by Rye Brewer
If I’d had the strength, I would’ve reached for her.
“Please. Come closer.”
She hesitated.
I stared at her, silently willing her.
She had such innocence about her.
I could tell she wanted to help. She wouldn’t have dragged me wherever she’d dragged me if she didn’t have a good heart. But she was starting to get a feeling about me. Her eyes weren’t quite as wide or trusting. Her brows knitted together just a little as she turned over the questions she had about me.
Who was I, really? What had brought me here? She didn’t know, and she was starting to wonder whether she’d gotten herself into a situation she should’ve avoided. It was written all over her face.
I didn’t have a choice. It was either make her do something she didn’t want to do or die. I had no doubt I would die, soon—or it would take ages to heal. Much longer than I could afford to wait.
So, I reached deep down inside and used the skills I had developed over the years but had been forced to leave dormant ever since the treaty was signed by the league at the end of the War. I would use my innate skill to compel.
It was like flipping a switch, going from determining my own thoughts and actions to determining someone else’s.
The next time our eyes met, I held on. I let my consciousness reach out to touch hers. She was like a scared rabbit inside, sure she should leave, wishing she had never found me.
She flailed around in her head, wondering why she was losing control of her actions. This had never happened to her before. She wanted to fight me off, but it wasn’t possible. Even half-dead as I was, she was no match for me.
Come closer, I thought. Closer. Until you’re kneeling beside me.
I can’t, her thoughts said, and her eyes grew wider. I can’t do that.
Yes, you can, and you must. I’ll die if you don’t. Come.
She still tried to fight.
I had to give her credit—even though my existence hung on who won out in our battle of wills, I could admire her strength.
Come. Now. Kneel beside me.
The last bit of her will drained away, and her hands released the sandwich and water bottle. She knelt at my side, hands in her lap.
Pull back your hair.
She was wearing a tank top under a short-sleeved shirt.
Release the top button on your shirt and open it.
Her eyes were blank as she moved, her fingers working the buttons. She opened the collar before pulling her long, thick hair to the other side of her neck.
I looked at the smooth expanse of skin and could just make out the sight of her pulse throbbing there. It was rapid.
She was so afraid.
I won’t hurt you. I need to feed from you, but you’ll be all right when I’m finished. Now lean over me.
She moved robotically, leaning until her throat was in front of my mouth.
The smell was overwhelming. It was all I could think about, the scent of her blood. Like the most intoxicating perfume imaginable.
I bared my fangs and savored the last moment of anticipation before sinking them into her skin.
She gasped sharply, arching her back, then letting out a hissing breath through her teeth.
Oh, the sweetness.
I drank and drank, reminding myself every time more sweet, thick blood pumped out of her and into me that I had to stop myself before it was too late.
I wouldn’t let her die.
Still, the taste of her and the way her blood set me on fire was too much to pull away from. Everything was sharper, more fully defined.
I couldn’t believe the difference between the synthetic blood we’d been feeding on for years and the real thing. I could do anything—scale tall buildings, race a speeding train, pull a tree out by the roots. Anything. I was beyond super.
My brain raced in all directions, my head spun out of control.
Stop now. You have to stop. She’s getting close.
Her pulse started to weaken. The blood didn’t flow so freely. She was struggling to stay alive.
Just one more drink… So good…
Enough!
Something stronger than my need screamed out in my head and was enough to force me to cease.
I pulled my fangs from her and hoped I hadn’t waited too long.
She sank down beside me, her back to the wall of the cave. A thin trickle of blood ran from the wound in her neck. Her chest rose and fell—slowly, shallowly, but it did rise and fall.
It wasn’t too late.
10
Gage
I gave her a minute to recover, leaning against the rocks while I took the opportunity to check myself over.
The pain was a distant memory, erased almost completely.
I stared down at myself for the first time since waking in the cave.
My shirt was torn down the middle of my chest, hanging open. It was the same with my sleeves. They had been carefully torn to expose my skin—probably right before the silver had been placed against my exposed flesh.
The burns stood out, red and angry looking, the mark of a torturer.
Who would do this? And why? I still couldn’t remember—the human’s blood wasn’t enough to break through the spell or compulsion that had been placed on me.
The human was watching me, eyes open—but blank. It would’ve felt eerie if there’d been any consciousness behind them. She was still in my thrall and too weak to do much of anything.
I glanced around. The cave went on behind me, on and on into the darkness.
In the other direction was the mouth of the cave. It was fairly dark out there, but there was a hint of light over the trees. It was nearly dawn. She had sat with me all night, it seemed, or else what had she been doing out in the woods in the middle of the night?
I took in her appearance. She was wearing hiking boots and long shorts with big pockets. She’d been hiking, maybe planning on camping. That would explain the sleeping bag. What were the odds she happened to come across me?
“Where are we?” I asked, hoping she had the strength to speak.
She took a deep breath and her brow creased, like she was concentrating on the answer to my question.
