"What up, sexy cowgirl?" Sali tossed me a peace sign and I laughed.
"Hi. What are you doing?"
"Trying to tell this asshole not to fuck up her relationship with you. We're making progress." Sali propped her feet up on the dashboard. "Now, show us your tits and we'll be well on our way."
"Oh my God. I will not." Sali made me smile through my tears.
"Check my gallery." Dax pointed at the phone.
"Dax, don't you dare."
"Yeah. Show me cowgirl tits." Sali clapped her hands together.
Dax cracked a smile after that, though dropped her head back against the seat. Her eyes lingered on the phone and I could see the pain in her eyes again.
"Come home, honey..." My entreaty caused a tear to tumble down her cheek. She swiped it, and glanced at Sali.
"We're working on that." Sali leaned across the console so that they were both in the frame. She dangled Dax's keys in the air between them. "First, we're going to get some coffee then my wife and I will drive her home."
"From Seattle?" I asked, dabbing at my eyes again.
"Yup." Sali held onto the keys while Dax leaned away from her. "This one here loves the bottom of a bottle when she feels like shit."
"I know. Dax, can you look at me? Or like, the camera or something," I asked, avoiding looking at my own face in the corner. She obliged, though her eyes darted about like it pained her to look. "I love you. Okay?"
She nodded, her lips pursed until she covered her face with her hands. Sali put her hand on Dax's head and, to my surprise, she didn't pull away.
"We'll get her home soon," Sali said as the driver's side door opened.
"Switch. Sali in the back." Maggie's voice permeated the feed.
"Always Sali in the back." Sali climbed over the seat and I watched as Dax shifted over the center console. In the background, the rainbow flag belonging to the LGBTQ Center came into view.
"Damn right." Maggie reached between the seats and swatted her.
"Sexy cowgirl is still on the line." Sali pointed at Dax's phone. "Say hi."
Maggie laughed softly when Sali handed her the keys. "Hi, Willa."
"Hi."
"We'll be back in Sequim in a few hours," assured Maggie and, although my trust in Sali wasn't very high, I believed Maggie's declaration.
"Okay." I sniffled as I watched Dax curl up in the passenger seat. Her heavy-lidded eyes told me she would pass out soon. Sali leaned between the seats and tossed a jacket over Dax.
"Should we call Anita or Nora?" Sali asked Maggie.
"I talked to Nora already. She said get her to where she feels safe and start from there." Maggie glanced to the phone, but my eyes were on Dax who watched me quietly while they spoke.
"Safe with me," I told her, swiping at the tears that escaped again.
Dax nodded, though when she closed her eyes, her head lolled to her shoulder and I knew she was out cold.
"You okay, Willa?" asked Maggie.
"Yeah. I'll meet you at her place."
"Text us the address. We planned to drive to Sequim and hope for the best." Sali flexed her bicep and it made me smirk. Sali's levity seemed like a superpower she brought with her to every battle.
"Sounds like a solid plan." I sat up and pushed the blankets off me. "See you soon."
***
Sleeping was my only gift sometimes. It protected me from feeling too much and allowed me the rest I needed to process the sadness of my day to day life. On Dax's sofa, where I learned to love her, I nodded off while I waited for her to return.
It wasn't until well into the evening when cold fingers stroked my face and I opened my eyes to see Dax crouched in front of me. She said nothing, her expression flat, though when I made to sit up, she grabbed me under the arms and lifted me clear off the sofa like some sort of Amazon. I gasped, holding on to her as another round of crying pulled me down. She turned around, settling me to straddle her lap when she hugged me against her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she whispered against my cheek.
"I know." I sobbed into her shoulder as her arms trembled around me. "Where are your friends?"
"Outside. They're not my friends."
"I think you should reconsider that." I leaned back, cupping her face as tears streaked her cheeks. "They helped you. Helped us."
"Yeah." She pursed her lips again. "I'm sorry."
"I know, honey. I'm still mad at you a little, but I accept your apology and understand the situation. Your mother is mean."
"Overripe prat." She laughed at that and I couldn't help but grin.
"It slipped out. What can I say?"
