by C. R. Jane
"This was my castle?" I ask, looking around. I must have been a bit depressing in my former life. There's a breath of melancholy in the air that sends a small shiver down my back. It doesn't seem like the sort of place I would pick to live if I was Queen. He must see the disappointment on my face because he holds out his hand for me to take. Strangely, I feel comfortable taking his hand. He leads me to a door that I hadn't explored yet. To my surprise it leads out to a balcony. I immediately give a little gasp. There's a large village spread out beneath the castle, so picturesque that I'm automatically in love with it at first sight. Now this looks like a fairy tale kingdom. He laughs at the delight written all over my face.
"This is nothing but a sample of everything that is yours, My Queen," he tells me, kissing the hand that he is holding, and making me blush. Despite the comfortableness I feel, the sensation that I know him somehow and that he's telling the truth, something feels like it's missing…something besides my memory of how I got here.
"Let me take you on a tour of more of the castle. I want you to feel that this is your home again," he tells me, motioning for me to take his arm. After I do, we walk out of the room and enter a long hallway. The hallway is draped with blood red banners. I immediately don't like them and wonder if I ordered them to be hung, or if they are Aiden's choice. There are large portraits hung on the wall every few feet. I try and strain my memory to see if anything looks familiar, but the somber looking men in all of the pictures remain strangers to me.
"Are these my relatives?" I ask Aiden, stopping at one painting of a scowling man that definitely looks more like Aiden than it does of anyone that could be related to me.
"These are the past kings of the land," he explains to me, motioning to the long stone wall of portraits. "I'm not sure where this one fits into your family lineage, but I never met him."
I look at him quizzically.
"How would you have met him?" I ask. "This painting looks to be several hundred years old."
I look for a signature or a date on the bottom of the painting, but I can't find anything.
Aiden throws back his head and laughs. "Oh My Queen, we have so much to catch you up on," he says, filling my head with even more questions.
I pull my arm from his and turn to face him.
"I'm not going any further with you until I get more answers. The Queen of Tir Na Nog, what does that mean? I've never heard of such a place. I may have lost my memory, but basic geography knowledge hasn't left me. What happened to my memories? Who are you protecting me from?" I ask, the questions rushing out of my mouth in a jumble. Even as I say them though, I'm not sure if I really want to know the answers. I feel like there will be no going back to who I was before, whoever that was, once I get them.
He stops chuckling immediately at my questions. "You are the Fairy Queen," he tells me reverently. "The most powerful being in all of the lands. Everyone bows at your feet. There is nothing you cannot do. Tir Na Nog is your private kingdom, but all of the realms are under your rule."
He waits a second for me to absorb all of that. I think about it for a moment before I burst into laughter, now convinced that I must be dreaming or suffering from some kind of psychotic break.
"The Fairy Queen?" I ask, laughing so hard that I'm sure it's hard for him to understand what's actually coming out of my mouth. "Powerful?" Tears start streaming down my face from laughing so hard. "You obviously don't know me. There is nothing powerful about me. I'm human," I tell him. "Absolutely unextraordinary in every way."
His face is thunderous at my laughter. "Don't talk that way about yourself ever again," he cautions me, and my laughter fades away.
He's a bit scary at the moment.
"I'm going to help you remember who you are, and all of the realms will once again tremble at your feet."
I feel like the only appropriate response is to nod, and that seems to quell his anger.
"Your memories will come back with time," he says in a softened tone. "The way I found you was…" he hesitates, seeming to be weighing his words carefully before starting again. "The way I found you was a bit shocking for your system," he explains. "I had to use a calming powder to get you to come with me and I may have used a bit too much," he says sheepishly, hurrying on to answer my next question before I can voice my disapproval. "As for who I'm trying to protect you from? I'm trying to protect you from everyone," he tells me. "Once news of the golden Queen's reappearance after all of these years started trickling through the channels, there isn't a shortage of powerful creatures that would like to own you. Tir Na Nog has been barely surviving without your power. Your homecoming changes everything."
I'm having trouble processing everything he's just said. The idea that I'm a powerful queen seems unbelievable. I mean, I guess I could have been some sort of badass in another life, but I currently don't feel like I'm capable of being a badass in this life. While being a queen itself feels unbelievable, the fact that Aiden is claiming that I'm some sort of 'Fairy Queen' feels even more unbelievable. Unless my memory returns and lets me in on all sorts of powers that I possess, I feel ordinary despite Aiden's disagreement on the subject. I don't feel any power waiting in my fingertips for me to call it out, I can't think of any spells, surely magic as powerful as he claims I possess would be easily recognizable to an allegedly powerful 'Fairy Queen'.
Aiden doesn't say anything more about my forgotten past for the rest of my tour of the castle, instead sticking to pointing out what certain rooms are. I finally come out of my quiet stupor when we reach a giant library. I stare in amazement at the walls and walls of books.
"You still like reading then?" he says softly as he watches me with a warm grin as I touch some of the books delicately.
