Of Princes and Promises

by Sandhya Menon

  Out in the cold, he began walking. He’d call the school’s car service in a minute, but for now, the bracing chill in the air, burning down his nose, throat, and lungs, felt good. He stuck his hands in his pockets, bent his head, and put one foot in front of the other. Somewhere down the block, a car honked, long and angry.

  After a moment, RC chuckled. The funniest thing about all of this was that he’d convinced himself that he was some kind of Frog Prince, someone who’d been redeemed. That in becoming RC, he’d finally become worthy of Caterina LaValle. How hadn’t he been able to see the truth? That no matter who he became, he’d never be good enough for her? That the Rahuls of the world could never be with the Caterinas, no matter how much face paint or magic paste or whatever the hell else they put on?

  He turned at the light and headed up the empty road, the traffic lights swapping from red to green as he walked alone and lost in the winter night.

  CATERINA

  She sat on the bench in that empty hallway for so long, she lost all track of time. Finally, Mia walked down the corridor, sat next to her, and held out a small crystal bowl of vanilla ice cream with two spoons in it. She didn’t say anything; good friends never needed to. Caterina couldn’t do this, let herself be this vulnerable, with the girls at school; Heather and Ava wouldn’t know what to do with her if she did. But with Mia, things were different. So Caterina took a spoon and ate ice cream with her friend.

  Three Weeks Later…

  RAHUL

  “And that’s what cognitive dissonance means,” Ms. Rivard, the AP Psych teacher, said. “It will be on the AP exam, people. Hello?” She waved a hand in their collective faces. “Are you guys ready for spring break or what?”

  There were a few whoops and cheers around the room. Ms. Rivard rolled her eyes. “Rahul?”

  He was listening to her, but it took him a moment to register that she’d just said his name. That was happening more and more lately, ever since he and Caterina had broken up. It was like the world was some distance away; as if he were on a ship and the world were on the shore, yelling, trying to get his attention, but having to compete with distance and howling winds. “Hmm?” he said finally.

  Frowning a little at his tepid response, Ms. Rivard said, “Tell us an example of when you’ve experienced cognitive dissonance—that is, when your actions didn’t match up with your beliefs and it caused you psychological discomfort.”

  When was the last time his actions didn’t match his beliefs? How about the time he broke up with the love of his life when every internal fiber had been screaming at him not to?

  “Rahul? Hello? What is up with all of you? I swear, they need to add senioritis to the DSM.…”

  He blinked and returned to the world to see Caterina looking over her shoulder at him, her brown eyes soft and sad. She gave him a small, wistful smile, but he looked away, ducking his head and pretending to read his book. The thing was, anger didn’t fade as fast as he used to think it did. In fact, before Caterina LaValle, he never thought of himself as an angry person at all.

  CATERINA

  Ava and Heather caught up to Caterina as she walked out of the humanities building and cut across the green, heading toward the dining hall for coffee and a break.

  “Caterina!”

  She turned to see them crunching across the stiff grass, Ava’s curly hair flying behind her as she hurried to keep up with Heather’s longer steps.

  Caterina waited while they caught up with her, her hands cupped around her elbows. She was cold, and felt very, very small and alone. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to speak with Ava or Heather right then.

  “Hey. Are you okay?” Ava’s face was drawn in concern. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m fine.” Caterina made sure to keep her voice firm and remote. She didn’t want to cry with them; that wasn’t the kind of friendship they had at all. “I just wanted to get some coffee.”

  Ava and Heather exchanged a look.

  Heather spoke next, her voice timid and unsure. “Um, Rahul kept looking at you during class, and you were looking at him… Is something going on there? You can tell us, you know.”

  They didn’t know about RC because Caterina hadn’t told them. She hadn’t trusted them with it, and now she supposed there was no point in telling them. All of that was over.

  Caterina sighed, her breath frosting the air. “Thank you. But there’s nothing going on there. It was probably just a coincidence.” She looked over her shoulder at the dining hall, feeling exhaustion permeating every fiber of her body. She needed time to get away, to think, to just be. “I have to get going, though. And you guys should really get to class.”

