by Ella Frank
AFTER ONE TOO many hours shopping with Sean, I decided I deserved an award for putting up with what had to be the most torturous experience of my life.
At first, I’d thought it would take my mind off things. If I was out and busy, maybe it would distract me from the real reason I had to hang out with him in the first place. But as Sean pocketed his wallet and grabbed his most recent purchase from the salesclerk, I was soon reminded why.
One minute, I was staring aimlessly out the wide windows of the store, watching the Saturday shoppers walking by and gathering at the lights waiting for the WALK signal. The next, my eyes caught on a man in that crowd, a stranger looking my way, and as the door to the shop opened and the bells above it jingled, I startled like someone had just shouted in my ear.
As my heart began to race and my palms began to sweat, the world around me began to spin out of control.
“You good to go?”
Sean’s voice was like a gunshot to my crazed mind, and as I jerked away from him and plastered my back to the dressing room door, Sean stepped in front of me and reached for my arm.
“Xander? Xander? Are you okay?” Sean looked over his shoulder to the window I was transfixed on, and then back to me. “Did you see someone? Someone you’ve seen before?”
No, I’d never seen him before. He was just some stranger in the crowd who happened to look my way. But then again, that was exactly who would send an anonymous letter, right?
“Do you have a back entrance?” Sean barked at the clerk. “Would you mind if we—”
“No,” I finally said, shaking my head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing out there. It’s just my…”
I licked at my dry lips, and Sean narrowed his eyes, his fingers tightening around my arm. The panic from only seconds ago seemed to fade, and I found my words getting stuck around the lump that had formed in the back of my throat.
“It’s not okay. You’re not okay. We’re going out the back.”
Sean didn’t wait for a response. He guided me through the racks of clothes and followed the woman ahead of us until we were pushing through the back exit, and when it slammed shut behind us, I found myself standing in an empty alley.
Sean dumped his bags on the ground by my feet as he looked left and then right. When he seemed happy that we were alone, he came back to where I was standing flush to the brick wall.
What the hell is the matter with me?
“Xander?” Sean’s voice was much calmer now, his tone less harsh.
I blinked and tried to swallow around the lump. But when it was clear I still wasn’t quite myself, Sean reached out to take either side of my face.
“Hey.”
His rough palms against my cheeks made me look at him. When Sean offered up a half-smile that made the corners of his deep blue eyes crease, I felt my panic drain out of me.
“You’re okay.”
I read Sean’s lips, but couldn’t quite make out the words as the ringing in my ears continued.
“You had a panic attack.”
As I continued to stare at him, mute for probably the first time in my life, Sean stroked one of his thumbs over the curve of my cheek.
“Did you see something, someone watching you?”
“I… No, they weren’t watching me, they just…” Sean stroked my cheek again, and this time the spike in my blood pressure had nothing to do with anxiety. I took his hands and gently pulled them from my face. “I’m okay. I just got caught up in my head for a minute there and thought I saw something. It was nothing, I’m sure, just lots of people.”
Sean was standing much closer to me than he would under normal circumstances, and when his eyes roamed over my face, I angled my chin up, hoping a show of bravado would make him back off, but I was out of luck.
“That’s understandable.”
Was it? I’d never had a panic attack before, and I’d been in some pretty hairy situations in the past. Interviews with murderers, dictators—hell, I’d reported from the middle of war zones, for God’s sake. Now here I was having a meltdown because some creep sent me a few messages?
Jesus, Xander, get a hold of yourself.
“I’m fine,” I said, and straightened from the wall. “But do you mind if we go home now? I think I want to lie down for a bit before we go to Bailey’s.”
Sean didn’t look at all convinced that I wasn’t about to fall on my face, so I bent down, picked up his bags, and held them up between us.
“Plus, you’re going to need time to decide which of these outfits you’re going to wear tonight.”
“Uh, I was thinking I’d leave these for Monday.”
I shook my head. “Nope. What better audience to try these out on than your brothers? You know they’ll be honest.”
Sean raised an eyebrow. “Honest? More like they’ll give me shit for trying to look like some kind of preppy Hollywood cop. But okay, I’ll do it. Only because you just had a freak-out.”
My mouth fell open, but he was right. I’d had a freak-out, and no one was more shocked than me that Sean had been the one to calm me down. The one to…comfort me.
As we walked side by side toward the parking garage on the corner of the street, Sean said, “You got a pair of hair clippers at home?”
“Hair clippers?”
Sean ran a hand through his hair. “I was gonna get it cut, but then I ended up—”
“Coming to work for me?”
He chuckled, and the sound was a welcome relief from the chaos of minutes ago.
“Yeah, I guess I did, huh?”
“Mhmm. And yes, I’m pretty sure I have some somewhere. But if you want to go and get it done—”
Sean stopped and grabbed my arm, halting me. “I’m not leaving you.”
You wouldn’t think four words would have such an impact, but I could’ve hugged him for saying them—not that I would ever tell him that.
“Come on, Sean. I think I’ll be okay in my house.”
