“You’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want to! I want you to leave me alone. You think you have this all worked out. That you can come in here and tell me the past is over and we can hit some magical reset button and everything will be fine. But it won’t be. That ship has sailed. There’s no going back and changing what’s happened.”
“You’re right, there’s not. That’s why we’re not going there. We’re going forward. And I don’t think I have anything worked out. I know I do. I know because you were meant to be mine. I was born to be your man. Born, Laney, not made into. I was put on this earth to love you. No other reason. And, baby, that’s what I’m gonna do. We’re gonna dig all the bad shit out and we’re doing that by moving forward.”
We went into a standoff. I was staring at him with what I hoped he could read as a seriously pissed-off face, and he was looking back at me amused.
“You think this is funny?” I snapped.
“Not even a little bit.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“Because you look cute as hell standing there with your hands on your hips trying to mad dog me.”
“Mad dog?”
“Yeah, Laney, you know, arrange that pretty face of yours into what you think is an intimidating stare. Fuck, but it’s cute as hell.”
“I give up.” I threw my hands in the air hotly. “You don’t listen.”
“I’m listening.”
“No, you’re not or you wouldn’t be here in the first place.”
“I’m not listening to the lies that are coming out of that sexy mouth of yours. I’m listening to your heart.”
“My heart is broken, Carter. Shattered. There’s nothing left for you to listen to.”
“Yes, there is, Laney baby, and it’s telling me never to let you go.”
I sucked in a breath and tried to figure out why I was being tortured. What had I done so bad in my life that I deserved this? I’d already lost the man I never really had, lost our child, nearly lost my life, and now Carter was proclaiming his undying love for me, something I’d always wanted but learned I couldn’t live through the pain of losing.
Not again.
Not ever again was I going to allow myself to feel that kind of pain.
Once the shock of him finding out I’d been pregnant wore off he’d go back to finding excuses about why we couldn’t be together. I knew Carter, or at least I knew the non-bossy one that had hundreds of reasons why we didn’t have a future. He’d remember those reasons soon.
So really I was doing us both a favor by lying to him and telling him I was over him and didn’t want to be with him. One day he’d thank me for it when he found someone that he could claim and they didn’t come with all the baggage we had.
“I just don’t love you anymore.”
9
Carter
I had to force myself to stay upright.
Her lie was a close range shot to the heart, meant to leave me bleeding out on the floor. And it would’ve worked if I didn’t know she was full of shit.
“Maybe if you say that a few more times, Laney baby, you can convince yourself it’s the truth,” I told her.
She was getting more pissed by the second and I could feel the air in the room become turbulent and I knew she was gearing up to tell me off.
Better to let it all hang out now.
“You’re unbelievable. Keep behaving this way and I won’t have to convince myself of anything. You’ll do it for me.”
I. Was. Done.
I’d been standing far enough away to give her space but still smell the coconut lotion she’d smeared on her long, tanned legs. Far enough away I could beat back the urge to pull her into my arms and do shit to her that included my mouth, but did not include words.
The language that she and I only spoke, and when I engaged my mouth, she sang. She moaned and panted and cried out in pleasure. What she didn’t do was bitch, complain, or lie.
Her body couldn’t. It spoke the truth.
I started toward Delaney and she retreated. Her back hit a wall and she cornered herself in. She opened her mouth to speak, likely to spew more lies but I didn’t give her the opportunity. My mouth hit hers and my tongue swept in. She tried to struggle for three seconds, exactly three, I counted. After that her body softened, her tongue brushed mine, and she whimpered.
I took and she followed.
Fucking perfect.
I deepened the kiss to further prove my point, and my plan backfired in a big way when her back arched, pressing her tits into my chest and my dick twitched in my pants. My hands moved from her hips into her hair and tilted her head to the side and made an already seriously hot kiss hotter.
No one better.
Not that I’d kissed anyone other than her since I was a horny teenager playing the field. But there had been many before her and none had ever made me lose my mind, not like Delaney. When my lips were on hers nothing else existed.
And when she caught fire, she caught fire. Ever since the first time, after I’d taken her virginity. She was not shy in our bed. She allowed me to take what I needed but she did it in a way that was demanding and wild.
Every time I’d left I’d counted down the days until I got to see her, feel her, and taste her again. Every day I was gone I thought about her, and every night I’d dream about her.
Until the day I’d hesitated, that night and the ones after had been filled with nightmares.
Her hands went under my shirt. One traveled up, scorching a path up my back, the other dove into my shorts, finding my ass, and her nails dug into the muscle.
Without warning I tore my mouth from hers and she whimpered. Her eyelids half mast, lips red and puffy, a pretty blush on her cheeks.
“Carter,” she breathed.
Goddamn.
“Yeah, baby.”
Her eyes snapped all the way open and she blinked away the remaining hunger.
“Carter!” Both of her hands came out of my clothing and she tried to step away but she was backed to the wall.
“We staying here tonight or going home?” I asked.
Delaney’s body stiffened and her eyes came to mine. “We’re not going anywhere. I’m going home. You can do whatever you want to do. But whatever that is, will not be with me.”
