No.
Yes, this is what we want!
No. Quinn battled against this new, darker side of himself, this monster that wanted Eva’s sanity. Craved it like a drug. He would drive her mad if he didn’t stop now.
You’re not taking this from us! The insanity of his gift hissed in his mind.
With every ounce of willpower he possessed, he dropped her hand, forcing his power back into his core where he held it in a vise grip.
Eva coughed, wiping tears from her eyes. He stared at her in horror, uncertain of what he’d actually done. Her eyes were glazed, pupils dilated. She trembled beside him, but he couldn’t risk touching her.
“Eva?”
She took a deep breath and clutched the blanket beneath her. “I-I’m fine. I think.” Her voice sounded so meek. She gazed down at her hands in her lap, her shoulders hunched like she was trying to sink into herself.
Quinn stared at her but she was as still as a statue. He reached for her when she started rocking back and forth, shaking her head. “Eva, please, what’s wrong. Talk to me.” She hadn’t had a panic attack in years.
She snatched her hand away, muttering as she rocked.
“Eva? Talk to me, please?”
“It’s always been so mild,” she said.
“What are you talking about?”
“The panic attacks. My shyness with strangers. I have … issues, Quinn. It’s never been this bad.”
Eva was always shy, keeping to herself and those she was most comfortable with. When they were kids, she’d needed speech therapy, but lots of kids needed that. But he’d never suspected she struggled with mental illness.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
She shrugged and rocked, refusing to look him in the eye. She didn’t like to make eye contact. But Quinn was beginning to wonder if what he’d presumed as shyness was a sign of a much more serious condition. If that was the case, then what the hell had he just done to her? Had he made it worse? Was that even possible?
“Please leave,” she said abruptly in a detached voice that didn’t even sound like her.
“Let me help you inside, Eva.” He stood and reached for her but she recoiled.
“Don’t touch. I don’t like people touching me. Please go, Quinn. I don’t want you to see me like this. I’m barely holding it together.”
Quinn turned from his friend, wondering if they’d ever be friends like they were. He’d done something to her. As he crossed the lawn in a daze, her manic screams echoed behind him. That sound would haunt him forever.
Quinn sat on his front porch with his head in his hands, wondering how he could have been so careless.
It’s not our fault—it’s just what we are.
“No. This is not what I am,” he whispered, gripping the porch railing in his fist.
It’s our nature. Get used to it.
“I will not be … a monster who preys on the sanity of others.” But that was the only way he could describe what happened with Eva. The lure of using his power had been so strong, he couldn’t resist it. But even now, like a true junkie, he couldn’t wait for another taste. I can never let this happen again.
But we will. It’s what we do. It’s who we are. You can’t deny it or stop it.
“This is not my gift,” he whispered into the silent afternoon. My gift is not going to be this.
Our gift is strong. We induce madness. You crave it already. We could feel that girl’s sanity at our fingertips. We were almost there and you chickened out.
“Stop!” He leapt to his feet, his fists clenched as if to fight the half of himself he was now at war with. “I will never give in to this. I will not be a monster.” He caught his reflection in the window and wondered if he wasn’t the one losing his mind.
~~~
CHAPTER
FIVE
Quinn: Summer
Atlanta, Georgia
“Did you even know what you’d done?” Livia’s mocking tone almost hid the fact that she was impressed with what Quinn had been capable of such a short time after his Awakening.
“Not really.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat back in the white room.
“You are a talented young man.” Livia released his hands.
Quinn hung his head in exhaustion. She’d made him relive every moment of the worst mistake of his life. Like he didn’t already do that every single day. She made him listen to that voice again. The voice he’d conquered years ago.
“You have so much potential, Quinn. But you mistakenly believe your gifts make you a monster. You have an ability to induce madness. Can you not see how much of an asset that makes you in a place like this? You could go far if you allowed yourself to embrace your power for what it is. Your gifts don’t define you. It’s what you do with them that makes you who you are.”
“That’s rich coming from you.” He’d heard those same words from his family for years, but from her, it didn’t make any sense.
“It’s my job to teach you not to fear this gift, but to use it as it was meant to be used. Don’t hide it. Don’t suppress it. That’s weak. And you are not weak, Quinn.”
“I will never use that gift against anyone. For any reason. Ever. Do what you will with me, but you will never defeat me on this.”
“You’re focusing on the gift as a weapon because that is how it manifested. Have you never thought about what positive things you might be able to do with it if you fully understood your gift? How you might be able to help those with mental illness?”
“No. It would mean unleashing this gift I’ve fought to control. I won’t do that.”
“Your gift could give you a unique understanding of the human psyche, but you have to master it, not suppress it. Suppressing it will keep the gift from developing.”
“It will only develop into something worse.” Quinn dug his heels in. He didn’t want to hope that his gift could become something good. He’d longed for a gift like Aidan’s or Sasha’s. Something truly remarkable. But he seemed to only manifest gifts that fed his addiction and fueled the darkness inside him.
“Maybe I should just take it from you permanently since you clearly don’t want it.”
“It is my burden to bear, and I will not see it in the hands of an evil woman with zero moral compass.”
