If Loving You Is Wrong

by E. L. Todd

  Cayson pressed his lips to mine then breathed hard. He started to tense up as he moved into me harder. A deep moan from the back of his throat escaped his lips then he tensed again, starting to fill me. “Skye…” He moaned again as he finished.

  I moved my hands through his hair, feeling the sweat.

  He stayed over me, still inside me. When he recovered from his moment, he looked into my eyes. An instant passed between us, unspoken but still acknowledged. I knew what it meant on his part, and I knew what it meant on mine.

  Cayson kissed my forehead before he pulled out of me then lay in the bed beside me. He was hot and sweaty but he still hooked his arm around my waist and cuddled with me. “How was that for you?”

  I rolled him to his back then leaned over him. “Wow…just wow.”

  He smirked with fondness in his eyes.

  “I want to do it again,” I blurted.

  He laughed slightly. “I’d love to. Just give me a few minutes.”

  I kissed his chest and stomach. “You’re really good at that. I can’t believe we waited so long.”

  His hands moved through my hair. “It was worth the wait.”

  “I want to do it all the time,” I blurted again.

  “Can I get that in writing?”

  I laughed then rubbed my nose against his. “Cayson, you’re the perfect man. I was stupid for not realizing it before, but now that I do, you’re mine forever. I’m never letting you go.”

  Fondness moved into his eyes. He stared at me for a long time. “The feeling is mutual.”

  “Good. Because you’re stuck with me.”

  “And there’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.”

  We lay in the dark, touching each other and sharing quiet kisses. Silence stretched as our hands did all the talking. He moved his fingers through my hair then across my skin. I felt his chest, noting the feel of his muscles.

  When an hour had passed, I crawled on top of him. “Round two.”

  A grin stretched his face. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Slade

  When I saw Cayson on campus, he had a stupid grin on his face. “Why do you look like an idiot?”

  He shrugged, the ridiculous grin still there. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “A beautiful day? Are you a poet now?”

  “You asked what I’m grinning about and I told you.”

  I studied his face, not believing him. Then it hit me. “You fucked Skye!”

  “Keep your voice down,” he hissed. He looked around the hall to make sure no one had heard. “I mean it. I don’t want everyone knowing my business.”

  “I can’t believe this. How was she?”

  “Why do you think I’m grinning?” he countered.

  I clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re finally a man.”

  “I’ve been a man for a long time, actually.”

  “You aren’t a real man until you’ve had Skye Preston, man.”

  I cringed. “Dude, for the last time, she’s your cousin.”

  He ignored my words. “So, what position?”

  “I’m not going into detail with you.”

  “Was she on top?”

  “How lazy do you think I am?” I snapped.

  “Was she ever on top?”

  “Why does it matter?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “If this is the girl you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, you got to make sure she’s not selfish in bed.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Well, we’re good there.”

  “Did you buy her dinner first?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “And I had candles and rose petals in the bedroom.”

  “Cliché,” I blurted.

  “And candy bars,” he added. “You know Skye has a sweet tooth.”

  “Okay…that’s pretty cool,” I agreed. “Wait until everyone hears about this.”

  “Slade, this stays between us. I don’t want Roland to know.”

  Cayson could be annoying sometimes. “Dude, you’ve known Roland your whole life. He’s never been the protective brother type. He doesn’t care what Skye does.”

  “I still don’t think he wants to hear about me having sex with her,” he snapped.

  “Whatever.”

  “Don’t say anything to anyone.”

  “What about Trinity?”

  “What? Why would you talk to her at all?”

  Oh yeah. We hated each other. That’s right. “I just meant in passing.”

  “I’m sure she knows anyway. Skye tells her everything.”

  “That’s what normal friends do,” I snapped.

  Cayson looked at his watch. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you later.”

  “Basketball tonight?”

  “Sure.” He disappeared down the hallway.

  ***

  I went to a local bar and scouted the talent. Sipping my beer at the counter, I searched the crowd and tried to find a winner. A lot of cute girls lingered around. They were in packs, wearing short dresses with sparkly rhinestones. When it came to women, I was particularly attracted to long legs. I’d always been that way. A nice rack and ass were important too but I usually searched for legs.

  I zoned in on one blonde in particular. She had a curvy waist and bright blue eyes. When she laughed, a full set of perfect teeth were noticeable. She was really cute. I wouldn’t mind watching her breasts jiggle while I fucked her on my bed.

  When I fast-forwarded through our evening together, I realized I’d have to wear a condom, a thick slab of latex that blocked the best sensations from my cock. Then she would want to snuggle and I’d have to push her away. Then I’d have to kick her out and she would call me a dick. It sounded like a lot of work.

  My phone vibrated and I looked at the screen.

  It was Trinity. Go to hell.

  I smirked when I read the message. I was in the middle of catching tail, but Trinity was a good lay. I didn’t have to wear a condom with her, I didn’t have to pretend to care, I didn’t have to kick her out, and I could be myself.

  She was the clear winner.

