No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Noah groaned. A sharp pain stabbed his leg. The leg that no longer existed. The leg that was buried somewhere in Afghanistan, courtesy of a well-placed IED he’d hit while trying to get to a wounded soldier. It had to be one of the most frustrating pains ever: to ache in something you no longer had. Phantom pain was, contrary to its name, very real.

  His stump throbbed, too. It had been bothering him more than usual lately, caused by the adjustment on his prosthetic leg. The more his scars and stump healed, the better they could fit his prosthesis, but it took getting used to. He’d worked longer than his regular shift because of Indy coming in, and the extra two hours of standing and walking were killing him now. Plus, ever since the amputation in the field over a year ago, the stump had troubled him. It had never healed completely, had become a constant discomfort.

  He glanced at the clock. Another half hour before he had to check on Indy for the first time. He was looking forward to seeing him again, talking to him, even if it was under these circumstances.

  Fuck, he’d been frantic when Josh had called him from the ambulance to tell him he’d witnessed a robbery and was bringing in someone who’d helped him through an episode. Shit like that could set Josh off, cause him to have a major panic attack. His best friend was fragile, and violence especially was a big trigger. The fact that Indy had saved Josh's life had made Noah like him before he’d even met him. But when Indy had told him he’d kissed Josh to snap him out of the episode, Noah had been…He didn’t even have words. Shocked, maybe?

  Something about the mental picture of Josh and Indy kissing had triggered him. Had he been angry? He considered it. Not really, no. Not jealous either. More like upset that he hadn’t been there, hadn’t been a part of it. It didn’t make sense at all.

  Well, neither did this weird connection with Indy. What the hell was that? It wasn’t purely physical attraction, not with him being dressed like a woman, including makeup and all. Not that Noah hadn’t recognized the beauty underneath. Those full lips, the almond-shaped eyes, the little gap between his front teeth, and his cute button nose. Oh yeah, he’d noticed, alright.

  It was way more than that, though. Maybe it was the mystery surrounding Indy. The boy was underweight, malnourished even. Noah had registered the ribs sticking out, the too-thin arms and legs, but also the frail nails that hinted at a lack of calcium, the paleness of Indy’s skin. He’d seen the same in homeless people he’d treated, or neglected kids who’d been physically abused. But Indy had been clean, had not shown any sign of drug use.

  The conundrum of his gender made the puzzle even more complex. Josh had whispered a quick plea when they’d brought Indy in: “Protect her gender.” What the hell was going on in Indy’s life that he felt the need to hide his gender and identity? It could be that he was transgender, gender neutral, or simply enjoyed cross-dressing, but combined with everything else Noah had witnessed, it felt like more.

  The old injuries Indy had hinted at, those horrific scars on his back—he had survived one hell of a trauma. Noah didn’t judge how people survived. How could he when he hadn’t learned to face his own trauma in a healthy way? If Indy didn’t want to talk about it, if he chose to hide behind a mask and even a different gender, Noah would accept that. He was damn curious—how could he not be?—but wouldn’t ask questions.

  Indy’s scars hadn’t made him less appealing to Noah; on the contrary. They shared that, didn’t they? For once, Noah didn’t feel the need to cover himself up, to keep that part of him hidden. No one had seen his stump, except Josh and his own doctors and therapists.

  And when Indy had stepped up to him, had kissed him… God, it had been like he’d been zapped. All his nerves had been on fire, his body tingling with want. He’d grown hard from a simple kiss. Sexy as fuck, Indy had called him. Noah wanted to do so much more than kiss him…

  Luckily, his shirt had been long enough to cover his erection. And even more luckily, Josh had been standing behind him and had never caught Noah’s reaction to that kiss. Hopefully. He’d hate to hurt Josh as well. How could one kiss from a guy he’d met only hours before have that effect on him? Even now, thinking about him, his cock stirred.

  But oh, that look when Indy had deduced he and Josh were more than friends, that they weren’t merely sharing a house, but a bed as well. The embarrassment had been easy to see, but also the pride and determination to cover it up. Fuck, he’d hated hurting Indy like that, especially after the incredibly risky move of kissing another guy. Indy hadn’t known Noah was gay, and even if it had been an impulse, as Noah suspected it was, probably fueled by the painkillers that had lowered his inhibitions, it was still a ballsy move.