"I'm still a little drunk," she admitted, though she touched my face over and over.
"I can tell. Let's go say good night to Sali and Maggie and then sop up that alcohol with some food and a shower." I rested my hands on her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "Okay?"
"I feel bad about everything…"
"We can talk it out tomorrow. Tonight is take care of ourselves and sleep. Okay?"
"Yeah." Her eyes welled with tears and I stroked her cheeks.
"It's alright, honey. None of this is easy. For either of us." I sniffled as my fragile emotionality faltered when I saw her sadness emerge.
She nodded, and took a deep breath. "Let's go."
"Okay."
We parted, but I kept hold of her hand as we headed outside to find Maggie and Sali perched on the wooden steps that overlooked the pasture. Both of them, despite the circumstances, appeared stoic and comfortable. Sali sat between Maggie's knees on the stairs, and it reminded me of how Dax sat with me at the parade; protective and possessive.
"Did you two fuck it out?" asked Sali, her grin broad and provocative, as she smashed her fingers together in a scissoring motion.
"Sali." Maggie swatted her upside the head.
"Mags! It's a reasonable question." She shoved at her wife, though Maggie only wrapped her in a restraining hug.
I tugged Dax to sit with me on the stairs beside them and, not surprisingly, she sat behind me the same way as the other two.
"Thanks for helping out today," I said, glancing from Sali to Maggie then leaned my head back against Dax's stomach. She rested her elbows on her knees, and remained quiet despite the fact we spoke about her.
"We have a rescue complex for drunken ex-cops." Sali jabbed her thumb in Dax's direction. "Especially when my wife was their superior officer at one point."
"Is that true?" I asked, glancing between Maggie and Dax.
Dax nodded as did Maggie.
"It is." Maggie's stony expression softened when she glanced from me to Dax. "We had a good relationship on the job."
"Everyone else hated her," muttered Dax which made Sali crack up.
"It's not that funny." Maggie grabbed her around the neck while she laughed. "But pretty true."
"Why would they hate you?" I asked. Although I enjoyed this time with them, as the only non-ex-cop of the group, I felt out of the loop.
"She was a bitch," Sali and Dax said at the same time. Now all of us laughed.
"Oh my God. Don't pick on Maggie. She's lovely and helped you." I poked Dax's thigh and she smirked.
"Aw, Mags. You're lovely." Sali reached up to pinch her cheek. "Just wait until everyone else hears how lovely you are."
"If you hear about a homicide on Route 101 tonight, it was me." Maggie grabbed the hood of Sali's sweater and covered her head with it, then pretended to choke her with it. Sali's boisterous laughter had me grinning.
"I'll be your alibi," said Dax.
"Calm your tits, Stocker. We're your alibi." Sali sputtered as she freed herself from the confines of the pseudo-murder. "And saved your ass from a DWI. Or worse."
Dax tensed slightly. "Thanks for that."
"It was good you came down to the Center, Stocker." Maggie pulled our focus back to the matter at hand. "The group seemed really supportive. Did you feel they were?"
"Yeah." Dax leaned on her elbows again
, and I looked up at her as her chin neared my forehead.
"I'm glad you went there, too," I told her.
"I'm glad you're all sappy fucks because someone's gotta be." Sali sighed dramatically, breaking the tension as is her way.
"Shut up, Sali. You were the one who chased her down and forced your way into her car, so don't even pretend like you're not a sappy fuck." Maggie grabbed her in a headlock and kissed her cheek. "Calm down already."
"Fine," grumbled Sali, leaning into her wife.
"She jumped through the passenger window like a ninja," said Dax, her voice soft as she told me.
"I'm grateful for that, too." I reached up and touched Dax's face. Her eyes shimmered with the emotion that she tried to hide. "Looks like we might've made some friends."
"Yeah."
"Stocker," Sali beckoned, drawing our attention back to her and for once, her expression seemed rather serious. "I know shit sucks right now. But when I told you that I get how everything changed for you, I mean it. I might not be part of queer cop support group, but I get it."
"You keep saying that," answered Dax, not looking at Sali and keeping her gaze off to the darkness in the distance.
