In the morning, Julian and I would work out in the gym. I knew it was brotherly time for Julian and Liam but since Liam woke up pretty late and went right on back to partying and hanging out with Rye and Jaz—I suspected he was fucking both of them—he didn’t seem to care.
But more than that, there was a rift between Liam and Julian. They hardly looked at each other when they were in the same room, didn’t exchange more than a few words at a time, it was weird. Something was going on and I didn’t know how to go about it. So, I called one person who does know.
“There’s my baby girl,” Cole smirks, his face filling Julian’s phone that I stole to make this call.
“Hey, Cole,” I wave lamely, and he chuckles, shifting around., lying now on his back, bare chested. “Am I disturbing you?”
“Nah, I was in the middle of fucking, but I saw Julian FaceTiming. I knew it had to be you.”
“What? How?” I ask with a laugh.
“Have you met that asshole?” he deadpans. “He doesn’t FaceTime no body. He texts like a fucking unfeeling robot, but when he calls directly, now that’s how you know it’s him.”
“Yeah, that sounds like him.”
“What’s up, need me to come out there?”
“Oh, can you?” I jump at the chance. Having Cole here might help with the Cold War. “Julian said you’re working out and running drills like crazy.”
“Yeah, without him.” He rolls his eyes. “But if you need me to come, I can hop on a flight right now.”
I want to say yes but that’s just selfish of me.
“No, that’s all right,” I mutter. “I can handle this. I mean, I can figure shit out by myself like Sherlock Holmes.”
“Well, okay then, Shezza,” Cole says, laughing. “I see you!”
“Yes well, feel free to be in awe of my intellect.” I laugh. Cole is such a vibe. I love talking to him.
“Oh, I’m in awe all right,” he laughs. “What’s up, baby girl? What’s really going on?”
“Well, I just wanted to ask what’s going on between Liam and Julian. They’re like fighting, but…”
“But silently,” he finishes, while chuckling. “Yeah, you grew up as an only kid, the rest of us didn’t. This is like a sibling rivalry that will end one way or another. Have they thrown hands yet?”
“Uh…” Do I tell him about the club thing and how Liam taunted his brother, drawing him into a fight? “In a way they did. Liam was trying to get a rise out of Julian because of me.”
“Ah, classic shit. You are Helen of Troy, baby girl.” Cole laughs now.
“I’m not!”
“I’m joking,” he laughs. “But don’t worry too much about it. You’ll know when you should be concerned.”
“When would that be? When one of them is dead at the hands of the other?”
“Nah, they would never like to live in a world where the other doesn’t exist. Aiden’s death really did a number on them and they still haven’t recovered.”
Well damn. That’s just great. There are three people in the penthouse and we’re all in various stages of grief, but I think Julian wanted to stay at the angry stage and Liam was fighting his way there as well. I think it has everything to do with what their mother did to their brother.
“When you should be really concerned is when they can’t even be in the same room, or country, that’s when you know it’s pretty bad.”
“Wait, has that ever happened?” I question, now alarmed.
“No, but I have a feeling that’s going to be my tell in the future,” he says and a girl moans in the background and I realize why he shifted before. She’s riding him.
“Oh My God, Cole!”
“Told you I was fucking,” he chuckles. “Call me later, okay, baby girl. Be happy.”
And with that, he ends the call.
So, since that call, I’ve been watching the two closely then I started to go in the gym with Julian. I somehow felt like I didn’t want him to be in there, alone.
To be honest, I’m the one who didn’t want to be alone. Not with how unpredictable my mind was.
Julian didn’t react when he walked in the gym and found me there. It’s like, he somehow knew that I’d come down here somehow. He quietly walked over to me the first time I started working out in here and kissed me senseless, then he left me alone to do my thing.
“You never listen to music when you’re working out?” I question now, as I watch his like a bitch in heat. God, he’s so sexy.
