by R. C. Martin
He looked over my head at the blonde, whose name I still didn’t know, and muttered, “You can go now.”
“What?”
“Our plans have changed, Diane. Please go.”
“I’m sorry—I look like this and you’re choosing her?”
My cheeks burned with a blush as I glanced back at her. I only had the heart to look for an instant. She had a point. Yet, even though a part of me thought she was right, I couldn’t push myself out of Judah’s hold. And when I peeked up at him, it wasn’t Diane he was looking at.
With his gray eyes trained on me, he simply replied, “Yes.”
What happened next was a bit of a blur. The blonde—Diane—said something, but I couldn’t comprehend what it was. This was because I was on the move. The next thing I knew, Judah and I were shut inside of his house and his lips were crushed against mine. I moaned involuntarily and lifted my hands. Only, I wasn’t sure what to do with them. I couldn’t think with him kissing me. Then I felt his tongue as he tried to seek entrance into my mouth, and it was like my motor functions suddenly returned.
I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed. Even though I didn’t manage to get him to let go of me, he did stop kissing me. That was all the space I needed to take a breath and mutter, “What are you doing?”
“I thought that was pretty obvious,” he murmured, lifting a hand to cradle my cheek.
For a moment, the warmth of his touch, the scent of his cologne, and the unyielding nature of his strong hold made me wish to surrender to him completely. Yet, as much as my body wanted to give in, my mind was too confused to yield.
“What? What is obvious? Nothing is obvious—unless you want to talk about that blonde woman you were obviously getting ready to take on a date.”
“She’s not mine,” he insisted, his eyes staring directly into mine. “Never has been. Never will be.”
Frowning, I stammered, “You—you say that, like—like I am.”
He met my frown with a frown of his own. Then, before he said another word, he bent just enough to touch his forehead to mine. Speaking hardly above a mumble, he said, “We’re going to do this. You and me.”
Frustrated at his string of vague replies, I balled my hands into fists and pressed them against his chest. “Do what?” I demanded to know. “You stood me up last night. I waited—”
“Last night was a misunderstanding,” he said, his voice still low and calm.
“A misunderstanding?” I shoved against him again, but he still wouldn’t let me go. Raising my voice, I glared at him and said, “A misunderstanding involves communication. There was none of that. And what? What if I hadn’t shown up tonight? You’d be out with her—whatever her name is. That’s bullshit, Judah. Let me go.”
“Stop fighting me,” he grunted. He gave me a small shake, then held my chin between his finger and his thumb. “You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want this.”
“That’s just it, Judah—I don’t know what this is. And from the looks of it, I don’t think it’s a game I want to play.”
“Let’s cut the bullshit. You were the one who had me playing games. I played by your rules, and—”
“And obviously you were planning on breaking them. I told you. I told you this was about trust. Last night—”
“Fuck. How many times do I have to explain, it was a—”
“Misunderstanding. Right. Well—”
“Theodora,” he interrupted, pulling me closer still.
His hold was so tight, I was on my tiptoes. My hands, balled into fists a few seconds prior, were gripping his shirt to help me keep my balance. He didn’t seem to notice the effect he was having. Rather, her forged on.
“I don’t get jealous. But you—fuck.” He paused, and I could hardly breathe as I stared at him. His eyes seemed to roam over every feature of my face before he bent to brush his lips against mine. He barely pulled away, and I could feel his mouth move as he whispered, “You make me jealous.”
The shiver that raced down my spine didn’t go unnoticed.
“What—what are you saying?” I breathed.
“We’re going to do this.”
This time, I pressed into him as I demanded to know, “What is this?”
“Only one way to find out.”
When he sealed his mouth with mine—when he slipped his tongue between my lips—I didn’t have it in me to stop him. I wasn’t sure what he wanted and what I wanted were exactly the same—but his kiss was a form of communication I understood perfectly. As he held me and kissed me deeper, as he cradled the back of my head and explored my mouth, I didn’t need answers. I didn’t need explanations. All I could taste was him. All I could feel was his choice. And while I wasn’t sure how long I would be his choice, I couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t mine.
He was right. I was there because I wanted him. Because I wanted this.
Chapter Thirty-One
“Wait.” She said the word, but when he didn’t stop, she didn’t push him away. Instead, she circled her arms around his neck and sighed into his mouth. “Wait, Judah—Jude, wait. Stop.”
He pulled away only enough to stare down at her lips. He couldn’t remember her ever calling him Jude, and he liked it in ways he knew he shouldn’t. However, it was more than the freedoms she’d taken with his name that made him feel off-kilter. Everything about the last ten minutes was not only unplanned, but contrary to his very nature. He found himself in a situation that felt oddly inevitable.
She licked her lips, and he forced himself to look into her eyes as she murmured, “I—I’m…”
“What?”
Judah watched as she drew in a deep breath. She then pressed her hands against his shoulders, as if she wished for him to let her go. He didn’t. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t sure how he had arrived at such a point, but the sight of her turning away from him after she called him a coward—it was enough. Enough to change his mind. Enough to trigger his need. Enough to usher him into the moment in which they existed; the moment in which letting her go was not an option he was willing to entertain.
