Then the older lady whispers something to them that sounds a lot like “From the Bs” in French. I watch as their eyes widen, as if whoever they just spoke of is never mentioned within these walls. I just stand there, not at all surprised.
I guess this is what I deserve, I mean, I did kill her. Why would she allow me to dance on her turf? I doubt she even wants me to dance at all, maybe because I’m a liar, tainting her legacy.
You don’t belong here. No one loves you.
The voice is back, hauntingly close to me as if whoever is speaking is right behind me.
So, as the judges argue among themselves, I take several steps back until I reach the door and then leave, running down the hall to the bathroom where Liam finds me.
I guess he saw me racing out of the audition room, tears streaming down my face.
“What happened?” he demands, his jaw locked, face clouding with anger. “What did they do? Did they reject you?”
All I can do is nod, my chest hurting so bad, I think I’m going to pass out.
“Fuck this, what did they say? I’ll sort this out! They have another thing coming if they think they can just reject you! No one rejects my Cupcake. Ever!”
That makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
“No, just one of the judges said it, it seemed to shock the others.”
“What did she say?”
So, I tell him everything they said and how they all behaved and he frowns.
“They said what?”
“Something like from the Bs,” I repeat with a frown. Liam’s face falls and he stands there so still, like he’s not even breathing.
“Liam?” I poke his chest then he looks down at me.
“Uh yeah, hmm,” he starts, looking like his mind is still trying to piece something together. “I think we need to go out and enjoy the night. Forget these old assholes! We can call up your friends who, I’ll tell you right now, I might fuck later tonight.”
“Ew, TMI, Liam,” I groan, washing my face now. “I don’t need to know what you do.”
“I just didn’t want to shock you,” he says with a chuckle. “Because I think one of them is already half in love with me.”
“And let me guess, you don’t care.”
“What?” he exclaims, clutching his chest. “I care about everyone’s feelings.”
I stare at him, silently.
“Okay, I care about getting my dick sucked, so I pretend to care about their touchy feelings,” he grumbles. Does that confession make you feel better, you royal pain in the ass?”
“It does, monsieur,” I mutter and soon we leave, but I can’t shake this foreboding feeling that snakes its way down my spine.
‘From the Bs’
Who are the fucking Bs?
* * *
Hours later we’re in some club that Liam says he knows and has partied in before. Rye and Jaz have practically been dry humping his leg the entire time and Liam? He’s having the time of his life.
“What’s wrong with you? Don’t tell me you’re still thinking of that stupid dance thing?” He frowns at me.
Surprisingly, I’m not thinking about that at all. I’m thinking about Julian. He’s been incredibly quiet. I have no idea where he is or if he’s even still in Paris.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Cupcake?” Liam questions, tugging me up so I can stand and dance with him. “Talk to me.”
“I’m just…” I start, but don’t know how to say it. “I’m just thinking about your brother.”
I’m not just thinking about him, I’m worried. Does he not want me anymore? Has he already given up on me? Did I push him away?
“Ah, yes,” he shouts over the music. “You have the same look on your face like he had on his when I left him.”
“I have a look? What look?”
“Longing,” he says in my ear.
“Oh,” I mutter, relieved when my voice is drowned out by the music. “I was beginning to think that he’s now indifferent toward me. That he doesn’t feel anything for me, anymore.”
But somehow, he hears me above the music.
“Cupcake, indifference is a feeling.”
It’s the way he says it, like he knows what that means on a personal level.
I stare up at him, my jaw slack as I take in the pain in his eyes. It’s so raw, so potent and real that for a moment, it takes my breath away and I realize something in that moment that completely breaks my heart.
Liam is one of those extremely rare people that love hard. That love with their entire being the way some of us hate with our entire beings.
Not only that, Liam loves deeply and so completely that now as I hold his tortured gaze, I realize something. Liam was the kind of lover that gave literally everything to the person they loved, going in with their full hearts, so when that heart breaks… it’s more than a tragedy or mere devastation you can get over. It’s anarchy to the soul.
“Liam,” I gasp his name, unshed tears in my eyes.
“Don’t.” He flinches, stepping away from me. “Don’t look at me like that.”
The way he growls those words through his teeth, like he’s trying to hold himself back from lashing out at me pains me in a way that has me biting my tongue, hard. How do I go about this? How do I deal with this kind of hurt when I’m in the throes of my own unending anguish?
“How am I looking at you?” I question quietly, my voice soft and low as heartbreak pulses through my system like the slow working poison it is.
“You’re looking at me like I’m pathetic,” he starts, stepping back from me, anger flashing in his eyes. “I don’t know what kind of pity story you’re conjuring up in your fucked-up head, Mia, but I’m not a fucking pathetic, lovestruck, foolish schoolboy.”
Mia, not Cupcake.
“No, Liam, that’s not how I’m looking at you,” I start, not really shocked at his reaction. “I was just—"
“Then what, Mia?” he seethes, cutting me off. “Did that shit open your eyes to the real mess within, huh? How do you see me now that I’ve just bared my soul to you when you’re not even reliable enough to be trusted with the truth?”
