Jaya shook her head, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Besides his room and his reading material. Has he said anything else about any changes?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Caterina nodded. She’d figured as much. Rahul, sweet, loyal Rahul, hadn’t told his friends just how much Caterina had demanded of him. He hadn’t told them about the makeover or RC. He was still protecting her, keeping his word. The thought only made her feel worse. How had she been so single-minded, so selfish, so self-absorbed, that she hadn’t seen all the ways she’d been hurting him?
“Caterina? Are you all right?” Jaya had slowed her pace and was looking at her in concern.
Caterina forced a smile and blew out a breath, picking up her pace again. “I’m fine.”
She wasn’t, but that was immaterial. She was much more worried about Rahul, about finding a solution to the thought that was haunting her.
* * *
Later that day, Caterina perched on the hood of her Bugatti, two steaming to-go coffees in her hands. The cold from the metal hood seeped through her wool pants, making her shiver. She was parked on a slight hill overlooking a valley that held a small, frozen pond in its cupped hand. The late-afternoon sunlight was obtuse; dusk wasn’t far behind.
A whistle sounded behind her. She turned to see Mia, walking up the small hill, dressed in jeans, an oversize tan sweater, and a plaid scarf. “So this is it, huh? The Bugatti?”
Caterina hopped off the hood, smiling slightly, and handed Mia her coffee. “I brought you a latte. And yes, Papa got it for me a few weeks ago.”
Mia ran her hand over the roof, her eyes drinking in the way the sunlight hit the duo-chrome paint. “Wow. Lucky you. He must love you a lot.”
Caterina shrugged and took a sip of her cappuccino. “I’m his only daughter. Those are the perks, I suppose. I’m sure your parents showered you with the same single-minded attention.”
Mia met her eye and raised an eyebrow. “No, not at all. They’re far too pragmatic to do that. Though I suppose they did their best.”
Caterina could hear the unspoken words. “Was it not enough?”
The wind blew, shaking the aspen grove to their left. “I’m hard to please.” Mia smiled thinly. “Anyway, you said you wanted to talk? Is everything all right?”
Caterina took a breath and looked back out over the valley. The sun sparkled off her crown necklace, a little star in her peripheral vision. Mia walked closer so they were both looking at the same view. “I’m having some second thoughts about RC.”
Mia glanced sharply at her. “Really? But I thought you said the first official date went well.”
“It did, but…” She turned to look at Mia. “Sometimes doing the right thing is a lot harder than doing the wrong one.”
A look passed over Mia’s face, one that Caterina couldn’t decipher. But before she could comment on it, Mia was speaking again. “That’s very true.”
Caterina looked down at the cup in her hand. “I think I’m hurting Ra—RC by being with him,” she said softly, watching her breath on the chilly air. “And that’s the last thing I want to do.”
After a moment, she felt Mia’s arm around her shoulders. “I’ve seen you with him, and that’s not true. He looks happy when he’s with you.”
Caterina couldn’t meet Mia’s eyes. RC looks happy to be with me, she thought. But Rahul doesn’t. To Mia, she said, “I suppose so.”
“Caterina. He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”
Caterina closed her eyes, just for a moment. “He does. He makes me so happy.” Opening her eyes, she turned to her friend. “But it’s not that simple.” Dating him just because he made her happy was a selfish thing to do. She could see she was hurting him, and she couldn’t just look away from it.
Mia studied her expression and then squeezed Caterina’s arm. “Well, don’t rush anything. Take your time and think it through.”
Caterina took a deep swallow of her drink, letting the heat bolster her. Was there another solution she wasn’t thinking of? Could they continue to date somehow, without Caterina hurting him? She could ask him to stop being RC—tell him that was what she wanted. But no. Caterina knew that just as she couldn’t continue hurting Rahul, she could also never tell him how to live his life. Those were his choices, and he had to make them. She could only control her part in things.
“I’ll talk to him after the Musicians’ Fund charity event tomorrow night,” she said quietly, as much to herself as to Mia.
