by Jeff Tippett
I carried her in my arms. Her head was limp; she was vomiting. She had terrible diarrhea. And she was denied a visa. She was flagged for a DNA test. For the first time throughout this entire extended process, I felt totally defeated. I was in Portau-Prince. Alone. Holding a baby so sick she couldn’t hold her head up. I pleaded. But to no avail.
I called back to the States and had a friend reach out to my senator. His office offered compassion and a willingness to help. And finally, we were able to get her a visa.
The flight back was horrendous. Nina screamed the entire time from Port-au-Prince to Miami. The cabin pressure was adding additional pain to her fragile, infected ears. Upon our arrival, standing alone in the airport with this sick infant, I finally felt a sense of accomplishment. My six-and-a-halfmonth journey to adopt a baby from Haiti ended with success. I was happy and proud.
And then out of this feeling of accomplishment came a spark of recognition, and a question arose: “What changes would now ensue as a result of having persuaded dozens of people that I was the perfect dad for this little girl?”
I now began to question how her life would be different. Could she accomplish things that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible? Will she be a doctor? Will she become a nurse? Will she go back to Haiti? Who knows what lies ahead?
What lives will she affect on her journey? How would my life change?
Though I didn’t have the answers, I knew they would be revealed over time. What I did know was that my ability to persuade wasn’t the end game. It simply triggered a domino effect that would lead who knows where. A greater good, I felt, was set in motion. And it began with my commitment to persuade.
I’d now completed my checklist of the things necessary to secure this adoption. It had been wrenching. But it was done.
And it was now just the beginning. All that was over. But that was nothing. Now the real work lay ahead—raising Nina.
What I saw for the first time was that each step of this initial journey—each encounter that had required persuasion—had allowed me to accomplish the task at hand—which was the launch of something much bigger.
I walked out of Immigration in the Miami airport with Nina now sleeping in my arms. I paused. I looked at her. I reflected on the past six and a half months and felt the tears fill my eyes. The feeling of accomplishment was overshadowed by a greater understanding. Throughout the process, I had dozens of people I needed to make respond in my favor. This adoption could not have happened on my own. I needed others to do what was best. This journey had taught me that I don’t have to accept what is. I can persuade. I can affect change.
My ability to get things done was limited; every success was dependent upon my actions. Every step was dependent on coaxing others to action.
In this book, I’ll be guiding you in crafting a captivating message and developing an irresistible call to action. What I hope to convey is that, whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish— whether it’s policy you’re trying to move forward, a business deal you’re striving to seal, or an election you’re trying to win— it isn’t just about this one moment. It’s about the unknown that lies ahead—the possibilities it opens up—that wouldn’t, couldn’t, have happened if you hadn’t employed the powers of persuasion.
Now everything lies ahead—the unknown, the potential.
And it clicked for me in that moment in the Miami airport. Up until then, the checklist was the objective. Now, I realized this was no longer it. All of this was toward a greater good. I want you to see that it’s almost always about more than the immediate task at hand—that all such things lead to something much bigger.
The first time I really knew it was all going to be okay was one day when Nina was about three. She was sitting in the floor arranging different toys, and I asked her what she was doing. She said she was making families. “They don’t all match,” she said, “but they’re still a family. Just like I don’t match, but we’re still a family.”
What a feeling that was. So much lay ahead.
It’s not like anything has yet been completed. There’s no nicely wrapped package. It’s an awareness that starts a spark, leads to the next, and then the next. It just gets bigger and bigger.
Bottom line: This isn’t about the quick win. It’s not about selling one car and you’re done. It’s about how we approach life, in all its aspects. It’s about how each little win can lead to transformational change.
I’m going to be asking you to embrace the power of persuasion—to open yourself to its full potential.
Some people view the world as a pie—there are a limited number of slices, and once they’re gone, the pie is no more. I’m more of a banquet-table guy myself. The more people that come to dinner, the better. We can always pull up another chair.
The greatest success I can hope for with this book will be if you tell me you’ve experienced a win. That you persuaded people along your journey. While you may master some of the tips in this book, if you close its back cover and have just one new tool in your arsenal, I believe it will be worth the read. Just one minor shift of a rudder can move a boat in a whole new direction.
Again, I don’t think persuasion is about one-off wins. I think it’s about mindset. It’s a mindset to forever strive to win.
So you’ve made it through the introduction with me. I’d now like to ask you to proceed with me through these chapters, and then to begin to practice it all on your own. Why start, if you’re not going to finish? And why finish, if you’re not going to put the skills to practice?
To paraphrase Aristotle, “We need the means to persuade.” This book gives you those means.
Let’s do this!
Questions for Reflection
What does “superpower” mean to you?