“That’s not fair,” I say, holding his gaze and that’s when I see the unshed tears in his eyes. “If you didn’t trust me you wouldn’t have told me.”
“Come on, Cupcake,” he mutters, his voice calming down as he runs a hand through his hair. “It’s not about trust with me, though that matters, it’s about—”
“Being familiar with that godawful feeling of being burned one too many times that opening up becomes so excruciating that you’d rather cut out your damn heart than open up to anyone else,” I finish as Julian’s face flashes in my head.
My heart beats slowly for a few seconds and I almost groan in pain. I miss him, God, I miss him so much.
Liam looks down at me, not saying anything for a while as a lone tear rolls down my right cheek.
Liam slowly reaches up to my cheek, then with his calloused thumb, he wipes the tears away. I can’t look away from him as the pain we’re both in connects us to a deeper level. I don’t even notice how close we’re standing together or how his thumb is so close to my lips.
“Yeah,” he finally says, his voice ever so soft. I stare up at him, noticing his gorgeous, chiseled face, his dark eyes different from his brother but my God, Liam is beautiful, sexy, boyish and so damn alluring. The only problem here is he’s not the correct Fitz brother that I want to kiss right now. “Do me a favor though, Cupcake.”
“What’s that?” I question, snaping back to the now.
“Try not to look at me with pity in your gorgeous eyes,” he mutters, looking down into my eyes so fiercely, the breath is knocked out of my lungs for a moment.
“I don’t,” I protest.
“You do,” he says, watching me. His gaze drops down to my lips for a second, then he looks up at me. “Don’t let my shit over her upset you and don’t treat me differently just because you know I’m never g
oing to give the shattered pieces of me to anyone else other than you.”
“Me?” My eyes grow wide as shock grips me by the throat. Liam starts smiling his famous, billionaire, playboy shameless flirt smirk.
“Yes you, Cupcake, don’t look so shocked. You knew what you were doing when you inserted yourself into my life. You snuck into my heart and took hold of it.”
“No, I…” I stutter, not knowing what to do. Is this a declaration of love? What is he saying? Is he trying to tell me that he has feelings for me?
Holy shit! He’s Julian’s brother.
My poor heart is beating wildly in my chest and I know my face is drained of color right now.
“It’s useless denying the effect you have on me, Mia so don’t even bother,” he says, stepping closer to me, his thumb now grazing my cheek so softly, I shiver. “You know you and I are good together, right Cupcake?”
“Liam,” Okay, I’m totally freaking out now. What is this?
“The way you say my name, the way you get me, just us, Cupcake,” he says then his thumb grazes my thumb. It’s like a bucket of ice-cold water has just been poured over me.
“Remember the question you asked me last night?” Liam groans in my ear, the sound so intimate that my eyes widen. “Do you remember, Mia?”
All I do is nod and his eyes light up with satisfaction.
“Ask me again, I have the answer now.”
Oh God, this needs to stop right now. Shit.
“Ask me, Mia,” he groans, then turns his head around, giving me his ear so I can repeat my question from last night.
“Uh, I asked if you can promise not to hurt me?” I whisper in his ear.
He looks back into my gaze, and I almost jump back when I feel a sinister thrill going through me as he wraps an arm around me.
“Can’t baby,” he mutters. “We’re recovering liars.”
We? Who is he talking about?
Shivers go through my body as the hair at the back of my neck stands up on end and as I step away from Liam, I notice the evil glint in his eyes as he looks down at me. But before I can voice the question on my tongue, a figure blurs past me from out of nowhere and the next thing I know, a large body is in front of me, then the sickening sound of flesh being pummeled reaches my ears.
It takes me all of about three seconds to realize that Julian just punched his brother, making me gasp in horror.
“Omg,” I gasp, frozen in place as Liam retaliates, throwing a punch back, a fierce look of anger on his face.
“Stop!” I scream.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What do I do?
Frantic, I look around, but people just watch, no one making a move to stop the two brothers from killing each other.
“Julian!” I scream his name, but he doesn’t listen, groaning as Liam punches him again. I feel like I’m losing my mind, so I do the next most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done in my life with my heart beating wildly in my chest. I jump on Julian’s back.
“Stop,” I yell in his ear, my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life. I can feel the anxiety thrumming through his body and into mine. I can hear the labored way he’s breathing and the fear in my voice as I bring my lips to his ear. “Julian, stop.”
He stills in my arms almost immediately, but I can feel the anger and fury radiating off of him in waves that crash into me, making me feel the full effect of how much he’s hurt right now. So I lower my voice, forcing it to be soft.
“Please, stop,” I whisper in his ear. “You don’t have to do this.”
I don’t remind him that he just beat up his brother, the one he’s spent all his life trying to protect from anyone and anything. I don’t think that’s what he wants to hear right now, my wounded man.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m here.”
He seems to calm down some but I’m not foolish enough to think that he’s all right. He isn’t.
I feel everything he’s feeling. I know he’s furious and so wound up, he can barely move, still tense under me.
Tentatively, I look up and notice Liam panting in the corner, his eyes shifting from me to his brother’s face that I can’t see.
I quickly assess the damage done to him. His lip is split at the middle and is bleeding, but other than that, he seems all right and is already breathing normally.