“There you go,” Mia said, letting her arm slide down. “I’ll be there too for moral support.”
Caterina half smiled at the other girl as the sun dipped behind the mountains, chilling her skin. “I’m so glad you will.”
She knew what she had to do now. It was the responsible thing, the right thing to do. It would hurt, but this wasn’t about her. This was about saving one of the most important people in her life.
RC
He took Caterina’s elbow as they walked up the big concrete stairs to the art gallery where the charity event was being held. The night sky above them was a polished black; the moon like a cold spotlight shining down on them. Caterina’s long dress was the color of rust, and it pooled around her ankles. “You’re stunning.” He gave her his dashing RC smile.
She smiled back, but it was hesitant, not as bright as usual. “Thanks. You look… great.”
RC stuck his hands in his pockets and did a little shimmy-twirl on the broad step, a lock of hair falling in his eye. He didn’t sweep it back; he knew it looked good. But Caterina didn’t look overcome with desire or adoration. In fact, she looked less impressed than she had on their date when he’d been dorky, awkward Rahul. And she looked… anxious. Caterina LaValle was never anxious.
RC frowned. “Is everything okay?”
The night air was brisk, biting even. Caterina huddled deeper into her coat and looked up toward the art museum. Her throat was long and pale in the dim light; the choker at her throat glittered like a pelt of stars. “Fine. I just think… we should get going. I don’t want to be late. It’s a big night.”
“Okay.” RC waited, but she didn’t meet his eye as she began to climb the steps again.
His pulse picking up, he followed in silence.
CATERINA
“We can certainly all learn from the LaValles,” Mr. Tannish said, beaming down at Caterina. “Thanks to your father for the donation, Caterina.”
“He was just so sorry he couldn’t come,” Caterina replied, smiling demurely. “The Musicians Fund is a cause so dear to his heart.” Truthfully, her father couldn’t be bothered to come to every charity event he was invited to, and he was invited to dozens every year due to his donations. So he often sent Caterina in his stead, as so many other parents did. Case in point: nearly all of Caterina’s social circle was present here tonight.
She looked over her shoulder. The event was being hosted at the Madison Art Gallery in Aspen, a gorgeous space full of white marble and gold accents. Most of her friends were clustered in one corner, looking at someone’s phone. Mia, she noticed, was talking to RC by the band, both of them deep in conversation.
Caterina felt a flurry of nerves. Seeing them talking brought to mind the conversation she herself needed to have with him later. The conversation she’d been actively avoiding by circulating around the room instead.
“Is it true that he’s writing a book?” Mr. Tannish asked, pulling Caterina’s attention back to him. “Your father, I mean?”
She turned, her smile at the ready. “Well, that’s what the rumor mill says. It’s always been a dream of Papa’s, to write a memoir one day. I know it would be so inspiring to so many if he did.” Her gaze slid back over to RC and Mia. She wished she could listen in on what they were saying. Was it anything about her?
RC
“Well, you look dashing tonight, RC.” Mia walked over to him, her blond hair up in a fancy bun on her head. She was wearing a gold sequin dress, the kin
d he’d never seen Caterina wearing, likely because it was too loud for her style. Mia had paired her gold dress with a dramatic purple eye, which actually looked kind of good, even if he’d never have put the two colors together.
“Thank you. So do you.”
She handed him a glass of champagne, which he surreptitiously put down on a nearby table. He never drank; it was a well-known scientific fact that alcohol was a literal toxin that attacked your brain cells.
Mia touched him lightly on the arm. “Caterina told me you took her out on a real date recently.”
There was something sharp about Mia; she reminded him of glass shards wrapped in velvet. Although, to be honest, the same could be said of the vibe Caterina put out. And in her case, it wasn’t true at all. (Well, maybe a little. But in a good way.)
“Yeah.” RC smiled. “It was nice. Just the two of us, no event to escort her to.”