“I never want to be disconnected to what’s happening around me, so no music. I don’t want to be disadvantaged.”
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there was a story there and for a person with a mouth like mine, a curiosity meter that could rival any fucking cat, I opened my mouth and asked, not really expecting an answer.
“Why?” I ask then swallow. He stares at me for a few seconds, as if searching my insides, looking for something. Like he’s trying to see whether or not I’m worth the vulnerable, most intimate parts of him.
“Because there was a day I tried drowning out the chaos and endless demands of this fucking world and it almost cost me both my brothers.”
Stunned into silence, I stare at him, my jaw somewhere on the floor of the gym. My stretches and poses forgotten, I watch helplessly as that empty look that he’s had for a long time enters his eyes again. Then he turns away, like we’re done with this, but we’re not.
“Julian,” I call softly, his name a strong connotation of safety and strength. “Look at me.”
He doesn’t respond so I drop the towel I was using to wipe away my sweat and walk over to him.
He’s tense and unyielding when I get to him but I don’t touch him. I’m well aware of how important space is when navigating dangerous trails formed in the mind.
“Julian, please look at me,” I whisper, desperate for that connection that we always seem to have even in the middle of a storm. Even when we hate each other, he’s still my raw connection, my anchor to this fucking universe. “Please.”
I’m not above begging. I need to be there for him as he’s constantly been there for me.
Slowly, he turns around, and I gasp as soon as our gazes catch and hold. There’s pain, utter, helpless, merciless pain in the depths of his eyes that brings hot tears to mine.
“What happened that day?” I whisper, stepping closer to him, knowing damn well that I’m going to be swept under the current of his turbulence, but I’m ready. I want this. I want him. “Please tell me.”
“You’re not ready for this,” he grits out, making me wince.
I don’t mean to react like that, but those words give me whiplash and raise my hackles.
“I’ve spent every single day of my life for the past two and a half years, living a lie. Watching my mother’s health deteriorate as my father lost everything due to poor financial decisions. So, don’t underestimate me, I don’t need that from you.”
“Mia…”
“Tell me, Julian,” I whisper. “What happened? You have nightmares about Aiden and that means you hardly sleep. Sometimes I catch you watching Liam like he’s going to disappear right in front of your eyes. I know you love your brother, adore him, but he’s not going anywhere.”
“He almost did!” He doesn’t shout or raise his voice, but I almost take a step back, the full force of his anger and suffering hitting me, but I don’t. I stay put. “You were there. You know that there are assholes out there who want to cripple me, take the only family I have away from me.”
His insecurities all come tumbling down. My heart aches for this strong man, but I understand him. I see myself in his eyes and the fact that I myself, am on the verge of losing my mother.
I reach up to grab Julian’s face with both my hands, knowing that I’m running out of time with him. If I don’t push him on this, he’ll shut down on me. “Liam is still here. He’s not going anywhere, and he adores the hell out of you.”
That’s true. Liam love
s his big brother. He’s protective of him too and thinks that not many people actually have their back and for some insane reason, I want to be that person. I want to step up and be there for them because they’ve been there for me, stood up for me and protected me when no one else did.
“He loves you, Mia, and I know wherever Aiden is now, he’s looking down at you and loving you too.”
Jesus.
Shred me up, why don’t you. With Julian, it only ever takes a few words, a look and the right touch and I’m gone. But this, his raw, vulnerable side… God.
“It was right after the media shit storm that exposed Aiden to the world.”
The moment he mentions the media, my hearts starts pounding so fast, I can feel a headache coming on, but I force myself to stand there and listen. He grabs my hands and leads me to the bench.
He sits and pulls me down to straddle him to keep us connected, forcing me to bear the full weight of his pain.
“I know we haven’t really talked about this, but I swear I didn’t know who you were back then or what was happening with Aiden. You kissed me and…”
“Come on, Mia. Do you want me to tell this story or not?”