"Because I mean it." Sali shifted her weight, wrapping her arm around Maggie's leg. "If you ever want to know why, just plug my name into any search engine."
"Already tried. Nothing came up." Dax smirked, glancing at her now.
"Next time, try Salinger James," she said, her expression growing somber. "But don't do it alone." Maggie ran her fingers through Sali's hair, and the weight of the conversation brought a lump to my throat.
"Alright." Dax grew quiet, and tightened her legs against my shoulders a bit.
"Your name is Salinger?" I asked and Sali nodded. "Like the author. It's a really pretty name."
"Quit hitting on me, sexy cowgirl." Sali waved me off and we laughed as she lifted the mood once again. "But thanks. I can't take the credit. My mom is an English teaching psycho."
"Her sister's name is Harper," announced Maggie, grinning when Sali scowled.
"I've never met a psycho English teacher. They're usually mild-mannered." I grinned as I stroked Dax's knee while chatting with them. "Harper is a pretty name, too."
"Yeah. She's aware." Sali smirked, and glanced to Maggie.
"Maybe after the next group meeting, all of us could get dinner," suggested Maggie. "Except Sali, because she's not part of the group. Even though she goes every week and sits by herself in the bleachers."
"Shut up, Mags. It's fucking stupid."
"Sounds like she pretends to be in denial," I said, snickering at the two of them.
"Oh shit. Are you a psych?" Sali sat up, pointing at me. "She did the 'sounds like' shit that Anita does."
"I'm a veterinarian." I held my hands up while laughing. "Remember?"
"Oh, that's right." Sali's brows perked. "I expected you to be something else."
I nearly cracked up at that. "Like what? A stripper?"
"No. But I could get behind that." Sali clapped her hands and looked at Dax. "Stocker, make her strip."
Dax finally laughed fully and hugged me from behind, her chin on my shoulder. "I won't. Not unless you make Maggie strip."
"Oh, she'll do it." Sali grinned up at Maggie. "Right, babe?"
"Wrong, love." Maggie tapped her nose and smirked. "As always."
"Oh. Burn." I laughed and settled into Dax's embrace.
"Nice one." Sali snickered as she pretended to bite Maggie's knee.
The four of us settled into a lighter quiet as we listened to the crickets and tree frogs make all sorts of sounds in between the owls.
"Do you guys live in Seattle?" I asked, but Maggie shook her head.
"Grays Harbor County."
"Shit. That's a long drive back. How are you getting there?" I asked, my brow furrowed.
"We ordered an Uber." Sali yawned as she settled against her wife, her antics calming slightly.
"That's like a three-hundred-dollar uber." My eyes bugged out at the idea.
"Meh. Worth it." Sali wagged her brows. "I get to snuggle my wife in the back seat of a stranger's car."
"No complaints." Maggie kissed her cheek.
"Can we get you anything? Water? Coffee? Food? Use the bathroom?" I asked and Dax seemed content to allow me to lead the hospitality game. Part of me wondered if she was fighting to stay awake. When she brushed her lips over my forehead, the lingering smell of alcohol plagued her breath. It made me worry about how much she actually drank, and I brought her hand to my lips to kiss it.
"I'm okay," said Maggie, then looked to Sali. "How about you?"
"We had McDonald's on the drive here so I'm good. And nope, don't have to pee yet." Sali snickered and Maggie just shook her head.
"Well, thank you for coming out here," I said, gazing up at Dax who had her eyes closed for a moment until she looked down at me. "And for supporting my girlfriend."
"We're a community for a reason," said Maggie. Her phone buzzed in her hand and the two of them looked at it. "The car should be here in about five minutes."
"The day Uber came to the area was the day I knew our tiny life wasn't so tiny anymore," I said, now entering into small talk to save a little face over the situation.
"Almost thought of moving here once, way back when," said Sali, her voice somewhat distant. "Chose Grays Harbor instead."
"Are you happy there?" I asked.
"Definitely." She nodded, bumping her head against Maggie's. "Our whole everything is there now."
"Yeah." Maggie smiled and swept Sali's bangs from her face. "There and Hawaii. We have a condo there."
