by C. R. Jane
"I can't see you with them knowing that there was a time that no one in any of the worlds could have turned your head whether I was in the room or not. Now I have to watch you greet Mason and Damon like they're the missing parts to your soul. I can't do it. I can't live with this knowledge."
He kneels in front of me, a sob hitched in his voice. I experience a sense of deja vu, like we had been in this exact position before, perhaps the only other time that he's ever cried before. However just like any other flashes of memory about the past, I can't grasp onto the exact memory.
Beckham brings my attention back to the present when he buries his face into my sweater, squeezing me tight in a desperate embrace.
"Please find a way to take this from me," he tells me. "Please help me to forget."
I'm struggling with the guilt that is now coursing over me. My earlier anger has been pushed out by the fact that I've brought this gorgeous, amazing man to his knees by my selfishness. Who am I to ask these three incredible men to agree to share me? I would go absolutely insane if the situation was reversed. What do I even say in this situation? Do I just let him go? It feels like that would be the same as ripping my heart out. I need him as much as I need air to breathe. I kneel on the ground as well, some stray shards cutting into my knees.
"Do you want me to let you go?" I ask him in a soft whisper that's filled with regret.
He looks up at me shocked.
"No, of course not. I could never live without you."
"You've lived without me for hundreds of years," I remind him gently. "I'm sure you could do it again. Lexi could make you forget all about me."
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks, sounding panicked.
"Isn't that what you want?" I ask him, confused.
"No, of course not. I just don't want to remember a time when your love for me was absolute, that you loved me best. It's haunting my every moment having those memories."
I think about the dreams I had when Aiden had me under his enchantment. Dreams of meeting Mason long ago in another land. My feelings for Mason seemed just as strong as those I remember having for Beckham. And certainly now my love for them, and Damon, feels absolute and equal.
"My love for you is infinite," I tell him. "I don't want you to forget our past. I want to remember it all so badly. I only get bits and pieces but I know we've always been amazing together. I also know I hurt you badly in the past, I'm not exactly sure how.."
He cuts me off. "I know exactly how badly you hurt me. You married someone else, although I don't know why."
Suddenly all the pent-up agony is too much. He pushes me with such force, that I can feel the wall splinter behind me. It doesn't hurt though, if anything it just spirals the lust building inside of me. He grips my face. "Mine," he states resolutely before our lips are clashing together, teeth and tongue battling to undo all the hurt we've caused each other.
Somehow in the malay, my shirt and his shirt have been ripped off, and we've sunk to the thick, plush carpet on the floor, pieces of the wall scattered around us like fallen snow. Our frantic, aggressive battle to dominate the other person for past hurts is swept away in the tide of the love that has existed between us for what I know now has been almost forever. His lips slowly brush against my cheek and start a slow descent down my neck, towards my heaving chest. His heart beats a frantic rhythm, calling to me, and for the first time since Aiden, I feel like I've really been found, like I'm home.
Something akin to a growl comes from him as I shift him so that I'm on top. I straddle his hips and the demure black pencil skirt I am wearing underneath my sweater rides up my thighs, the slit tearing up the seam as it does so. His hands caress my bare skin, awe reflected in his beautiful blue eyes as they wander up my thigh. I press myself to him and his eyes widen. I can feel his hand shaking as it slides past my hip, up my back, to my shoulder. We stare into each other's eyes as he asks permission for what comes next. I give a small nod, no doubt in my mind, as he slips my silk bra strap from one shoulder and then the other.
His mouth touches my shoulder and my hand slips into his hair and tightens as I give a small gasp of pleasure. The sound must ignite something in Beckham because he tears the rest of my skirt until it's laying in ruin behind me. I give another gasp when he pops the front of my bra, bearing me fully to him. All that's left between us are his jeans and an insubstantial, lacy pair of underwear that probably don't even deserve that title. He fixes that with a soft tug to the fabric. My wings shoot out as he tosses the scraps of my underthings out of my sight.
Finally, I can't take it anymore and I give a burst of magic to pop the button in his jeans. He stands up with me in his arms as he starts to walk towards his bedroom. I wrap my legs around him, sure that I'm squeezing too tight, but I feel like if I don't, our moment of happiness will disappear. His perfect torso feels like soft steel against my legs as his muscles tighten, and I gasp softly at the sensation of so much of our skin touching at the same time as his tongue makes love to my mouth.
My wings flutter and he gives another growl. An idle thought passes through my mind briefly about what Aiden said about the Fae not having wings, but its quickly pushed from my mind when his tongue begins to trace lower on my chest. My wings spread out to full extension as he lays me on the bed gently. Half of his body is still clothed and I fumble trying to pull his jeans off. We may have done this before, but my body is making very clear that it feels like a virgin.
Once his pants are off I toy with the waistband of his briefs, suddenly becoming very nervous. He remembers everything now. What if the old Eva was a much better lover than the current Eva? I never imagined I would have myself to compete with. The worry melts away as he cups my very naked butt. I give him a taste of his own medicine by sliding my hands beneath his briefs and squeezing his perfectly muscled butt in return.