  Wait. He’d labeled himself gay. Was he? He’d considered himself more of a gay-for-you variety since he’d only been involved with Josh. He’d never so much as looked at another man, not even before his accident. Well, Josh, maybe, but that was because they’d been so damn close, and Josh had been openly gay. Of course he’d wondered. More than once if he was honest. But now his attraction to Indy disproved that theory. Hmm, maybe he was bisexual? Did it really matter?

  The naked, lean body sleeping in his arms was the living, breathing proof it did matter. He’d have to navigate carefully here, because Josh was fragile. His needs had to come first. Not that Noah resented that. Fuck, no. He could never resent Josh. He loved him way too deeply for that. At the same time, Indy had stirred something in him worth exploring, something he hadn’t felt since the loss, as he called it.

  The loss of his leg.

  The loss of his identity.

  The loss of a sense of calling.

  He wasn’t the same Noah he had been before, and he doubted he would ever be. Of course, it was also the loss for Josh. Noah might have left a leg in that field hospital, but Josh had left a part of himself in the sand pit that he had not yet learned to live without.

  He shifted, trying to find a position where his leg would stop hurting. Josh stirred in his sleep, snuggled closer to Noah and put his head on Noah’s arm. They always slept cuddled up against each other since it was the only way Josh could sleep without having nightmares. Noah had gotten so used to it that he himself now had trouble falling asleep without Josh next to him. Tonight, despite a twelve-hour shift and being dead tired, sleep eluded him. His leg hurt too much, and the erection he’d been sporting on and off since Indy kissed him didn’t help either.

  Another shooting pain tormented his leg, and he bit his lip to keep the wail in that threatened to erupt from his lips. His body tensed, and Josh shifted in his arms, rubbing his bare ass against Noah’s equally naked cock. It responded with fervor, and Noah let out a soft gasp.

  “Your leg bothering you?” Josh whispered with a sleepy voice.

  Noah ordered his cock to back off, but it wasn’t hearing him. “Yeah. Sorry to wake you.”

  Josh wriggled with his ass, no doubt noticing the hard rod poking his cheeks. “’S okay. You need release?”

  Noah’s jaw tensed. The never-ending battle between what he needed and what he wanted. Another reason he could never resent Josh. They took care of each other. Always.

  “Yeah,” he admitted with a raw voice.

  Josh turned to face Noah. “It’s okay, Noah. I got you.”

  Noah’s cock jumped as Josh's hand wrapped around it, pulling slowly at first, then with a firmer grip. Noah closed his eyes as his cock responded to Josh's ministrations. The steady rhythm made him grow rock hard. Josh pulled back the skin, brushed the thick head with his thumb. Noah’s spine tingled.

  Oh fuck, he needed this. He wanted this. He groaned as Josh's hand formed a tight pressure around his shaft. Noah arched his back, moving with Josh's hand to create even more friction. Josh's thumb found the head again, this time juicing his whole cock with precum.

  “Hand, blow, or fuck?”

  That simple question had been asked by Josh dozens of times before, but it never failed to hit Noah deep in his core. The fact that Josh even wanted to do this after
what he’d been through, it was a fucking miracle. The mere thought of burying himself in Josh's ass had his cock throbbing. He needed something to make him feel anything else but the pain in his leg…and the confusion Indy had brought.

  “Let me fuck you. Please, Josh.” His voice trembled.

  “You know you don’t need to ask me twice.”

  Josh shoved the covers up and climbed up, straddled him, their cocks brushing against each other. Noah reached out and grabbed his friend’s shaft, eliciting a soft moan from Josh's lips.

  He smiled as his best friend’s cock jumped under his loving care and grew rigid.

  “Oh!” Josh groaned and flexed his hips as Noah firmly stroked his member. He was nowhere near as hard as Noah, but Noah could remedy that in seconds. Josh was always fast to respond to Noah’s touch. Noah added his other hand, grabbing the base of Josh's shaft with one hand and stroking him with the other.

  “Shit…” Josh sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back to give Noah full access.

  Josh's ass pressed down on Noah’s cock, and Noah had to force himself to keep focused on his friend. Fuck, he wanted to be inside him, but Josh's pleasure came first.