Mia regarded him over her champagne flute, the lights from the giant gold chandelier overhead catching the glass and winking off it. “Really. So, are you a couple now?”
“I suppose we are,” RC replied, not sure about the tone of her question. It didn’t sound happy and excited, like Jaya or DE. “It’s just been one date, but I’d like to think that’s where we’re headed.”
There was a pause during which Mia continued studying him, her amber eyes intense and focused. And then she sighed. “I like you, RC,” she said, shaking her head.
RC felt an unpleasant tightening in his chest. “Thank you,” he forced himself to say calmly. The band began to play another song, right beside them, which felt like a thousand elephants trumpeting directly into his skull.
Noticing his expression, Mia took his elbow and led him to a quiet, empty table toward the back of the room. “Here. Is this better?”
He nodded as he took a seat across from her. “Yeah, thanks.” His voice sounded hoarse, as if he’d been yelling. There was something coming; he could feel it.
Mia put her elbows on the table. Her purple eye shadow was hypnotic, lending a very surreal air to this entire interlude. “RC… Rahul.” She paused, letting that piece of information sink in. She knew who he really was. Had Caterina told her? “She told me how sweet you were at the winter formal, dancing with her when she’d just been broken up with.” Mia smiled, a little sadly. “That’s why she gave you this opportunity. The chance to become someone shiny and new, the chance to become RC. The chance to rub elbows with directors’ sons and actual supermodels and drive around in Bugattis. She wanted to pay you back for the kindness you showed her because she really appreciates it. But… love? Feelings?” Mia shook her head slowly. “I don’t think she’s where you are, RC. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and… I just really don’t want you getting hurt.”
RC sat back, his heart trip-hammering in his chest. “She told you that? That this is all just payment for what I did at the dance?”
Mia spread her pale arms and shrugged. “It was a nice gesture, wasn’t it? She’s a good person. She’s just not in love. And I think, at least, it seems to me like maybe you… are?”
RC pinched the bridge of his nose, not able to look at her anymore, not able to take the pity oozing out of her. Had Caterina told everyone? Was that why they’d all wanted to hang out with him—out of some sense of obligation?
And then it hit him. That’s why she didn’t want him being RC at their date. Everyone had been treating him like a child, with big, bright smiles and lots of praise, and he’d been too stupid to see it. He’d internalized it as reality.
“Not everyone feels that way,” Mia said, reading his mind again. She reached over and patted his hand. “I think you’re great as RC. And a lot of other girls have told me they do too. They have no idea you’re anyone else. It’s just a few of us Caterina’s confided in, and it didn’t seem right to me, so I wanted to let you know. If I were in your shoes, Rahul, I’d want to know.” She paused, biting her lip. “Did I do the right thing?”
RC pushed his chair back and stood. “You did the right thing,” he bit out. Then he crossed the floor to where Caterina stood, deep in conversation with Mr. Tannish.
CHAPTER 18
CATERINA
RC’s eyes were blazing. There was no other word for it.
“Hi.” Caterina tried on a smile, knowing it wouldn’t be returned. “Is everything… okay?”
“I need to speak with you. Now, please.” He walked away, heading out of the main room.
Caterina turned with a smile. “I’m sorry, Mr. Tannish. Would you please excuse me for a few moments?”
“Of course, dear,” he said, his brown eyes twinkling merrily. “Love must always come first, eh?” Laughing uproariously, he drifted off to speak with a couple by the chocolate fountain.
Caterina took a deep breath and, picking up the hem of her long, persimmon-hued dress, she walked as quickly as was physically possible in six-inch heels to find RC.
* * *
She found him sitting on a bench down a quiet hallway, away from the crowds. There was only one light on in the ceiling, casting him in shadows. He sat with his head bowed, his hands clasped loosely between his thighs, looking utterly defeated. Caterina’s heart squeezed in her chest as she walked up to him, her shoes whispering on the white-and-gold carpet. He didn’t look up even when she was close, though he had to have heard her.
