by Meg Ripley
“This is a little more than inconvenient. It’s my master’s we’re talking about.”
“Please with the drama. What’s the worst that will happen if you don’t finish your thesis when you want to?”
“It’ll delay everything. My whole life is waiting.”
“Well, what if your life includes this man, and he’s here now, early, and you don’t have to wait for him? You get to have him all the way through it.”
I hadn’t looked at it that way. But it was too easy. Too neat. It would never actually go down that way. “If he’s the one, then he’ll wait.”
“When are you going to start listening to your heart over your calendar?”
“When my heart makes better decisions than my head. So far, my head hasn’t steered me wrong.”
“Your heart won’t either.”
“You and your soft deer heart.”
“Don’t be jealous that I can shift into a lovable, delicate creature.”
I stuck my tongue out at her, then we said our goodbyes.
When I hung up with Leigh, I didn’t feel much better. Her advice was as bad as what my own stupid heart was screaming—the heart she claimed I needed to listen to. It wanted me to be with Sawyer, that was for sure. I flopped back on my bed, completely distracted from what I wanted to do that night. It was happening already.
I thought about what Leigh had said. My heart won’t steer me wrong? Really? Hers had regularly gotten her into trouble because she was such a big softy. Being a deer shifter hadn’t helped her in that regard; she had the same light spirit and worry-free personality as my dad, who was a deer shifter, too.
I knew better than to follow in Leigh’s footsteps. She might have a great husband and daughter now, but she’d gone through many heartaches to get there. I wanted to spare myself that, and the best way was to listen to my head. Follow the plan. Get my thesis done. Go home.
And then think about love.
7
Sawyer
I couldn’t wait to get to work. I even considered having my bear run there instead, but then I wouldn’t have my truck and that would be difficult to explain. As soon as I saw her mosey into the Ranger station, I jumped up and was smiling like a fool before she even reached me. But she stopped short; awkwardly even, and I felt it, too. I wanted to hug her, but we hadn’t gone there yet. Shaking hands didn’t feel right, but it felt wrong to do nothing.
“Morning,” she said and adjusted her purse strap. “Do we need to check in or anything?”
“That’s entirely up to you. I can just wander up there about this time to be available.”
“Oh.” She grinned. “I guess it would be better so you’re not waiting on us.”
“Or you can come in just to see me first thing.”
Her face reddened and she flashed me a grin. “Reason enough for me.”
We both turned when the door opened and my smile faded. “Howdy, Julian.”
“Hey.” He held up a hand to me, but addressed Madelyn. “What’s going on? Why are you in here?”
“Just checking in,” she said.
“Is that something expected of us? I didn’t know we were supposed to check in each morning.”
“I just told Madelyn that it’s up to her.”
“And I said it made sense so he didn’t have to go up to the site before we got there.”
Julian nodded. “Whatever you want to do,” he said to her. He glared at me.
“I’m ready to head out there, if you both are,” she said.
When we got to the site, Julian went right inside the trailer.
“He sure loves his shade,” I said to her.
“I know.” She chuckled. “I can’t believe he’s going to do this for a living. I sure hope that fame thing works out for him, because he won’t be able to take the heat.”
“What made you want to do it?”
She hesitated in a way that made it seem like what she said was not what she had originally intended to say. “I just… find it fascinating.”
There seemed to be something else, but I wasn’t sure. I had no problem spending more time with her to try and unravel all of her mysteries. But for the rest of the day, she didn’t seem to flirt back with me when I did; she’d just smile and say nothing back. I was getting more and more confused by the minute.
All I knew is it felt like we were destined to be together, and even after knowing her for one measly day, I couldn’t picture my life without her. Crazy that I could feel such strong feelings so immediately. It had to be something bigger than us at play. Some kind of carnal magic at work.
The day seemed to go on forever, and all I could think about was Madelyn. We’d decided to part ways for a time to clean up, and then I’d agreed to pick her up. I’d gone home and changed into the outfit I’d picked out the night before with Chelsea’s help. We’d decided on jeans and boots since we’d be riding horseback, and a simple, blue button-down shirt with a lighter blue plaid design. Grabbing my favorite hat, I headed out.
When she opened the door to her hotel room, I was stunned. Somehow, in just jeans and a polo shirt, she looked incredible. Her hair was pulled back, but higher than it had been earlier, showing off her delicate neck. The dark red of her shirt brought out the red glints in her hair.
She took one look at me and burst out laughing.
My heart dropped. “What?” I looked down to see if I’d left my zipper down or something of that nature.
“No, no.” She put her hand to her mouth. “I can’t even say it. It’s silly.”
“If you don’t, you’re going to give me a complex about this hat.” I touched the brim and felt the soft leather.
“Okay, but don’t laugh. When I first met you, I pictured you in an outfit just like that.”
“Oh.” That wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting her to say. “That’s a good thing?”
She blushed and bit her lip. “Yes.”
“I’ll take it then.” I held out my arm to her, and she slipped hers in mine.
