, seemingly amused by Sali.
"Are you friends with that sparky little loudmouth?" I poked Dax in the side.
"No." She shook her head then glanced at Sali.
"Nope. They just sit here next to each other for ho
urs each month and never speak," Maggie said.
"Shut up, Mags." Sali shoved her and Maggie shoved her back. "You talk to everyone."
"Because I'm not rude." Maggie scowled then grabbed Sali's hand, giving her a yank.
I laughed at the two of them while continuing to stroke Dax's forearm. She let her hand rest on my thigh.
"Mags." Sali grabbed her into a headlock, her book tumbling to the bleachers. "You and Nora drag me here."
Maggie laughed hard, pretending to punch Sali in the gut. "Pardon my wife."
"Quit apologizing for me every minute." Sali flailed, huffing and puffing while she wiggled her legs. "Also, I'm stuck in here."
That was it, Dax burst out laughing with the rest of us. Maggie's face turned bright red as she laughed at her wife, then helped her pry herself out of stuckness.
"It's not that funny!" Sali scowled, but laughed along with us as she sat normally now.
"It serves you right." Maggie smacked her arm. "Quit showing off and say hi properly."
"Hey." Sali frowned at us then leaned back against Maggie when she turned to face us. "I'm Sali or whatever."
"Willa or whatever." I pointed at myself. "You're terribly amusing."
"I try." Sali smirked and her sudden resemblance to Dax brought me pause.
I looked to my girlfriend and she cocked a brow at me. "What?"
"I think you and Sali would be good friends," I said, chuckling after.
"I could see it," commented Maggie. She wrapped her arms around Sali's middle, tugging her close as she rested her chin on her shoulder. "Are you law enforcement, too? You don't look it."
"I'm a veterinarian. Not a single law enforcement bone in my body. Or law abiding, when it comes to driving anyway." I chuckled and Maggie grinned at my lame joke.
"Well, you'll fit in on the latter then."
"You fuck a girl who cracks jokes like that?" Sali eyed Dax while jutting her thumb in my direction.
"You wouldn't be asking if you saw her naked," retorted Dax and my jaw nearly hit the floor.
"Touché, friend. Touché." Sali's expression lifted with her grin. "So, let's get her naked."
"Sounds good." Dax smiled at me and I swatted her arm at the same time that Maggie wrestled Sali into a rough embrace.
"Don't egg her on. She'll take you at your word," warned Maggie while Sali laughed.
"C'mon, Mags. I wanna see some tits." Sali leaned back to grin at Maggie while she nipped her chin. "Preferably yours. All night. And lick you until you co—"
Maggie covered her mouth, and smiled sweetly at us. "Pardon me while I kill her."
Dax's soft laughter made her belly bounce. Her whole body relaxed with the free entertainment offered by the two nutcases who I grew quite fond of in the past ten minutes.
"Maggie, don't bloody the bleachers. Take it outside." Nora pointed to the door when she approached. "Let's get this circle back together, ladies."
Dax and I stood while Maggie continued to jostle Sali about. Before we returned to the circle, I caught a glimpse of a tender moment between the pair. Sali stroked Maggie's cheeks and I heard Maggie say, "Trying to make her feel better?"
"It worked a bit," said Sali.
I smiled at the two of them before taking Dax's hand when we sat. She smiled, her head held a fraction higher as we joined the group.
For the last part of the session, it became more of a general chat than anything else. Alice spoke about her daughter, who would be turning a year old at the end of summer, and Aniyah and Gina talked about the new apartment they were moving into. The sisters, Bridget and Dara, discussed the challenges of visiting their mother next weekend. All-in-all, I enjoyed the meeting with this group, and the women involved appeared to be pretty solid humans. I didn't learn too much about their difficulties being cops, but I learned about them as humans, they same way I learned about Dax's humanity.
Chapter Twelve
"Miss Stocker," Esteban's accented voice crooned from the open barn door where we mucked stalls.
"She's getting some hay out back," I answered, setting my rake aside before stepping out of the stall.
"Oh. Doctor, look what I've got." He crouched down and opened his arms.
I couldn't see what he held as the backlighting from the sun shadowed him. High pitched bleating drew my attention and I scurried forward, worried about the new sounds. Two baby goats wandered around his feet, sticking close together as they scoped out the new space.
"Oh boy," I said, grinning at the babies. "Where'd you get them?"
"Rescued, Doctor. Rescued."
"Hey, Dax," I called out as I sat down on the barn floor, holding out my hands to the goats. "C'mere, babies. Oh, you're so cute."
"Are they healthy, Doctor?" Esteban sat with me, stroking their backs as they flittered around him before checking me out.