If you were performing more effectively, what areas of your life would improve?
What goals are in front of you right now?
Given the opportunity, what would you positively impact in your company?
I’ve shared my Haitian adoption story. What life story has greatly impacted your life?
First, I’d like to make an important distinction.
When I talk with people about my area of expertise in persuasive communications, a common first response is some variation of, “Oh, you teach people how to manipulate others?”
It’s an understandable response. After all, most people have likely seen more instances of manipulation than persuasion. And most training on persuasion is really just good ol’ manipulation. So it’s not their fault they don’t grasp the difference.
You might not, either.
Let’s first talk about manipulation.
Encyclopedia.com defines manipulation as: “to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.”
Yikes! Who wants that?
Some popular synonyms are “control,” “exploit,” and “gerrymander.” Like the definition, none of these are palatable to me. I doubt to you, either.
So why do people manipulate?
First, I think manipulation is easier. Persuasion takes a lot of work. It takes a commitment from you to work on your messaging, to learn how to frame, and position and ask. And it demands that the other person have respect for you.
Manipulation aligns with our core of too often being more concerned about ourselves than others. When we manipulate, our actions are self-centered.
Manipulation works—at least for short-term applications. That’s right, manipulation does often successfully influence others. But it comes at a cost. That cost is your integrity and the forfeiture of an opportunity for long-term success. Most of us could get on a sales call and use crafty language, direct force, and pushiness to make a sale. But, likely, that’ll be the final sale with that person. We know that among the most substantial costs in business is customer acquisition, and that retention is a much better option than repeatedly having to find new customers.
I th
ink of my experiences with gyms and fitness centers. You know how it goes—you sign up for a new gym, and they offer your first session with a trainer for free. Well, nothing in life is free. And the price you’ll likely pay for that “free” session is manipulation to get you to sign up for a complete training package. And the pressure won’t stop anytime soon. The calls and emails continue. Relentlessly.
A final reason I think we often resort to manipulation is that we’ve become conditioned to it; we’ve learned it through our experiences with others. If I asked you to raise your hand if you’ve ever been manipulated, it’s likely every hand would go up. Through personal experience, others have taught us to manipulate as they strove for what they wanted.
But enough of the negative! Let’s talk persuasion.
Persuasion is defined as: “to cause (someone) to do something through reasoning or argument.” The word “argument” here refers more to the original definition of two people presenting a logical reasoning of their perspective. This is not your family Thanksgiving dinner, with everyone discussing politics or religion.
Let’s look at the etymology of the word “persuasion.” It comes from the Latin persuadere, which can be broken down into two parts: per, meaning through or to completion; and suadere, which means to advise.
So persuasion, at its root, means to move people by advising them. You’re leading them to believe something—which means they now accept this knowledge as their own. In other words, in using all the tools and techniques we’re about to discuss in this book, persuasion is helping people come to the same understanding you have, and to believe it for themselves and on their own.
Now that’s powerful!
How do you know when you’ve reached that point? Well, I believe there are two words you’ll likely hear from the other person: “That’s right.” When you hear those two words, you can rest assured you’ve avoided manipulation. Rather, the two of you have arrived at the same conclusion.
You’ve been persuasive.
Another industry expert’s perspective:
When I reflect on the past fifty years of my life, there have been three core aspects of my character that have been vital to any success I enjoyed during that period: candor, passion, and persuasion.
I attribute my candor and directness to my mother’s influence, thanks in part to her lineage to the hard-working Calabrese who later immigrated to Brazil. It has served me well when earning trust. My passion is simply innate and perhaps a product of having Portuguese, Brazilian, and Italian heritage. Combined with my candor, I’ve noticed that it’s hard for others not to get swept up by the strong emotions I feel for one thing or the other.
I’m convinced that my ability to persuade is that much stronger because of my candor and passion. That’s because persuasion, unlike manipulation, is established through reasoning or argument and is more successful when conveyed with honest emotion and directness. I have won many new business pitches as a result of this level of persuasive communications. Another example of this in practice are trial attorneys making opening and closing arguments to a jury. I’m sure you’ve seen examples of this on television or in film—the attorney persuades the jury by delivering the facts with great passion. However, persuasion’s arch-enemy, manipulation, is often used in the same courtroom scenario and can be hard to differentiate from.
Over the years, advertising has been accused of manipulating consumers, and rightly so. If you go back to the archived ads of the 40s, 50s, and 60s, you’ll find outrageous claims and promises made. Not only would advertisers tell you their brand or product was better than their competitors with little to no proof, but they would even go so far as to suggest they could deliver unrealistic benefits to the consumer and their way of life. Perhaps the primary offenders were the cigarette manufacturers. A 1946 ad for Camels stated, “More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.” Tipalet’s ad in 1969 even goes so far as objectifying women to successfully manipulate consumers with its headline, “Blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere.”