It would be a while before her thoughts cleared and she didn’t have to consciously search for answers.
“I had been hiking all day, but it started to cloud up and I decided to go back to the car before the weather turned. I found you at the bottom of a gorge. At first, I was sure you were dead. I thought maybe you fell or rolled down the incline, something like that. But you didn’t have any broken bones. It hit me. Somebody must have left you there. And you were still breathing—a little, but enough. I couldn’t keep going when I knew you were there, all alone.”
It was as simple as that for her. I had needed help, and she had provided it. I didn’t know there were people like that in the world—especially not humans, whom I had never had much time or patience for.
“There was a storm coming, too,” she whispered. “I dragged you to the cave. It wasn’t too far. We made it in time.”
“I am in your debt,” I said. She had saved me twice—bringing me to the cave, then letting me feed on her—not that she’d had much choice with the latter.
“The sun is rising now. The storm has passed.” She looked out toward the cave mouth. “When it’s full light, I’ll get you to my car. We can go to the hospital.”
That couldn’t be allowed to happen.
If either of us needed a hospital, it was her, but I couldn’t let her go, either. It would not be a lot of fun, trying to explain the wounds on her neck.
If it weren’t for her, I would’ve died overnight—or definitely once the sun rose, when I wouldn’t have had the strength to get myself away from the sun, to the cave I hadn’t known existed. I would’ve burned to death in minutes, no question.
Suddenly, she swayed. “I don’t feel very well.”
“Here. Lie down.” I reflexively held my arms out to
her.
She sank into them and curled up on her side.
I rolled my body around hers. There was something about her that inspired every protective instinct I possessed. That had never happened before. I’m typically more the take-care-of-myself kind of vampire.
“What’s wrong with me?” Her already fair skin went almost dead white. “I can hardly move. I’m so tired. I feel sick. What’s wrong?” By the time she finished speaking, her voice was barely a whisper.
“You’ll be all right,” I said with a hush, calming voice—at least, I hoped it was calming. “Give it some time. Rest. You’ll feel much better once you do.”
Her eyes slid shut.
I watched her pulse working in her throat to be sure she was still with me.
What was I doing? Holding a human in my arms, watching her sleep, making sure she didn’t slip away. And what would I do if she did die, if she slipped into a great nothingness? I would have to let her go, wouldn’t I? So, it would all be for nothing. Unless I turned her.
Her blood sang in my veins, and it was doing something to me. It brought up emotions I didn’t normally feel. Normally, I couldn’t stand humans. Selfish, blind, stupid, thinking they knew everything when they knew nothing about what went on around them. Nothing real. But they filled their lives with garbage TV, garbage movies, garbage food. Garbage, in general.
Yet, after all that, they held themselves up as being better than us. Superior. We were the bloodthirsty savages when they were the ones shooting and stabbing and raping each other left and right. Hypocrites.
But her. I glanced down at her aquiline profile.
She was different. She was gentle and thoughtful and concerned for others. She had stayed with me when she didn’t have to. She could’ve left and called the police and had them come. But no. She had stayed and sacrificed herself for me.
And she was beautiful, too. So perfect. Like an angel, if angels existed. Maybe they did—she was sort of an angel, on second thought. My own personal angel. What had I ever done to deserve an angel such her in my life?
What was I thinking?
I jerked as though she’d burned me. What was I turning into? It had to be her blood, screwing with my thoughts. I was adopting human emotions, thinking sappy human thoughts. Only a sappy human man would consider staying with her. Watching over her, protecting her.
She was so weak and fragile. So easily broken. Somebody had to watch her and make sure she stayed safe.
It would be me. I would wrap her in cotton then titanium, if I had to, to be sure nothing could hurt her.
No. I shook my head and told myself to stop looking at her that way. I would stop looking at her entirely if I had to. Anything to stop the flow of thoughts I was drowning in.
She was merely a human. A stupid, loud, crass human. A consumer. Somebody who didn’t give a second thought to the person living next door to her, I’d bet. Simply because she enjoyed occasionally walking out in the woods and had a conscience didn’t make her anything special.
I would snap her neck.
Yes.
That was the only solution.
If she was dead, I could stop thinking those thoughts. I could go back to being myself and taking care of my life. I could stop wasting time thinking about her, watching to make sure she stayed alive. What a dumb, pointless waste of time that was. It would be so easy to kill her and free myself. Her neck was so weak, so easy to snap if I chose to do it. Yet another way humans were so far from infallible. Amazing they didn’t fall apart.
Suddenly, my memories came rushing back—at least in part. Little bits and pieces began rising to the surface of my consciousness.
Being at headquarters, for one. I remembered hiding out in the basement, waiting for my chance to get…
I squeezed my eyes shut to make it easier to remember. It was awful, feeling as though I was out of control of my thoughts. Who was I trying to hurt?
Lucian. His face flashed across my mind—that haughty air of his. So superior, so full of his own goodness. So fake.