  “Okay,” Ava said, her mouth pulling down in disappointment. “Do you want to hang out later?”

  Caterina smiled a little. “Sure. Just text me.” She knew she wasn’t going to hang out with them. It was like she’d had a limited amount of social energy, and the breakup with Rahul had used up all her reserves. She felt depleted, washed out, even several weeks later, which was odd. Her reaction was all out of proportion; she and Rahul had shared one ill-fated date. And yet no amount of reasoning seemed to help her shake it off.

  Raising a hand in farewell, she turned and walked, alone, to the dining hall.

  * * *

  Holding her cup of coffee like a talisman against whatever the universe might have in store for her today, Caterina decided she’d go find her car next, though she didn’t really have a plan beyond that. She just needed to get away.

  Pietro saw her coming and immediately set his newspaper down, hurrying to get out of the driver’s seat. She usually called when she wanted him to pick her up, but today she’d felt like the walk down to the private car lot at the edge of campus. “I’m sorry, Pietro,” she said. “I should’ve called.”

  “No problem, Ms. LaValle.” He opened her door for her as she approached. “Is everything all right?”

  She slid into her seat in one seamless movement. “Yes, why?”

  “Ah… your classes?”

  She waved a hand at him. “I went to psychology; that was more than enough.”

  There was a pause, and then he nodded. “Yes, of course.” Closing her door, he got into the driver’s seat and looked at her in the rearview mirror. “Where to, Ms. LaValle?”

  Still staring out her window, Caterina sighed. “Anywhere, Pietro. Let’s just drive around for a while.”

  The car purred to life and then they were pulling away, leaving the school and all its occupants behind.

  They’d been driving about fifteen minutes when Pietro said tentatively, “I do not mean to tell you your business, Ms. LaValle.”

  Caterina smiled. “But you always do, Pietro. And that’s how you always start out those sentences: ‘I do not mean to tell you your business, Ms. LaValle.’ ”

  His brows furrowed and he looked at the road again. “It is part of my duty to your father and you.”

  Caterina leaned forward. “I know. And I appreciate you looking out for me.”

  Looking at least temporarily mollified, Pietro said, “Did he hurt you? The boy?”

  It usually delighted Caterina when Pietro called her ex-boyfriends “the boy” and her “the young lady.” But this time, she couldn’t find any joy in it. “Not especially,” she said quietly, holding on to her coffee with both hands. “It’s more like he hurt himself and I didn’t want to stick around to watch it. Which, I suppose, makes me selfish.”

  “That is not selfish,” Pietro replied. “Not selfish at all. Sometimes the greatest show of love is walking away, hmm?”

  Their eyes met in the rearview mirror again. And Pietro had the good grace to remain silent when Caterina blinked and turned her head to look out the window, tears blurring her vision.

  RAHUL

  “Rahul. Wait.”

  He turned to find DE striding across the green to him, her unsanctioned combat boots crunching the frozen blades of grass. There was a thick scarf around her neck and
chin, but her green eyes were big and worried.

  When she caught up to him, she searched his face for a long moment. “You too.”

  Rahul frowned and pushed his glasses up. “What?”

  DE began to walk, and he turned and kept pace with her. A chilly wind wound its way under his jacket, and he clamped his teeth against the cold. “Caterina’s been wandering around all pale and weird. She didn’t even give me a cutting glare when I walked within ten feet of her.” She darted a glance at Rahul out of the corner of her eye. “You guys broke up?”

  “Yeah.” His voice was tight, controlled, only because he didn’t trust himself to show any emotion right now. He wasn’t sure he could rein it back in if he let it out, which was… interesting. Rahul Chopra, unable to manage his emotions.

  DE sighed. “Rahul, I know it sucks. Believe me, I know. Love is…” She waved her fair hand in the air. A giant pentagram ring glittered on her middle finger. “It’s unrealistic for most people.” As they walked, she met his eye and held it. “Love is elusive; it’s the pot of gold at the end of a fucking double rainbow. Most people don’t even get a glimpse of that their entire lives. And we just have to accept that.”