Fortunately, consumers today are more aware of false claims. They conduct independent research before making impulsive and uneducated purchasing decisions, thanks to the Internet. As a person who has never practiced in manipulation, this makes me very happy. You may think that advertising agencies wish to help sell brands and products at all costs. Not true. It’s my belief that brands should conduct their businesses ethically and produce great products that deliver on consumer demands and make their lives better, as a result. Ultimately, an advertiser’s job is to communicate this information in the most persuasive way possible. Could advertisers use manipulation tactics, instead? Of course, but it wouldn’t be long until it became evident to the consumers and they became distrustful of those advertisers forever.
Wágner dos Santos, thewagner.agency
Questions for Reflection
Compare and contrast manipulation and persuasion as you view them. How are they similar, and how are they different?
Can you think of times in which you know you manipulated someone? If so, think through those, including how you felt and how you perceived the other person felt.
Can you think of times in which you know you persuaded someone? If so, how did you know? And what was the outcome?
When you are on the receiving end, can you tell the difference when someone is trying to persuade you? Or manipulate you? How do the two feel? And how do you feel about the person?
Do you think there are ever times when manipulation is a better option to accomplish what you want? Or is persuasion always the best option?
Whether conveying a policy position, business concepts, or the attributes of a product—whatever it is you need to share in order to pull your audience along—no one will jump on board if they don’t clearly grasp your message. Almost all effective, persuasive messaging has one common core component: simplicity.
But here’s the thing: If you don’t capture them quickly, you’ll lose them forever. You have seconds to capture your audience. If they can’t quickly—as in seconds—grasp your core message, you’re sure to lose them. And if you don’t capture them at the get-go, you’re not likely to regain their attention.
There’s been a lot of research recently on the complexity of language and people’s attention spans. This book isn’t designed to explore, dissect, and/or validate this research. But I do think it’s fair to assert that reading comprehension is on the decline and attention spans are growing shorter.
Most people don’t read, they scan. And they gravitate toward stylistic devices like bullet points that offer simple content and lots of white space. That’s how we grab people these days.
We can express disappointment, advocate for change all day long, but at least for now, we have to accept that, if you want to persuade, you need to structure your content succinctly.
You need to craft simple, impactful messaging.
In later chapters, we’ll discuss how to select and structure language that persuades. But for now, let’s focus on how to craft simple messaging.
First and foremost is making certain your core message is easily accessible to your audience—that you’re using language that isn’t unnecessarily busy. We’ve established that the message is rarely simple; it is, in most cases, multifaceted. And you probably know the issue at its deepest and most complex level. You probably know every intricacy. And you should.
But when it comes to persuading others, you must—at least at the outset—keep it simple. Here are some suggestions to help with that.
1 . Debrief Yourself
When I set about to craft a message, ideas begin to bounce around my head like ping-pong balls. I see all the dimensions, curves, angles, various components. I’ve now got to get all that out of my head, to make some record of it.
Get it all out, all those concepts. Explore how to best do so. We all have different ways of working. Find the way that’s right for you.
Her
e are a few tips to try:
Write everything on a whiteboard
Sit with a friend; say it all, record it
Talk into your smart phone
Type it into a document
Take a pad of paper and start writing
Personally, I like to sit with a piece of paper and just go crazy. Or sometimes, I use a whiteboard. I fill up one side, flip it over, and fill up the other. The objective is to get all the concepts floating around in my head into some physical form.
This brings clarity.
What you now have are pieces of a puzzle. Move them around. This fits here, that fits there. That piece over there? You’re not quite sure yet where it fits, but you sense that it fits somewhere. Put it aside; save it for later.
Now focus on what’s most immediately relevant. Commence to tinkering. Tweak it, refine it, hone it down to its essence.
There may be multiple methods of getting it all out there that work well for you. Investigate. Explore. Try out a few. I sometimes use a combination. There’s no right way, no onesize-fits-all approach.
(Here’s another tip: Take advantage of quiet time in your car to gather your thoughts. Appreciate it. Take advantage of it, to generate ideas. Talk into your phone. I used to be afraid of silence. Now, I very often crave it—a respite from all the noise.)
No matter what medium you opt for, forget about form, sentence structure, complete sentences, fully formed thoughts, etc. Don’t even worry yet about it all making good sense.
And please don’t focus on narrowing the messaging. Go broad. Get it all out there, even things that might seem (at present) silly or irrelevant. It popped into your head—maybe there’s a good reason, one that just hasn’t yet revealed itself. Just capture it all.