Walking beside her, close and touching, my pulse quickened. As I felt my bear rumble within, I hoped he would behave that night. We drove to the stable in the park where horses were rented by the hour. Being an employee, it didn’t matter that they were closed. I had access to ride anytime I liked.
I chose two horses that I knew to be well-tempered and got them saddled up. Madelyn said she’d ridden a few times, but wasn’t as comfortable as me on a horse. We’d planned to keep things at a slow pace anyway to take in the sights.
That day, we were going to ride through the canyons. The trail was well-traveled and one of our more popular ones, and as our horses sauntered along, I told her everything I knew about the landscape that surrounded us.
As we rode, I heard a particular birdsong. I paused and held up a finger. “Listen to that,” I said softly.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It’s a Colima warbler. It’s late in the season for them. This might be your only chance to see one.”
She looked around, searching for the bird in the trees. I pointed ahead toward a long crevice in the canyon in front of us; in that crevice, at the bottom of the formation, sat a nest.
“They’re ground nesters.” I slid off my horse and helped her down as well. I tied the horses’ reigns to a tree and took her hand. Touching her sent a sensation of pure ecstasy through me.
Carefully, we made our way closer to the nest.
“If we stay back, we can watch it for a while,” I whispered.
We looked on as a tiny gray and yellow bird tended to its young. I could see at least three from where we stood. The bird kept nudging one of the younglings again and again. As we watched, the mother nudged the baby to the edge of the nest, then pushed it out. It didn’t really fall, since it was close to the ground. But it didn’t need to, apparently. The tiny bird flapped and flapped and managed a shaky flight a few feet off the ground.
Madelyn gasped. “Wow! We just saw it fly for the fir
st time,” she whispered.
“What a rare, magical sight.”
We watched in awe as the two other young were pushed from the nest. All eventually came back and the mother flew off, probably to get them food. When we were ready to move on, we headed back to the horses.
“That was incredible,” she said. “And I was ready to go after just a few minutes. I would have missed the whole thing.”
“It pays to take your time and watch.”
“I’m seeing that.”
She smiled at me and I couldn’t help reaching over to hug her. With her in my arms, everything felt right. I never wanted to let go or move on from this moment—because I knew Madelyn was the one I’d been waiting for my whole life.
8
Madelyn
I looked over at Sawyer as he drove us to a diner he claimed had the best food in Texas. I didn’t care if we ended up eating boxed mac and cheese; I just wanted to be with him.
We pulled up to a small building that looked rather run down and I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Trust me,” he said. “I know it doesn’t look like much from the outside, but the food…”
“Good thing I’m feeling trusting. And hungry.”
I hopped down from the truck and took his hand. We sat ourselves at a table that needed to be still needed to be wiped down—like all the others. After a few minutes, an older woman shuffled her way to our table. She took a rag from her apron and wiped off about half the table before stuffing it back in her pocket.
“What can I get y’all?” she asked.
“I’ll need a minute to look at the menu,” I said.
She dropped the menus on the table and walked off.
Sawyer chuckled and said again, “Trust me.”
“Since I’m already trusting you, what’s the best meal?”
“Depends. I’m a burger man myself. Can’t go wrong with any of their choices, though.”
“I could go for a burger.” I looked over the selections and ordered one with cheese and bacon when the waitress returned.
I sat back once we’d ordered and thought through our ride. “I can’t believe we saw those baby birds fly. How often do you see sights like that?”
“As a Ranger, more often than most, I reckon. I’m out there more. I pay attention to the land better than most, too. I bet plenty of people who took that trail earlier in the day didn’t even see the nest.”
“It must be so thrilling to be a Ranger sometimes. It’s kind of like what I do, in a way; we both have the opportunity to witness amazing things the earth has produced.”
He nodded and raised the corner of his mouth into that crooked smile I loved so much. “Indeed, we do. It’s my favorite part of being a Ranger.”
“It’s my favorite part of being a paleontologist, too. I never know what I’ll find. Who knows what secrets of the world are waiting for us just a few feet down. I know Julian wants to unearth a dinosaur, but there are plenty of other important discoveries to be made.”
“I reckon all Julian wants is the fame that would come with it.”
“I honestly don’t know why he picked this field.”
“Maybe he just wants to walk around a museum all day.”
“Museums are nice, but I’d rather be the one filling them than touring them.”
“I like that.” He dipped his head to me and smiled, and I felt my cheeks go warm again.
“It’s better to be outside anyway.”
“I agree. I feel like I’m part animal sometimes.” Something about his smirk made me curious.
“I know what you mean,” I agreed. “It’s like becoming one with the environment.”
“Exactly. You know that feeling? When you let your senses take over and just act on years of instinct?”
I swallowed hard. What was he getting at? “Yeah.” I took a huge bite of my burger and hoped the subject would change.
One of his eyes narrowed slightly. “Do you find your animal instincts to be very strong?”