But Julian isn’t.
As if to prove a point, Julian snaps his head up and shakes me off his back. I slide down, but before I can move away, he spins around so fast, a low growl in his chest.
He snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me until I land with a thud to his solid, hard chest.
Before I can catch a breath or notice the look in his eyes, he brings his fingers to my chin, forcing me to offer my lips to him and right there in the middle of the now dead silent club, he plants his firm lips on mine and he lays claim to me with a rough kiss that makes the blood in my veins rush hot.
Searing arousal rushes through me, arrowing down to my now wet pussy.
Holy shit.
Almost immediately, lust and arousal crash into me like a freight train as he deepens the kiss, getting lost in me. His tongue invades my mouth like he’s taking vengeance on my body and I’m about to pay the hefty penance for all my crimes and the disaster I just caused with his brother, because as we kiss, I can’t help but think that this is somehow all my fault.
I don’t know how long he kisses me, but each flick of his tongue feels like he’s plundering my mouth, making me feel his anger, even though I know he’s holding back a lot of it with extreme difficulty.
I try to push him away, but he holds me even tighter to him and kisses me harder as if to prove a point. I know fighting him now will just cause another scene, so I surrender everything I am in that kiss and allow him to take whatever he needs from me, while also strangely aware that he’s doing this with an ulterior motive.
He wants Liam and everyone else in here to know that I’m his.
Pulling back, he looks down at me, still breathing hard, tension radiating off of his body.
That’s when I notice the bruise already forming on the side of his face. Blood trickles down from his temple, and his bottom lip is also bleeding and I realize he just kissed me with that mouth, blood and all.
Primal.
That’s the first thought that enters my mind as I tentatively bring my fingers to my bruised lips to feel the warmth of blood there and all the while. I’m unable to look away from him.
The thought of blood on me has my heart racing but unlike with my nightmares, I feel strangely calm.
Maybe it’s because this is real or maybe it’s because Julian is staring down at me, daring me to protest his raw claim on me.
Blinking, I look up at him and realize that he just allowed Liam to do damage to him and he didn’t hit Liam back after that one punch. I notice that he’s beyond angry, he’s livid.
But above all that, he’s in so much pain and right now, he doesn’t trust me, looking down at me like I’m. the enemy.
“Did you see that, asshole?” Julian starts, his words clipped. “She’s fucking mine.”
“Calm the hell down, asshole” Liam demands, an amused look on his face. “I know that. I just need you to stop hovering in the shadows like a fucking stalker. She’s here. She wants you. She doesn’t make you love her, then hurt you. So, be a man, Julian.”
What?
All this was a show to make Julian snap?
“What the fuck, Liam?”
“Damn Cupcake, you look like you’re going to drop right there and croak.” He starts laughing. I swat his arm, annoyed.
“It’s not funny,” I swat him again. “You’re giving me a heart attack, Liam,”
“Liam—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“And for Pete’s sake, don’t look at me like I’m too wounded to function. You’re looking at me like you don’t know what to do with me now.”
That’s the truth. I r
eally don’t know what to do with him now.
“Don’t worry, Cupcake. I’m still the same guy. I’ve lost shit. I’ve gained shit. It’s life. So don’t feel sorry for me or for yourself for that matter.”
I go to say something, but he shakes his head and glances at his brother who’s breathing hard and fast beside me.
“I guess you’ll be tapping out tonight, Cupcake.” He smirks then turns around to the crowd, arms raised, a huge smile on his face. “Play the music!”
And like a command, the music starts playing and the crowd starts dancing while I just stand there and stare up at a livid, brooding Julian, not knowing what to say.
He looks down at me, his eyes so dark, I have no idea what he’s thinking. And fuck me, I want to know what he’s thinking, I want it so bad, I ache all over.
As if reading me as clear as a book, he grabs my hand then and tugs me off the dance floor, not saying a word. Rye and Jaz are staring with their jaws on the floor while Julian basically manhandles me, then he takes me upstairs and I follow blindly, as if drunk on him.
Soon we reach some kind of office. He opens the door, tugs me in then shuts and locks the door behind him. The music is now muted, I guess it’s a soundproofed office.
“Fucking tell me right now, Mia,” he starts, looking ice cold and unreachable in the dark office that looks over the club. “Do you want him?”
“Want who?”
“My fucking brother,” he bites out. “Do you want him? Do you want him to fuck you? Do you prefer him for the job?”
Holy shit. An irrationally, sexually frustrated Julian Fitz is the sexist thing I’ve ever laid eyes on in my life.
“Julian…”
“Answer the damn question,” he growls, cutting me off.
“No!” I say, breathless, looking at him. God, how do I climb this tree because fuck, I want to ride him want him to make me forget everything as I ride him.
“Then tell me what you fucking want, Mia!” he growls, taking a step closer. “Because I fucking hate that you can’t communicate with me. You choose to run, ditching me at airports, behaving like a fucking child. I’m not playing a fucking game here!”
“I’m not playing either!” I shout now, frustration and sadness getting the better of me. “You by definition are not even mine to have or play with.”
Cruel Kisses: It’s Just High School #2 Page 24