“Sorry.” I smile, then get comfortable on his lap. “Go on, good sir.”
“Thank you.” He plants a chaste kiss on my lips then sighs. “It was a few days after I met you, kissed you and then just as quickly started hating you for what you said to those journalists and how you outed my brother. For so long you were the object of my hate. When shit went wrong, I wanted to find you, make you suffer, then kiss you just to hurt you.”
I look down at my hands in his lap, the pain in his voice as clear as day.
He places two fingers at my chin and lifts my head up gently, but the storm in his eyes suggests otherwise. “You have to understand, baby. In my head, if I hadn’t talked to you, if I had warned you who I was and how the media is obsessed with my family, if only I hadn’t kissed you that day, you wouldn’t have ran off and opened your mouth to those assholes.”
Remorse and remembered pain slices me into millions of cuts that hurt way more than the healing cuts on my wrists and arms.
I open my mouth to say something but Julian places a finger over my lips, silencing me.
“That wasn’t your intention, I know that now. But back then, fuck, you made me so mad. Each time I thought about you, I’d get mad. I blamed you for everything and how shit went down with my parents and to add insult to injury after you ran off at the hospital, I found out that Aiden had acute leukemia. The doctors had said he had a few years left.”
“Oh God.”
“Yeah, it was messed up. Courtney claimed that she wanted a divorce. She was angry, hurt and devasted with the news about Aiden—or so it seemed at the time. I know better now of course, still, claimed that she wanted out.”
God knows if I ever get in a room alone with Courtney Fitzgerald, I’d put the Peaky fucking Blinders to shame with how I’d cut her up.
“So that day, she was packing to move out, throwing plates and shit at my dad’s head. They were shouting and arguing so hard and I was so fucking pissed off, blaming everything on you but I knew I couldn’t come deal with you. Not yet anyway. So, I went down to the gym at home to work out and block out the world.
“Meanwhile, Liam was with Aiden. With how big that damn mansion is, they still heard the shouting too and so Liam took Aiden by the hand and went around the house, looking for me.”
I hold my breath, listening.
“They wanted to get out of the house. We used to do that; just get in the car with Aiden and drive away for a few hours on the highway then come back. Or we could just sit at the beach for a while, watching the waves crash on shore, but that day, it was raining cats and dogs—which already is unusual for Cali.”
“Wait, I think I remember that day. The next day it was back to normal, like nothing ever happened, right?”
“Yeah, but something did happen.”
He shuts his eyes tight, like he doesn’t want to face whatever he’s seeing in his head.
“I was a selfish asshole. I put myself first, going down to the gym, thinking I deserved a moment to breathe, but in a state of poor decision making, Liam who was only fourteen at the time, took Aiden to the indoor pool.”
This can’t be good. This cannot be good.
“I used to spend a lot of time down there with Aiden and Liam. We would swim, laugh and just be brothers, pretending to navigate the seas in the pool like we were pirates. They both loved that shit.”
My heart is beating out of control, I can hardly breath as I look at the tortured look on Julian’s face.
“In hindsight, it wasn’t Liam’s fault for taking Aiden to the pool. He knew that it was the only place in the entire house that could calm him down. Aiden loved it there, he felt free to actually talk and express himself,” Julian says. “But that day, even with punishing myself by reviewing the security camera footage to this day, anyone could see that Aiden wasn’t calm. He was anxious and so was Liam.”
God. I have noticed how sensitive Liam really is. Behind that devil-may-care exterior is a guy who’s feels everything on an acute level.
“So, like I would do when I wanted to calm both of them down when we were younger, Liam took Aiden and they jumped into the pool. Courtney and fucking John were still fighting from one room to another, screaming at each other from the top of their voices. So, I turned up the volume, blasting the music and ran as fast as I could on the treadmill…”
He trails off like he can’t go on, but I palm his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me, tears running down my cheeks.
“Then what happened?” I whisper. “What happened, Julian?”