  I abandoned the blonde in the corner and drove to Trinity’s house a few miles away. The lights shone through her windows and snow littered her lawn. I parked in her driveway then headed to her front door. After I knocked, she answered.

  “You came quick.”

  “I was down the street,” I answered.

  She walked away and let me come inside.

  I shut the door and locked it behind me. “Did you know Skye and Cayson finally fucked?”

  “Yeah, she told me.” Trinity walked into her bedroom. “About time. If she wasn’t going to fuck Cayson, I was going to do it for her.”

  I followed her then saw her pull her shirt off. “You have a thing for Cayson?”

  “Of course not. But I’m not stupid. He’s clearly a catch.”

  “You think I’m a catch too?” I winked at her.

  She rolled her eyes. “Sure, Slade.” She unbuttoned her jeans then pushed them down. She stood in a purple bra and matching thong. Her long legs traveled for days. I eyed them for a long moment, excited to feel them wrapped around my waist.

  I came closer to her then pulled my shirt off.

  Trinity stared at the tattoos that marked my chest and arms. Her hand moved to my sternum while she stared at the artwork.

  “I always knew you were into ink.”

  “It is pretty hot.”

  Wow, she actually paid me a compliment.

  “Now, are we going to talk all night or get to the good stuff?”

  Her forwardness surprised me. “I don’t need to be told twice.”

  I lay beside her, trying to catch my breath. I never expected Trinity to be so good in bed. She knew exactly what she was doing and how to rock my world. Every kiss and every touch electrified me.

  She pulled her pillow closer to her then sighed in satisfaction.

  I stared at her, watching her
face. “You know what’s weird?”

  “Hmm?” She didn’t open her eyes.

  “This isn’t weird.”

  “Why would it be weird? It’s just sex. It’s like two friends going for a jog together. It’s just an activity like any other.”

  “I’ve never had a fuck buddy relationship like this.”

  “Really?” She opened her eyes and seemed surprised.

  “Yeah. They always want more.”

  “Well, I think since we despise each other so much, we don’t have to worry about that.” She laughed lightly.

  “Man, having sex without a rubber is heaven. I was going to pick up this girl tonight but the thought of wearing one made my hard-on disappear.”

  “It’s that different?” she asked.

  “Just take my word for it.” I rested my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. Normally, I would leave a girl’s house as quickly as possible but I didn’t feel rushed. Trinity knew my visit didn’t mean anything. “Meet anybody lately?” I wasn’t jealous, just curious.

  “No.” She sighed sadly. “I’m not even bothering to look anymore.”

  “What do you mean?” I grabbed my beer from the nightstand and took a sip.

  “All guys are jerks. I’m sick of expecting them to be anything more than that.”

  “I’m not a jerk.”

  She gave me a look that clearly said, “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”

  “I’m not Prince Charming, obviously,” I blurted. “But I’m not a liar or a cheat. With me, you know exactly what you’re getting.”

  “Which isn’t much,” she said sarcastically.

  “The guys that lie and treat you like you actually mean something to them then run around with other girls and spit out lies more than truths are the real assholes. I don’t like hurting people so I avoid it. I get this reputation for being a jackass when all I am is honest. It gets old.”

  She processed my words for a moment. “I guess you have a point.”

  “Damn right I do.” I took another drink.

  She turned on her lamp and then grabbed a book from her nightstand. She sat up and began to read it.

  “What are you reading?” I asked.

  “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

  “Are you reading it for class?”

  “No.” She continued to read through the words. “I like to read.”

  I eyed her bookshelf in the corner and saw all the books piled high. “That’s an interesting choice for a girl.”

  She cocked an eyebrow and looked at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I just don’t think most girls would like to read that.”

  “And what should I be reading?” she demanded. “Jane Eyre?”

  “No, I’m just surprised. That’s all.”

  She closed the book and looked at the cover. “It’s my dad’s favorite book. He let me borrow it.”

  “Uncle Mike knows how to read?” I said with a laugh.

  “He reads a lot, actually. He started a few years ago. We have our own father-daughter book club.”

  “That’s actually really cute.”

  “Cute?” She looked at me like I was crazy. “I’ve never heard you use that word before.”

  “Doesn’t mean I don’t know it,” I snapped. “I did get into Harvard after all.”

  “And how is still a mystery…” She opened her book again.

  I rolled my eyes and let her comment go unchallenged. I eyed the window and watched the snow fall. Trinity kept her house particularly clean. You could eat soup off the carpet if you really wanted to. She always had flowers on every table, and candles were lit in the kitchen, her room, and the bathroom. It was peaceful and warm. “I’m too tired to go home.”

  She flipped the page and kept reading.

  “Do you mind if I sleep here?”

  “I don’t care.” She pulled her knees to her chest and rested the book on her thighs. “Just don’t get in my way in the morning.”

  “I can do that.” I took out my phone and played a game. “What’s your favorite book of all time?”

  She sighed and put her book down. “You aren’t going to let me read, are you?”

