No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

Noah filed that one away as something he needed to grill Josh about later. Or Connor. Or both.

  “For fuck’s sake, Josh, how can you trust me with sex and not trust me with this? If you want to know, I was gonna propose to Noah we sell this house and buy a ranch that’s for sale a couple of miles north of us. Noah will need something more accessible to him, and if we’re gonna stay in a house with four adults, we need two master bedrooms and bathrooms. We’re nut to butt in this house, and we need more room. This ranch is a completely renovated farm. It’s big, in solid shape, quiet, with a new kitchen for you and a nice garden where you could plant a vegetable garden. The asking price is reasonable, and Noah and I should be able to afford it easily.”

  Noah’s mouth went slack. That was a big proposal Connor had blurted out to Josh. Holy crap, the man had clearly given this some thought. Noah hadn’t even thought about his limited mobility and what it would mean for his housing situation.

  “You want to buy a house with Noah. For all of us to live in.” Josh's voice was soft, incredulous.

  “Yes.”

  “You’re okay with sharing a house with Noah and Indy.”

  “I love you, Josh. I would do anything for you, but it’s not a sacrifice. I know you love them both and you’re not ready to leave them yet, if ever. You being looked after when I’m at work, that’s important to me.”

  Josh stared at Connor as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his mouth open. Noah couldn’t blame him. He was flabbergasted himself by Connor’s proposal. The fact that the cop was willing to do this, to not only pay half a mortgage but allow Josh to stay with people he’d had sex with, wow. Noah could only hope Josh realized the depths of this man’s love for him, because that was a big gesture.

  “And it’s got room for a vegetable garden?” Josh's voice quivered.

  Connor sent him a soft smile. “I thought you might like that. I saw you had some books from the library on growing veggies in raised beds, figured it would be important to you in a new house. And it’s got a huge kitchen, brand new, with all these shiny appliances you would love.”

  Josh stepped in, hid his face against Connor’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  Connor’s arms came around him. Noah smiled as he watched the obvious love between the two men. His belly went weak. God, he missed Indy. He was damn happy for Josh he’d found Connor, but watching them made him painfully aware of Indy’s absence. It was as if life was darker without him. Heavier.

  Connor held Josh tight, then let go and cupped Josh's cheek. “I didn’t intend to do anything behind your back. I wanted to talk to Noah first because I wasn’t sure he’d be on board with this.”

  “He is!” Noah interjected from the car. If he waited any longer, they were going to kiss and make up, and he’d be stuck there even longer.

  Josh disentangled from Connor’s arms, shot Noah a guilty look while Connor laughed and pulled him right back to kiss him again. Laughing, they broke it off to help Noah get out.

  Minutes later, they were seated in the living room. Noah had swallowed his pride and had let Connor carry him inside. He was still too weak to use his crutches, scared he would lose balance and hurt himself even worse.

  Connor had grabbed his laptop. “I’ll show you some pictures.”

  The dozens of photos depicted an old farming ranch, painted in the familiar dark red typical for the area, with white accents on doorposts and beams. It looked freshly painted, new and classic at the same time.

  “The house is from the turn of the century, but it has been completely updated.” Connor clicked, showed them a picture of a huge kitchen with an island. “The kitchen was redone two years ago. Because they had their parents live in, they added a second master suite to the original structure. They also built a wrap-around porch and a sunroom.”

  Noah hmm’d. “So, two bedrooms?” he asked.

  “No, two master suites plus two extra bedrooms. There’s also a study, a formal dining room, a family room, a living room, a finished cellar, a garage with room for three cars and a barn-shed structure. Plus, the lot is so big you could easily add to the house if you wanted to. The whole house is level, with the exception of the cellar, obviously.”

  Noah whistled. “Lots of room.”

  Josh bit his lip, sending off waves of guilt toward Connor. “I’m so sorry I doubted you, baby. It’s beautiful.”

  “You like it?” Connor sounded like a kid who had bought presents for someone and couldn’t wait to see if he got it right.

  “Do you like it, Noah?” Josh asked, insecurity lacing his voice. It had to be hard for him, feeling like he had to please two men. Maybe even three if you counted Indy.

