I remind myself if happiness is fleeting, then so is sadness.
I remind myself depression is the weather, and I’m a weather-worn tree.
I remind myself even the worst storms pass.
I remind myself I’ve survived them all.
Me (aged 3) looking confused on Papa’s film set, 1990
Alia and Pooja: the picture of Alia and Pooja that made it to the magazine on the day of that fateful photoshoot, 1998
Mummy, Papa and I, the cute baby, shortly after I was born, 1987 or 1988
Me, Mummy and Papa on my third birthday (what on earth is that dress?), 1990
Alia (aged 3) and I (aged 8) chowing down on some mangoes, 1996
Baby Alia and I, 1993
Papa, Alia and I the day she came home from the hospital, 1993
Me (aged 11) bemusedly watching Alia put stickers all over her face for reasons known only to her at her sixth birthday party
Alia feeding Papa cake at her fourth birthday party; me (aged 9, in more questionable clothing) looking on
Papa no doubt telling me (aged 14) about the secret meaning of life in the middle of a party
Me (aged 7) showing off some sweet ballet moves and a gap-toothed smile
Alia and I (finally well dressed) at an event in 2016
Alia and I channeling our inner mallards in her vanity van, 2016
Mummy, Papa, Alia and I during a family vacation in the Maldives, 2016
Alia, Mum and I, 2017
* https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-power-rest/201104/is-depression-making-me-sleepless-or-is-insomnia-making-me-depressed-0https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/coping-with-depression-and-insomnia.aspx
† https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression
‡ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/creativity-and-personal-mastery/201004/why-positive-thinking-is-bad-you?page=1
§ https://www.hopefulminds.co.uk/single-post/2019/07/07/The-Tyranny-of-Relentless-Positivity
¶ https://www.hopefulminds.co.uk/single-post/2019/07/07/The-Tyranny-of-Relentless-Positivity
** https://www.cmasas.org/unraveling-shame-and-empathy-dr-brene-brown
References
While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy and completeness of this list I apologize for any errors or omissions and would be grateful if I am notified of any corrections that should be incorporated in future reprints or editions of this book.
‘Causes of Depression’. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/causes-depression#1.
‘Depression’. The National Institute of Mental Health, February 2018. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml.
‘Depression—Let’s Talk’. World Health Organization, 7 April 2017. http://www.who.int/mental_health/management/depression/en/.
Foer, Jonathan Safran. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Wilmington: Mariner Books, 2005.
Jamison, Kay Redfield. An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. New York: A.A. Knopf, 1995.
Kerr, Michael. ‘Major Depressive Disorder (Clinical Depression)’. Healthline, 2017. https://www.healthline.com/health/clinical-depression#causes.
MacGill, Markus. ‘What Is Depression and What Can I Do About It?’ Medical News Today, 30 November 2017. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/kc/depression-causes-symptoms-treatments-8933.
Merkin, Daphne. This Close to Happy: A Reckoning with Depression. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2017.
Miranda, Lin-Manuel. ‘Hamilton: An American Musical’. Hamilton: The Revolution. Edited by Jeremy McCarter. New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2016.
Palahniuk, Chuck. Fight Club. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1996.
Plath, Sylvia. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. New York: Anchor, 1982.
Schimelpfening, Nancy. ‘The 9 Most Common Causes of Depression’. Very Well Mind, 30 April 2018.
Solomon, Andrew. The Noonday Demon: An Anatomy of Depression. New York: Scribner, 2002.
Tatera, Kelly. ‘Shame is Actually Critical for Our Survival, Researchers Argue.’ http://thescienceexplorer.com/brain-and-body/shame-actually-critical-our-survival-researchers-argue
Wallace, David Foster. Infinite Jest. New York: Bay Back Books, 1996.
‘What Is Depression?’ American Psychiatric Association, January 2017. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank:
Papa, everything I know of being human, I’ve learned from you.
Rukun and Naomi, for giving me the ultimate shot at catharsis—with one little meeting at a Bandra tea room you offered me the chance to redefine my relationship with myself.
Gurveen, for your enduring patience and gentle prodding. Thank you for lending your voice to my story and pushing me to dig even deeper when all I wanted to do was take a big, long nap.
Dipti, my guiding light on this very daunting and transformative journey—baring my soul to you could not have been easier or more rewarding.
Dorita, meticulous and ever-watchful—thank you for having my back and putting up with my consistently appalling response times to absolutely everything.
My family, my beating heart.
My grandparents Nindi and Trudy—all that I am begins with you. Thank you for my childhood and everything that has come since.
My friends. Old, new, past and present. You know who you are. You’ve held me together.
Every single person who has ever written me a kind message, letter or comment. This book was borne from the knowledge that I am not alone. Thank you for showing me every day that we’re all in this together.
Further Reading
Some books I have found to be brilliant, insightful and helpful:
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression—Andrew Solomon
First, We Make the Beast Beautiful—Sarah Wilson
Furiously Happy: A Funny Book about Horrible Things—Jenny Lawson
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness—Kay Redfield Jamison
Reasons to Stay Alive—Matt Haig
This Close to Happy—Daphne Merkin
Staring at the Sun—Irvin Yalom
Darkness Visible—William Styron
Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy—David Burns
Notes
THE BEGINNING
Let the conversation begin…
Follow the Penguin Twitter.com@penguinbooks
Keep up-to-date with all our stories YouTube.com/penguinbooks
Pin ‘Penguin Books’ to your Pinterest
Like ‘Penguin Books’ on Facebook.com/penguinbooks
Find out more about the author and
discover more stories like this at Penguin.co.in
EBURY PRESS
USA | Canada | UK | Ireland | Australia
New Zealand | India | South Africa | China
Ebury Press is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
This collection published 2019
Copyright © Shaheen Bhatt 2019
Foreword copyright © Mahesh Bhatt 2019
The moral right of the author has been asserted
Jacket images © Devangana Dash
This digital edition published in 2019.
e-ISBN: 978-9-353-05720-6
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
ter>
I've Never Been (Un) Happier Page 10