by RJ Blain
I indulged in cuddling with the little girl, grateful she peacefully slept. “She deserves it.”
“All children do. It takes a special person to be willing to take on such a burden for a child.”
“She’s my responsibility.” It didn’t matter she’d only be my responsibility for a short while. I’d heard Michael. If I didn’t show her love and compassion, who would?
“And that’s special. I see a lot in my job, but it’s rare for someone to take on such a burden for another’s child. Most would flinch about the fee for once a year, and I bet the only reason you hesitated about once a month was you trying to figure out if you could afford the payments.”
“Yeah. That’s right. I’ll figure out some way to pay it,” I promised.
“If needed, I’m not above coercing an angel or find a charity to pay for it,” Mr. Lemon confessed. “I can’t do much, but I can do that much.”
“I’ll do my best to take care of the payment myself.”
“I understand that, too.” Mr. Lemon led me to an elevator and up several floors, taking me to a small office with a couch taking up the space his desk didn’t. “This will take a few hours, so please make yourself comfortable.”
I sat where he directed, settling the baby onto the cushion and retrieving my brother from my purse. Jacob gave me a dose of the cold shoulder.
“Is that a chipmunk?”
I held up his travel case. “This pain in my ass is my transformed brother, as he decided it was a good idea to make a deal with some stupid loan shark. They gave him a transformative. This is the result. If this adds complexity to my passport, I will understand.”
“It sounds like you’ve had an interesting time of it lately, Miss Esmaranda.”
“Yeah. You might say I’m having a devil of a time right now. It is what it is. Silver linings and all that. It could be worse.”
“I’m afraid to ask,” he confessed.
“I could be unable to do anything at all.”
Four
You’re lucky I love you too much to eat you, Jonas.
The paperwork went smoothly, but I delayed the proceedings because Kanika woke up and required care. Once fed and changed into a clean diaper, I fell prey to her charms, cooing and playing with her for almost two hours before I caved to the inevitable.
She needed to go to a different home, and I needed to storm the gates of the Devil’s many hells to get my brother back. Revenge came second to that, although I would work hard on that front as well. No matter how much I wanted to keep her, I couldn’t.
Handing her over hurt my heart, but I refused to say goodbye.
I’d see her again someday, so I wished her well and told her to kick ass in the process. Teaching a baby to curse wouldn’t win me any points, but an archangel had already confirmed I’d be going to hell long before I saw any heavens, so what was one more infraction on my list?
Armed with an official copy of her passport, her birth certificate, her social security number, instructions on how to renew them all, more instructions on how to act as a super-secret guardian agent, and more instructions on how to smooth the way for her into adulthood, I left the CDC’s building and headed home with my brother in tow.
I dumped my brother on the front seat, buckled his cage in, and hissed at his wretched little car, one of the sources of my many problems. Jonas complained in a squeak and beat at the clear wall of his cage.
“You’re lucky I love you too much to eat you, Jonas. I have a date with the Devil because of you, so you better watch your pipsqueak mouth. Once you’re back to human or the equivalent, I’m going to kick your ass so hard you can’t see straight for a month. After you can see straight again, I’m going to kick your ass again. The number of times I kick your ass will be determined by how much you piss me off between now and returning you to your proper form.”
That shut my idiot brother up.
“Good. There are some new rules I expect you to abide by. You will eat the damned chipmunk food and like it, you will not stage any escapes from your cage, and you’ll behave for once in your fucking life. In exchange, I’ll provide food, I’ll let you out of your cage now and then so you can stretch, and I’ll clean your cage every day. Because I’m having to deal with a fucking mafia because of you, I own your soul for the rest of eternity. You hear me?”
My brother squeaked but bobbed his head.
“You’re a fucking moron, and you’re lucky I love you.” I drove him home, got the gun out of the glove box, and checked the street for unusual vehicles. Once satisfied, I got out, gathered my brother’s cage, and kept the gun close and ready for trouble. I checked the mailbox, which had a letter addressed to me with no address, which I assumed came from the mafia. I returned to the car, grabbed my brother’s gloves, and put them on before picking the envelope up. I shook it, watching for any telltale signs the envelope came with extras.
Nothing came out, and I heard papers rustling within. I turned it upside down and shook it again. Nothing came out.
Satisfied there were no basic powders inside waiting to make a mess of my day, I checked the front door of my home before unlocking the door. Everything was as I had left it, although I did a sweep of the place before sitting at my kitchen table and setting my brother’s gun aside. I set Jonas down in the center of the table, went back to his car, and ferried all of his new supplies inside.
Setting his tank up in the living room counted as an asshole move, but I figured he could suffer with anyone coming into the house beholding him in all of his chipmunk glory. I considered tossing the television to the curb to add to my asshole move, but I left it alone, transforming the coffee table into his new home, turning the television on to his favorite channel, and dumping his ass into his new habitat.
“If you escape from your cage, I make no promises I won’t eat you,” I warned.