"I feel like I like books," I tell him with an answering wry grin. "I can't tell you all the ones I've read, hopefully my memory will bring that back to me. But it does feel more like home than anywhere else in the castle you've showed me."
"You loved books when we were together. I would often find you pouring over books late at night when you couldn't sleep. I've always found that charming about you. You live in basically a fantasy world in your everyday life, but you still manage to find worlds to escape to."
The inflection in his voice fills me with a warm feeling and gives me courage to ask him my next question.
"Aiden, what were we to each other?" I ask him, keeping my back to him and pretending to study the books more as I wait for his answer. He takes a deep breath and I can feel his warmth as he gets closer to me.
"I was your husband," he finally says after a long pause.
My breath hitches. That's unexpected. Now I really do feel like I'm dreaming. I turn to look at him, sure he must be joking. His face holds no hint of laughter though. If anything, he looks destroyed, and a little furious as well. I feel sorry for him. I'm sure that if we really were married, he got the worse end of the deal having to remember his wife who disappeared while I operated my new life with no idea of his existence. Well at least I assume I had no idea.
"Were we happy?" is all I can think to finally respond.
"It was everything I've ever dreamed," he answers, and I get little goosebumps that this man, or I guess 'fairy', felt that way about me.
"I know you have more questions about our lives, but I would like to get to know this version of you. You've been gone for so long that at times you have seemed nothing more than a dream. I'm not expecting you to be the same being you were then. I just would like you to give me a chance," he tells me.
Again, I don't manage to get anything out in response but a nod. I do have more questions, about a million of them, but hopefully with time I will get all of them answered. I'm intrigued to find out more about who Aiden is as well. In a way, if I have no memory of him, then I can really give him the fresh start he's looking for. He will always have the memories of the old me to
compete with who I've become, whoever that is.
"I have one more thing to show you," he tells me as he leads me out of the library.
He laughs at the longing look I throw at the room full of books.
"You can come back to this room whenever you want. It's all yours," he assures me, and I brighten at the thought.
He leads me down another long hallway, the castle is full of them, and I can hear laughter coming from a room up ahead. The room is some sort of a lounge area where there's actually other people present-or beings I guess is the proper term. They all look down respectfully as we enter the room, their earlier laughter disappearing with our presence. I study them while their eyes are averted. There's six of them in the room that's filled with comfy looking couches and chairs. There's a bar taking up the entire side of the large room with an assortment of dark glass bottles, all with names that I've never heard of. Enormous windows on another wall give the room an airy feel.
The men all look like military type, all of them well-muscled, and well kept. They are all wearing the same old-fashioned breeches and loose shirts that Aiden is wearing. I wonder if it's a 'Fairy' thing to wear this type of clothing and if I'm soon going to find myself in a corset top and petticoats.
"I have brought you The Golden Queen, men," announces Aiden, pride threaded throughout his voice. I blush at the tone and watch the men as they finally raise their eyes to look at me. There's a little bit of shock and awe in all of their gazes and I blush even further under their inspection.
"These are my personal guard," says Aiden, gesturing to the group. "That's Caiden, Nicolas, Garion, Romulus, Madoc, and Umbriel," he says, motioning to each one in term.
They give me a respectful nod as he introduces them to me, but still say nothing.
"If you are ever in need of anything, they are at your service," says Aiden sternly, as if giving them a warning with his statement. I can't help thinking I would rather them be asked if they want to be of service, but I'm sure that's not the royal way. I smile politely at all of them, hoping I'm giving off an aura of friendliness to them. If I'm to be at the castle for the indefinite future, it would be nice to make some friends.
"Nicolas, Romulus, and Madoc," snaps Aiden, his tone still very authoritative. Three of the men jump to attention.
"These will be your personal guards, My Queen," he announces.
"Personal guards?" I ask. "Is that necessary?"
I see a hint of a smile on one of the guys' faces at my questions. I think it's Madoc.
"I said I would do everything in my power to protect you, my darling. Personal guards fall into that category," he explains to me patiently.
His logic seems sound, especially if there are so many people after me. I can't help but wish that my memories will come back sooner rather than later however, so maybe I can find out what these threats actually consist of besides the metaphorical phantoms hiding under my bed. It's hard to comprehend that I would be important enough to garner any attention, let alone one requiring a personal guard.
"Thank you for your help," I tell them. "I'll try not to be too much trouble for you." The three fae warriors once again nod respectfully but still say nothing. It's going to get pretty boring if they never talk but are always around. Hopefully they will liven up a little when Aiden's not around.
Aiden pulls me close and kisses the top of my head.
"You could never be trouble, My Queen," he tells me. For the millionth time today, I'm caught off guard. A kiss on my head feels pretty presumptive but I remind myself that Aiden is operating on the idea that we were married. That we are still married? I'm nervous to ask which one of those he is thinking.
Just then my stomach rumbles again and I catch one of the other guards trying to hide a laugh out of the corner of my eye. Aiden looks at a large, antique looking clock on the far wall and makes a small groan.
"It's already dinner time and you haven't eaten since breakfast. I'm not taking care of you properly," he says, guiding me out of the room without another glance at the men he is leaving behind. I wave at them over my shoulder and I'm gratified to see at least a few of them tentatively wave back.
