by Nyrae Dawn
Brandon laughs. “Whatever, man. Did you ever stop to think maybe I have something better here?”
He’s saying it for me but I still can’t make myself look at him right now.
“What? Who?” Theo asks.
It’s not like he’s going to tell him that. Still, I listen. “None of your business. I’m out though. Thanks for calling.” Brandon hangs up before Theo can reply.
Brandon touches my back. “Alec—”
“I need to get a shower.” His hand slides off when I get out of bed. I’m not under the spray any longer than a minute when the bathroom door opens, followed by the shower curtain and Brandon is stepping in behind me.
He backs me against the wall and I let him. Buries his face in my neck as my hands dig into his hips.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I hate this. Why can’t I play ball and have you too?”
“Who says you can’t?” Any other day I probably wouldn’t have said that but I’m already on edge because of working with my dad today.
Brandon stands straight but I don’t let go of him. “All the guys who won’t want to share the locker room with a queer. All the gay guys who wait until after their sports careers are over before they come out. People who get jumped walking down the street. People who think I’m wrong to love you.”
My fingers dig into him tighter. My pulse jacks up a few notches. I’ve always loved him, and even though I’ve never doubted he feels the same, we’ve never said it. It was this unspoken rule. Like it would make things harder because we’ve both probably always known this wouldn’t last.
“I don’t even have a backup plan after football, Al. How fucked up is that? I’m getting a business degree but what would I do with it? I’ve never thought of anything for my life besides playing.”
The part that pisses me off is no one else has either. His parents are great and I know they love him but they’ve never pushed Brandon to think he could do anything but play ball. When he found it, they clung to that and I get it. He’s good at it, and it was the first thing in his life he ever connected to. But what else could he have excelled at? His dad is a fucking professor and I don’t think he ever told him school is more important than ball.
“That’s because no one ever made sure you knew you were bigger than football. And you are, Brand. It’s why I love you.”
The water from the shower mixes with our kiss. I run my hand though his wet hair and he thrusts his body against mine. When I try to adjust, my foot slips and I almost go down, but Brandon grabs me.
“I know I’m a good kisser but didn’t think I’d knock you off your feet.” He grins.
I can’t help but do the same. “Fuck you.”
Brandon leans close to my ear. “Soon . . .” My body tenses because yeah, I’ve thought about it. Hell yeah I want to but hearing him say it is a whole different story.
“Now stop distracting me. We need to clean up before we go help your dad.” Brandon steps away.
“You’re going?” He hates being around my dad. “It’s a training day for you.”
He shrugs. “Don’t want you to deal with him alone.”
The sun beats down on my bare back as I drop a load of wood where Brand and I are helping Dad build the new fence. It’s off to the right of the lake, close to the office and house where Charlie’s dad lives. They store a lot of the equipment in here but the wood’s getting old and rotting out.
Sweat drips down my forehead, as Brandon looks up at me from where he’s kneeling down beside me. I don’t know how he’s wearing a shirt out here—wish he didn’t give a shit about the scar running down his chest.
“You have dirt on your face.” He stands and reaches out, smiling, his hand moving close to my cheek.
“You wipe his ass for him too?” Dad laughs and Brandon drops his arm, his eyes wide as though he can’t believe he almost did that.
“Was just going to point to it,” Brandon mumbles as I wipe my face with the back of my hand.
Dad grunts. “How’s the training going?”
Brandon pushes the shovel into the dirt, digging another hole for the posts. “Good. Alec helps a lot.”
I know he’s trying to stand up for me the best he can but I wish he wouldn’t have said it.
Dad crosses his arms. “Yeah, he was pretty good in high school. Alec’s problem is he loved it but he treated it like a game. Wasn’t serious about it. He didn’t have the determination to try and make it anything more.”
It’s because I thought I could hide easier staying here and working at the cabins. I thought I could marry Charlie and be happy.
In that way, I’m like Brandon only I realize now I can’t hide it forever. I don’t want to. Brandon might.
“Maybe that’s because he doesn’t need it to define him.” Brand shrugs. “He’s bigger than football.”
The shovel drops out of my hand but Brandon doesn’t flinch—doesn’t look up from digging his hole. That rush he always gives me, takes over, pummeling through me in a way only Brandon brings out in me.
I want to tell him he’s bigger than football too. I want him to believe it.
Dad’s shoulders set as he looks down at Brandon. The wheels turning in his head, making my heart feel like it will burst.
So I laugh. “Nah, but thanks for the vote of confidence. Dad’s right. I just didn’t want to put out the energy.”
This time it’s Brandon who tenses. The shoveling stops and he looks over at me. There’s a tic in his jaw that probably only I would notice.
“That’s all right!” Dad’s hand comes down on my shoulder. “You’ve always belonged in Lakeland Village anyway. One day this will be yours—yours and Charlie’s but who knows if she’ll even want a piece of it, being off in New York and all.”
That’s always been okay with me. I don’t hate it here, but I don’t love it anymore either.