“Uhh… not really.” I looked down and took another bite quickly.
“I gotta ask you,” he started. “Sometimes it seems like we hit a certain subject and you shut down. What’s that about? Are you hiding something?”
“Hiding something? We just met. There are lots of things we don’t know about each other. I wouldn’t call that hiding so much as revealing slowly.”
“Is that all it is?”
“Well, there is something that’s been on my mind lately.” I chewed my lip. I hated to even say it out loud. “It’s the New Hampshire thing. It’s just that, I know what missing home is like, and I know I have to be near my family. It’s just one more reason that I can’t get involved.”
“That makes sense.”
I watched as his whole torso deflated. He looked upset at my words. It was upsetting to me, too, and it was part of the reason why I couldn’t let this go on any longer. If I got closer to him, it would make leaving so much harder. I had to keep my distance now to save my heart—and his—from aching later.
“And,” I continued because I wanted him to know this part, “if things were different, it might be possible. Say we hit it off; if you didn’t mind moving, then we could consider different options. But I can’t come down here and ask you to do that. You have your whole life here, and deep-standing connections to the land. You can’t leave that.”
“No, I guess I couldn’t. Well… I could, I think. I mean, I wouldn’t want to, but I have a feeling that when you find that perfect someone and love takes over, those things matter less than being with the person you love most.”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I guess so. I’ve never been in that kind of love.” But I thought I could feel that way about Sawyer. I wanted to let myself go so badly and just enjoy the feeling of falling for him. But I knew too much pain would come with it. I didn’t want to do that to him or me.
Right in the middle of our tense moment, Julian walked up to our table. “Hey guys. I didn’t know you were meeting up here. Mind if I join you?”
Before we could answer, he pulled a chair up to the end of the table. “What are you guys up to?”
“We were having a nice meal and conversation until a few moments ago,” I said.
“Well, don’t let me interrupt. Carry on. It must be something related to the dig, right? Because anything else might seem like a date, and I know that Madelyn said she didn’t want to date anyone or have any distractions.”
I looked at Sawyer for help.
“We don’t need to report our conversations or our actions back to you,” Sawyer said.
I held back my smile.
“No, but you wouldn’t want people to misunderstand what this is.”
“What is it, Julian?” Sawyer challenged. “It looks like a meal between two people to me.”
“Yeah, that’s called a date, moron.” Julian rolled his eyes.
“Watch it,” Sawyer said sharply. “There’s no reason for that sort of talk.”
I wanted to cheer him on for standing up to Julian. It made me feel protected, and that made my insides all warm.
“No? What’s the matter, can’t handle it? Afraid I’ll make you look stupid?”
“Not at all,” Sawyer said, oozing with confidence. “In fact, if you’re so sure of yourself, maybe you’d care to step outside and see who looks like the bigger fool at the end.”
Julian shook his head. “You think I’d lower myself to those brutish standards? I prefer to take my shots on the chess board.”
Sawyer chuckled. “I bet you do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Chess? It’s such a stereotype, it’s comical. The preppy boy from a rich family goes off to Harvard to play chess.”
“Oh, I see what’s going on,” Julian said, getting even more cocky with each word. “You’re just jealous. And you think you have to make your move fast or I’ll step in. Well, you’re not setting the bar too high, my friend.” He grimaced and looke
d around the diner.
Sawyer glared at him. “It’s about the food, and that’s what matters when you have a meal.”
“There’s much to be said for atmosphere,” Julian insisted.
“Feel free to leave at any time, then.” Sawyer crossed his arms and smiled.
“I do have much better things to do and much better places to go.” Julian stood. “Someone recommended this dump to me. Last time I take advice from a local; you’re all inbred morons around here anyhow.”
Sawyer stood up and Julian took a step back, the intimidation clear on his face.
“See you tomorrow,” Julian said to me before turning and hurrying away.
“Wow,” I said. I watched to make sure Julian got into his rental—a Mercedes—and drove off. “Thank goodness he’s gone.”
“That guy just doesn’t get it.”
“Thank you for stepping in.” I let another smile escape. It felt like all I did was smile around Sawyer. “I appreciate that. I keep hoping he’ll get it and leave me alone. But he’s the sort that never stops until he gets what he wants.”
“There’s no chance of that.”
“No, I’d say not. I can’t stand him,” I admitted.
“I can’t either. You ready to get out of here? He kind of put a damper on things.”
“Yup.”
He picked up the check and took it to the register to pay. We walked back to his truck in the warm evening air. I hated that our time was over so soon. He drove slowly, which I appreciated because it meant more time with him. But we eventually got back to the hotel and the time to part was upon us.
“Do you mind if I walk you up? I don’t want you running into Julian on your own tonight.”
“I’d love that.” Even more time with him.
I eagerly took his hand as we walked. The elevator ride was fast and the walk to my door even faster. Why couldn’t time slow down when we were together?
“Which one is his?” Sawyer whispered.
I pointed to the door across the hall and he nodded.