  “Let’s be real; my company is far more entertaining than a psych ward full of weirdos and a murderous nurse.”

  “That’s debatable.” She put the book on her nightstand.

  “You don’t have a bookmark?”

  “No.”

  “Then how do you know where you left off?”

  “I remember it,” she said with an attitude. She turned off the lamp then got comfortable under the covers.

  I turned on my side and faced her, the comforter up to my shoulder. “So, what’s your favorite book?”

  “The Odyssey.” She said it without hesitation.

  I didn’t expect her to say that. “Isn’t that the epic Greek novel that’s a million pages long?”

  “It is.”

  Trinity caught me by surprise. I never thought she was stupid but I didn’t think she was smart either. “Why?”

  “I like that it’s a story that takes place over years and years. It’s chronological and shows a man’s life over time. I think that’s how a story should be. Not every chapter is a synopsis of the good stuff. It tells everything, the good and the bad.”

  I processed her words for a moment. “Do you have any other favorites?”

  “By definition, you can only have one.”

  “Then what are others you like?”

  “Why do you care?” she snapped.

  “It’s the first time I’ve spoken to you and haven’t hated you. I think we’re making progress. Now answer the damn question, you annoying brat.”

  She smirked. “Harry Potter.”

  “Wow…those books couldn’t be more different.”

  “American Psycho is another favorite. My dad recommended it.”

  “About the guy who kills prostitutes?” I blurted.

  “Yep. I’m guessing you’ve only seen the movie. Believe me, the book is a lot better.”

  “Your dad has interesting and violent tastes in literature.”

  She shrugged. “My dad can be a bit of a brute sometimes.”

  “So, are you going to ask me what my favorite book is?”

  She laughed. “You know how to read?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Yes, I know how to read. Now ask me.”

  She stopped laughing. “Fine. What’s your favorite book?”

  “Schindler’s List.”

  She gave me an incredulous look. “About the holocaust?”

  “I’m a history major. It shouldn’t be that surprising.”

  “But that’s…so depressing.”

  “And your favorites aren’t?” I asked. “I like it because it’s real. What could be more terrifying, more meaningful, than something that horrific happening less than a hundred years ago? Isn’t it weird to think about it like that?”

  “I suppose.” She stared at me while she thought about it. “And it’s weird that slavery wasn’t really that long ago.”

  “Right?” I asked. “It’s really weird. That’s why I like to read about it because nothing like that would ever happen now—thankfully.”

  “If you want to ink, why didn’t you major in art?” she asked.

  “I already know how to draw. I’d rather learn something new that I’m interested in.”

  She nodded. “I guess that makes sense.”

  “A lot, actually. Why are you majoring in business if you hate it?”

  “I don’t hate it.”

  I gave her a look that clearly said, “Cut the shit.”

  “Okay, I loathe it,” she admitted. “I told my dad how I felt and he said I could pursue fashion if that’s what I wanted.”

  “He wasn’t mad?”

  She shook her head.

  “Wow. That’s really cool. Then why are you still here?”

  She shrugged. “I’m almost done with my d
egree. I may as well finish it.”

  “True. I can’t deny the logic in that.”

  “So, you’re really going to ink then? That’s set in stone?”

  “And I’m going to play in a band.”

  She smirked. “What band?”

  “I don’t know yet. But I’ll find them.”

  “I’ve never heard you play guitar.”

  “I’m pretty damn good,” I said.

  “Cocky.” She gave me a grin.

  “I know I’m good. Why does admitting that make me cocky?”

  “You could say it in a better way.”

  “How?”

  “Like, ‘I’ve been playing for a long time and I know all the chords.’”

  “But that’s pretty much what I said.”

  “But in a nicer way,” she said.

  I shook my head. “No. I’m blunt and honest and I’ll never change.”

  “Fine. Be hated by everyone you meet.”

  “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not. Besides, you hate me but you’re sleeping with me.”

  She stared at me for a long time. “Slade, I don’t hate you…”

  “You don’t? Because I hate you.”

  She hit my arm lightly. “No, you don’t. I know you don’t.”

  I avoided eye contact and stared at her comforter.

  “I think there’s more to you than you let on, Slade. But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. You can pretend to be shallow and rude all you want.”

  “I am shallow and rude.”

  “No. You just try to be. You can fool everyone else but you can’t fool me.”

  “What makes you say that?” I asked.

  “You’ve saved me twice now. And I didn’t even ask you to.”

  “I would have done it for any girl.”

  “But I don’t think you would have beaten the shit out of those guys for just any girl.”

  I guess she had a point.

  “And you even said you couldn’t stand the thought of something bad happening to me.”

  “Well…yeah. You’re family.”

  “See?” She gave me a victorious look. “You are a good guy.”

  “A guy that uses his friend as a fuck buddy?”

  “It’s mutual. I’m using you as much as you’re using me.”

  “Let me ask you something,” I said.

  “What?”

  “You can have any guy you want. So why are you settling for this arrangement?”