Aiden hustles me through the thousandth long hallway we've passed through today into a long rectangular room. There are all sorts of animal heads hanging all along the wall of the room, some of the creatures unrecognizable as any animals that I'm familiar with. A lot of them have a lot more teeth and talons still attached to them than I'm comfortable with.
The majority of the room is taken up by the longest table that I've ever seen. It looks like it could probably seat at least fifty people, however I see that only two places have been set on the far side. The same blood red fabric as was hanging in the halls earlier makes up a long table runner that stretches the length of the entire table. There's a giant stone fireplace on the opposite wall from where we walked in, with a giant bear head hanging above its flickering flames. Like the rest of the room, the bear gives off a foreboding feeling, its mouth left in a position that looks like the rest of the bear could come barreling out of the rock wall and eat you if you dared to turn away from it.
Gwenny comes scurrying out of a doorway that I hadn't noticed, carrying a tray laden with steaming hot plates giving off the most delicious scent. Aiden leads me to my seat, pulling out my chair politely before taking a seat of his own to the right of me. I randomly happen to notice that he is sitting in the chair at the head of the table while I am seated to his right. I wonder if that was our normal seating arrangement before my disappearance since he has made it seem like I was actually the supreme ruler of the land before, not him. I forget all about my musings when Gwenny scoops a ladle of delicious looking soup into the bowl in front of me. I go to take a sip but I'm haunted by the ghastly image of someone writhing in pain in front of me, just like the image I imagined this morning. I set my spoon down and politely push the soup away.
Gwenny has been watching me nervously and immediately responds to my movement.
"Is the soup not to your liking, Your Majesty?" she frets. I feel bad making demands already, but I can't stomach the thought of eating the soup despite my hunger.
"Could I start with something lighter?" I ask. "Maybe a salad or something like that?"
"Of course," answers Gwenny, swiftly scurrying away to the kitchens and returning barely before I've blinked with a salad. Once she removes the soup I'm able to start eating. I can feel Aiden's questioning stare on me, but he doesn't mention my weirdness thankfully.
We pass the rest of the dinner pleasantly discussing various items of interest in the neighboring town. Aiden promises to show me it tomorrow.
I'm stuffed to the brim as I force myself to eat one more bite of the delicious flan that Gwenny brought out for dessert. She has looked so happy at my enjoyment of the dinner that I've eaten far more than I needed to. I can't help but give a large yawn when we finish.
"Time for bed?" asks Aiden. "I'm sure today has been a lot to take in and your still recovering from the powder."
I nod gratefully and allow him to walk me back to my quarters. We stand there awkwardly by the front door. It feels like a first date and now we're both unsure how we are going to end the night. He finally brushes his lips against my cheek and I bid him goodnight before darting into my room.
Later that night I toss and turn, trying to reach back into the recesses of my brain to see if anything is there. My mind doesn't give anything new up though. It's like I didn't exist prior to waking up this morning. I'm exhausted, but I can't stop thinking about all the revelations of the day. There's a soft knock on my door and I sit up in bed.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"It's Gwenny, Your Majesty. Prince Aiden thought that you might need something to help you sleep tonight with all the excitement of the day, so I've brought you a little sleeping tonic."
I have the feeling that I
wouldn't normally take medicine from a stranger, but for some reason I trust Gwenny, and Prince Aiden as well if I'm being honest, and I do desperately want to sleep.
"Come in," I tell her and take the cup of steaming clear liquid from her hand.
"It will just taste like tea, dear," she tells me as I sniff it and tentatively take a sip. It does taste like tea and I've drank it all before I've even realized it.
"Get a good night's rest, Your Majesty. I'll be here in the morning with breakfast same as this morning."
I thank her as she leaves and I'm half asleep before she even makes it out of the room. My last thought before I drift into dreamland is how it seems like I could be happy in this place.
My dreams are filled with nothing but nightmares.
A man in a reverend's uniform stalks me while I run away wearing a ridiculously poofy wedding gown. I'm cold and alone in a dark forest. A couple die gruesomely in front of me, frothing at the mouth while they beg for help. I'm chained in a basement with vomit all over me. I'm trapped in an attic with nothing but beatings and unwanted touches to pass my days. I'm paraded through foster home after foster home where I encounter horror after horror. A litany of sickening images continues to play in front of me until I'm screaming for everything to stop. I tell myself that it's all a dream, but everything seems so real.
I wake up suddenly, covered in a cold sweat, and shivering despite the fact that the covers are pulled up to my chin. Those weren't dreams, those were memories I realize. Tears are streaming down my face. How could that have been my life?
"Eva," comes a voice out of the blue, causing me to yelp from surprise.
A candle is lit on a nearby table, and Aiden's face appears out of the darkness wearing a concerned look.
"What are you doing here?" I all but shriek at him, pulling the covers up even farther up my chin so he can't see me in my nightgown.
"I'm sorry my darling, but I knew you would be getting your memories back, and I didn't want you to be alone."