My move seems to spur him on. He attacks my mouth again, his tongue sliding in and out. He's making the most delicious noises, as if the taste of me is the best thing he has ever experienced. I tug on his lip, experimenting at the sounds I can elicit from him. I finally get the bravery to remove his briefs all the way. We're skin to skin for the first time, and it's almost more than I can take.
"I didn't know what I was missing all these years," he whispers in my ears. "But now that I remember the feel of your skin against mine, I couldn't live with knowing that I would never have this again. You are the other half of my soul, and utterly perfect."
My response is lost when our bodies finally connect. Despite a brief flash of pain, the feeling of us becoming one is like all the missing pieces of myself finally falling into place. All the pain, the tears, the abuse of my past…it all fades away and is replaced by the sweet serenity of this perfect love between Beckham and I. He's staring deep in my eyes as he moves above me and I feel undone, like he can see everything inside my soul. I close my eyes, trying to hide from the vulnerability I'm feeling but he won't let me. He lays his forehead against mine and my eyes automatically open to meet his once again. There's so much love pouring out of him that I forget to breathe for a moment. I never knew that I could be loved like this.
Chapter 21
Beckham
I've never felt such perfection in my life. My heart wants to beat out of my chest with the amount of joy I'm currently feeling. She closes her eyes and I immediately feel bereft at losing sight of her gorgeous amethyst eyes. I lay my forehead against hers, silently urging her to meet my eyes. When she does, I'm nearly undone. I know it's my imagination, but it feels like I can almost see straight through to her soul. It's the ultimate desire of my heart: that I reside in her soul, taking up so much space that there's no room for anyone else to have a piece.
I know she loves me, her love is so pure and all-encompassing that it's tangible, like sunlight shining on my entire body, but I also know that Mason and Damon both own a part of her soul now as well.
I understand that there is a past there that I still don't quite understand since I have no recollection of having to compete with her with anyone but Him. Still, there's no denying that somewhere along the winding journey of her former life, they were able to steal portions of her soul. I am determined to get them back. I want all of it and now that I have all my memories of our former life together, the war for her entire heart and soul starts now.
My seduction starts slowly. It's hard to keep from embarrassing myself since I'm pretty sure Eva is what heaven feels like, and it's been a rather long time since my poor dick has felt anything but the feel of my own hand. I know she can't remember the times I have touched her body though, and I vow that this will be nothing but perfect for her.
As I begin to move my body above hers, I also start my call to her soul. My lips reluctantly move from her mouth, the taste of her so delicious that it's an addiction I know I will spend eternity chasing over and over. I give one last tug of her bottom lip, loving the small gasp that falls from her gorgeous lips. I slowly trail kisses down the smooth skin of her neck, continuing until I reach her frantically beating heart. I whisper that I love her, that I will always love her for all of eternity, no matter what. I will wait for as long as it takes for her soul to love me as I love her.
Hours pass but I'm lost. Lost in the feel of her, the taste of her, the sounds of her. There's an inferno of heat that grows inside of me with every thrust of my body. I can feel her tighten and she cries out my name. I rejoice in the sound of it falling from her lips and somehow it arouses me further, despite the fact that I'm feeling like I could die at any moment with how much pleasure I'm feeling right now.
I slide my hands into her hair and lift up her chin, making sure that she continues to look at me. I breathe her name as I finally let myself give in to the urge I have to claim her as mine. Her thighs squeeze me tighter and her teeth rake my shoulder, making me tense up in order to keep up my control.
"Don't ever leave me again," I tell her, watching sadly as tears well up in her eyes.
"Never again," she answers, and I believe her somehow, despite the fact that He is still out there, gathering up anything He can find to take her from me permanently. I make a silent vow to make sure that we are never separated like that again.
"You'll always be the home that I come back to," she whispers to me as I near my apex. I remember what it used to feel like when she shatters beneath me and I suddenly crave, more than anything else I've craved in my life, to feel her come apart beneath me once again.
"Beckham," she whispers, begging me to help her find a release. I feel like I'm drowning in desire.
"I love you," I tell her, a tear falling from my face unbidden. The air is filled with the sound of our love. I continue my plea to her heart and hope that someday it will answer me in return.
Chapter 22
Eva
I wake the next morning sore, but happier than I can ever remember being in this life. I'm curled around Beckham who still seems to be dozing. Once we ripped the band-aid off, we couldn't get enough of each other last night and I know it's probably only been a few hours since we finally fell asleep. I stare at him for a moment, enjoying the chance to admire him uninterrupted. I still can't believe that he's mine, that he's always been mine. Despite how long we spent last night worshipping each other's bodies, I can feel myself starting to heat up, wanting to start again. I have a feeling that I will always be this insatiable for him, for all of them.
I sit up slowly, trying not to rustle the bed too much so he will stay sleeping. My stomach growls and I decide to make us some breakfast before I try to convince him we should do another round, not that it would take a lot of convincing. I feel like a new person, like I've been reborn after our lovemaking. I walk to the closet and grab one of his t-shirts that he has hanging up. I slip it on, savoring the feel of it sliding down my still naked body. Everything feels more sensitive and I give a little shiver remembering how his mouth felt slowly making its way down my body. I shiver again and then try to distract myself as I walk out of the room, taking one last longing glance at his god-like form as he continues to slumber on peacefully.