Sean took in a deep breath, and then let it out as though he were praying for patience. “Even if I thought that was true, there’s no way I’m leaving you after what just happened here.”
“That’s never happened before.”
“And yet today it did. So forget it.” Sean started to walk again, and I jogged to catch up. “You best get used to me, Xander, because until this motherfucker is caught, I’m not going anywhere. You got that?”
Yes, I did, and as I fell into silence, I found I’d never been more grateful than I was right then, walking down the street beside pain in the ass Sean Bailey.
WHEN I WOKE later that afternoon, the sun was slipping through the blinds I’d lowered when we’d gotten home, and I’d kicked the sheets off me in my fitful sleep.
I couldn’t remember any of my dreams, but I could tell by the throbbing headache that they hadn’t been peaceful. I glanced at the clock on my bedside and saw it was just turning four—shit.
Sean and I had decided to leave around five to get to Bailey’s in time for dinner. I slowly sat up and got to my feet, then figured I should probably go and tell him I was awake.
I padded across the hardwood and pulled open my double doors, fully expecting to find Sean waiting where he had been the last two times I’d left this room. But when the hall was empty, something cold skated down my spine.
“Sean?” I called out, and when I got no reply except for the familiar sounds my place always made, my pulse begin to race. “Sean? You out here?”
Again. Nothing.
This was ridiculous. He was probably in the living room and couldn’t hear me. But even as I told myself that, I tried to imagine a scenario in which Sean would put enough distance between us that he wouldn’t be able to hear my movements. It just didn’t seem plausible. Not when he’d been so particular about it from the get-go.
Telling myself there had to be a good explanation as to why he wasn’t guarding my bedroom door, I did my best to squash down the lump in my throat and made myself step out of my room.
Just as I was about to reach for the handle, I heard a noise from down the hall and yanked my hand back. My heart pounded as I stared down the endlessly long hall, and when I realized it was just the icemaker, I let out a breath.
Fuck. I was a nervous wreck in my own house, jumping at every little damn noise, and I hated it. This was Sean’s fault. His don’t think your castle can’t be breached speech had me walking around on fucking eggshells.
Irritated, I raised my hand and knocked on Sean’s door, and when I got no answer, I opened it a crack. God knew I didn’t want to walk in on him doing anything I’d rather not see. I had enough nightmares to have to deal with that too.
But when I entered the bedroom and found it empty, I frowned.
Where the hell is he? I was about to go in search of him when I heard a faucet in the bathroom turn on and off, and then the door handle jiggled.
Of course, I thought as I watched the door open, he’s getting ready to leave. And before I could tuck tail and run, Sean stepped out of the bathroom and my jaw nearly hit the floor.
Somewhere between us getting home, me taking a nap, and right now, Sean had made a complete transformation.
Gone was the long hair he’d arrived with two days ago, and in its place were short, tapered sides and thick, textured strands he’d side-swept with his natural cowlick. He’d trimmed his stubble to a fashionable length and dressed in the third outfit he’d tried on today.
Brown boots, designer jeans that fit his long, muscular legs, a simple grey t-shirt, and a distressed leather biker jacket. It made a hell of an impact for a man who usually wore a crumpled suit for work, or five-year old jeans, faded sports shirts, and baseball caps on the regular.
Sean looked like a completely different man, one I’d never seen before, and when he finally spotted me standing there, he tugged at the sleeves of his jacket and frowned.
“So? Do I pass muster? What do you think?”
What did I think? I thought he looked sexy as hell. But I would rather shave my head than admit that, so I decided to ignore his question and go on the defensive instead.
“Did you not hear me a minute ago?”
Sean walked over to me, still fiddling with his cuffs. “Huh? When?”
“You didn’t hear me calling your name?”
Sean stopped in front of me and tried shrugging the coat into place. I let out a sigh and reached for the lapels.
“Here,” I said, and tugged them neatly into place over his shirt, then smoothed my hands along the supple leather.
He looked down at where my palms were now resting on his chest, and I quickly pulled them back.
“Sorry, didn’t hear you. I was using the clippers and then took a quick shower. I thought you’d be sleeping a little longer.”
“I said we’d leave at five.”
“Right.” Sean looked at his watch. “It’s only ten after four. You got plenty of time.”
“I still need to shower and change.”
Sean smiled, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of the newly trimmed stubble or the overall makeover, but I found myself zeroing in on his mouth and finding it difficult to look away.
“And that takes you forty-five minutes?”
“At least thirty.”
Sean chuckled, and when my traitorous cock responded in a way it never did to Sean Bailey, I took a quick step back. “So…I’m going to go.”
Sean shrugged. “Okay.”
I turned and all but ran to his door, and just as I was about to slip through it and lock myself in my bedroom, I heard him say, “You never said. Do I pass inspection?”
I glanced over my shoulder, and when my dick throbbed again, I gripped the handle a little harder and nodded.
What the hell was going on with me? Was this some kind of residual emotion from this morning? Was I feeling extra affection because Sean had helped me when I needed him?