I meant to keep myself safe from him here, didn’t I? Yes, because I wanted revenge for something and didn’t want him to find me because he knew I was after him. He must’ve found out somehow.
What was it I wanted revenge for? Something terrible. I couldn’t remember what exactly, but I could recall the feelings. The deep, intense hatred. Burning through me much as a blaze. Yes! The Great Fire.
And Philippa. She had come to see me. I had told her about what I was doing, why I was there, what I intended to do. She hadn’t cared for it, but I didn’t expect her to, either. I remembered the expression on her face—stricken, concerned, confused.
And then?
Nothing. Blank.
That was where it all ended, no matter how hard I tried to reach back. I remembered being in the woods, far from the cathedral. I remembered staring up at the stars through the tree branches. But that was as far as it went. My life might as well have ended there, since I could remember nothing about it until I woke up in the cave.
It might be for the best, I thought. Who wants to remember the pain I must’ve gone through? There were so many burns all over me. Why would I want to remember going through that? Not to mention the injuries to my face, the soreness in my back and ribs. Somebody had gone to great lengths to destroy me then wipe it all out. They didn’t want me to remember who did it, I guessed. Or what they’d said while they were doing it. Maybe both. Either way, it felt like there was a hole in my life. Would I ever get to fill it in?
The girl stirred in my arms.
I held my breath and waited, but she didn’t awaken.
Her breathing was soft, gentle. Like her.
I had to leave. To leave her alone before it was too late and I could never leave her. I could see how easy it would be to stay with her. Too easy. Just like it would’ve been too easy to keep drinking and never stop. Maybe that would’ve been easier, too. For both of us. Her life certainly wouldn’t be easy if she had a vampire hanging on her every move.
Yet my arms didn’t loosen their grip on her. I couldn’t let go no matter how many times I told myself I needed to. It was crucial I let go. Except I couldn’t. Not when she was so soft and fit so perfectly in my arms. She needed me, too—what if an animal came along while I was gone, and she was too weak to fight? I hated myself for even thinking such a thing, but the fear was there.
So, I decided to stop fighting it and get some rest while she got her strength back. I couldn’t sleep, but I could close my eyes, relax, and savor the feeling of having her in my arms while I went into a healing stasis.
Hours passed. When I opened my eyes again, she was still out—cold and pale, but not as deathly white as she’d been. Her pulse seemed stronger, too.
I couldn’t believe I cared.
That heady, buzzy feeling was still there, but it wasn’t as strong. I was getting used to the new blood in my veins. The high was wearing off. That wasn’t a bad thing—I could control my impulses a little better when I wasn’t half out of my mind.
I raised my head to look outside. There was still light, so I hadn’t rested for too long. I couldn’t leave until it was dark. What a shame. It meant I would have to stay with her, my arms around her.
But once the sun went down, I would have to live without ever seeing her again. Without touching her, hearing her voice, inhaling the special scent that seemed to envelop me. I would never smell a human again without comparing them to her.
She was special. I wondered what her name was. Would she wake up in time for me to ask? I considered going through her things but decided that would be an invasion. I wouldn’t feel right, violating her that way. Even I knew how stupid that sounded, seeing as how I had drunk from her neck.
What was wrong with me? I wasn’t in love… was I? No, that was impossible. It was also pointless. The minute the sun set, I was out of here. I would never see her again. It would be for the best. She was a weakness. She made me weak. I hated weak cr
eatures. I’d hate myself for being weak.
Besides, I thought, she would hate me if she knew who I was. What I am. A stark thought, but a very real one. Who knew how she felt about vampires? She probably saw us the way all humans did. She’d never want to see me again. I wouldn’t blame her, either. Not when I had almost killed her.
Her hair was so thick and shiny. It was mesmerizing. I couldn’t help looking at it. A beautiful shade of brown but shot through with strands of golden blonde and deep red. Whenever she moved, it seemed to change color. No way it was real, yet it made sense her hair was special. Everything about her was so special, not like anything I had seen in any human before then. Strange and special and wonderful.
What would I do without her? Nothing would ever be the same. Nothing would ever mean as much, either. I would go through the rest of my existence missing her, like a part of me was gone. A part of me I never knew was important before meeting her.
Had drinking her blood done this to me? Put me in this crazed state?
How had I gone so many decades never holding her? How had she lived without my somehow feeling her inside me, knowing she was out there somewhere? How had my soul not cried out for hers again and again? Or maybe it had. Maybe that was why I had never felt satisfied with my life. I always thought I was jealous of my brother, desperate to lead the clan. But it’d been her, hadn’t it? I needed her. I hadn’t known what to make of that need, so I’d attributed it to something tangible. Wasn’t that it?
No. Impossible. I shook my head, warring with myself, tearing myself in two over the urge to let her go and the urge to soak in her presence as long as possible.
The light outside grew softer, fainter. It would be dark soon. I would have no more excuses for being here with her. I wished time would stop. I wished everything around us would stop, too, so I wouldn’t have Lucian or the clan or anything to concern myself with but her.