by Eve, Jaymin
Memories assaulted me, memories I’d locked down tight and refused to let out for many years. But being here, the same scents, my favorite tree, the home I’d run from, it released the vault.
One of the strongest to hit me, outside of the first day I met Louis and the day my sister and parents died, was the day he told me he was going on a date with Regina. I’d just gotten out of supe college, and was sprawled back under this tree….
“Tee!”
My head lifted at the shout and I looked around for him. Louis’s flushed face came into view moments later, and I almost lifted a hand to my chest to calm my heart. How my best friend could affect me like this was insane. But it was getting stronger.
When he reached me, he pulled me to my feet in a single strong tug. He was filled out now, towering over me, his broad shoulders square and strong.
“She said yes!”
I blinked at him, something dark slithering through my body and settling with a dull thud in my gut. “Who said yes?”
Louis dated, but never anything serious. He was already making waves in our world, so powerful, so kind, and probably the hottest guy anyone had ever seen. It doubly helped that his family were rich and powerful. He came from blue bloodlines, and it was astonishing that we’d remained best friends through all of that.
He eyed me closely, some of his excitement fading. “Regina, of course. You encouraged me to ask her out, remember?”
It took everything inside of me not to cry then, because I’d been half joking that day, when Louis had said he was going to join my family one day. He loved my parents and was very excited to be invited into our lives. I’d joked that he’d have to choose my sister as a mate for that to happen.
The memory faded and I jerked my head up from the roots. The day I’d told Louis he’d have to choose my sister as a mate, he’d given me a dark look. I hadn’t known what bothered him at the time, but now I wondered if maybe he’d been hinting at something to do with me. And I’d pushed him to Regina, making it very clear that I was not interested.
Which couldn’t have been further from the truth, but I’d been afraid that my desire to have him in my life and family would be clearly written across my face, so I’d gone the opposite way. Like the stupid moron I was.
Pulling my phone out, a long-neglected piece of technology that I rarely had reason to use, I found Louis’s number. I’d had it for years. It had felt like a lifeline to him even though I’d never used it.
Me: When you told me that day you wanted to join my family, and I suggested you’d have to be a chosen mate to Regina, was that the moment I lost you?
I had no idea why I was asking him this; he probably didn’t even remember that day.
His reply was almost instant: You never lost me.
My fingers flew over the buttons as I tried to write as fast as my furious thoughts were coming.
Me: That was the moment though that you went to my sister. Did we have a chance? Was it me you wanted first?
Louis: Yes.
Yes!
My phone vibrated in my hands again and I almost held my breath as I read his message.
Louis: I miss you.
Holy shit.
Another vibration. Louis: I’ve missed you for years.
Me too, Louis.
Hugging the phone to my chest, I tried not to cry again. Crying was not productive, and it did not help me deal with these emotions weighing me down. I still wasn’t ready to face my family though. It was hard enough just being back here after so many years, so instead I headed toward the farmhouse.
Maybe tomorrow I’d be stronger. Be able to deal.
Once inside, I took my time running my hands across the dusty wallpaper in the living room. It had originally been a sunny yellow, with a field of sunflowers across the bottom giving it a very cheery vibe. Time had aged and faded the scene, but it brought so many fond memories to mind that I closed my eyes and bathed in the familiarity.
The rest of the house was the same. So many memories, some good, others painful. I remembered sitting at the kitchen bench when Louis told me he was taking my sister on a date. And in my small bedroom upstairs when he’d told me that she was going to be his chosen mate. That he would be part of my family.
Those were darker memories, so I sought others. My mom reading to me in the blue-walled playroom. My dad teaching me how to ride a bike on the old road out the back.
A lifetime of memories. I cried more tears than I thought possible as I walked through my house. And through it all, there was Louis. He was the one constant in my life.
He was my one.
Late that night, I used magic to clean the dust from my old bedroom. Getting into bed, I checked my phone and noticed there was a text from Louis.
Louis: I miss you even more. I feel your sorrow through our bond. Please let me come to you. I need you, Tee, I need to hold you.
My heart started to beat erratically, and I almost called him then and there to demand he get his ass into my bed. But then I remembered that I hadn’t dealt with my family today. The past would always haunt me until I faced it, and I owed Louis and myself that much. If we were going to do this thing, have a true true mate bond, then I had to face my demons.
Me: I miss you too. It’s been hard … there are so many memories here, and almost all of them have you in them. I need another day to deal with everything. I’ll find you. I promise.
His reply was so fast.
Louis: I will wait for you. Always.
I put my phone down as a single tear slid from my eye, dropping to the pillow under my head. In that moment I realized that I’d been waiting for Louis. For all of these years, I’d waited….
And now that he’d finally found me again, could I trust that we could make this work?
Exhaustion pulled me under and I slept restlessly, memories and dreams haunting me.
The next morning, puffy-eyed and cranky, I stormed my way out of the house and back toward my family. The journey to the graveyard was quick, and I forced myself past the double gates, stepping inside.
