by R. C. Martin
To choose romance and commitment, hoping to fall in love, is a fool’s errand, he thought to himself. In the end, there is always the probability that it all amounts to nothing anyway.
Against his wishes, his mind took him back. He saw her—or, rather, the faded image of her. The woman he had been in love with more than a decade ago. She taught him that faithfulness and commitment—love—they were all just choices. He knew, to trust another human being to make the same choice every day was foolish. He learned that lesson the hard way, and he neither needed nor aspired to submit himself to a repeat lesson.
He would not apologize for his honesty. It wasn’t a part of his character to do so. It was a choice he lived by—a choice he could swear by. Nevertheless, he did intend to pursue Teddy. He wanted her in his bed. Her rejection was one he would not accept. The challenge she presented was a choice he knew he would not regret accepting.
Chapter Seven
I pressed my head to the filing cabinet. The cool metal against my forehead was a welcomed sensation. Yet, even such attempts at a calming effect were eradicated when I closed my eyes. In the darkness, behind my lids, I was transported back into the gallery. I could feel his long, warm fingers on my face. Even in my solitude, the mere memory of him made me short of breath.
I told him he flattered me, and it was true. A man as beautiful as him showing interest in me was incredible. But his expressed desire to get me in his bed—me, a complete stranger—that part wasn’t so flattering as it was base. With his proposition, he’d done little but express he was a man with a sexual appetite. That wasn’t remarkable. More like simply ordinary.
Still, I couldn’t get those gray eyes out of my head. The way he looked at me—I was sure I couldn’t remember an instance when anyone looked at me quite like he did. It made my heart race.
I gasped and chocked on air when I felt a hand press against the small of my back. When I whirled around, I was both surprised and disturbingly disappointed to find Geoffrey. He studied me with a concerned scowl, and I covered my face with my hands. For reasons I couldn’t explain even to myself, I thought he could have been someone else.
Why did a tiny part of me wish he was Judah? I wondered.
“Teddy, why are you hiding in the supply closet?”
“I’m not. I’m not hiding.”
I didn’t sound the least bit convincing.
I sighed and dropped my hands as I sought out his blue eyes. Seeing his question reflected in his gaze, I confessed, “I needed a minute.”
The corner of his mouth curled in a devious simper. “Theodora Rose.”
I pressed my lips together in an attempt to hide my burgeoning smile. I wanted to be irritated. He was about to call me out, but I wasn’t ready for it.
“I’m not even going to ask if you think he’s hot. We both know he’s a walking wet dream.” Geoffrey’s smile grew at the same rate at which my blush blossomed across my face. “Did he ask you out?” he inquired through his grin.
I nodded my reply.
“Did you say yes?”
I shook my head no, and he stared at me for a moment.
“Why not?”
“Um,” I started and then paused, still a little shocked at what I was about to relay. “He said I would be an exceptionally welcome beauty in his bed.”
Geoffrey’s eyebrows shot up his forehead as his jaw fell open in awe. “Holy shit,” he managed. “The balls on that guy.” A beat of silence passed between us, and then he shook his head and coughed out a laugh. “Then again, I’d fuck him.”
“Geoffrey!” I exclaimed, reflexively smacking him against his chest.
“Teddy, come on—a man who wears a suit that well? A man who is bold enough to speak to you like that? He’s a guaranteed good lay. Besides, he’s not wrong. You are exceptionally beautiful.”
“Oh, thanks,” I scoffed, not the least bit flattered. “Let’s just forget one minor detail; the one about me never having actually had consensual sex before. Yeah, fucking him is actually a great idea. You’re right. What was I thinking?”
Annoyed Geoffrey would be so flippant about the whole thing, I turned to storm away from him. The reality that this wasn’t the first time I had run away from a man in a span of fifteen minutes was not lost on me. Except, walking away from Geoffrey hurt a little. He knew me. He knew my history. On the mend from his breakup or not, I expected him to love me better than that.