As I’m about to reply, there’s a giggle from the lake. Without looking I know who it is. Ever since Brandon and I got here this morning, a couple girls have been sitting by the dock in bikinis. They keep getting closer to us and every time I haul a load over, I feel their eyes on me.
“You guys have some attention.” Dad gives me this playful shake like he wishes he were my age again.
How disgusted would he be if he knew they did nothing for me? That I’d rather kiss, and touch Brandon? That the hardness of his body does more for me than the softness of their curves ever could?
“This one’s about ready for a post.” Brandon pushes the shovel deep into the dirt, with more strength than he probably needs to.
I watch his muscles flex as he works, wanting nothing more than to get out of here—with him.
It’s after four by the time we’re almost finished. Dad drags Brandon off for a little while to help with something while I’m putting some last minute touches on the fence. I don’t turn when I hear footsteps behind me, figuring it has to be them or Charlie and Nate.
“Hi.”
My insides freeze at the female voice. It has to be one of the girls from earlier. I thought we’d been in the clear when they went inside.
“Hey.” I don’t look their way, just continue to hammer, hoping she’ll leave.
“Are you from here? My cousin and I are renting one of the cabins.”
I let out a breath and turn. She’s blond, wearing a jean skirt and a short shirt. The other girl, who must be her cousin, is with her too but she hasn’t said anything.
“Yeah, I’m local.”
Her eyes skate up and down my body. “I’m Dee. This is my cousin Rachel. Her parents used to come here and they rented us the cabin to help Rach get over a break up.”
“What the hell?” Rachel hits her arm.
“What? It’s true.” Then she looks at me again. “Obviously it’s not helping and we don’t really know what there is to do around here. I was thinking maybe you and your friend could show us around. I figure we came here to have some fun, and the best way is help from someone who knows where
to find it.”
I won’t be any fun for you.
“Not me. Her.” Rachel shakes her head. “I’m planning on getting back together with my boyfriend.”
Dee smiles. “Okay, well then maybe you can show me.”
I feel like a fist slammed into my gut—words that have no business threatening to come out, at the tip of my tongue. I’m with Brandon. I don’t want to go anywhere with anyone except him.
Until he’s gone . . .
“I wish I could help you out but my buddy and I have some stuff we need to take care of. We’re heading out in a few minutes.”
“Oh.” Her nose crinkles like she’s never been turned down before. She’s beautiful. I’m sure she hasn’t.
“Hey.” My eyes flash behind Rachel and Dee at the sound of Brandon’s voice.
“Are you guys enjoying your stay?” Dad asks, his voice all business but I know he’s also hoping to find out if I’m making plans with them.
“We are. We were just asking . . .” Dee looks at me and I realize I didn’t even tell her my name.
“Alec.”
“We were asking Alec if he could show us around, but I guess he has plans with his friend tonight.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Brandon steps up beside me.
“You guys can’t take a night off from training to show the ladies a good time?” Dad eyes me.
Heat radiates off Brand. He’s tense beside me, partially because he doesn’t know how to handle this, but I also think he’s wishing Dad didn’t mention training too. Throwing out that he’s an Ohio football player is the easiest way to get a girl.
“We have an appointment. We’re meeting with a trainer,” he lies.
“Oh, bummer. Maybe some other time then?” Dee asks.
“Yeah, maybe. We’ll be around.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want them back. The last thing I want to do is lead her on.
Rachel and Dee say good-bye and hardly make it out of hearing distance when Dad turns on me. “You kids are a whole hell of a lot different than I was at your age. Football’s important but there’s no way we would have walked away from an opportunity like that. You’re young. You should be having fun. What kind of man walks away from a woman like that?” He shakes his head, honestly not understanding me. But then he wouldn’t.
“Brandon’s training camp’s coming up.”
“And he can’t work out without you? Christ, you two have been attached at the hip since he’s been here.” He turns to Brandon. “I get it with you. You’ll be outta here in a few weeks but”—he looks at me—“you I don’t get. Not many girls like them ’round here.”
“I—” Anger burns through my chest.
“It’s my fault. He knows I need to train. I don’t have a car or anything so he’s just trying to help me out.” Brandon’s mouth is tight as he speaks. One of his hands is fisted.
“Crazy kids.” Dad shakes his head and walks toward the office.
“Let’s go.” I drop the shovel to the ground. It doesn’t matter that we’re not completely finished, I start walking to my truck anyway. My head’s pounding so hard it hurts my eyes.
I need to get the fuck out of here before I explode.
Chapter Sixteen
Brandon
Alec’s silent the whole way home. I’m driving his truck for the first time because he automatically went to the passenger side when we left. Guess he doesn’t like to drive when he’s upset. I didn’t know that about him. It’s one of the few things I didn’t know.
Guilt gnaws its way through me. If this had been years ago, I would have found a way for him to know it was okay for him to go. He could have faked it. It’s not as if both of us don’t know how by now. Then he could have come back to me. It would have saved him the fight with his dad that I know is tearing him up right now.
But the truth is, I’m selfish. The thought of him being with someone else, or having to pretend he’s into some girl makes me want to put my fist through a wall. He shouldn’t have to do that. I don’t think I have it in me to have told him to go. The thought makes me sick and now he’s beating himself up over what his dad thinks.
