I was thinking about this when my phone rang.
Delaney.
That was something else that was new. Me getting phone calls from her in the middle of the afternoon. One of us had called each day to touch base. Those calls had once been reserved for the evenings and sometimes there’d be days between even if I’d been stateside. If I’d been training or deployed, there’d be stretches of weeks or months when I’d be in hell not able to hear her sweet voice.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hey. Listen, there’s been a change of plans.”
“What’s that?”
“Ethan and Honor are coming over with your parents tonight.”
Oh, shit. It was going to be hard enough telling my mom. I hadn’t thought about my brother and his wife who was pregnant. Very pregnant, and I didn’t know if it was a good idea for Laney to talk about losing our child when Honor was there.
“Laney—”
“I’m okay. I actually think it’s better this way. We can tell them both at once and it will be done.”
I was happy she thought it’d be better because I wasn’t so sure.
“But Honor—”
“I thought about that, too. Maybe it will be easier if she’s there. You know, there’s still a new baby coming into the family.”
“Laney,” I unintendedly growled. “She and Ethan having a baby cannot replace the one we lost.”
“I know,” she whispered. “That’s not what I meant. I just mean…I can’t explain it right. What we lost will never be replaced, but there’s still a lot to be grateful for. And I also want her there because I’ve kinda been distant and avoiding her. Ever since they announced she was pregnant I started to pull away. I couldn’t bear to see her pregnant with the next Lenox baby after I’d lost ours. I need to do this. I need to tell them both I’m sorry and explain. So having them all together and us having to do it once will be easier.”
Fuck.
I didn’t want to tell them all at once but this wasn’t about what I wanted, it was about what Delaney needed. What would be best for her. Ethan was going to feel this. He was a dad and his wife was getting ready to give birth to his son. He’d also feel misplaced, brotherly guilt for having another baby, when I didn’t have mine. I knew him. I knew where his mind would go. But it wasn’t about Ethan either. I’d deal with him and the fallout after I got Delaney to the other side and she was healthy and happy.
“Okay, baby. If that’s how you wanna play it.”
“There’s one more thing.” Her tone had changed and was a little hesitant. “I ran into Natalie—”
“Delaney.” That snarl was intentional.
“Sheesh. Hold your hair on, Carter, and listen. I saw her and approached. She was at the mall looking for a job.”
“You don’t—”
“She had a handful of job applications. Anyway, she was going to one more store to see if they’re hiring, then we’re heading to The Bistro. You know, the restaurant in the mall for lunch.”
I didn’t know people still used paper job applications but her explanation made me feel a little better, though there was still doubt. And the problem was, I had nothing to back up my suspicions.
“See if you can find out her last name.”
“I’m not interrogating the poor woman, Carter.”
“Not asking you to waterboard her. All I’m asking for is her last name. The car she’s driving is registered in Florida, not Illinois.”
“You checked her out? How do you know what car she drives?”
The smart thing would’ve been to keep my trap shut and not tell Laney anything, but I wasn’t going to keep secrets and I’d sat on this one long enough. Better for her to know now, then find out later and be pissed I ran a search on the woman then withheld that information.
“Did it before we left for Virginia. I saw her walking out of the restaurant, empty handed, and get into a car with Florida plates. I was curious as to why she didn’t have takeout containers seeing as she was there to get dinner. And she’d said she was from Chicago.”
“So? Maybe the wait was too long and she was hungry. And rental cars can have plates from any state, not just where you rented them.”
“Know that. Thought on it. And decided I wanted to run her anyway. Though the car’s not a rental. It’s registered to a man.”
“So?”
“The man could be a boyfriend or just a friend, I don’t have the first clue because I don’t know Natalie’s last name.”
“I’m not spying on her.”
“Not asking you to spy. I’m asking you to ask her last name. Women do that shit when they’re getting to know each other.”
“We do? And how would you know that? Have you grown a vagina or have you sat in on a book club meeting where a gaggle of women are gabbin’ away getting to know one another?”
“Think you know I don’t have a vagina, Laney.” Worst timing ever. Jasper appeared in my doorway and his brows shot to his hairline. Damn. “While I think you’re cute when you’re throwing me attitude and sarcasm, this is not the time. Just find out her last name.”
“Not a chance.”
She hung up on me and I sighed, setting my phone on my desk.
“Do I wanna know?” Jasper asked.
“Your daughter’s a pain in my ass.”
Jasper’s features relaxed and his eyes danced. I was a man, and as I had unnecessarily reminded Delaney, I did not have a vagina, but I couldn’t miss the twinkle in Jasper’s eyes. Once again pride shone at his daughter’s hardheadedness. He was more than proud his first-born daughter was giving me shit. Likely he’d started teaching her the art of driving men up the wall as soon as she could cogitate, hoping to keep pimple-faced jackasses from trying to get into her pants. His efforts were lost on me. I had never been a pimple-faced anything, and no one attempted to get into her pants because if they had, I would’ve put a stop to it.
“You don’t say?” He chuckled. “Why do you want her to get Natalie’s last name? Thought you were gonna lay off her?”
“I was. But something’s gnawing at me.”