"At first glance, yes."
Dax returned after I called her, and she dropped a bale of hay down on the floor. Behind her, her fruit basket of adolescent goats scurried along as always.
"What's going on?"
"Esteban brought you some new friends," I said, lifting one of the babies when she climbed in my lap. I examined her while she bleated in my ear.
Right away, Mango, Kiwi, and Grape rushed over when they heard the babies. There wasn't an ounce of hesitation as they greeted them. Dax dropped down to sit with us, while the five goats pranced between us. I set the little one down, and they got to know each other with head bumps and crazy jumps.
"Well, they seem happy already." I grinned at the little group.
Dax's expression softened while she looked on, and when one of the little ones jumped on her legs, she picked her up and held her to her chest while stroking her. The rest of the goats swarmed her and she laughed, tossing her head back which knocked off her hat. My heart swelled and I whipped out my phone to snap a few photos before she noticed.
Esteban grinned, patting his hands on his knees. "They stay, si?"
"Yeah," agreed Dax while the young male tried to eat her shirt. "Where'd you get them?"
"Man was giving them away. One who sold his farm by the water. Someone took adults, I took babies. We're good with babies," said Esteban.
"Very." Dax set the goat down and all five of them walked over her legs. They climbed, jumped, and bounced everywhere like they'd known each other their whole lives. "Let's set up a stall with fresh feed. Alfalfa."
"Yes, Miss. I'm excited to do it." Esteban hopped up. "Will they need milk?"
"No, they're old enough," said Dax before looking at me. "Right?"
"Right. They've probably been on feed for awhile. They look well-cared for." I picked up the male baby and gave him a quick poke and tug like I did the female. "Very sweet. You have a female in your mix now."
"Yeah. No more boys club." Dax snickered when one of them jumped on my bent knee and bashed me in the chin. "You good?"
"Ouch." I laughed, but nodded. "I'm okay." I set the baby back with the crew and the fruit basket bounded around us. It made my heart swell to watch Dax with the new additions. It wasn't that long ago when she was thinking of giving all of them away. "Macie will love to meet them even more now."
"Bring her next weekend."
"I will."
Esteban returned with the feed and got himself to work fixing up a stall. Dax and I offered to help, but he turned us down right away.
"I'm not sure who's more excited, you or him," I said, grinning at Dax while she acquainted herself with the silly goats. Her whole expression, bright and entertained, made my heart flutter more than usual.
"Goats have always been my second favorite animal," she said, her voice soft.
"What's the first?"
She glanced at me, her eyes hinted with sadness. "Dogs."
"And horses are third, yeah?"
She nodded. "Pigs next."
"Ever think of having a puppy, honey?" I asked, scooting closer to her so that my crossed knees touched her crossed knees. The goats jumpe
d back and forth between us like we were an obstacle course.
"I don't want a puppy," she said, leaning back on her hands while we let them climb on us. "Let's name the girl Peach."
"Fruit and color-appropriate."
"You name the boy." She met my gaze as both new goats balanced on my thighs while the other three ran amok.
"Me? But they're your little ones." I stroked both of them and they bleated together.
"I want you to."
"Okay…" I stroked the face of the male, then rubbed my knuckle in the center of his head. "Apple. His head feels like an apple."
Dax laughed, her eyes twinkling with delight. "I love it."
"Do you?" I smiled at her, and for once, brightness lifted her features fully.
"I do. They're really a fruit basket now."
"The next two kids you adopt we'll call Banana and Pineapple. That'll complete the crew."
Dax cracked up, falling back to lie in the hay when her body jolted about. All five goats climbed on her and took raging leaps as if she were a tall mountain. I took the opportunity to record a video, and the swell of happiness brought tears to my eyes. I loved seeing Dax laughing, uninhibited and filled with joy. Those moments grew exponentially nearly every day and I couldn't wait to be there to capture more of them.
After we settled the babies in with the others, we watched as they ate and drank readily. Esteban kept watch on them with us, as we secured the stall for the night. Carol joined the goats and looked at them from around the corner of her stall. She snorted, shaking her head in approval as Dax pat her.
The three of us secured the barn and when we broke away for the night, Esteban returned to his cabin with promises of checking them in the morning. Dax and I retired to her house, and both of us took off our boots outside.
"What do you want for dinner, honey?" I asked after stepping inside.
Dax hung her hat on the hook beside the front door, and set her sunglasses on the table. "You."
"Me?" I laughed and hugged her when she approached. "Cannibalism. Yum."
"My favorite." She kissed me hard, her hand pressing the small of my back. The passion in her kiss lifted me to my toes and the heat of it raced to my core.
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