Upset as I was, I didn’t get very far. As if my best friend had been set free from whatever lust-filled daze Judah cast on him, he caught me around my waist and pulled me against him. My frustration was not so easily quelled, and I tried to wiggle out of his hold, but he only squeezed me tighter.
“Teddy, look at me.”
I ignored him but stopped fighting and stared at the floor instead. Even as he held me against my will, I relaxed in his hold. I felt safe in his arms. Always did. I knew he would never hurt me. I trusted him unequivocally, which was a status very few men in my life held.
My relationship with Justin broke me. There was a time in my life when I felt so broken, I was sure I would never be whole again. Geoffrey knew this. He knew what Justin did to me was half the reason I didn’t date. Dealing with the issue of sex was not something I felt ready to grapple with—even years after my split with Justin.
“Teddy, please?” he coaxed.
His warm, gentle tone softened me a little, and I turned to peek at him from beneath my lashes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm. I know sex is a big deal. I also know that it scares you; but, baby girl, it’s been over four years.” He touched his forehead to mine and murmured, “I’m not saying jump into bed with the next guy who asks. I know that goes against all you are and all you stand for; but you can’t run from it forever. You have to put yourself out there. You have to let someone at least try to prove he is worthy of you.
“Sex is a beautiful thing, and you are a beautiful woman—inside and out. You deserve to experience the passion that comes with that kind of intimacy.”
He sighed and then pressed a kiss to my temple. His affection made me weak, and there was no stopping the tears which pooled in my eyes.
“Stop running, baby girl.”
“It’s not that easy,” I whispered, speaking around the knot which formed in my throat.
“I know it’s not, but you can’t just let life pass you by. You’re never going to get your twenties back. And you can stand here and argue with me until you’re blue in the face, but I’m never going to believe you when you tell me your life is complete just the way it is. It’s not.
“No one should go through life not knowing what it’s like to be in love. Even if the loss of it hurts like hell.” He paused for a second, and I knew his thoughts had drifted toward Reeve. He pressed another kiss against my forehead and gave me another squeeze. “Anyway, Justin—Justin doesn’t count. That wasn’t love. That was a selfish, lying, son-of-a-bitch who was and still is far less than a man. You have to know there’s better out there.”
“I know.” As I said the words, I wiped away a renegade tear.
“You have to believe it too, baby. There are good men out there. Falling for one of them is not the end of the world. Hell, fall for a couple of them. I know I have. I don’t regret it, either.”
I forced myself to look up at him, but I didn’t say a word. I was pretty sure if I tried, I’d only burst into tears. Our conversation had brought me to the brink.
Fortunately, Geoffrey didn’t need me to say a thing.
“That sexy fucker might have been an ass, but not all guys are Justin. You’ll have to kiss a few assholes before you find one you’re willing to put up with.”
I finally found a smile, and he smiled back at me before pressing a quick kiss to my lips.
“I don’t count, by the way,” he added with a wink. That made me giggle, and he winked at me again before he asked, “You okay?”
I turned in his arms and rested my cheek against his c
hest. “Yeah. I’m good.”
At the sound of my protesting stomach, Geoffrey laughed and gave me one more squeeze. “Come on,” he insisted. He pulled away from me, but then reached for my hand. “Your salad is getting soggy.”
As he tugged me toward the main floor, I followed his lead, all the while hoping my eyes wouldn’t give away the extent of our emotional conversation. There was no doubt, if Andrew caught wind of the fact that I even thought about crying, he would have eyed me with concern for the rest of the week. Thankfully, I didn’t spot him as I was escorted to the front desk.
The gallery was so quiet I didn’t even think twice before I popped open the lid to my lunch right from my chair. Geoffrey took his seat beside me, and I proceeded to pepper him with questions about their earlier appointment as I ate. When I was finished, we both got back to work. Though, try as I might, I couldn’t get Judah out of my mind.