“So naive. And so easy to read. Your moral compass is black and white. You haven’t lived long enough to see the gray areas yet. But you will.” She was back to looking at him like he was a science experiment. Something to deconstruct and reassemble to her liking. “Your tortured mind speaks volumes. I know exactly what to do with you now. You’re the heroic type that will withstand anything we do to you. Pain won’t work with you. Physical pain, psychological, emotional, you’ll withstand it all because you think you deserve it. No, you need a different kind of coaxing.”
Livia fixed him with her mesmerizing gaze, like a snake hypnotizing its prey. She clutched his forearms, her nails digging into his skin before he even realized she’d moved. She searched his mind, looking for his other abilities. He could feel her, sifting through his body without his permission. Anything she wanted to know about his power, she could find. She didn’t need to torture it out of him.
He felt it the moment she discovered his gift for attracting metals and minerals from the earth. A harmless gift she discarded as useless. She moved on, digging deeper and deeper, looking for the thing he protected at the core of his being. The gift he never wanted her to find.
Quinn had spent every moment since that day with Eva learning how to control the power that fueled his gifts. The madness whispered to him constantly at first, enticing him to let it run rampant. The voice eventually quieted as he gained the upper hand, but it was always there, lurking just below the surface. Half the time he felt like he was losing his mind to the insanity of his own gift. His self-control was all he had.
The battle to control the power was just part of being an Immortal, but for Quinn it was a daily war against his very nature. If
his family ever truly realized what kind of monster lay at the root of his power, they would be appalled. He could so easily find his home here at Soma with those like Michael and Ryan. It would take nothing more than letting nature take its course for him to become the person he was destined to be. He’d always known he couldn’t resist it indefinitely. The pull was too strong. It was only a matter of time before the addiction won and everyone knew what he was: a weak junkie.
And Livia was about to become his dealer.
“Quinn?” She released him. “How do you do it?” Livia shook her head. “How do you resist the lure of such a seductive power? You’re persuasive. You can make people—Immortals even—do your bidding with just the power of suggestion. If you were a little older, and I didn’t have control over you right now, you could just force me to let you go. You’d walk out of here without a backward glance. A free man. Manipulating everyone here to your will. You could be running Soma within a few weeks.” Her laughter filled the stark room. “But you resist it? How noble of you.”
“Go ahead. Mock me. Those who do not have such power can never understand the burden of it. It is not my right to control anyone. Even you. Just because I may have the ability to do it one day doesn’t give me license to rule the world. These kinds of gifts aren’t meant to be abused and should only be used when necessary. And only for the briefest of moments.” Quinn sat back, clamping his mouth shut. There was no use trying to convince her she was wrong.
“Go on.”
“No.”
“You worry that you won’t be able to live by the rules you were taught. That the gift will rule you.” She shook her head, impressed. “There are other rules, Quinn. Especially for those like you. You are worth your weight in diamonds. I’m not sure I even want to let anyone else have you.”
“To sell me like a pig at market, you’ll have to break me first. And that’s never going to happen.”
“We will see about that.” Livia stood and crossed to the door, gesturing for someone waiting in the hall to join them.
Quinn watched as a young girl stepped inside. Her thin arms crossed over her chest as the only protection she had against whatever Livia was about to do. She was a gangly thing. All arms and legs. As she came to stand at the center of the room, lifting her head in defiance. Quinn’s heart filled with dread. This girl had been treated badly and she couldn’t be more than thirteen.
“Stand there, Lennox.” Livia gestured to a spot right beside her chair.
“What are you doing? Are you insane? She’s just a little girl.”
With a wry grin, Livia gripped the girl’s arm tightly in one hand and dug her nails into his forearm with the other.
Quinn tried to stand as if he actually had the strength to help the girl, but a sharp tug gripped him in the gut and he fell back into his chair. He’d felt it many times before when Livia had used his cloaking gift. The first time was the night she took him from his family, shielding them with his gift as if it were her own. She’d worn him like a cheap suit that night. And now she was pulling on his power to remind him she was in control.
The surge of icy heat in his core surprised him. He hadn’t felt this much of his power in a long time. In moments, Livia had driven him to his limit, and he realized what she intended to do. She wasn’t going to hurt Lennox. She was going to make him do it, using his gift for madness as a weapon.
Livia would shape him into the image of what she thought he should be—if he allowed it. But he could fight her. He had to.
Just do it. It’s our nature. The voice echoed in his mind. The voice he hadn’t heard in years. He’d worked so hard to choke the life out of that voice. The sound of it reverberating through his head almost brought him to his knees.
You really didn’t think you’d conquered us, did you?
Quinn put everything he had into resisting his desire to hurt the girl with his madness. But as Livia used her gift to force his hand, she soon had his power raging inside of him.
She’s so tender and young! Let’s make her scream! Just a little. Just a taste. And like the addict he was, Quinn found himself rationalizing the situation, taking one step toward giving in, and then another. He didn’t have any control here. He was exhausted and at the end of his endurance. Livia would have her way one way or another. He had every reason to just let it happen. He didn’t owe the girl anything.