The moment I did, the energy of my ancestors washed across me, and I soaked it up, some of my frazzled nerves calming. The vessel dies, but the soul and energy caged within it do not. My family would have moved on to the next life, I knew that without a doubt, but some of their power would always be here where they lay.
I went to my parents first, kneeling between their graves. “Hey, guys,” I said, still calm. “I’ve missed you both.”
And I had. My mom, with her sunshine hair and vibrant blue eyes, had been the best cook in the world; her apple pie was still my favorite food. She had loved my dad so much, crying every single time he’d had to leave for supe business. My dad had loved her back just as fiercely. We’d been a very happy family. Until we weren’t.
My parents had died of broken hearts because they’d given up after Regina, and I couldn’t find it in myself to blame them for it anymore. Her death had taken so much from all of us, and I had given up too, in my own way.
“I want you both to know that I love you very much, and I don’t blame you. But I am going to have to let you go … somewhat. The pain and anger that held me prisoner, they can’t be in my life any longer. I’ve decided not to keep living like a shell of a supe. I’m ready for more life, even if that life includes heartache.”
It was the truth, and something eased from my chest as a cool breeze brushed across my wet cheeks. I left my hands on the stones at the heads of their graves for many moments, communing with them and the nature of my home, before I finally released them and moved to my sister. She was on the other side of Mom, and I imagined them holding hands in death, neither of them alone. Dad would definitely have Mom’s hand on his side, because they were always holding hands.
Theirs was the sort of love I wanted. The reason I held back with Louis now was because I couldn’t be a second pick. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be everything, because I was selfish like that. And Louis had been eve
rything to me.
Still was, if I was honest.
“Hey, Reggie,” I said, settling in beside her grave, my hands touching the stone, tracing her name. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit, sister.”
I was already sobbing, and I knew this was going to be one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. Confessing my sins to my sister. “See, I kept something from you, something that I should never have hid, and I was too ashamed to face you.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “I loved Louis. I loved him so much that when you started dating I actually wondered if I might die from the pain shooting through my chest. Then when I saw him touch you, it made me hate you a little.”
The truth tasted bitter on my tongue. It was part of the reason I had exiled myself for so long. I’d hated myself, and that was the only punishment I could figure out.
“I blamed you for something that was not your fault. It was my own cowardice that cost me a chance with Louis, and you were brave in ways I could never be.”
A light energy brushed over my hand, and I could have sworn for a moment it felt like someone was holding it. “I hope you can forgive me, Reggie. Because I would give anything to have you back, anything. You were my best friend, my sister, and I will never stop aching from the hole your death left in my life.”
I crumpled forward, my throat and chest burning as I tried to breathe through my tears and sobs. Life was so unfair at times, and this was a loss I would never get past.
“I’ve been so alone, for so many years.” I continued to cry, pressing my face to the ground where she lay. “And I still godsdamn love him.”
It was a truth that I tried to hide from, deny, push away. But it was like trying not to breathe. Eventually, you had no choice but to suck that air in, and I had no choice but to admit that I loved Louis as much, if not more than, when we were younger.
The energy this time was more noticeable. It wrapped around me tightly, and then I felt her. Her aura was unmistakable. “Reggie?” I said, lifting my head, the feeling of being hugged still with me.
I knew she was there, or some semblance of her power was, and for a moment I let myself feel her. I had my sister back, for the briefest of seconds.
“I love you. I hope you can forgive me.”
The pressure increased, and I felt her love in return. She forgave me.
Then she was gone, in a blink of an eye, and I was a mess.
Somehow my phone was in my hand, and I dialed his number because I needed to hear his voice.
“Tee?”
That low rumble of my name choked me up again.
“Tee, are you okay?”
He spoke again, with more urgency, and a bite in his tone that told me he was worried.
Somehow I managed to choke out a few words. “I … just … please talk to me.”
I felt him calm. Somehow our bond was working completely fine, even if my brain was a mess. “Let me come to you, please. You’re killing me. Your pain is … more than I can handle.”
I squeezed my eyes shut because I wanted him here too, so badly. “Soon,” I promised him. “But for now, tell me something … anything. Distract me.”
A brief pause, and I sensed he was getting himself together. Pushing down his worry and anger. I expected him to talk about something heavy … most probably to do with our bond. Instead he said something I completely didn’t expect.
“Your hair drives me crazy.”
I blinked before a sob-chuckle escaped from me.
“Seriously,” he continued, “I have actual dreams about running my hands through it, and how the hell does it smell like wildflowers? Even when we were kids you smelled of wildflowers. I figured it’s because you were always out in the fields, but there were no fields in Alaska and you still have the same scent.”
Another chuckle burst from my chest. “Of all the things you could have said, you want to talk about your weird obsessions.”