Jasper was instantly on alert. “Something new happen?”
“Delaney thought she saw Natalie at a restaurant when we were in Virginia. When I pressed her, she said it was a woman who looked like Natalie. I looked around but didn’t see anyone and didn’t get up and check because my friends had shown up at the same time and I didn’t want to leave Laney with four strangers. Today she went to the mall, and she just called to tell me she’d run into Natalie again. But this time, Delaney says she approached Natalie when she noticed her. She also told me Natalie was there looking for a job and even had applications. They’re going to lunch together.”
“Paper applications?”
“That’s what I was thinking. Anyway, I asked Laney to find out the woman’s last name. Now she’s in a snit telling me she won’t interrogate her.”
“It’s not like you asked her to tie her to a chair and waterboard her.”
“Thank you. That’s what I said. See? Pain in my ass.”
“You could always show up at the restaurant and ask yourself. Or you could snap a picture of the woman and we can run it through facial rec, see if we get a hit.”
I thought about both of those options, and while both were good ideas, neither was going to happen.
“That’s not gonna happen for a variety of reasons—none of which I want to discuss with my woman’s father—but I will tell you, I like my balls and if I show up, your daughter will undoubtedly own them.”
“I see your dilemma. Seeing as I, too, do not have a vagina, I wouldn’t be caught in a mall. But we can mobilize Quinn.”
That was brilliant.
“You think that’s smart? I could be wrong and the woman could be harmless and desperate for a friend. Or my gut could be right.”
“All the more reason to send Quinn in. We’ll brief her and she’ll be in and out and neither Delaney or Natalie will know what she’s
up to.”
Delaney would know. She’d sniff that shit out in a second.
“Call her and tell her how to play it. They’re at The Bistro.”
“I’ll let you know.”
Jasper backed out of my office and I contemplated how pissed Delaney was going to be and found I’d take her anger if it meant I could get information on Natalie.
* * *
Delaney had just finished telling my parents, Honor, and Ethan about the baby. She’d sat next to me on the couch glued to my side. This being the second time she’d recited the horror she hadn’t needed to stop as many times to gather herself. Though the tears flowed and the pain rolled off of her.
My mom was wrecked. Honor looked beaten down, she, too, was openly showing her sadness for Delaney and me.
My brother and my dad had matching scowls. They were feeling this deep. Not only what we’d lost, but also their women were torn to shreds and neither of them liked it.
I also learned something. This was one thing my dad couldn’t take from my mom. He was sitting close, his arm around her shoulder, trying as he might but Lily Lenox wasn’t giving my dad her pain. She’d locked it in her heart and mama bear was out. One of her boys had suffered the unimaginable and she was determined to feel every ounce of hurt I had.
That was my mom’s way. That was why my brother and I had tried our best to shield her. When someone she loved was in pain, she took it on. If it was one of her boys, she’d dwell on the wound and lick it for a good long time.
“Laney girl,” my mom sobbed. “I cannot…I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry. I was stupid, I—”
“Stop,” my brother interrupted. “You’ve never been stupid. Not a single day I’ve known you, and I’ve known you my whole life. Nothing that happened is your fault and you shouldn’t be apologizing.”
Delaney pinched her lips together and nodded, not believing a word my brother had said.
“I’m so sorry,” Honor whispered. “I couldn’t understand why you kept your distance and I pushed because I thought you were still…I don’t know, scared after what happened. I thought I was doing right, pestering you to come over to our house. I thought maybe spending time with Carson and us would help you. You know, being around family. I had no idea. I’m so sorry if seeing me hurt you. God, Laney, I’m just so sorry. I don’t know how you can stand to see me.”
Then Delaney shocked the hell out of me and opened up completely.
“It did hurt and that’s why I was pulling away. Every time I saw you, I was so jealous. All I could think about was, that should’ve been me. That was me. I was supposed to have the next Lenox grandchild. Me and Carter. Then when you really started to show I wanted to ask you questions. I wanted to know what it felt like to feel the baby move. It was torture, but I couldn’t imagine and wanted to feel it so badly.
“Then I’d watch Ethan with you and how sweet he is. He never takes his eyes off you. He’s always rubbing your belly and smiling. I couldn’t stand to see it because I wanted just a little bit of that. I wanted Carter to look at me that way.
“And Carson? God, she’s so excited with all these new babies. I wanted to give her a cousin…” A sob tore from Delaney, the pain so stark it took my breath.
“Laney baby,” I whispered.
“I have to finish. I want you all to know how much I wanted the baby. How excited I was. How much I loved him or her from the second I found out. I need you all to know that. I was wrong to keep it a secret. Both before and after I lost her. I also know I was a jerk to be jealous. That’s why I wanted you both here. I’m excited for you. I already love your new baby. And I hope you both can forgive me.”
“Nothing to forgive, Delaney,” my brother croaked out.
He was fighting back his emotion and losing. My mom wasn’t trying and my dad was stoic.
“I’ll tell you whatever you wanna know,” Honor blurted. “Or I’ll stay away. Whatever is easier for you. Whatever you need, Delaney, is what you’re gonna get. We know you’re happy for us. We know you’re gonna love our baby like you love Carson, and Nick’s twins. But if you need time, take it. Be kind to yourself. We love you and want you to do what’s best for you.”