  Rahul raised an eyebrow as they passed the science building on their right, where a bunch of juniors were congregated outside the door, laughing. “Are you trying to cheer me up? Because you’re doing a hell of a job.”

  DE slung an arm around his shoulder. “I’m sorry. But actually, I’m not trying to cheer you up. I’m trying to bolster you. I’ve been where you are. When someone you love breaks your heart, it feels like a shattering of who you thought you were.”

  Rahul thought about it; she was right. Caterina going out with him for payback had shattered his vision of who RC was. It had made him question what he believed about RC—that RC was someone who belonged, unquestionably, in her world. But there was one important distinction. RC had other friends, other people who showed him who he was meant to be. Other people who accepted—no, who adored—him. So what if Caterina wasn’t one of them?

  Turning back to DE, Rahul spoke. “Thanks. But I think I’ll be okay.” Okay was subjective, after all. Okay could mean fine, or it could mean I’ll never love again. He didn’t have to specify which okay he was talking about.

  DE patted his arm. “Yeah. I know that. Hey, are you still going to Harper’s party? Because the whole group’s been invited—you know we all bonded at her mom’s art gallery opening last year—so we figured we’d go skiing in Aspen first, and then get dressed at the lodge and head over to Harper’s. You should come with.”

  Rahul thought of Leo and Grey, of their tepid reaction to him telling them he’d asked Caterina out. What would it be like now that they’d broken up? Would Leo and Grey openly laugh at him, at the fact that he ever thought he could be with someone like Caterina?

  “You know what?” he said. “I think I’ll sit this one out. I have plans anyway.” Nodding once, he walked off to his next class.

  CHAPTER 19

  CATERINA

  She wasn’t in a partying mood. Still, she knew she couldn’t let Harper down by not showing. Caterina studied herself in the hotel mirror at the Four Seasons, where she and her friends were staying the weekend of Harper’s party. She was still in her robe, her hair in a bun, her eyes dull. Definitely not ready for a party.

  “Knock knock!”

  Caterina turned to see Mia at the door, along with Ava and Heather, who’d walked up at the same time. They were all holding garment and makeup bags, their hair in buns. It was the first time Mia had met Heather and Ava, and there seemed to be an awkwardness in the air, all of them silent, not looking at one another.

  Caterina forced a smile. “Hi. Come in.” When they were inside, she said, “Mia, these are my friends Ava and Heather. Ava, Heather, meet Mia.”

  “Enchantée,” Heather said, holding out her hand.

  Ava smiled at Mia. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Oh, me too,” Mia said, smiling sweetly and taking Heather’s hand.

  “Hi, Caterina.” Ava bustled forward and pecked her cheek. “Zahira said she’d meet us at Harper’s. That’s fine, right?”

  “Sure,” Caterina replied, air-kissing her in return. “Where is she?”

  “She’s visiting her aunt who lives downtown, but she brought her clothes with her. Speaking of which, the Chanel jumpsuit you recommended is so gorgeous!” Ava flounced into the attached bathroom with her garment bag and makeup. “Seriously,” she called, her voice echoing on the tile. “Thank you.”

  “I’m wearing a vintage DVF wrap dress.” Heather hung her garment bag in Caterina’s closet and unzipped it. “It’s a dark purple.… Do you think that’s my color?” She turned and surveyed Caterina, seemingly coolly. But Caterina saw just a smidgen of real anxiety there. Had that always been there? Was she causing it?

  “It’s a beautiful color on you, especially with your blue eyes,” she said, and Heather immediately smiled and relaxed, following Ava into the bathroom with her own dress and makeup.

  “Sorry.” Caterina turned to Mia. “Only two people fit in that bathroom at once, so we’re going to have to take turns.”