  If his leg hadn’t hurt so much, Noah would have flipped his lover over and given him a solid blow job. The good news was that Josh loved being fucked, so he was about to become really, really happy. Noah would fill him up and make him come.

  When Josh's juices started to flow, Noah released his cock. Josh let out a contented sigh while grinding his ass against Noah’s cock, making him tremble. Josh lowered himself to his forearms, brushing a soft kiss on Noah’s lips.

  “Ready to fuck?” Josh whispered, touching Noah’s lips again with another butterfly kiss. God, he was so sweet.

  “Always,” Noah groaned, lifting his hips to grind his crotch against Josh's ass.

  “You sure about that?” Josh teased, maneuvering Noah’s cock against his entrance.

  What had he ever done to deserve a man as tender and sweet as Josh? Noah reached up with his right hand and pulled Josh's head down, crushing his mouth against his. Josh stilled in surprise—no wonder, as kissing wasn’t usually part of the program and when it was, it was initiated by Josh—before he surrendered and kissed him back with fervor.

  The intricate dance of their hot, slick tongues released flutters in Noah’s belly. Damn, the guy could kiss. Josh deserved so much more than what Noah was able to give him.

  Noah pulled his mouth back and rocked his hips forward again, pushing his shaft against Josh's hole. He gave Josh the look that had earned him the nickname The General. “Does that answer your question?”

  Most men trembled in their boots when he looked at them like that, but Josh's eyes lit up. “I love it when you get all authoritative on me.”

  “I know. Now help me fuck you. Please,” he added. He would die before making Josh do anything he didn’t want.

  Josh stilled. “Stop saying please. You’re not asking me for a favor. I want this as much as you.”

  Noah groaned in frustration. Why couldn’t he get it right tonight? “For fuck’s sake, Josh, can we please not talk about this right now?”

  In an uncharacteristic act of defiance, Josh jerked back the hands that had been caressing Noah’s body and pushed himself up on his forearms. His eyes were strangely sad as he met Noah’s impatient gaze.

  “I’m serious,” Josh said. “You always say please, as if I need persuasion to be with you. You know I don’t. I love doing this for you as much as for myself.”

  Did he? Was he getting enough out of this? Maybe, but he was touching on something that dug way deeper than they were ready to handle. Noah had about ten minutes before he needed to check on Indy, he desperately needed to find release, and if nothing else, he had a straining cock that was about to find its own way into Josh's ass. Enough with the talking.

  With one move, he flipped Josh off him and turned him on his stomach. He pushed himself up on both arms and, using his good leg, lowered himself on top of Josh.

  “Spread your legs,” he ordered Josh, the first time he had ordered him to do anything in bed. He bit his tongue to avoid adding the ‘please’ Josh apparently resented so much.

  “Dammit, Josh, spread your legs!” he hissed when Josh didn’t respond, rubbing his cock against his friend’s ass.

  Josh lifted his head off the mattress, looked over his shoulder and met Noah’s eyes with smoldering eyes. “Make me.”

  A roar thundered through Noah’s head. He forgot about his sore leg, he forgot about Indy, and he forgot about not wanting to order Josh around. A desperate need consumed him and filled every fiber of his being.

  “Oh, I’ll make you,” he growled. He rolled off Josh, linking one arm around him to yank them both on their sides in a spooning position. His right hand came around Josh, grabbing his cock in an iron fist. Josh wanted to challenge him? Challenge accepted. He would make him beg before he’d fuck him.

  Josh whimpered as Noah’s fist pumped up and down. Noah wriggled his left hand between them and found Josh's entrance with his thumb. He played around the tight hole, eliciting soft moans from Josh, as his own cock grew even harder. He pulled back a little and swiped precum off his own cock, lubricating his thumb and index finger. Again, he teased around the entrance while stroking Josh's cock till it quivered in his hands.

  “Noah…” Josh whimpered again.

  “Noah, what? What do you want me to do?” Noah slid his index finger in Josh's tight hole. “Is that what you want?” He gave the long shaft in his hand a firm stroke. “Or is that what you want?”

  “More…” Josh's voice was hoarse and incredibly sexy.

