Sawyer's Mate (Shifter Nation: Werebears Of Big Bend)

by Meg Ripley

  She gave me a pitiful look that confused me; like she was pained to have to answer me. What was going on with her?

  “I can’t.” She hung her head.

  “Surely, you can take a break for a few hours over the whole weekend.”

  “I’m sorry.” She got up and walked to the door, but then she paused. “I think we’ve been spending too much time together in general.” Her voice was soft and lacked emotion. “It’s gotten me into a bad place, and I’m going to be leaving before long. I’m sorry that it’s gone this far. I never wanted to hurt you, but I think it’s better if we end things now.”

  “End things?” My heart raced and I was on my feet, too. “Why would we do that? We only have a short time left together.”

  “And I think it’s best if we don’t see each other outside of the dig site. Please don’t call or ask me out again.”

  “Madelyn,” I pleaded. “Don’t do this. Please.”

  She shook her head and tears rolled down her cheeks. “This was all a mistake. I should never have let myself get so close to you. I shouldn’t have kissed you or slept with you; it’s only made this harder. I’m sorry, Sawyer.”

  She pushed the door open and was gone before I could say another word. Feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me, I stared at the door, trying to figure out what just happened. After a few moments, the shock faded some and I shook my head, leaving the trailer.

  I couldn’t look at her. I knew she was at the fossil, digging up the rest of it with Julian, but I couldn’t see her right now. My bear howled in agony inside; I was too upset, and I was not about to cry in front of them. If I cried at all, it would be at home, when I was alone.

  The worst part was that everything about being with her felt so right. I was more and more sure of it every day. I had convinced myself that the location thing wasn’t going to be an issue; that we’d fall in love and the answer would become clear.

  But that hadn’t happened—at least the answer becoming clear part. And now the time was up. Up before it had to be, but there was nothing I could do about that. I had no right to assume she’d change her mind. And I had no right to even hope she would. You’ve gotta know when hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em, I supposed.

  Getting through the rest of the day was difficult. My heart was raw with pain, and I couldn’t look at her. She didn’t say a word as I drove her back to the station to get her car. She jumped out, shut the door and was gone. From my life forever, I guessed.

  That night, I went for a long run. Running in bear form had always helped me clear my mind and see things better in the past. But it wasn’t helping me now.

  I had been alone for the first half hour or so, but Wyatt shifted in as I was slowing my pace.

  Howdy! How’s the woman? He sounded eager, but I had no idea why.

  There ain’t no woman.

  Um, hello? Madelyn?

  We’re over.

  There was a pause of silence. What do you mean, you’re over?

  She ended things with me today. She said it was a mistake to sleep with me because we got too close.

  Gol-ly. She’s got horns holding up that halo of hers.

  Excuse me? Even if she’d hurt me, I wasn’t about to let anyone talk badly about her.

  I’m sorry, but you don’t know the conversation we had last night.

  Conversation? My ears pricked up. What do you mean?

  I mean, I told her you wanted to settle down and have a family. I all but told her you would propose eventually. And I warned her not to lead you on, to end things if she was really going home. But I assumed that she had changed her mind and wouldn’t leave.

  Why would you assume that? My words had a sharp edge. If he’d kept his trap shut, I might have had another month with her.

  See, no. That’s what I wanted to avoid. I didn’t want her to string you along another month and make it worse. But she wasn’t supposed to end things at all! She was supposed to see that she couldn’t live without you and change her mind.

  Well now, that’s not exactly what happened, is it? I couldn’t help letting the anger through.

  I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened that way at all. But you have to admit, if she was going to leave anyway, isn’t it better to end things sooner than later? Why get closer to her?

  I always knew she might leave. I was okay with that. I enjoyed what little time I had with her. And now that’s been taken from me, too.

  Then I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. If she’s not willing to move, then she’s not the one. And she should get out of the way so that the right woman can come in.

  There’s just one problem with that, I said. She is the one.

  She can’t be.

  You have no idea what you’re talking about.

  I don’t want to see you get hurt.

  Then you should have kept your mouth shut and stayed out of my business!

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I shifted back to my human form and stumbled through the woods. I sat on the rocky earth, feeling numb through and through, with a newfound hatred for my brother.

  16

  Madelyn

  After a tearful, mostly sleepless night, I had decided only one thing. Well, two. That I missed Sawyer terribly, and that it would be far too difficult to see him every day. As soon as I thought someone would answer, I called over to the main Ranger station for the park, where the manager above Sawyer worked.

  When he got on the phone, I told him what I’d practiced in my mind.

  “He has been great to work with,” I started, “but I also know that he has a lot to do. He wasn’t able to find someone to help us by the time we arrived, so he had to do it himself. But he’s not able to attend to a lot of things now. I was just wondering if we might have a different Ranger help us to free him up. The dig is going well and doesn’t require much advising.”

  “Oh. Well, he hasn’t said anything to me about having too much work.”