In reality, I would be eliminating chipmunk from my diet until he was returned to his proper shape, but I wouldn’t tell him that. While the mafia hadn’t scared sense into the idiot, maybe threats of being eaten by his sister would.
Jonas wisely settled in his new home, made himself comfortable, and watched the television.
With one problem solved, I returned to the kitchen and the letter, likely from the mafia who’d made a mess of my life. Using a fork and a letter opener, I tore into the envelope, and I snagged the grill tongs as my tool of choice to dump the contents out onto the table.
A business card and a letter waited for me, along with a few rose petals. I used the tongs to open the letter, which proved to be handwritten in neat cursive, first thanking me for not having added a new hole to one of the writer’s sons and requesting to meet with me in a week. The letter contained an address in Manhattan, directions on how to get there by car and public transit, and a request to wear something that showed off my assets.
I twitched, well aware of Michael’s warning of how the mafia would behave because of my status as a woman willing to shoot assholes who crossed me.
Great. Just great.
The business card informed me I dealt with the CEO of an investment firm, and I wondered why Lorenzo Gallo would be dumb enough to leave a trail of paper evidence I could take to the police. I thought about it, returned everything back to the envelope using my various tools, and dumped it into my kitchen drawer.
I’d think about how to deal with the letter in a few days. In the meantime, I had a bigger fish to fry.
Since the Devil was the only damned entity in the universe who could help my brother, storming the gates of hell came first and dealing with Lorenzo Gallo and his odd invitation came second. Taking over the Devil’s hells long enough to secure a future home for baby Kanika came third, as I had sixteen years at a minimum to complete that plan.
It was important to set my priorities based on immediate need versus future desires, and I refused to fall prey to shortsightedness like my brother had. No, I’d play the short and long game, and the Devil would be the center of all
my plans.
If I could tame the Devil, Lorenzo Gallo would be child’s play in comparison.
I didn’t even need to tame the Devil. I just needed to make him do what I wanted. I could trust an archangel to speak the truth and nothing but the truth, and he’d given me some very useful clues.
The Devil had an angelic streak in him, and I could use that to my advantage. But how? I went to the landline, picked up the receiver, and dialed the number Michael had given me.
The archangel answered on the second ring. “It did not take you long to seek my counsel.”
“I have decided I’m hunting your brother, and I’d like to bargain for anything I might be able to use against him.”
“You’re hunting my brother?”
“I absolutely am hunting your brother.”
“But why?”
“I need to rule his hells if I want to be in a good position to give that little baby girl a nice home later in her life, which means I have to conquer your brother. If I conquer your brother, then I have the full force of those hells at my disposal to make her happy. That’s right, isn’t it?”
For a long moment, the archangel remained silent. “You are very determined, I see.”
“She deserves better. I’m going to have to rob your brother a little to pay for her monthly check-ins, too. They offered yearly, but that wasn’t good enough. I requested monthly. I have to pay that bill, but your brother can afford it, right?”
“Yes, without difficulty. Bargaining is not typically the domain of angels, but we can come to an arrangement you will find acceptable.”
“I’m listening.”
“While my brother has fallen, he is still my brother, and I do love him dearly.”
“Well, that could be a problem, as I’m fully intending on storming his gates and taking the place over. You said he had electricity and luxuries, and he might be a good enough protector for that little girl. I gave her instructions to kick ass before I gave her to the CDC to take to her blood relatives.”
“She will,” Michael promised. “There are, perhaps, some things you should know about my brother before you make any decisions.”
“I’m listening.”
“He cannot have children. That was a consequence of his fall.”
I snorted. “He can dote on little Kanika when she grows up. Do I really look like the type that wants to deal with nine months of some brat kicking at my internal organs? Hell no. Apparently, I am the kind who might snatch unwanted babies and keep them. I really thought about keeping her, Michael. If my brother wasn’t a chipmunk right now, I would have just taken that little girl home and made sure she had everything in her childhood she needs and won’t be getting. But I can’t guarantee anything for her right now. So, I’m going to whip your brother into shape and ruthlessly use him so I can guarantee things for her later.”
The archangel laughed. “I know. You have no current interest in procreation, although you do have a general inclination towards mothering those in need of affection. My brother has already made a bargain regarding the child,” Michael announced. “It was made upon her birth with her father. It will be some years before he will have to do his share of the bargain. He does not fully understand the consequences of the bargain he has made. He is somewhat blind in these matters.”
“What are you talking about?” The Devil had already forged a bargain involving Kanika? I narrowed my eyes, turned my ears back, and growled.
“Please do not fret. There is nothing amiss with my brother’s bargain. If anything, he is intrigued by what was offered to him. Kanika’s father cannot tend to her for important and good reasons. As such, he bargained with my brother so that she might, after she turns twenty, have a divine eye guarding her. My brother does not yet understand he has stepped onto the path of becoming a father, although he has comprehended he will have some of the burdens and responsibilities of fatherhood. My brother is as dense as he is vain. He is quite amused over the situation, and He looks forward to watching his fallen son step onto a new path.”