I tried not to overthink it.
He simply had a face that was hard to forget.
Remembering him for the duration of the afternoon was only natural.
Tomorrow, I told myself. Tomorrow, he’ll be hardly more than a memory.
Chapter Eight
Judah was quick to check his email as soon as he arrived at the office Wednesday morning. He was disappointed when he found countless messages in his inbox, but no correspondence from Mr. Dixon. Logan sent him a variety of art selections to choose from for the wall décor in his office, but he responded with silence. More than the feeling of irritation in regard to the delay this put on their project, Judah was frustrated not to have been given an excuse to return to Mountain Time Art.
Teddy managed to invade his thoughts for more than a day and a half. Her brown eyes, her pretty freckles, her long, wavy, red hair—he remembered it all. He wanted more than the image of her which existed in his mind. He imagined what it might be like to taste her, to touch her—to break her in the most delicious and explicit ways.
“Hey, good morning,” said Logan, interrupting his thoughts.
Judah looked up and found she was hovering in the doorway, as if she required permission to enter. He arched an eyebrow at her and stated, “Logan, you have a habit of inviting yourself into my personal life with no qualms. I’m confused as to why you’re suddenly hesitant to grant yourself entrance into my office now.”
“Actually, I’m—” She stopped abruptly and sucked in a deep breath. She blew it out slowly, then shook her head and cleared her throat. Judah could tell the smile she casted his way was forced as she went on to say, “I don’t really have anything of importance to share with you. I was just curious about whether or not you ever took care of that issue.”
“What issue?”
“You were going to apologize to the woman from the gallery, remember?”
Judah leaned back in his chair and furrowed his brow. “I recall you insisting I should. Quite emphatically, in fact. I don’t, however, remember agreeing to it.”
“Well, I really think you should reconsider. I know a great florist and—” For a second time, Logan silenced herself. When she sealed her lips shut, she also pressed both hands against her stomach.
“Logan, you look pale. Are you all right?”
“Um, I just—I don’t feel well, which is odd. I—”
She cut herself off, this time with a gasp. Her eyes grew wide and she stared at Judah as if he had somehow surprised her. Judah studied her and waited, uncertain what was happening.
“Oh, my god. Oh, my god!”
“What?” he asked. He stood to his feet instinctively. While he was still unsure how to interpret the situation, he felt it best to be ready to act should the moment call for it.
“Oh, my god!”
“Logan, what is going on? Are you all right?” he asked, his voice a little louder than before.
When she started to laugh, he was taken aback. For a second, he wondered if she was having some sort of psychological episode. He couldn’t explain her reactions any other way. Furthermore, he was unclear as to how he should respond.
Before he could think of a word to say, she started to walk away from him. She only took two steps and then she was back, filling his doorway again. The smile she wore brought a hint of color back to her face, but Judah was not sure if this was a good or bad thing.
“I think I’m pregnant,” she exclaimed. “I have to—oh, my god—I have to go.”
She turned away from Judah again, laughed, and then returned a second time. “I’ll be back. I have to see Roman. I’ll be back. Um,” she paused and pressed her hands to her cheeks.
She shook her head in disbelief, and Judah finally understood she wasn’t losing her mind—she was just in shock.
“I’ll have my phone. I swear, I’ll be back. I don’t know when, I just—I have to go.”
Judah frowned, still uncertain of the appropriate response for such erratic behavior. “Okay. I’m sure we can manage without you for a couple of hours.”
“Thank you!” Finally, she turned away from him and raced toward her own office.
Judah stood staring at his empty doorway. He had not considered a reality in which his most talented designer would bear children. Selfishly, he wondered what her potential pregnancy would mean for the future of her career. He thought Logan far too brilliant to give it all up for the sake of motherhood. While he respected the sacrifices women made for their children, he knew himself to be a man who never wished to have to make such decisions. Children were not part of his future plans, whatsoever.