That right there was one of the many reasons my brother loved his wife. Honor would do whatever she could for her family. She understood Delaney’s pain and had given her an out. Permission for Delaney to stay away and do it guilt-free.
“That’s not what I want. I can’t hide anymore.”
I gave Laney’s hand a squeeze and she nuzzled closer. My brother’s watchful gaze never left me and Delaney.
“Happy for you,” Ethan started. “We all are. And, Laney, my brother does look at you the way I look at Honor. He always has. Ever since we were kids, when you entered a room everyone else ceased to exist for him. That’s why all the years you both tried to sneak around and hide your relationship from us, it didn’t work. We all knew, just from the way he stared at you. Happy that shit’s over now, the two of you dancing around each other in front of us. It was painful to watch two people who obviously loved each other hide it.
“I love you, Laney, so I say this as your once cousin and soon-to-be brother, don’t pull that shit again. Don’t shut us out when you’re in pain. You denied each of us the opportunity to repay you for the kindness you’ve shown us over the years. When I was sixteen and scared as shit, fatherhood looming, it was you who sat with me and told me the family had my back. It was you who told me, you’d never let me fail as a dad. You, Laney. You helped me through the hardest time in my life. Yet, when you suffered a blow, you pushed me away. You deprived me the chance to show you how much I loved you and prove I had your back when you needed it.”
“I’m sorry,” Laney whispered. “You’re right.”
“Don’t want you to say you’re sorry. I want you to remember how much we all adore you. How important you are to this family. How when one of us is suffering we all are. Together we’re strong, unbreakable, we can get through anything.”
My dad was staring at my brother with pride.
And he would, my dad had preached that very sentiment to both of us over the years. He’d repeatedly told us never to stray too far from our tribe. That when shit hit the fan, and it would, it would be our family who saw us through. And not just blood, but the family he’d created by friendship. Jasper, Levi, and Clark would always take care of us.
“I’ve waited a long time to have daughters,” my mom said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Couldn’t have picked a better wife for Ethan. Honor is a treasured addition to our family. I stopped thinking of Delaney as my niece sometime around when she was sixteen and started thinking of her as the girl who would grow into a woman, and that woman would become my daughter. I just didn’t think it would take damn near ten years. But I should’ve known Carter being our first born, he’d take after his father and take the long road. But that’s behind us. That’s the journey the two of you had to take and I promise you both it’s worth it.
“With that said, this family has a lot to be grateful for. We are blessed beyond measure and part of those blessings is Carter and Delaney’s baby. My grandbaby. A life that will be celebrated and remembered. One that we never had the honor of meeting but love her all the same. Laney, sweetheart, we’ll always remember her, I swear it. We’ll never forget what you gave us, even if you only had her a short time.”
And there it was. What Laney was trying to tell me earlier but I couldn’t understand. But hearing my mom tell us, she loved our baby and would never forget her was exactly what we both needed to hear.
“Thank you.” Delaney’s muffled appreciation could barely be heard because I was holding her so close, her face buried in my chest.
Wetness hit my eyes and I couldn’t let go of Delaney. I desperately needed her. Needed her to soothe the ache in my heart. Needed her in my arms and prayed she understood how strong she was, how much I loved her, and how much I loved our baby.
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Delaney
“You call your dad?” I asked Carter when he came into the bedroom.
As soon as everyone had said their tearful goodbyes, Carter had sent me to get ready for bed while he cleaned up and locked up the house.
I’d taken a long hot shower trying to wash away the sadness. The sting of Lily and Honor’s tears still too fresh. Lenox’s somber stare was one I would never forget. Yet it was Ethan’s words I’d replayed over and over again. He loved hard. Always had. Even as a kid, he felt everything deep and was the first one to rush to your side.
Part of why I’d kept my miscarriage a secret was I knew my family would be heartbroken. Not just for Carter and I but for themselves, too. I’d known they’d all feel the loss. I hadn’t wanted that for them. But I’d been wrong.
“Yeah.” His voice was low and rough, filled with agony.
“Your mom okay?”
“Not even a little bit. Cried all the way home. Dad just put her to bed and he was headed that way himself when we were getting off the phone.”
I hated that. Much like my mom, Lily was crushed. Lenox didn’t look much better and Ethan had taken it harder than I’d thought. Though he was a Lenox man—therefore I should’ve expected his reaction.
“I’m sorry, honey,” I whispered.
“So am I. But my dad will see her through. I hope you know mom’s gonna hover for a while. You know how she gets. She’s gonna stick close until she can ascertain you’re all right.”
“I know. My mom’s doing the same.”
“You sure you’re okay with my mom and yours telling the rest of the family?”
That was something we’d discussed. I didn’t want to keep telling the story but everyone needed to know. It may’ve been the chickenshit thing to do but the one thing I knew was everyone would understand.
“Yeah, after I tell my sisters. I texted Quinn and the twins and asked them over tomorrow for lunch.”
Adoring Delaney: The Next Generation Page 18