“At the pool, Liam misjudged just how much Aiden was freaking out and wasn’t into swimming at the time and so, Aiden started fighting the water, thrashing around, pulling Liam down with him.”
Julian stops, for a minute and looks away. I lean my head over his racing heart and just stay there, wrapping both arms around him then I start rubbing his back as softly as I can.
He wraps his arms around me and as he begins talking again, his hold on me tightens to a point of pain. But I don’t move. I don’t dare make a sound either.
“Aiden had just turned twenty years old that day. Not only that, he was bigger than Liam by at least fifty pounds. So, it was easy—although completely unintentional—for him to pull Liam down as he was trying to fight to get out of the pool.”
God…my heart starts racing along with his, an image of that day now playing in my own head. I almost don’t want to hear the end of that story but, I need to.
“I don’t know what made me abruptly stop everything I was doing. I don’t know how I dropped my phone and ran out of there like my ass was on fire. God, I have no idea how I fucking knew I had to go to the indoor pool, but I did.”
“You don’t have to continue…”
“I want to.” He cuts me off. “I got there, but both of them were already drowning. Liam was weak from trying to get Aiden’s hold on his neck off and Aiden was yelling so he was gulping down the water and getting weaker.”
Oh God, both of them almost drowned.
“I don’t even have time to process what was happening. I didn’t have time to blame anyone. I just dove in, got them both out and went to work, doing CPR on both of them. I don’t remember how John and Courtney came rushing in. I don’t remember how dad took over CPR for Aiden. I don’t remember my Courtney’s hysteria when she thought Liam was dead. All I remember is by the time the private doctors came, Liam was all right and dad had Aiden in his arms, almost sobbing.”
There’s a note of disbelief in his voice as he says that. Like he can’t believe John ever did that.
“He had him in his arms, holding him like he never wanted to let go,” he whispers. “But that was the wake-up call for John. He started talking about divorcing Courtney around that time and it was a fucking battle from that point on.”
<
br /> I could talk about my experience with divorcing parents, but I didn’t want to open that can of worms, so I stay silent. Besides, John and Courtney are another issue all together. They aren’t even divorced.
“Damn you, Mia,” he growls, his green eyes heavy with emotion. “I’m not always going to be here to protect Liam and it’s killing me.”
And suddenly, it all makes sense.
“Julian, you need to talk to him.”
“And say what? Hey, I know things have been fucking rocky between us, but stop it?” he scoffs. “That’s not how my brother and I roll, baby.”
“But it would fucking mean something if you said that,” Liam says. Snaping our heads to look up to find Liam leaning against the door, his arms folded, and I know he heard everything.
“Eavesdropping again?” Julian mutters unhappily.
“But of course, J,” Liam mutters as he steps into the gym. Julian stands up then and goes to meet him.
No words are exchanged, they just stare at each other, as if sizing each other up.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, hug each other and get it over with,” I say. “Damn you stubborn Fitz boys.”
Julian is less than amused but Liam gets in on the fun as he hugs his brother.
“You heard what the lady said, hug me back,” Liam whines, making me laugh. Julian glares at me, his eyes narrowed but I just stick out my tongue.
“There, was that so hard?” he mocks. Walking over to me, he scoops me into his arms and twirls around with me. “Okay you gorgeous Cupcake, I have to go.”
“You have to go?”
“Yup,” he says, putting me down, then cupping my face to kiss my forehead. “There’s some info I’ve been gathering for a while and I think I finally have a lead.”
“Some info?” I question and he nods.
“Yes! And you are going to love it.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, I finally figured out what those old heifers were talking about at your drab audition.”
“Liam…”
“From the Bs? That means from the Bishops.”
The Bishops? From the corner of my eye, I see Julian tense up his eyes narrowing on us.
“Wait what?” I frown. “The only Bishops I know are…”
Cruel Kisses: It’s Just High School #2 Page 26