She sat beside him, feeling tendrils of worry wrapping around her. “Rahul? What’s going on?”
He looked up at her, his eyes pink around the edges. “Am I just a big project to you?”
She blinked, uncomprehending. “I beg your pardon?”
“That’s why you wanted me to change back into Rahul on our date. Because you can’t bear to see me as RC when you only ‘created’ me because you wanted to pay me back for our dance at the winter formal.”
“Rahul…” Caterina frowned, not sure where any of this was coming from. “I have no idea why you’re—”
“It’s true, right? That’s why you chose me to be RC. But the entire time, you’ve been applauding me and praising me like you would a slightly unintelligent dog. You don’t appreciate RC for who he is; to you, he’s just a big joke.”
Caterina closed her eyes for a moment. There it was. She wasn’t appreciating RC enough. She wasn’t giving him his due. And therefore, she must just be acting out of obligation. She opened her eyes again. “You’re wrong,” she said slowly, firmly. “I never felt a sense of duty toward you. But you’re so consumed with RC, you don’t even know who you are anymore. You’ve lost sight of what’s important.”
“Have I? And are you going to tell me what that is?”
Caterina felt a spark of anger at the way he was talking to her. There was no hint of Rahul there. “Stop it,” she said. “You’re not a jerk, so quit acting like one.”
His eyes flashed as he stood and mock-saluted her. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.” Dropping his hand, he looked at her, his face full of fury. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to be your lapdog. You never wanted RC to have his own opinion, to become someone others might respond to. That’s right, Caterina, there are people who genuinely like RC. Not everyone’s brimming with a sense of duty like you are.”
“I don’t feel a sense of duty toward you!” Her voice rang out across the long, empty hallway, but she was too shocked, too mad, too outraged, to care. “Where are you getting this?”
“It doesn’t matter where I’m getting it,” RC said. “What matters is that it’s true.”
She looked at him, so resolute, so sure that he was right, that all the horrible stories he’d cooked up in his head about her were indubitably true. That was her doing, wasn’t it? She’d created this. She’d refused to see the signs. She’d looked the other way when he’d said self-deprecating things. And now it was too late. Now he was taking her rejection of RC as her rejection of him. He didn’t see himself as Rahul at all anymore, and the thought terrified and sickened her.
“Rahul…,” Caterin
a began, biting her lip. She’d known she had to do this; now was as good a time as any. “I can’t…” She swallowed the lump in her throat.
He looked down at her, his dark eyes hooded and blank. “I’m done, Caterina. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. Not with someone who sees me as some charity job.”
She sat staring at him—at his blurry image—for a long minute before she realized her eyes had filled with tears. “Okay,” she whispered.
It wasn’t true, what he’d said. But perhaps this was for the best. Perhaps letting him go was the kindest thing to do, the only step she could take in maybe, one day, helping him get back to himself when all this was behind him.
A flash of something crossed his face, too quick for her to make out. Then he turned on his shiny heel and was gone.
RC
He was shaking as he walked away, every bone, muscle, and sinew in his body trembling violently like a rubber band pulled too tight. At least he’d said his piece, he thought as he hurried away, almost running. His heart pounded violently in his chest; there was a bitter taste in his mouth. At least he’d told her exactly what he thought of her payback. At least he’d had the courage to tell her to her face that he wanted no part of it.
And she’d just let him go.
RC blinked hard as he raced toward the exit, ignoring the small pockets of well-dressed people in the main hall who turned to look at him as he went flying by. There had been a part of him that had hoped she’d ask him not to break up with her, that she’d swear none of the things he’d said were true, that she’d make it okay somehow. But she hadn’t. She’d basically just agreed. It was obvious now to him that she’d wanted him to break up with her. So why, then, had she even said in the cabin that boys always asked her out? Had he misunderstood that, too? Had she been trying to let him down easily in some conversational code that was too hard for him to decipher? Nothing made sense anymore. RC’s head pounded in confusion and hurt and anger.
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