More than the challenge he saw when he looked at her—he was drawn to Teddy’s ability to refuse him. Rather than her rejection spurring him on, it was the nature of her desire; it was the construct of her character; it was the fragrance of her personality. She wasn’t simple or easy. She was complex and unpredictable. When she turned her back on him, he hadn’t seen a woman who merely told him no. Her very presence at his doorstep was the opposite of no, and yet she had been ready to leave him anyway.
It wasn’t his distaste in the idea of spending another night alone that made him reach for her. Diane was present, and that wasn’t enough. Moreover, the idea of Teddy walking away felt bigger. To Judah, it felt like if he didn’t have her, he would be missing out on something unattainable anywhere else. It was a realization that gripped him so tightly, now that he had her in his arms, he couldn’t fathom letting her go until he was certain she wouldn’t run. He couldn’t explain it any more than he could talk himself out of it—so he held on almost helplessly.
“What, Teddy?” he coaxed gently.
“I want to believe you. I want to—I want—I want to keep kissing you, but—”
“Don’t question it. We’re doing this. In fact.” He paused, extracted his hand from her hair, and glanced at his watch. “After I grab my jacket, we can go.”
“Go?” she asked with a shake of her head.
“Yes.”
“Go where?”
“On our date. We’ll be late if we don’t leave soon.”
“Judah—I’m not dressed for a date.”
“There’s no time for you to change. Stay here.”
He pressed a kiss to her lips and then let her go. He hesitated a moment, but one look in her eyes told him she wasn’t going to bolt. A small smirk curled the corner of his mouth and he returned to his room in order to access his closet. He found the sports jacket he planned on wearing and slipped into it as he reac
hed for and pocketed his wallet. He pulled at his shirt cuffs on his way back to Teddy, and he felt amused when he found her looking just as baffled as she did when he left.
“Do you have a purse or something you need to grab from your car?”
“You’re serious.”
“Very. I’m also hungry, and our reservation is in ten minutes.”
“Our—? You mean the reservation you made for you and—”
“It’s you I want, Teddy. It’s you in my house. It’s you who is going to make us late if you don’t get your purse so we can go.”
He could hear the surrender in her sigh, but she still looked down at herself and shook her head at him. “Are you sure I—”
“As you seem so apt to point out, I had a choice tonight. I chose you, just as you are. Now, go. I’ll pull the car out and meet you in the driveway.”
When she still didn’t move, he walked around her and opened his front door. This seemed to be the act she needed in order to believe him fully. With not another word of protest, she glanced at him and headed for her vehicle. Judah didn’t hesitate to shut and lock the door. The evening he had planned put them on a schedule. As he made his way toward the garage and folded himself into the driver’s seat of his Porsche, he didn’t think on the prior evening; he didn’t worry about what could have been—there wasn’t time. Furthermore, he saw no point in looking back when the only direction they could travel was forward.
As his garage door lifted, he focused his attention in the rearview mirror. While he waited for the barrier to clear out of his way, he watched as its ascension revealed Teddy’s figure. She stood, her purse held in both hands in front of her, at the end of the drive. Staring at her reflection, he could acknowledge he didn’t know what he was doing. He had not planned on exploring any sort of lasting relationship with the exquisite redhead—and yet, he knew, however long she held his interest, she would be his. There was no sense in denying it. The possibility of her would haunt him forever if he let her slip away—and he didn’t relish the idea of ghosts.
Until I’ve explored her in the most intimate ways, I cannot be rid of her.
He carefully eased his vehicle out of the garage and stopped when he could close the door. As it made its descent, Teddy slid into the seat beside him. She put her purse at her feet but didn’t bother with her seatbelt as she turned toward him.
“Are you at least going to tell me where we’re going?”
“You’ll find something you like, I’m sure. Buckle up,” he answered evasively.
“So no, then,” she mumbled, doing as she was told. “Are you going to dance around all of my questions tonight?”
“That depends,” he said as he sped out of the neighborhood.
“On what?”
“Your other questions.”
She said nothing for a full minute. Finally, she asked, “You were at The Tap Room the other night. Why?”
Judah furrowed his brow, caught off guard by the question. It wasn’t that he was surprised by her curiosity, but how her tone implied he had to have some motive to justify his whereabouts.
“Sometimes I like a good beer. They also have a burger I enjoy.”
“Oh.”
He could tell she was taken aback by the straightforward nature of his reply, but he didn’t take offense.
“Were you—alone?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you just come say hi?”
“I believe we’ve addressed this already. Let’s discuss something else, shall we?”
“Right. Okay.”
Judah peeked over at Teddy and saw as she seemed to shrink a little in her seat. She folded her arms across her chest and shifted her gaze out the window. He didn’t like it. What he found most captivating was the flame he saw flicker inside of her, like a spark that caught when she got excited. It disappointed him to see her snuffed out.
“Teddy,” he said, reaching over to curve his hand around one of her legs. She jerked at his touch, and a hint of a triumphant smile played at his lips. “Don’t do that. Don’t hide. Ask me something else.”