His deep chuckle sent chills across my body, and suddenly all I could think about was his mouth on me. The way he held me up, the strength in his arms and body. This was not the time or place for that, considering I was basically sprawled across my sister’s grave, so I tucked those thoughts away.
“It made you laugh,” he said, and I focused on Louis again. “And honestly, if I’d heard one more choked breath from you, I was coming there, whether you wanted me to or not. I think you overestimate my control.”
“I’m with Regina,” I whispered, my free hand reaching out to rub across the stone with her name again. “I felt her here with me. I think … I think she forgives me.”
There was a beat of silence and my heart raced at what he might say. “I’m sure she thinks there’s nothing to forgive. Your sister loved you, Tee, more than you’ll ever know. We both agreed you were the best of the three of us.”
“Do you still miss her?”
It was a stupid question, I knew he did, but like all stupid things I think, I had to say it.
Another silent beat. Or a few beats more. “I haven’t missed her for a long time, but I still mourn her loss. The world needs more Montgomerys in it. But … my heart no longer aches for her. When I stopped punishing myself, I realized that I’d moved on a long time ago.”
“Could you move on from me?” I wondered, because there might come a time when that would happen.
There was a whoosh of energy, and then Louis was standing before me. He’d magicked himself right into the damn graveyard.
“W-what?” The phone fell from my fingers as I stared up at him.
His eyes examined my face, fingers lifting to brush away the last of my tears. His hands then cupped my cheeks. “I will never be able to move on from you. If you were no longer in this world, then I would follow you to the next one. Not for a moment did I consider it with Regina, but for you there’s no other option. I’ve stayed with you for years, even if you didn’t know I was there. As long as you were okay, I let you be. But now … now that I’ve touched and tasted and loved you, I cannot leave you again.”
He was begging me with his eyes to not push him away, and with a weight gone from me after the moment with my sister, I felt like I could do this. I could give myself to Louis.
“Don’t break me,” I whispered as I went up on my toes to wrap my arms around him.
His lips met mine in a kiss so fiery that I felt it all the way through my body. It was probably hugely inappropriate to be kissing in the middle of a cemetery, but somehow it felt like another step toward healing. My family was with me in that moment, their love and support almost tangible, and I knew they would be okay with my choices now.
“Are we really doing this?” I said, almost unable to believe it was real. “I mean, so many years, so much history. I can’t believe we’re in this moment now.”
He pushed some of my hair back, his eyes locked on me with that intense thing he did so well. “We wasted too many years. I won’t waste any more. I need you, and more importantly I want you.”
He hadn’t said love, but neither had I. We were still holding back, which made sense considering we were both stepping into something new and crazy and scary. I knew I was important to Louis, and that was enough. He’d kept an eye on me over the years, the same way I had with him. We’d never been able to fully let go.
I would never let him go. Here’s hoping I came out of all this with my heart still intact, because something told me that losing Louis after having had all of him was not a thing I could come back from.
19
Louis
I had known from the moment I left her place that I was going to break my promise. Leaving her vulnerable and hurting was not something I could easily do, and I fought my baser instincts the entire time, desperate to return to her.
Her face was firmly imprinted in my mind. All of those golden tresses, and her full pink lips that tempted me like nothing else. Silver eyes that could be dark and stormy one moment and icy the next. She knew how to use her words to cut a person down, but she was also
beyond kind.
Yep, I was never going to be able to stay away from her, but I would make a decent attempt at it. So I left her in Alaska and headed to Stratford.
“Louis!” Mischa had just stepped out onto the deck. She sounded surprised to see me. “Jess said you were taking off to find Lizzie. I didn’t expect to see you.”
She had Lily in her hands. The child regarded me closely, and I shot the little one a smile, hoping to ease her confusion. They were still getting used to me, and I knew my power was disconcerting for most people, especially young children. “She needs some time,” I said simply. “She thinks we both do, but … everything is very clear for me now.”
Mischa stepped closer, looking so much like her sister and yet nothing like her at the same time. She was soft where Jessa was not, and in some ways I preferred the other twin. Mischa was probably going to say something that hurt, and I’d take Jessa’s form of therapy any day.
“Give her the time she needs,” she said, giving me the advice I knew was coming but hadn’t asked for. “But don’t wait too long.”
That surprised me, and I regarded her carefully. There was a tinge of pink on her cheeks as she stared back at me. “Maximus was almost too late because he took his time to sort his shit out. Don’t make that mistake.”
I let out a strangled chuckle. “She knows how I feel now. I made it very clear. She’s the one who has to decide if she can let go of the past, because if she doesn’t, there may not be a way that we can work through our pain together.”
I turned back to stare out into the forest. “I already want to go back to her.”
That face, it was haunting me.
I was the maker of my own downfall. As most people are.
More supes joined us on the deck then, and I turned to find myself surrounded by pack … by family. Even the jeweled princesses were back, all of them feeling just a little more powerful than the last time I’d seen them. “We’re heading out early,” Braxton said, crossing to me. “We want to make sure everything is safe there.”