“Home it is,” I mumbled and stepped away from her. “You done packing?”
“Enough. Seriously. I can’t do this. I waited for you. Prayed even, that one day you’d come home and tell me to pack up, move us to Virginia, and we’d finally be together. I put my life on hold. God, I was so stupid. I don’t trust you, Carter. I gave you everything, begged you to take it, and you turned your back on it. Now all of a sudden, you’ve seen the light and expect me to be grateful. Well, I’m not. Eight years ago, I would’ve been in heaven. Five years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance. A year ago, I would’ve followed you anywhere. Now? I just want you to go away.”
Delaney stopped slaying me with her words and blinked at the tears brimming and went for the kill shot. “A part of me will always love you. You were my first everything. My first love, my first kiss, the first man to touch me, the first to make love to me. But you’re also my first heartbreak. The first and only man to break me. A bigger part of me knows I deserve better. Please let me go so I can find it.”
The pain was rolling off of Delaney in waves. I felt it fill the room and I wanted nothing more than to take it from her. I wanted to soak it up so she’d never feel it again.
“I’m not letting you go.” Her shoulders slumped at my announcement. “I would, Laney. If I thought for a second, you’d be happier with me gone, I’d leave. If I thought there was a man out there that could love you better than I could, I’d let you go. I keep telling you, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry, so fucking sorry. I can’t press upon you just how sorry I am. But on your five-hour drive back up to Georgia I want you to think about our life. Stop thinking about the things we didn’t talk about. Stop think
ing about the verbal commitments I didn’t give. And start remembering all that I gave you.”
“You didn’t—”
“Stop,” I snapped. “Stop thinking about what I didn’t do, what you didn’t do, what we didn’t do. And remember, Laney. And just so we’re crystal clear, I didn’t need a verbal commitment to stay true to you. I didn’t need promises of a future to know you were mine. The words didn’t matter because I knew without them, deep down to my soul you were it for me and because I knew that, I knew I was it for you. Forget what I said and remember what I did. I always came home to you. Always. Every free moment I’ve had for the last eight years has been spent with you.”
“Right. In secret. You’d come home, and we’d hide out.”
“Fuck, woman. You ever stop to think why that was? Not the bullshit I said about our families not understanding. But really think about it. We had limited time. Sometimes I could slip down for a weekend or two during the month. But that meant there were weeks between when I got to see you. Sometimes I was gone for months and when I finally got a chance to come home, do you really think I wanted to share that time with anyone? Months, Laney. Months of missing you. Months of dreaming about you, thinking about you, needing you so badly I fucking ached. Do you really, really think I wanted to waste a second of my precious time with you, with our families or our friends? Fuck, Laney, I wouldn’t even share you with the damn TV. I wanted all of you. All of your time. All of your attention. You weren’t my secret. You were my goddamn sanctuary. I’d come home with my head fucked up from all that I’d seen or done, and one damn look at you the weight would lessen. One touch, and I could breathe. When we’d hit our bed and you’d wrap yourself around me, I’d finally feel whole. So do not lie to me or to yourself and tell me you didn’t feel it.”
I stepped away from her, giving both of us space.
“You have five hours, Delaney. I’ll meet you at home. If you’re not there, I’ll track you down. Five hours to sort your head. I suggest you use your time driving wisely.”
With one last look at her pale face, no less beautiful with all the color drained out of it, I turned and started for the door.
“And just so you don’t twist this, I’m not leaving you, I’m giving you time. If I thought you were ready, I’d lock you in this house and neither of us would leave. But you need to remember and I’m going to give it to you. I’ll see you at home, baby. Drive careful.”
10
Delaney
I didn’t use my five-hour drive wisely, as Carter had arrogantly suggested. I’d used it being pissed. I was nursing my anger, so I wouldn’t forget what a bossy asshole he really was.
I mean, seriously, who says that? And it wasn’t just one thing, it was all of it. Though, I had to admit, he’d been right about some of what he’d said. He never hid how he felt about me. But that only made it worse. I knew he loved me but he’d still leave. I knew our time together meant something to him, but he’d never fully open up.
The whole drive, Carter was never more than two car lengths behind me. He’d tailed me the entire time, never making a move to pass me, which I’m sure annoyed him, considering I drove much slower than he liked. I’d also pulled off the road four different times to use the restroom and pick up snacks. Something I normally wouldn’t have done, but did it in an effort to further irritate him. None of those times had he gotten out of his truck or tried to talk to me. He’d pull into a parking spot next to me and watch.
Now I was pulling down my street and he didn’t follow.
I told myself this was a good thing; he was giving me what I wanted and not coming over. I thought this while I’d unloaded my car, unpacked my bags, stood in my laundry room tossing my dirty clothes into the washer, and taking my makeup and hair crap back into my bathroom and placing it on the counter.
I continued to think this while I showered. It wasn’t until I was pulling on a pair of shorts that I allowed myself to feel disappointment.
Once again, I was being stupid.
There was still a kernel of hope that we could finally have a chance at something more.
So stupid.
I finished getting dressed, grabbed my cell, and walked to my kitchen while I was dialing my parents’ number.