  Noah said, “I love it. We should book an appointment to have a look.”

  Connor nodded. “We’ll work out the financial part.”

  “I can put up half of the down payment, assuming we sell this house fast.”

  “No rush. I have enough to finance the down payment. You can pay me back later. We’ll work out a contract.”

  Noah’s eyebrows raised. “You live in some shitty apartment when you have enough money to buy that? Why?”

  Connor’s eyes saddened. Josh seemed to know what was coming or suspect it at least, because he took the laptop off Connor’s legs and set it on the table. He parked himself on Connor’s lap, and the cop’s face softened as Josh snuggled up close to him.

  “My best friend died in combat, and he left me his life insurance since he didn’t have immediate family, except for a biological dad he hadn’t seen in years.”

  About a dozen questions burned on Noah’s tongue, but he held back, sensing this was not something to push. “Your friend, what was his name?”

  A look passed between Connor and Josh, with the latter nudging Connor to share. “Lucas, he was a fellow Marine. We were held hostage by the Taliban, and he didn’t survive.”

  A shock wave went through Noah as he put things together. “Operation Clear Blue Sky, that’s you.”

  Connor’s face darkened and closed off. “What did dear old Dad tell you, the official story that my unit fucked up? He’s a fucking liar, and he should’ve been held accountable for this. It was his arrogance that cost Lucas his life.”

  Waves of anger were rolling off the man, his body tense as if gearing up for a fight. Josh cringed on his lap, making himself as small as possible. Before Noah could say or do anything, Connor noticed, too. His face relaxed, and he kissed Josh on his head.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’ll calm down, okay?”

  Connor reined in his temper quickly, Noah noted. His hand made soothing circles on Josh's back. Thank fuck he was putting Josh's needs before his own. The man had every right to be livid, but he couldn’t show it in front of Josh. The fact that he got that scored him major points with Noah.

  Noah waited until he saw Josh was relaxing again. “He didn’t tell me anything. I was in his office two years ago, waiting for him, spotted a copy of a report that had top secret stamped all over it. Naturally, I started reading. I never was able to resist a red button. It said that an operation to capture two top Taliban leaders had gone horribly wrong since it was based on faulty intel. My dad gave the okay even though unit commanders had advised against it, believing it to be a trap. They were right, because the Marines unit that went in was all but slaughtered. Fourteen were killed, countless were wounded. Two men who were taken prisoner, including the sergeant who had led the mission. When intelligence had finally figured out where they were being held, a SEAL team was sent in to rescue them, but one of them had passed away already.”

  Connor held Noah’s gaze, his face tight even though he was still cuddling Josh, stroking his back. “They used our own enhanced interrogation techniques, thought we could appreciate the irony. Lucas died from water boarding.” He swallowed. “They threw his body back in with me until the smell of his decay got too bad for them to handle, even for a few minutes a day. Lucas was buried in a hole, somewhere. They’re still trying to rec
over his body to give him the proper burial at Arlington.”

  “And the army buried the truth, denied responsibility.” At Connor’s surprised look, Noah said, “I read the report, remember? I know what happened. I also heard the official version, which couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  “Your dad is a fucking asshole and a first class liar.”

  “I know.”

  “At least we agree on that.”

  Noah’s face softened. “We agree on more, Connor. What you’re doing with the ranch, it’s a beautiful gesture, man. I deeply appreciate it, both for myself and Indy, as well as for Josh.”

  “I meant what I said. I would do anything for Josh. So you’re on board?”

  “Hell, yeah. Let’s have a look at that ranch ASAP to see if it fits our needs, but it looks great. I like that the two masters are somewhat separate so we still have some privacy.” He grinned, knowing it wouldn’t be him and Indy needing privacy. Josh met his eyes and shot him a saucy smile that affirmed he knew what Noah was referring to. Noah wasn’t sure what those two were doing together, but it wasn’t plain vanilla sex, that much was clear.