  I laughed. “Well, no, he would never do that. In fact, please don’t tell him I’m asking you to do this. He would be embarrassed if he knew I was telling his boss he had too much work. I just can’t stand seeing him so stressed out.”

  “And I don’t want that, either. Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate you looking out for my Rangers. I’ll make some calls.”

  “They’ve been a huge help to us; Sawyer, especially. We couldn’t have done as much as we have without him.” My voice caught at the end and I stuffed my fist into my mouth.

  “Glad to hear it. You take care now, ma’am.”

  The call ended and I let my sob escape my throat. But I thought I had done the best thing: I’d gotten someone else to work with us to spare Sawyer and I both more heartache. And I’d done it in a way that hopefully made Sawyer look good. That was important to me, of course. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing even more damage than I already had.

  I was nervous as I drove to the park. I didn’t want to see him, but at the same time, I did. I missed him already. I also didn’t know if his boss would have said anything to him yet or how long it might take to get a new Ranger. There could be a few awkward days before he left.

  My lip felt raw as I drove by the station without stopping. Sawyer’s truck was parked there, but it didn’t mean much. He’d always been there when I’d arrived, except usually, we rode over to the site together. He wouldn’t have still expected that, would he?

  Seeing the Rangers’ ATV parked at the dig site confirmed he didn’t. I hadn’t noticed, but it must have been gone from the station. I had the sudden jolt of thought that maybe Sawyer was there. Maybe he’d gotten there early.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked toward the site. The trailer door swung open and Wyatt jumped down.

  “Howdy, Madelyn,” he said. “How’s it going?”

  I nodded but had nothing to say, feeling he was somewhat responsible for my pain. Not that he’d caused it—that was all me—but that he’d forced it to happen. O
r, more accurately, that he’d forced me to realize it needed to happen. As badly as I wanted to blame Wyatt, in the end, I knew I couldn’t.

  “Hey,” I muttered.

  “Yeah. Sawyer’s about that good, too.”

  “I never meant to—”

  “Yeah. I know. When I said that the other night? You were supposed to realize you couldn’t live without him and stay, not end things.”

  I let out a long breath. “Then I guess you should have been clearer about what you wanted. But I can’t stay, that’s the problem.”

  “You can.”

  “Would you want him to go?”

  “If that’s what he wanted.”

  “But I guess it’s not. He’s never offered to, anyway. You both just assume I’ll be the one to change my mind.”

  “Well, with him being a…manager and all, he’s kind of bound to this area. At least for the next several years.”

  “And that’s why I had to end things. I knew I couldn’t stay and he could never leave. It’s impossible. So, I had to end it.”

  He let out a hard breath and reached out to give me a hug. “I’m sorry. I feel like I caused this.”

  “You didn’t.” I stepped back from him quickly. Hugging him felt a little too close to hugging Sawyer. They looked a lot alike and had a similar build. “I think you helped us both in the long run.”

  “I sure hope so. Because I feel like a real ass. What is it you do up here all day anyway?” He looked around.

  “We’ve been digging for fossils. Sawyer would take photos or help with equipment and tools. He’d help dig sometimes, too.”

  “Okay. Just show me what you need me to do.”

  Getting to work had been a good move. I was able to distract myself, and the pain receded for a time. When we broke for lunch, after Wyatt had gotten to meet Julian and see what a gem he was, he pulled me aside.

  “What does he think about the bones you found?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. But the evidence is gone, so what can he do?”

  “Right. Okay. Just making sure.”

  I nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”

  I got my opportunity sooner than later. As I sat down for lunch, Julian sat right across from me, where Sawyer always sat.

  “What happened to your boyfriend?” he asked with a glint of smugness in his eyes.

  Why not just keep my stories the same? “He was getting too behind in his work, so he has to take a break.”

  “Aw, what a shame.”

  “And he’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Trouble in paradise? So sorry to hear that. I told you he was a loser.”

  Why did I say anything at all? “No, it’s not like that. But I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Don’t you know I’d do anything for you?” he claimed. “Whatever it is, yes.”

  “Right. I was wondering what you thought about the fossil.”

  He crossed his arms. “I think it’s something. Something that someone doesn’t want the world to know about. That’s why it was covered up.”

  “Covered up? You saw what happened. An animal took the bones.”

  “I think there’s more to it, and I think the media will want to know.”

  “The media? No, don’t get them involved.” My heart raced at the thought.

  “Imagine what would happen if we discovered some rare creature? Some kind of Bigfoot, Lochness Monster type of thing. We could call it the bear-man. It would make us even more famous than a dinosaur would. Who needs a dinosaur when you have Bear-Man?”

  I shook my head and tried to sound casual, but I was freaking out inside. “That’s dumb. People will laugh at you for thinking that. You’ll end up on the cover of a tabloid being called a quack.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I know this is something.”

  “Well, there’s not even any proof. The video is so grainy and the bones are gone.”

  “Video? Who needs that? I have this.”

  He took his phone from his pocket and tapped it a few times before turning it toward me. On the screen, I saw a photo of the shifter skeleton. Shit! He’d taken photos, too.