  Noah added his middle finger in Josh's ass, moving in and out till the tight hole had made room for a third finger. He found Josh's sensitive spot without effort. Josh bucked against him, writhing in pleasure.

  “Is that what you want?” Noah asked again.

  When Josh didn’t answer but kept gyrating his ass against Noah’s fingers, he pulled out and dropped Josh's cock. He brought his mouth against Josh's ear. “Tell me what you want.”

  “Please.”

  Noah rubbed his straining cock against his lover’s ass cheeks. “Please, what?”

  Josh turned on his stomach and spread his legs wide open, giving Noah access to what he had sought all this time. “Please, fuck me… I need you inside me.”

  Noah reached behind him to grab a bottle of lube from the night table drawer. He squeezed out a glob and coated his throbbing cock. Wordlessly, he nestled himself between his lover’s legs and guided his cock into Josh's ass, pushing through the outer ring with ease.

  “Yes…” Josh sighed, pushing his ass farther back to pull Noah in deeper.

  “Is this what you want?” Noah asked again, forcing himself to pull back.

  Why was he was doing this? It was never like this. Sex between them was supposed to be simple, uncomplicated. Simply fucking and nothing else. But tonight was different. He had rarely kissed Josh like that, and he had never, ever made him beg for it. Yet Josh wasn’t protesting. If anything, he was more turned on than usual.

  “Yes…no… I want more. I want all of you. Fuck me deep…Noah, please,” Josh pleaded, pulling his knees up, kneeling in front of Noah, his ass wide open for the taking.

  “As you wish.” With one strong move, Noah slammed his cock home, all the way to the hilt.

  Josh groaned low and deep, ground his ass against Noah. Noah pulled back and set a steady rhythm, gripping Josh's hips and thrusting deep with every move.

  Josh's head craned back, and he growled from deep in his chest. “Yes, that’s it. Harder, fuck me harder.”

  His cock buried to his balls in Josh's tight hole, Noah sucked in a shallow breath. Damn, he needed this.

  “Oh, so good…” Josh gasped. He fisted the sheets, kneeling even deeper. His whole body shook with the impact of Noah’s thrusts. “Don’t stop…so deep…so good…”

  Noah’s ears barely pick
ed up the words over the sound of his own panting breaths. His body thrummed, his cock feasting on the slick heat inside Josh. Forgotten was the pain in his leg, replaced by a singular focus on his dick. God, the pressure…it was incredible. His balls drew close to his body, getting ready to unload.

  Josh was almost there as well, his hands restlessly fisting the bed. Noah had never come first when they fucked, and he didn’t intend to break that habit.

  Josh's whole body tensed, a signal Noah knew well. He lowered himself onto Josh's back and brought his mouth to his lover’s ear.

  “You have four more thrusts to come…” he said between panting breaths. “One.”

  He pulled himself out all the way, then slammed home. God, his balls ached, and his thighs shook. So fucking close.

  Josh trembled at the impact, his body taut with tension. “Two.”

  Another massive shove. “Three.”

  Noah’s right hand let go of Josh's hip and circled his lover’s straining cock. “And four. Come for me, Joshua.”

  He buried himself again while jacking Josh's cock once. Josh threw his head back and grunted, blowing his cum all over Noah’s hand and the bed. His body shuddered, twitched, his back slick with sweat under Noah’s abs.

  Noah released the tight grip he had on himself. His balls detonated and his orgasm thundered through him. He pumped into Josh wildly, hot cum blasting up the length of his dick.

  “Ugh! Fuuuck!”

  With his last bit of strength, he pulled out and slumped on his back, his chest heaving as he sucked in air. Sweat covered his upper body.

  “Noah?”

  Noah’s stomach turned sour at the insecurity in Josh's voice. What had he done? Had he made Josh relive his darkest nightmare?

  “Come here,” Noah mumbled, blindly reaching for his friend. When his hands found Josh, he pulled him on top of him, their spent cocks finding each other in brotherhood. He wrapped his arms around Josh, putting his lover’s head on his shoulder. As always, Josh was careful to avoid his stump, putting most of his weight on his own legs. Cuddling like this after sex wasn’t their thing, but hey, nothing was going as usual today, so why stop here?