"Do you?" I asked and Dax perked up at that. "That's awesome."
"Our friends share it with us. We all vacation in rotation," said Maggie, a hint of joy in her tone. "It's beautiful there. Our friend Anita and her girlfriend are there right now. We just got back at the beginning of June."
"What's the flight like?" I asked, noting how Maggie and I carried the conversation while Sali and Dax faded to quiet observation.
"Not horrible from here. Six hours nonstop, so it's pretty streamlined."
"Good to know. I've never considered it for vacation, but I might."
Before Maggie could answer, headlights lit up the dark road ahead and slowed to a roll at the end of the long driveway. Maggie and Sali stood at the same time that Maggie's phone buzzed.
"That's our cue. Take care of yourselves," said Maggie. "Stocker, you have my number."
"Yeah." Dax and I stood to see them off. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Maggie took Sali's hand when she held it out.
"Take care of that sexy cowgirl, Stocker." Sali pointed between the two of us. "She seems worth it."
Dax nodded, pursing her lips as she held Sali's gaze. We watched as the two of them loaded into the SUV, and we waved before they pulled away. I urged Dax inside, and she locked up behind me.
Rudy the rude cat bolted toward her, jumping at her legs until she reached down to pet him.
"I'll feed him while you shower, okay?" I said, my hand on her shoulder. "And fix you something to eat."
"Why are you being nice to me after everything if you're still upset?" she asked after Rudy headed off to the kitchen.
"Because I love you and I understand how hard all of this has been for you. Being upset doesn't stop me from loving you or caring about you, honey…" I brushed my finger over her cheek. "Okay?"
She nodded, her lips pressing to thin lines as she appeared to fight tears while she gestured toward the bathroom. I nodded and watched her head off.
Rudy swatted my foot when I stood beside his bowl. "For Pete's sake, wait a minute." I poured out his food in his bowl and he devoured it right away.
Even though I knew Dax was safe, and felt confident in our ability to work things out, my heart still pounded and the anxiety of everything continued to rattle around inside me. With not much grocery shopping happening in here, Dax's fridge didn't have
what I wanted it to in order to fix a Sage-style sandwich. Instead, I opted for peanut butter and jelly, with some milk to go with it.
I brought everything to the living room then grabbed the blankets and pillows from the linen closet down the hall. Like Dax preferred, I covered the sofa in the cozy gear and waited for her to return. It took her less than ten minutes to emerge, clad in a floppy set of sweats, and join me on the sofa. Tears already streamed her cheeks but I handed her the sandwich. She didn't protest, which only told me that she hadn't eaten at all.
She ate half of it, and sipped the milk before glancing at me. "I'm sorry, Willa."
"I know, honey. I'm sorry, too. For not respecting you when you asked me to leave."
"I didn't want you to leave," she said, then took a few bites of the second half of her sandwich before setting the rest on the plate. "I was angry."
"What did you want me to do when you told me to leave?" I held my arm out to her and, with a small hesitation, she leaned into it.
"Tell me to shut up and hug me anyway."
"So when you shouted at me not to touch you?"
"I didn't mean that either." She curled up on her side, and buried her face against my chest.
"Next time, I will fight you until you let me hold you." I pulled the blankets over her then leaned into the pillows. "After I clean the blood off my hands from killing your mom."
"Willa." She laughed at that. "Don't. You're too pretty for prison."
I scrunched up my nose. "Didn't think about that."
"Deterrent."
"Big one." I kissed her peanut butter flavored lips and she let her hand fall to rest on my chest. "When you drink a lot, it makes me nervous."
"Nora said I do things to hurt myself. Push you away. Drink. Whatever."
"I agree. Stop doing that. I care too much about you to lose you to anger or alcoholism," I said, brushing my lips over hers. "Until this situation, I haven't seen you drink in a while."
"I don't drink a lot usually. Just that time you drove me home and this time."
"That's two times enough to make me worried. Be careful with the woman I'm in love with."
"I'll try." She closed her eyes, sniffling as she cried softly, her fingers stroking my neck. I curled up with her, both of us doting on each other. "I love you," she whispered.
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