  “Everyone will say it’s Photoshopped.”

  “But it’s not and the video backs it up. Look, I know you don’t want to go public with this. You have some weird thing about it for whatever reason, and it makes me think you’re in on the cover up. But whatever the case may be, I’m going public. I wanted to see if you would change your mind before I did so I could include you in the spotlight. But if you say no, I’m still going to do it. And I’ll take all the credit for the find.”

  My mind spun. How would I get out of this? I couldn’t think. I didn’t know what to do other than scream.

  “There is one other way,” he said, and his mouth pulled into a crooked smile. “I’ll consider making an exception, doing what you want…” He leaned closer to me, and I backed away. He brushed my hair from my neck, and I moved back more. “Now that Sawyer is out of the way, you should have no problem seeing me. If you come back to my room with me tonight, I’ll consider keeping your secret. You don’t even have to tell me what it is.” He let his fingers trail along my cheek, and I shuddered in disgust.

  “There is no way that’s ever going to happen. And don’t you dare touch me again.”

  “So, you want out then.”

  “You can’t go public with this. Sawyer will make you look like a fool.”

  “He doesn’t concern me.”

  “Well, he should.”

  He thought for a moment. “Is he in on it, too?”

  “He has nothing to do with any of this.”

  “We’ll see.” He stood and rested a hand on my head. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll wait one day. You think real hard about it and let me know if you’d rather side with a man who will give you the world or a redneck Ranger. Your choice. When I figure out what that thing is, I’m going to make sure everyone in the world knows about it.”

  He left the trailer and I took a moment to collect myself. The easiest way out—sleeping with him—was also the most impossible. There’s no way I’d degrade myself like that. He was utterly revolting and I still had strong feelings for Sawyer. It would feel like betrayal, and I’d done enough to hurt the man already. So, that was not an option. But convincing Julian didn’t seem to be, either. I didn’t know what to do.

  The biggest question was, if Julian went public, would anyone believe him? I’d hoped to scare him off, but the tabloid threat hadn’t worked. If they did believe him, it could draw a lot of negative attention to the park. I could see people wanting to tear it apart to find more rare creatures or making a circus of the whole thing. And it could mean trouble for all shifters, especially bears, if anyone started to think that shifters could possibly still exist today. No solution came to me, however. My stomach hurt, but I had to get back to work. I had to figure out a way to guard the secret.

  17

  Sawyer

  “How did she seem, though?” I asked Wyatt. As soon as I’d found out it was my brother replacing me, I’d called him to find out how she was.

  “Not so great. She looked like she’d been put through the ringer.”

  That didn’t make me happy, but neither would knowing it hadn’t affected her at all. I was miserable, and it was nice to know we were feeling the same way. At least we were together in our suffering.

  “I’m going to keep talking to her. I feel responsible for this mess, and I want to fix it the best I can.”

  “It’s a little late for that.”

  “Hey. She’s not gone yet, okay? Give me some time.”

  I blew out a breath. “Yeah. But I can’t force her. If this is what she wants, then I’ll respect that, no matter how much it hurts. She told me from the start this would be the outcome. I hoped to convince her, but it didn’t happen. It’s my fault for letting myself hope too much.”

  “That’s just depressing.”

  “You ain’t kidding.”

  When
we hung up, I tried to get some work done. I hadn’t even thought about everything that had been piling up on my desk until my boss had come to ask me about it. I had to be honest and admit I wasn’t getting things done like I would’ve been if I hadn’t been on the dig site all day. He’d said he wanted me to take a break and was sending a replacement.

  At first, I’d been devastated. I had counted on still being able to see Madelyn, but now I had nothing. Maybe it was better this way. It would be painful to be so close to her and not be able to talk to her anyway.

  I longed for her, though. I thought of our nights together often. So many of them. So many of them perfect, too. I missed her and ached for her. Everything felt wrong, where everything had felt so right with her. I wondered if she felt the same.

  I’d never hurt this much over a woman before and that’s how I knew she was my mate; I loved her more than I’d loved anyone in my life. To have her and then let her slip through my fingers was awful. Wasn’t there a saying about that? Well, in that moment, I thought it would have been better to never have loved. I wouldn’t have to miss her and that feeling for the rest of my life if I hadn’t ever experienced it to begin with.

  I’d told Wyatt once that I felt doomed never to find love. Apparently, I was right. Fleeting love, I could have. But lasting, true love? Out of my reach. My brother didn’t seem to really understand. He went through women quickly and had no problem getting a new one whenever he wanted. He wasn’t ready to settle down yet. But I was. And being told that was what had made Madelyn end things? That had to mean I was doomed. Maybe I’d be alone for the rest of my life.

  I felt no better by the end of the day, but at least I could go home and try to distract myself. I walked out to my truck and glanced toward the dig site. The bright lights that stayed on all the time could be seen faintly from my station. I wondered if anyone was up there and felt a sudden urge to go check. Maybe she was there. Maybe I could catch a glimpse of her or even talk to her for a minute. My heart sped at the thought of it.