  Connor ignored Noah’s remark, apparently feeling the sudden urge to study his hands. It was amazing how uncomfortable the cop was with talking about sex. Well, being around the three of them would cure him of that, for certain.

  Josh was squirming on Connor’s lap. “You okay, baby?” Connor asked him.

  Josh bent over to whisper something in Connor’s ear. The sad look the cop had been sporting transformed into a look Noah recognized with ease. Pure lust. Whatever it was Josh had whispered, Noah would bet all his money it had been about sex.

  “Excuse us,” Connor said with an admirable attempt to keep his voice level. He got up from the couch, yanking Josh up as well. “Josh and I have something to do upstairs.”

  Noah grinned, couldn’t resist teasing Connor a bit. “Is that what you guys call it: ‘something to do’? Admit it, O’Connor, you want to fuck your boyfriend. We’re all adults. There’s no need to be secretive.”

  For a few seconds, nobody said anything, and then Connor smiled a big, fat smile. “Oh, I’m gonna do more than fuck him. First, I’m gonna make him suck me off. Maybe twice. Then, I’ll find an excuse to punish him and spank him until his ass is all red and hot. After that, maybe I’ll let him rim me or fuck me with this vibrator he’s got. Next, I will fuck him so hard and deep he will moan himself hoarse. And then, only then, I will take off his cock cage and let him come. That enough details for you, Flint?”

  Noah’s mouth dropped. What the hell? One look at a fiercely blushing Josh and Noah knew every word had been true. “Holy fuck, are you serious?” he managed. “You like that?”

  Josh straightened, his hand searching for Connor’s. “Every second of it.”

  The pride in his voice was unmistakable. Indy had been right then when he’d guessed Josh was a sub. Noah couldn’t even imagine doing that. It had been one thing to order Josh to come, but doing what the cop had described? Way out of his league. But man, was he happy for Josh he’d found someone to share that with.

  “You’re wearing a cock cage?”

  As if he needed more proof of the dynamic between Connor and Josh, Josh looked to Connor before answering that question, asking for permission. Wow. Just wow. Connor nodded, and Josh unbuttoned his fly and dropped his pants and boxers, revealing his cock all wrapped up in a sturdy contraption. A cock cage. He was wearing an honest-to-God cock cage.

  “Doesn’t that hurt?”

  Josh smiled. “It’s a constant pressure that gets a little worse when I get hard, but I love it. We bought it yesterday, and I’ve been wearing it since.”

  Noah shivered. “You’d better get to it, then. I’ll put on headphones with some music so I won’t hear anything.”

  “You can listen in,” Josh said. “Connor doesn’t mind, do you, baby?”

  There was a teasing tone that made Noah smile, realizing Josh was intentionally revealing more than Connor would’ve wanted.

  “Joshua!”

  Yup, you could’ve seen that one coming.

  “Strike one.”

  Noah bit back a laugh, realizing those two both wanted to get to strike three. Good for them.

  “Yes, Connor.”

  “Get your ass upstairs, right now. When I come up, you had better be butt naked, on your knees, waiting for me, you hear me?”

  “Yes, Connor.”

  With a last cheeky look at Noah, Josh dashed upstairs.

  Connor cleared his throat. “You okay with this?”

  “Yeah. I could say I’d kill you if you hurt him, but that would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn’t it? I can tell it’s what he needs, so yeah, we’re good. Did you tell him I won’t need him anymore? I know Indy told you of my decision.”

  “No. I wanted to ask you to not say anything. Josh has decided he doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore.”

  Understanding dawned. “You want him to tell me instead of the other way around.”

  “It would save him feeling rejected and empower him in making his own decisions.”

  “No problem. Go upstairs, Connor. He needs you, and I’ll be fine here. I’ll catch a nap.”

  Connor nodded, put a water bottle within reach for Noah as well as his pain meds and his cell. “Text us if you need anything. We’ll come.”

  Oh, too easy to resist. “I’m sure you will.”

  Connor rolled his eyes more perfectly than any teenager could have ever done and disappeared upstairs. Noah whipped off his shirt and with grunts of pain, managed to remove his sweatpants as well, leaving him in his boxers. He settled in on the couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He needed a nap. Fuck, he was still so weak and tired. And lonely. His heart was aching for Indy. He’d promised he’d come, so where was he?