I put the phone on speaker, placed it on the island, opened my fridge and started rooting through it in hopes I had something to make for dinner.
“Hey, sweetheart,” my mom answered. “Are you home?”
“Hi, Mom. Just got in.”
“Good. Did you have a nice time?”
I thought about her easy question but I didn’t have an easy answer. Did I have a nice time? No. But then my trip to the beach wasn’t meant to be. Did I find the peace I’d been after? That was a no, too. Had I come to the realization I’d never be at peace about the loss of my baby? Yes, I’d come to that heartbreaking conclusion.
“Yeah, it was great,” I lied.
“Right,” my mom whispered, knowing I wasn’t telling her the truth.
I heard the front door open and the sound of keys jingling. Before I could get off the phone with my mom Carter came into view holding takeout bags and a six pack of my favorite beer.
This was seriously unfortunate because my mom kept talking.
“I heard Carter went down to talk to you. Your dad said that didn’t go well.”
“Um.”
“He said when he and the guys found Carter he was in a bad way.”
Carter’s body locked and he stared at the phone.
“Um,” I repeated.
“Have you talked to him?”
“Mom, can we talk about this later?”
I stepped toward my phone but Carter had set down the bags and snatched it up before I could. Asshole. We went into a stare down and I gave him my best dirty look. He smiled.
Double asshole.
“No, sweetheart, we can’t. I’ve waited long enough to talk to you about him. I’ve watched and waited and hoped you’d come to me. You haven’t. I’ve given you both privacy and respect to work out what you both needed but that’s over. I know, sweetheart.”
Carter’s eyes held mine but now they were soft and understanding. As I waited to hear what my mother knew, I was statue still.
“I know how hard it is to love someone and know they’re putting up walls. I almost lost your dad because of it. I pushed him and he walked out. Do you know who finally broke through and made your dad realize what he’d thrown away?”
“Mom, maybe we can talk about—”
“Your aunt Lily.”
My eyes widened in shock.
“Mom! Car—”
“Actually,” Mom spoke over me again and I reached for the phone but Carter stepped back. “Lily reminded your dad of something he told her when she left your uncle Lenox. When two people are destined to be together and share the love that you two have, there is no getting over the other person. That was what your dad told Lily and what Lily reminded him of the day he left me. So, sweetheart, I think it’s pertinent that wisdom is passed down to you. I know it hurts. But, sweetie, you have to fight for him. He’s his father’s son. He’s headstrong and stubborn.” Carter shook his head at my mom’s accurate description and I smirked. Take that jerk. “He’s also the man who has loved you your whole life. And if I didn’t truly believe that, I would’ve let your dad loose on him. If I didn’t know the kind of love you have for him, the same love I have for your dad, I would’ve stepped in. All I want is for you to be happy. If that can’t happen with Carter in your life, then move on, and we’ll stand behind you. But before you make that decision, and fair warning, by what your dad said, Carter’s on the war path to get to you. Think about what your dad said, think about the kind of love the two of you share. If your answer is you can live a happy life without him, then kick him out and move on.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. What was I supposed to say to all that?
“And, Carter?” my mom called, making both of us jerk.
“Yeah?�
� he croaked.
“Do not make a liar out of me.”
My mom disconnected and Carter tossed my phone on the counter.
Before I could recover, Carter did, and he moved toward me. “Take a chance, Laney. Please take a chance on me, on us, on the future you know we were destined to have. Start over with me.”
“I need more than five hours,” I told him.
“No, you don’t. You need to go with your heart.”
“And you need to stop telling me what I need to do,” I snapped.
“Go with your heart.”
“That hasn’t worked out well for me, Carter.”
“Go with it, Laney. Start over with me.”
“What does that even mean? How do we start over?”
“Let me take you out on a date?”
“A date?” I sucked in a breath and reached for the counter, holding on to the edge so tightly my knuckles were turning white. And, yes, I knew I’d stopped the blood flow to my hand because I was staring at it unable to look at Carter.
“Will you go out to dinner with me?” he asked.
I couldn’t help it, I really tried not to laugh at his preposterous question but I failed. My eyes closed and I cackled loud and long.
“So goddamn beautiful when you laugh.”
My eyes flew open and he was in my space. One arm went around my lower back and he hauled me against him. The other went to the back of my neck and he gathered my hair into his hand and he pulled, tilting my face to his.
Holy hell.
Carter Lenox was hot. He’d been hot since he was thirteen. He became super-hot when he was sixteen and started working out. By the time I’d given him my virginity, which was the first time I’d seen him naked, he was crazy-hot. And over the years, he’d continued to work out, making his body even more muscular and that was when he became out-of-this-world hot.
So considering I’d always thought he was the sexiest man I’d ever seen, this new look he had going on, staring at me with an intensity I’d never seen coming from him, made him out of my league hot. He looked part badboy and part my Carter. This mix of the two was doing crazy things to my body. But then, him being close at any time had never failed to turn me on. I was conditioned. This was what always happened. All he needed to do was pull me to him, brush my hair away, and kiss the side of my neck and I was ready for him.
Adoring Delaney: The Next Generation Page 7