As soon as we get home, Alec slams the door before leaning against the back of the small couch, making him face the hallway. “I hate him, Brand.”
“No you don’t.” It’s true. Even if he wants to, he doesn’t. It’s his dad.
Alec looks toward the floor. “He’s going to hate me when I tell him.”
I walk over, and stand between his legs. Setting my finger under his chin, I tilt his head up. “He doesn’t deserve you if he does. Not you. You’re the best person I know.”
Sighing, Alec grabs my waist. I step even closer, and he drops his forehead to my chest. “I’m going to miss this when you go. I’m going to miss you.”
I wrap an arm around him. Thread my hand through the back of his hair and hold him to me. “Me too.”
As we stand here nothing feels like it’s enough. I want to give him everything. If he’d gone out with those girls, hell, if he was with Logan, he wouldn’t be stuck here like we are every night. Home, or training, that’s all we ever do. I want to take him out and show him a good time. I want him to feel like he doesn’t have to hide because soon he won’t and he’ll be a whole hell of a lot happier than he is with me.
“Let’s get ready. I want to take you out tonight.”
Alec eases away from me. “Huh?” Shock highlights his expressions.
“I want to go out with you. Let’s go get something to eat and have some fun. Even if we can’t show we’re a real couple, we can pretend.”
Leaning forward, he presses his lips to mine. “Let’s do it.”
“How many?” the hostess at Dave & Buster’s asks.
“Just two.” I try not to let myself get stressed out over the question. Two guys can grab dinner together. There’s nothing wrong with that. She seats us in a booth. Alec and I each sit on a different side of the table before she hands us both menus and disappears.
“You know I’m kicking your ass at whatever we play tonight, don’t you?” I tease, making Alec laugh.
“Yeah, right. Who’s helping who train here?”
“Who’s already getting back into shape and will be able to take you any time now?”
He looks over at me, and raises his eyebrows telling me he’s about to say something he knows will get to me. “You could take me now but that’s just because I’d let ya.”
Heat scorches through me. “Ah fuck,” I hiss. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.” I’m not a virgin but it feels like it. I’ve been with two girls, one trying to make myself believe I wasn’t into guys—that I wasn’t into Alec—and the second trying to make myself forget about him. It makes me sound like a prick but it’s true.
But I know he hasn’t. He has way more honor than I did. He could never sink that low to be with someone when he didn’t mean it.
“Soon.” Alec picks up the menu but doesn’t look at it. “But I’m going to want you too, though.”
Warmth spreads across my skin, a mixture nerves and desire. It’s not something we’ve ever talked about before and obviously I’ve never talked to anyone else about it either. The idea is intriguing and I wonder why I never saw myself on that end of it before.
“Yeah?” I’m not sure why I’m surprised.
His forehead wrinkles and then he rolls his eyes.
Scratching my neck, I look at him around my arm. “Never mind. No shit, right? That was stupid question.”
We both laugh. I slide my leg forward, and lean it against his, just because I want to touch him. As I do the waitress comes back to the table. My instinct is to jerk my leg back but I keep it where I want it to be. She asks if we’re ready to order and for some reason we both laugh again before I tell her we haven’t even looked at the menu yet.
“I was too busy playing football, a real man’s sport to practice much basketball.” I flip the orange ball in my hand as we stand by the bas
ketball game in the arcade.
“Are you trying to make excuses for when I kick your ass?” Alec comes right back at me.
“Hell no. I’ll still beat you. I just want to make sure you know when you get taken down that it’s from someone who hasn’t shot a basketball in years.” The arcade is loud around us. People walking and talking everywhere, with flashing lights and sounds from games. I hardly hear any of it as I talk to him.
“Quit stalling and put the damn tokens in so I can shut you up in the way that matters.”
I shake my head, as I put the coins in and start the game. As soon as the bell goes off, Alec and I start shooting. My first shot bounces off the rim and his swishes right through. Fucker. Luckily I make my next and he misses. We keep shooting and I stop paying attention to him until the buzzer goes off and I glance at the score. 28–28.
“Again,” Alec mumbles before pushing more tokens in. I lose myself in the game for the second time until the buzzer goes off. I glance at the score.
“Hell yeah. Told you I had this, man.” Alec gloats. My chest gets tight. Holy shit, I love his smile.
“Don’t think you’re getting away without another game.” I put more coins in, determined to beat him. And I do.
“Look who folded under pressure. Can’t keep it going two games in a row, huh?”
“Anyone can play basketball. I’ll beat your ass in air hockey.” Alec heads over to the table and I follow right behind him. We play five games, and tie three of them. From there we play pool, shooting games, fighting games. We talk shit about who’s winning but really I couldn’t care less.
By the time we climb back in the truck all the shit from earlier is nothing but a distant memory. Tonight we were like everyone else.
As Alec drives home, I reach over and put my hand on his leg. “I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.”
“Me either,” he says into the darkened truck.
“That’s because you were with me. How could it not kick ass?”
Alec laughs. “Cocky.”