“Being a father is more than donating sperm.”
“Precisely. My brother is limited in some regards, and he forgets this—or he simply does not understand what he has believed he can never experience.”
“I saw her first.”
“This is true. My brother has not seen her, nor will he for some years. The first time he is forced to move to protect her, my brother will discover emotions he had not believed himself capable of. I will enjoy spying on my brother and watching his latest fall.”
“Finders keepers,” I announced.
“Bargains do not work this way. He must fulfill his obligations.”
“She’s still mine. I saw her first.”
Michael laughed. “Then you will have to move forward with your plans to conquer my brother. That would make what is his yours, correct?”
“Absolutely.”
“Many have tried to conquer my brother since he fell, and all have failed. What makes you think you will succeed?”
“Well, if knocking on his door and asking nicely doesn’t work, I’ll figure something out.”
“You plan on knocking on his door and asking nicely?” the archangel asked.
I giggled at the astonishment in his tone. “Well, that seems like the polite thing to do. It’d be rude to just completely go storming the place. I figure I’ll ask first, listen when he inevitably starts doing what he does, and go from there. I’ll refuse his generous offers to bargain, though. I’m not asking to bargain with him. I’m going to be telling him to do it because he’s not completely awful.”
“I am not certain of your chances of success, as I do not wish to ruin this surprise. I wish to behold his face myself when you do just this.”
“Does that mean you’ll take me there? Honestly, I called you for directions on how I might storm his gates. I don’t even know where to start getting there.”
“I can take you there, but my brother gets somewhat cranky when I step foot into his domain. He is not permitted to act unless I act against him. Bringing a soul to him is not acting against him.”
“You’re bringing my whole body with the soul, right? I don’t know a lot about this, but I do know I need my soul.”
“Yes, you do need your soul.”
“Having an archangel for backup might be good. If I’m storming his gates with an archangel as backup, he might take me more seriously. Hey, do you happen to have any other brothers who would come along just for the joy of watching me storm the place?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. I could ask Gabriel, and I am certain he would enjoy watching you storm the gates and do your best to conquer our brother.”
“I’m accepting any free advice you might have for me to do this right. After paying for the monitoring bills for Kanika, I’m going to be beyond poor, and I still need to put together the cash for my idiot brother and secure revenge on those assholes. You hadn’t been joking about them, had you? I found a letter with rose petals in my mailbox, and I was invited to meet with some dumbfuck, who wishes for me to showcase my best assets. I’m assuming he wants me to dress up like I’m easy. I’m really not.”
“I recommend you inquire with my brother on your apparel for such a venture.”
“Which one?”
“The one you wish to conquer.”
“Do I want to know why?”
“He is as good at dressing women as he is at undressing them. It is one of his flaws. Should you conquer him, be aware he will wish to dress and undress you often. It is his nature, however flawed that nature may be. I am a benevolent being, and I feel I should warn you about what you face.”
I considered my situation. “You said he has the powers of an incubus?”
“He has the powers of all demons and devils. That is part of who and what he is. So, yes. He has even more control over those abilities than incubi. Succubi are wary around him, because his powers surpass theirs. He does not indulge in women often despite
his reputation. You might call him frustrated.”
Hello. “Are you saying the Devil is sexually repressed?”
“Yes.”
I twisted around and considered my plush and perfect tail. “Am I his type?”
“You are a woman. All women are his type. You will find him a determined hunter should you capture his attention, but he enjoys the game almost as much as the prize. He only chooses to use his incubi powers once he has won the game, as he loses if he has to cheat to interest a woman enough to join him in his bed. That is his angelic nature coming into play.”
“You’re very helpful for an archangel. I really thought you all were above such easy help. How do I thank you?”
“No thanks are needed but your consideration is appreciated. It is like this, Darlene. I do love my brother despite his fallen state. You have enough will to withstand me in the flesh. If you can withstand me in the flesh, you can withstand my brother. He does not want a woman he will inevitably break and mourn for all eternity. But I warn you, storming his gates will have consequences for you.”
“All things have consequences,” I replied, well aware of the consequences I would pay for my brother’s crimes. “That’s why I’m talking to you in the first place.”
“When do you wish to act?”
While tired, I doubted I’d be able to sleep with the inevitability of paying the Devil a visit looming over me. “There’s no time better than the present. I just need to grab my brother.”
“I will impress upon him he should stay close to you, as his cage would inevitably melt. Do not expect your first meeting with my brother to go as you hope. He enjoys playing with his prey.”
I smiled. “I’m not prey.”
“This shall be fun. I will arrive soon with my brother, and we will escort you to our brother’s door. Unless you are the luckiest—or perhaps unluckiest—of mortals, I expect we will be escorting you home shortly after.”
“And that’s fine. It wouldn’t be fun if he gave in without putting up a fight for me. But then again, who knows? Perhaps he will enjoy having a woman run his hells for a while. By for a while, I mean however long is necessary for little Kanika to grow up and need a proper family in her life.”