“You can leave it open,” Sean said, as I was about to yank the door shut as though it were some kind of force field between us. “I’m going to be out there in a second.”
I didn’t want to think about Sean standing outside my door while I got naked and showered. Not when my body was acting like it was on crack. Jesus.
So I bolted into my bedroom, locked the door, and headed for a cold shower. Maybe the shock would remind my dick that Sean was the last person it should get excited about.
One thing was certain, though: while I was busy panicking about this, I’d completely forgotten how scared I’d been minutes before. It seemed Sean—whether he was trying to or not—had the innate ability to make me feel safe, among a whole lot of other bizarre feelings.
None of which I planned to examine anytime, well, ever.
16
Sean
AS WE PULLED into my brothers drive and I cut the engine, I looked over to Xander sitting still and silent, much as he had the entire drive out here. Something was going on with him. What, I had no idea. But ever since he’d woken up this afternoon, he’d been…off.
At first I’d thought it might have to do with what had happened this morning. It was clear he’d been rattled, and while he’d tried to pull it together on our way back to his place, I thought that maybe his sleep hadn’t been quite as restful as he’d hoped, and the anxious feelings from earlier had lingered.
But as I took the keys from the ignition and was about to ask him if he was okay, Xander unbuckled his belt and shoved the SUV door open, practically flinging himself out of the vehicle before I had a chance to say shit.
Frowning, I followed suit. Tonight was going to be interesting. I hadn’t seen my brothers in weeks, and considering my new makeover, I knew they were going to have a million and one questions that were going to be greatly entertaining for them, and fucking painful for me.
Huh, maybe that’s what was wrong with Xander.
“Hey,” I called out as Xander booked it up the front drive and I jogged to catch up. “There a fire I don’t know about or something? What’s the hurry?”
Xander barely spared me a glance as he continued on, and something about the brush-off ruffled my feathers. I thought we’d called a truce today during the shopping and freak-out. But clearly I knew jack shit about Xander and his mood swings, ’cause he was having a hell of a one right now.
“Am I really such bad company you’re running to find replacements?”
Xander stopped and turned, and with the slight slope of Bailey’s drive he was at eye level with me, something that was rare, considering I had him by a good few inches.
“Don’t tell me you aren’t feeling the same? We’ve spent more time together in the last two days than we have in our entire lives.”
Something about the way he said that grated on my nerves, and when I crossed my arms and glared him down, Xander held my gaze.
Brave, considering most cowered from that look.
“And that’s so fucking terrible for you? Spending time with me,” I said.
“Well, it certainly hasn’t been a picnic, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Wow, okay. “Yeah, ’cause you’re such a walk in the park,” I said, and brushed by him, our shoulders bumping a little harder than I’d intended. But fuck it. He was pissing me off.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I reached Bailey’s door, knocked once, then turned and let Xander have it.
“It means that you’re a spoiled, ungrateful snob, Xander. You have more mood swings than my mother used to. I don’t know what happened between you taking a nap and right now, but the idea of being around other people is the best fucking one I can think of. That way, I’ll be less likely to kill you.”
Xander’s face reddened as though his blood was boiling, and it probably was. But before his head had a chance to explode right off his shoulders,
I heard the door open and pivoted to see Bailey, who took one look at me and frowned.
“Sean?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice gruff, my mood now shot to shit.
Bailey chuckled as he took in my new polished getup. “Are you sure that’s you? It’s been a while, and the last time I saw you, you didn’t own an iron.”
“Hilarious, Bay. Are you gonna open the fucking door? Or just stand there all night gawking at me?”
Bailey continued to laugh as he stepped aside, and when I walked past him and he finally caught sight of Xander behind me, he grinned.
“Oh, hey, Xander. I didn’t see you there.”
Once inside my childhood home, I looked back to where Xander remained on the front porch, looking like he wanted to cut and run. But too bad for him, because he didn’t have a fucking car.
Bailey peered out the front door at his drive, and when all he saw was my SUV, he looked between the two of us. “Did you Uber here? I could’ve come and gotten you if something’s wrong with your car.”
When Xander didn’t answer, I wondered what exactly was going through his head—probably thoughts on the best way to kill me.
We’d already discussed telling Bailey what was going on tonight, so I figured we might as well start now. If Xander didn’t like it, well, he could add it to the list of my shortcomings he was clearly keeping in his mind.
“Xander came with me.”
Xander coughed, the first sound he’d made since his verbal sparring match with me.
“Came with you?” Bailey said. “What do you mean he came with you?”
Xander muttered something unintelligible as he marched forward and shoved me out of the way.
“We have to talk,” he said to Bailey as though I wasn’t even there. “But first I need to eat, because I plan to drink—a lot.”
“Okay…” Bailey said as we all moved out of the doorway and he closed the door behind us. “Henri’s in the kitchen. Kieran got caught at work tonight, so it’s just the four of us. You can go through. Sean, would you like me to hang your coat for you?”
I glared at my brother, shrugged out of my coat, and tossed it over the back of his couch. “I’m just fine, thanks. But I need a fucking bourbon, stat.”