Still, Quinn fought to take back the steps he’d lost. His mantra filled his mind, pushing the voice back into the darkness. Just one more minute. I can last one more minute. But he was fooling himself. He didn’t have the stamina to battle the force Livia was pressing against him. Quinn watched like a spectator as his free hand wrapped around the girl’s arm. The dam burst.
He looked away the moment Lennox screamed. Ashamed of his weakness.
“You will pay attention, Quinn,” Livia insisted, forcing him to watch as the girl’s eyes glazed at the touch of his sick ability. He felt her fear and her loneliness. Yet with that first taste, it was like the sweetest air. He wanted more. Quinn pushed the girl toward the brink of her sanity, forcing her to relive the worst moments of her life. He could see it in her eyes as she faced the reality of a world where no one wanted her.
“I’m not doing this!” He resisted Livia’s influence, but Quinn couldn’t seem to release his grip on Lennox. His gift was mesmerized by what he saw in Lennox’s eyes.
Yes! Feel it, Quinn. Feel how strong her sanity makes us. Think of what we could accomplish if you stopped fighting us.
Physically, he wanted it. He wanted the feeling to last forever. The rush of blood through his veins. The way her madness caused his senses to awaken. He was flying high, his pain a distant memory. The ecstasy the girl’s sanity gave him was like nothing he’d ever experienced. But logically, he knew he would never forgive himself if he didn’t fight this. I am not choosing to do this. This is her. Not me.
Lennox screamed and the voice inside Quinn’s head rejoiced, relishing her fear and anxiety. The more she screamed, the stronger he felt.
Quinn was more like himself than he’d been since the night Livia took him. See? We make you strong. You need us. It’s not our fault she chose an innocent. For a brief moment, he found himself agreeing with the voice. That was when he knew he had to end it immediately.
“Stop!” He slammed his fist into the table, the pain instantly pulling him from the ecstasy of Lennox’s insanity. He released his grip on the girl and she crumpled to the floor.
“Give in to me,” Livia panted. She held her grip on him, still pushing him. “Give in to me and she goes back to her room now and this all ends.”
“No.” Quinn hung his head in shame, letting out a growl of frustration. He couldn’t even look at Lennox. The tension in his body tugged at all of his injuries, splitting his back open again. His fists dripped blood onto the table and his peripheral vision went dark as the strength he’d gained from Lennox left him.
“Let’s see what we can make her do then, shall we? I’m most interested in seeing more of what that twisted mind is capable of.”
With an anguished roar, he leapt to his feet, breaking Livia’s hold on him. He was closer than ever to submitting … just to put a stop to Lennox’s suffering. But it wasn’t that easy. It went against everything he’d ever been taught. In a situation like this, Quinn was taught to fight. Period. Giving up was not an option. But in that moment, he would have done anything to end the girl’s pain. It was the tiny voice in his mind that gave him the strength to continue—and it wasn’t the voice of his insane gift.
Don’t stop. I can handle it. We can’t let her win.
He caught the young girl’s gaze. There was no way she was old enough to have experienced an Awakening. But clearly, she was telepathic … and clearly, Livia had no idea.
We defy her when we can and we suck it up and take it when we can’t. She’s not the monster she wants you to think she is. You’ll win this battle. Just hang on a minute longer and she’ll be the one to gi
ve in Let’s call her bluff. Lennox looked so sweet and innocent but there was a fiery defiance there too. A backbone of steel. She didn’t want to see him fail. Not for her.
“Sit down, Quinn,” Livia snarled. “We are not done yet.”
~~~
CHAPTER
SIX
Sasha: Summer
Agra, India
“Come. Now. We don’t have much time.” Imogen grabbed Sasha’s hand and pulled her back through the house and up to her room.
“This isn’t really happening.” Sasha couldn’t mask the tremor in her voice. She was scared out of her mind despite all her bravado back in the office. “They can’t just swoop in here and take me like this! The Senate can require the assistance of any registered Proven Immortal. But I’m not Proven. I’m not even close to mastering my power yet.”
“But you’re powerful and they want you under their control while they can still get their hands on you. This isn’t just about providing you the training they think you should have for your benefit. It’s about keeping you under their thumb. Grooming you to be their creature. I imagine there aren’t many who have the kind of ability you do and they're not going to let that slip through their hands. They don’t care how this will affect you. They don’t care that they’ve asked something of you that would make most Proven Immortals pause and question the validity of their request. They don’t care. This is simply a means to test out the merchandise for the future.” Imogen whirled around to face Sasha. “You're going to have to suck at this.” She turned down a long hallway leading to their rooms, practically dragging Sasha behind her.
“I'm seventeen! Of course I'm going to suck at this. But how am I going to get through it, Gen?” The enormity of the last hour was sinking in. Sasha didn’t have it in her to become an assassin. Yes, her gift was perfect for it, but she wasn't. And judging by her sister’s reaction, the training would be brutal.
“We’ll get through it together, Sasha. I will not leave you to do this on your own.” Imogen shoved her through her bedroom door and closed it behind them. “Strip down to your underthings. We have work to do and not a lot of time to do it.”
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