  * * *

  Indy had switched cars again, in Nashville this time. He always chose airports because the sheer volume of people there would make people less observant. As a result, they’d be less likely to remember him. Or her, as was the case. He’d rented the car as Laura Downey, same as in Virginia, but he’d changed his appearance again at the first rest stop along the Interstate. The blue contacts were the same, but he tied his hair up under a Nike cap so it looked short. He’d bought loose Nike pants, high tops, and a hoodie. It made him look like a teen boy—nothing like the sleek, sophisticated woman who had visited Beaufort, or the buxom blonde with Winters. Hopefully, Moloney would be expecting a woman, not a teen boy.

  He drove straight to the restaurant where the PI had reported him working. That woman had been a godsend. Indy had emailed Houdini, asking for a referral to a PI who did fast and anonymous work and who was located in the south. Houdini had recommended a PI by the name of Jeanette Baker who was based in Atlanta. Within forty-eight hours, she’d given Indy what he needed to nail these assholes. It had cost him—or Connor, more accurately—but it had been worth every penny.

  Bella’s Burgers was a classic southern diner, nothing special. Indy studied it from a safe distance. It had the old-fashioned railcar appearance, with shiny silver plates nailed against the exterior, rounded corners, a lighted sign, and that whole sixties-vibe. According to the handprinted signs in the windows, they sold the best shakes south of the Mason-Dixon line and the best burgers in Memphis. Good to know.

  Two men walked up the street toward the diner, passing Indy’s car. They glanced inside his car at him but looked away again. Indy’s eyes narrowed. Both had short buzz cuts, fit builds. They walked ramrod straight in the same cadence, screaming former military. Had Moloney asked army buddies of his for help?

  Their quick dismissal of Indy told him that if they were Moloney’s friends, they were looking for a woman. In that aspect, his disguise had worked. But how would he get close to Moloney to deliver his message?

  He could forget about it, go home. Winters would do the right thing for certain, and it would surprise him if Beaufort still aimed to go t
hrough with the appeal after Indy’s rather graphic warning. But if that was the case, why had he alerted Moloney? No, he wasn’t fully convinced, yet.

  Or he had changed his mind after the immediate threat had passed. People tended to do that once the shock and adrenaline wore off. They’d start to reason, argue with themselves. Giving up the appeal meant going back to prison, and Beaufort clearly wasn’t attracted to that concept. Maybe he was hoping Moloney would be able to grab this woman, and either threaten her until she’d give up, or maybe even kill her. After all, men who were capable of brutally raping another soldier would have no qualms about using force against a woman. To be fair, she’d threatened them with quite the amount of violence as well.

  The more he mulled it over, the more Indy was convinced Beaufort and Moloney were on some foolish mission to get their way, which was to stay out of prison. He had to make it clear he meant business without executing his threat, because then they’d have nothing more to fear and would have no reason to do his bidding anymore. It was like what he had experienced with Eric. His biggest fear had always been what Duncan would do to him, but once he’d lived through that, had survived it, it was no longer a threat. Now he feared what Duncan would do to those he loved—and he hoped he’d never have to live through that.

  The two men had gone inside, but a few minutes later one of them came outside again. He stood on the front steps of the diner, scanning the street in both directions. Oh, yes, he was definitely on the lookout. Jeez, could he be any more obvious? Indy resisted the urge to duck. That would only make him look suspicious. He needed a plan B.

  The man went back inside, and seconds later, Indy saw him sit down at a booth that gave him a good view of the street. Only in one direction, though, unless he craned his head to look behind him, and it wasn’t in Indy’s direction. He was watching the front entrance, but nothing else. But where was the other guy?

  Two minutes later, he had his answer. Guy number two stepped outside and walked off in the opposite direction to where Indy was sitting. He, too, was obvious in the fact that he was watching his environment. Not a casual stroll, then, and definitely not taking off. No, he was on patrol. Indy would have to wait and see what he was up to.