  “We have lots of time,” Mia assured her. She set her garment bag on the bed and put a hand on Caterina’s arm. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m all right.” Caterina spoke quietly; she hadn’t told Ava or Heather that she and RC had broken up. “Harper said he was still going to be at the party. Apparently, Everett really wanted him there, and I didn’t want her to disinvite him, so…” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s strange, isn’t it? We had exactly one official date. But somehow, I’m sadder now than I was when Alaric and I broke up. At least then, I’d seen the cracks in the foundation. I knew what was coming. Besides, I never felt safe with Alaric. There was always a part of me that was on guard, never letting him see me fully. This… I don’t know. RC felt like someone I could be friends with. Someone who would be at my side for a while, making life colorful. You know I even thought about us being together through college? I’m going to Harvard, he’s going to MIT, and it just felt… fated. How stupid was that?”

  Caterina was alarmed to find that her voice was breaking as she finished. It was uncharacteristic for her, to make big plans with a boy she’d barely dated. But with Rahul, somehow she didn’t think she needed to play those games, to act like she cared less than him. Because Rahul would never hurt her. She hadn’t considered that the opposite might happen—that she’d end up hurting him, however unwittingly.

  “You’ll be fine.” Mia squeezed her shoulder. In the bathroom, Ava and Heather were talking and laughing too loudly to hear this conversation. “You will,” she added more forcefully when Caterina didn’t look convinced. “You know why?”

  Caterina shook her head.

  “Because I’m going to be right there by your side. And you don’t need some annoying boy when you have as fabulous a friend as me.”

  Caterina had to laugh. “Well, now, that’s true.” She paused, hesitating. “I saw you talking to him that night at the Musicians Fund gala.”

  Mia cocked her head, but her face was blank. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. Did he say anything to you about me? Because he just, he kept talking about how I feel obligated toward him and all of these outrageous things I’ve never even thought, let alone said. I have no idea where he got those ideas. Do you?”

  Mia blinked. “I don’t. I mean, when we talked, he mostly just stuck to poker and Everett and all of that. Nothing at all about you.” She paused. “But obligation? Wow. That would be a hard one to come back from.”

  Caterina frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Mia shrugged and her eyes remained on Caterina’s face. “Oh, just, you know. I have a sense about people. And RC, he seems like such a proud person. Someone who really wouldn’t like to think you were doing him a favor or looking down on him in some way. And if he thinks that… well, reconciliation seems futile.”
She smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry. That’s too brutally honest, maybe.”

  Caterina shook her head, even though Mia’s words were like sharp stones. “No, it’s not. You’re right. And I suppose it doesn’t really matter where he got it. In the end, it’s for the best that we broke up. I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

  Mia squeezed Caterina’s elbow. “Okay, now,” she said in a businesslike fashion. “Let’s get you polished and beautiful.” She turned Caterina around so they were both facing the mirror. Caterina was surprised by how wan she looked, how washed out and tired compared to Mia.

  “I don’t know if that’s going to be possible,” she said, attempting a smile. “Even with that gorgeous black Gucci dress I was going to wear.”

  But Mia looked unmoved. “It is possible. Because you’re Caterina LaValle and the LaValles own the world. Don’t they?”

  It was exactly what her father might say. Nodding once, Caterina picked up her makeup brush.

  RC

  He wasn’t going to Harper’s party with Caterina, so he wasn’t able to afford a hotel room in Aspen. Which meant he was here, getting dressed in his own dorm room. Thankfully, it was Saturday night, and the dorms were practically empty. He knew for a fact that Leo, Sam, DE, Grey, and Jaya had all been invited to Harper’s party, and had decided to make a day of it.

  RC’s heart felt bitter, like a stone pit in his chest rather than the living, beating, thrumming thing it used to be.

  Caterina had only gone out with him out of a sense of obligation, of payback for the dance at the winter formal. The thought hurt him more than anything ever had. As logical and practical as he was, he’d really let himself be that deceived. He’d actually thought she found him charming even when he messed up, that he’d somehow been able to unlock her vulnerability, a side to her that no one else saw, that no one else got to see. He’d loved her, yes, but more important than that, he’d liked her. All of her. The “her” she kept hidden away so skillfully, so effortlessly. The “her” she was when the cameras and mics were turned off, when the journalists and photographers had turned their backs, packed their bags, and gone home. The “her” that only RC could bring out.