“Like what?”
“You tell me.”
“What—I don’t know. What do you like to do for fun?”
Have sex, he thought to himself, giving her thigh a gentle squeeze.
He was smart enough not to let the answer slip from his lips. As young as she was, he knew Teddy was not naïve. Regardless of the fact that she had no real knowledge of the ongoing agreement he had with Diane, he would be a fool to believe Teddy couldn’t see right through Diane’s purpose. To admit such a truth in the seemingly delicate atmosphere they traversed in his sports coupe would be foul play.
“I enjoy golf,” he admitted.
“Oh, yeah. I remember now. You and Ben.”
“Yeah.” He coaxed his hand further up her thigh, and he felt her squirm. When she pressed her legs together, sandwiching his fingers, he didn’t fight his smile. Speaking through it, he queried, “What about you, Theodora? What do you do for fun?”
“Um—I, um—I like to take pictures. I mean, photography. I dabble in photography.”
“Hmm,” he hummed contemplatively.
Before he could fully wrap his mind around this new information, she changed the subject. “What’s your favorite book?”
In spite of the quick shift in topic, Judah didn’t have to think twice before he answered, “Fight Club.”
“Oh. Great movie,” she murmured, sounding more at ease at last.
He quirked an eyebrow and shot a sidelong glance her way. “Decent adaptation, notable casting—better book.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it,” she said, amusement lacing her tone in a way Judah liked. “I’ve never read it.
“You should.”
“I think I will. My favorite is Pride and Prejudice.”
“How—romantic of you,” he quipped.
“Don’t make fun.”
She smacked the hand on her thigh reproachfully, and it brought a grin to his face. That was the spark after which he found himself chasing.
“It’s a classic,” she continued. “Besides, there’s something so lovely about Darcy.”
“I suppose I’ll have to take your word for it,” he said, stealing her previous statement.
“Wait, you’ve never read it?”
Judah shook his head.
“Didn’t they make you? In high school or something?” When he replied with another subtle shake of his head, she coughed out a sigh. “You’re missing out. Seriously. You should definitely read it.”
Giving her thigh a squeeze, he replied, “What will you give me if I do?”
“Jane Austen requires no bribe,” she all but scoffed.
“Perhaps not, but my way is more fun.”
“Does that mean I’ll get something if I read Fight Club?”
He offered her a nod at the same time he began to rub his thumb back and forth across the top of her thigh.
“Okay,” she said softly. “What do you want?”
Chuckling, he replied, “I’m sure you know the answer to that already.”
Judah saw it out of the corner of his eye as Teddy dipped her chin while sweeping a bit of hair behind her ears. Her legs pressed against his fingers once more, and he would have bet anything her cheeks were burning in a blush. As much as he wanted to see, he kept his eyes on the road.
Teddy cleared her throat and said, “Let me rephrase that. What do you want that I’ll actually give you?”
“When I’ve read your favorite book,” Judah began. “I get to touch you wherever I want.”
She squirmed again but then replied, “That’s it? You get to touch me—that’s the deal?”
“Wherever I want,” he emphasized.
“And you have to read the whole book?”
“Cover to cover,” he assured her through a grin.
She hesitated a moment, then whispered, “Okay.”
“And what do you want from me
, Teddy?”
“When I’ve read your favorite book…” She started and then she stopped. It took her a second to think. Finally, she said, “I get to photograph you.”
“You want to take my picture?”
“Yes.”
“All right, then. Deal.”
No sooner had he said the words, than he spotted an open parking spot less than half a block from their destination. He pulled into the space and was quick to power off his vehicle. Flipping his wrist, he checked the time once more and then looked at Teddy.
“Come on. No time to waste.”
They both climbed out of the car, and Judah fastened his jacket closed as they stepped onto the sidewalk. He then placed a hand at the small of Teddy’s back and guided her down the street toward the Fish House and Oyster Bar, where he intended to take her to dinner.
“I hope you like fish.”
“I do. Very much, actually.”
When they were inside, they were seated without delay. As Judah took up his menu, he glanced at his options as he instructed, “You’ll have to be decisive. We’ve only an hour before the ballet starts.”
“Wait—what?”
The astonishment he heard in her voice was what beckoned him to offer her his full attention. The expression which accompanied her tone was worth the diversion.
“It begins at eight o’clock.”
“You’re—you’re taking me to see a ballet?”
“Yes.”
“Really? I’ve never been.”
For the first time that evening, Judah got the impression Teddy was no longer worried about Diane, or how he spoiled their Friday night plans, or the misunderstanding which was the catalyst that made way for the moment in which they found themselves. For the first time that evening, he felt completely in control. Even more, he felt buoyed by victory.
“There are many things I intend to introduce you to. Tonight, I suppose the ballet will do.”
“Yeah,” she said, trying and failing to hide her exuberant excitement. “I suppose it will.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
The first thought that flitted across my mind was a memory. I latched onto it and replayed it over and over again, in no hurry to get out of bed. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I not forget the previous night. More specifically, the way it ended.