I walk to the kitchen, pull open the fridge, and examine the contents to see what I have to work with. I'm pulling out some eggs when I hear a key jiggling in the lock of the front door down the hallway. Forgetting that I'm dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, I head towards the hallway to see who's coming in. For some reason my brain thinks more along the line of Beckham's maid coming into clean then it does the possibility that my two other lovers, Mason and Damon, are walking through the door. I'm frozen in shock when I peek around the corner as they walk in and close the door. I scurry back towards the kitchen before they see me, although I'm sure the sound of my frantic footsteps can be easily heard with the supernatural hearing they both possess. My mind is racing with what to do. This situation was obviously going to happen at some point if I continued to date all three of them, but I certainly didn't expect to have to deal with it the morning after I lost my virginity to one of them.
"Beckham," Damon bellows as they walk down the hallway. I decide that I'm just going to go hide in Beckham's bedroom and am just leaving the kitchen when Beckham appears…wearing nothing but a sheet. I curse silently and turn towards the entrance of the hallway where Mason and Damon will be appearing at any second, resigned to my fate.
Damon is looking at Mason while talking urgently to him about something so Mason is the first one to notice me. He stops suddenly and I see his eyes fill with relief. The relief immediately turns to suspicion, and then disbelief, and then surprisingly hunger as he examines my state of undress and then notices Beckham's attire as well.
Damon finally stops talking when he notices Mason's face and soon the fire of his gaze is on me as well. There's a vein in Damon's neck that starts to throb and I find myself unable to take my eyes off of it,wanting anything to distract myself from the storm that I can feel building in the room.
Beckham for his part, does the exact opposite of what I would want him to do in the situation and cockily leans against the wall, smirking at the others. I turn to look at him and although I want to smack him, I can't help but admire the cut of his abs as they strain with his movements. The sheet is hanging precariously low and my mind travels to what's hiding behind that sheet, and the delicious ways he knows how to use it.
"What the fuck," growls Damon, and my mind lurches immediately back the present. I can feel my face heating up at my embarrassment over the situation.
"Were we going to get the memo that sex was on the table now?" Damon says. "Or has it been an option for awhile and you've just been stringing us along as you've fucked your 'fated mate' behind our backs?"
I take a step back at the acrimony in his words. I had expected there to be hurt feelings, but I never imagined it would go this far. Damon storms out of the room and I hear the apartment door slam behind him as he leaves. I go to run after him, but Mason gently catches me around the waist.
"You're not dressed, my love," he says pulling me into his embrace. I look up at him.
"Are you mad as well?" I ask as I burst into tears.
"It may be good for us all to have a conversation of how this is exactly going to work. But I realized a lot of things on the little adventure we just had. Biggest of which is that I just want you to be happy, I just want you in any way that I can, and that I also want these assholes to be happy as well," he says gesturing at Beckham. "If they feel even half as in love with you as I do, they would be miserable for the rest of eternity living without you. I couldn't damn my family to that."
I give him a soft kiss, so overcome with how much I don't deserve these beautiful men. I'm aware of Beckham's eyes on me as I do so, and I know that this little arrangement will take some getting used to.
"I'll go talk to Damon," Mason says, walking towards the
door. "We just were a little worried you had disappeared again when you didn't return back to the penthouse and neither of you answered your phones. Try to not worry us anymore, okay?"he asks, a dark shadow passing over his face. I know he's thinking of the months I've been gone. I nod and he leaves the apartment.
Beckham walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me.
"I'm going to have to take their keys away," he mutters into my hair.
I laugh despite the fact that I'm still crying.
"Everything is going to be alright,"he tells me, stroking my arms. Despite what just happened, I can feel myself heating up, beginning to crave him one again.
"Let me distract you," he whispers to me as he sweeps me into his arms and carries me back to his bedroom where he distracts me for a very, very long time.
Lying in his arms later on though, listening to his steady breathing, I wonder how I could possibly be able to keep them all.
Chapter 23
Mason
I had to promise my first-born child to Damon and Beckham, but somehow Eva and I are on our way to Paris. I'm going to be playing the concert that I cancelled while she was gone. I still can't believe that we're here, on my private jet together. Despite all that has happened, it feels a little like déjà vu. She's fallen asleep, like she has on every flight I've taken her on. Her head is nestled against my lap, her gold locks spread out behind her like something out of a fantasy, and I'm finally writing for the first time since I found out that she was gone.
The words fly out of me. She inspires me like no one else has. She's my muse, my goddess…my everything. I feel at ease, there's no hunger gnawing at me. It feels strange to feel satiated after the constant hunger I had while she was gone. I feel free.
"Can I see what you're working on?" she asks me in a groggy voice as she cuddles up to me. I pull her into my side and bury my face in her hair. She's my favorite kind of scent, I can't get enough. I can actively feel the energy flooding into me and once again I'm amazed by what a gift she is. I think of how I nearly starved to death being away from her. She won't ever know what I went through while she was gone, but it's a memory that won't soon go away.