He shook the thought away, all too aware that whatever decisions Logan made, he would have to accept them. As he sank into his chair, he remembered what caused her to darken his doorway in the first place. It occurred to him that her suggestion might work to his advantage. While he still had no intention of apologizing to Teddy, he saw the potential in a kind gesture. A sly smile curled his lips when he guessed the right bouquet might even earn him dinner.
A few hours passed before Judah was able to take a moment to search for the exact address of the gallery. It was on their website that he discovered Teddy was formally known as Theodora Fitzpatrick. He took note of this, certain such knowledge would work in his favor. When he had a moment to step away, he left the office for the nearest floral shop. With a keen eye, it didn’t take him long to find an arrangement he deemed appropriate for its intended. He took the time to handwrite the note to be delivered with the bouquet, and then added his business card for good measure.
Just as he was folding himself behind the wheel of his car, his phone rang. He pulled out the device and was pleased to see Benjamin was the initiator of the call.
“Hello?” he answered as he powered on his vehicle.
“Jude, hey, do you have a minute?” Benjamin’s voice sounded through Judah’s sports coupe as the Bluetooth connection was established.
“I do.” While he spoke in the affirmative, as he eased his way into traffic, he lost track of what his brother was saying.
“Jude, did I lose you?”
Benjamin’s voice snapped Judah back into the conversation. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I wanted to talk to you about Saturday.”
“Don’t tell me you have to cancel.”
“No. I’ll be there. Nine a.m. tee time. I actually wanted to talk to you about dinner. I was thinking of bringing someone.”
Judah glanced down at his phone, raising an eyebrow as he shifted his attention back out onto the road. “You mean, the woman who sleeps fully clothed in your bed?”
“Who said she was fully clothed?”
This brought forth a chuckle from Judah. As far as he was concerned, any clothes at all were too many.
“So, you want to bring this woman to dinner? Ben, if you want to take her out, you don’t need me there. I’m not a fan of any scenario in which I’m the third wheel.”
“You wouldn’t be a third wheel. Look, I told her I was coming up to go to dinner with my brother. Turns out, she has a sister
—a single sister—who she thought she could convince to come along if we wanted the company.”
Intrigued, Judah inquired, “You’re suggesting we go on a double date?”
“Yes, I guess I am.”
“Does this mean her sister is fair game?”
Benjamin sighed, and Judah grinned as he pictured his brother. He knew, in the silence, Benjamin was scratching his jaw, a habit of his when he was thinking.
“Just be a gentleman, okay?” he finally replied. “That’s all I’m asking.”
“Benjamin, I’m always a gentleman.”
“Right. Well, I really like this girl, so—don’t screw this up for me. I’m begging you.”
Judah rolled his eyes as he pulled into the office’s parking lot. “Fine. But if this sister of hers wants to come home with me, I’m not going to stop her.”
“Neither will I, brother. Neither will I.”
They exchanged their farewells, and Judah powered off his vehicle. As he climbed out of the Porsche, he wondered if the aforementioned sister might curb his hunger through the weekend. Even though Theodora was on his to-do list, he wouldn’t deny himself a hot distraction if the opportunity presented itself.
Chapter Nine
One of my favorite things to do on particularly nice days was to get out and walk on my lunch break. I thought Old Town Fort Collins was a photographer’s dream, and I often did just that as I strolled up and down the stretches of store fronts. On Wednesday, the warm weather and the activity outside beckoned me to break up the monotony of the week and explore.
The late spring atmosphere was so phenomenal, there were even kids playing at the fountain. I stopped for a few minutes and soaked up their laughter as they ran around in drenched clothes. A part of me was dying to capture the pure joy I was privy to, but it was a rule of mine to try my hardest not to come across as a total creeper.
On my way back to the gallery, my phone alerted me to an incoming call. When I saw Harper’s name light up my screen, I was quick to answer.