Diane was overcome by rage. In an instant, the energy of her aura increased tenfold and her eyes transformed. She now had the black and gold eyes of a warrior angel. Her words were very clear, though she forced herself to hold back her fury as she spoke:
“Two hundred years ago, I was the victim of a trauma that I have no memory of...”
Her anger grew as she spoke:
“All I know is that the event was so terrible, that the warrior I was didn’t have the courage to face it!”
Lawskey looked away, deeply embarrassed. Diane continued, her bulging black eyes staring murderously at the seraph:
“Today, I have returned to my roots, to a world that once welcomed me like a queen and now seems completely alien to me. Everyone here knows what I’ve done except me! And you, Lawskey, you refuse to enlighten me?”
Lawskey turned his eyes away from her once again, finding refuge in the observation of the Capitol, far to the north. Noticing that the muscles in his neck were contracting, Diane understood that she was putting him in a difficult position, but she was confident he’d make the right decision.
The seraph hesitated for a long moment between doing what his conscience was telling him to do and listening to his heart.
Finally, his muscles relaxed. He lowered his head before turning to Diane and looking her straight in the eyes. He tried to sound reassuring so as not to destabilize her, but his voice was hoarse nonetheless:
“First of all, know that everything I’m about to tell you comes from the Sages of the Congregation, but it’s all rumors... Some of the information must be true, but much of it could also be false...”
Diane didn’t bat an eyelid. Her warrior eyes were now normal again, as they stared intently at Lawskey, waiting for him to pursue. Lawskey continued, uncomfortably:
“One day, exactly two hundred and thirty-six years ago, you met a demon child whom you refused to kill. No one among the Sages understood why, but you refused to obey the orders of the Congregation. The child’s name was Lou, and you became so fond of her that you defended her against your own people.”
“Impossible!” cried Diane, whose legs started to quiver.
She was completely in shock. She now understood why Enkaz had told her that some of the Decision-Makers wanted to see her head role. She had betrayed her own for a demon child; she couldn’t believe it. It was so unlike her. Could this be what she had been running away from all these years? Was it the shame of not being able to accomplish a mission and falling under the spell of a demon? She couldn’t believe that she had deserted her own army for an enemy child. It wasn’t like her. Was that why They had personally asked her to kill the three demon children in the Dominican convent?
Lawskey continued, reassured that he wasn’t in the face of an enemy like he had been warned about:
“We did everything we could to find the demon child. For years, we searched for her without respite... But you hid her away, somewhere that we could never find her, in hostile territory...”
“That’s impossible,” Diane puffed, more and more terrified at the thought of having voluntarily changed sides.
“You collaborated with our enemies. You were one of them and they accepted you as their own while your whole army of missionaries waited for you faithfully here in the Sphere.”
“Lawskey, I have no memory of any of this!” exclaimed Diane, who didn’t want to believe it. “I could never have betrayed my people! You know me, don’t you?” she exclaimed, hoping for a reassuring response from the seraph.
He looked away, as if he didn’t want to have to lie to her. Diane’s heart froze as Lawskey continued:
“After your return from the possessed territories, you died suddenly... and we never saw you again.”
This phrase had the effect of a thunderbolt in Diane's mind. How could she have disowned her peers, her family, her army? All for a demon child? All those years of amnesia for a being of Evil, the very same Evil that she had strived to defeat and eliminate her whole life.
“If you want to recover your memory,” Lawskey said, turning to her, “all you need to do is get rid of your human body in the other dimension. It’s your body that prevents you from having full access to your memory.”
Diane looked at him gravely. She knew that what he said was true: Tara was the one preventing her from regaining her memory. Nonetheless, it wasn’t that simple:
“Every time I died,” she explained, repeating Emily’s words, “I reincarnated immediately so that I wouldn’t have to face the awful reality.”
“What awful reality?” Lawskey interrupted with irony. “You know the awful truth now. Why would you want to run away again when your earthly body is dead?”
“Don’t you think the truth is more complex than that?” replied Diane, who was far from convinced by his story. “If I flee my responsibilities every time I regain full consciousness, if I choose bodies incapable of any spirituality each time I reincarnate, don’t you think it’s because the reason behind all of this is much worse than defending a demon child?”
“What could be worse than betraying your own side and serving the enemy?” Lawskey retorted in a deep voice. “For the Diane I once knew, nothing could have been worse than that. You were probably afraid the Decision-Makers would find you. Let’s go see Them Diane. Let’s settle this unfinished business once and for all so you can finally regain command of your army, get rid of your incarnation, and regain full possession of your memories!”
Diane didn’t answer. More than anything, she wanted to know the truth about her past. If she had to meet with the Decision-Makers to do so, she would. She would request their forgiveness, and then she would plead Nina’s case. Lastly, she would get rid of Tara and spend some time in the Kingdom of the Sphere getting her army back in order and the Fifth Legion back on its feet, in its rightful place amongst the Missionaries.
“Let’s go,” she finally answered. “I want to see the Decision-Makers right now and ask for their forgiveness.”
“Not so fast,” interposed Lawskey, who took the matter very seriously. “You can’t just go to Them unprepared like that. In their eyes you’re a traitor. Some of Them want to annihilate you Diane,” he reminded her, hoping to make her understand the gravity of the situation. “You’re no longer welcome among the Sages. If you go to Them now, They certainly won’t be merciful.”
“What are you suggesting?” asked Diane, who was getting impatient. “Do you really think tomorrow will be a better day than today?”
“Just give us the night to think about it,” implored Lawskey.
“To think about what?” Diane exclaimed. “They know more about me than I do! What else can I do but apologize to Them?”
“Please Diane!” ordered Lawskey, annoyed by her insistence. “Don’t be stupid. They’ll be ruthless if you don’t say the right words.”
Diane kept her mouth shut. He was right. Asking her to wait one night to prepare for her upcoming trial wasn’t unwarranted. It was quite the opposite. Lawskey had been in the Kingdom of Heaven far longer than she had, and he had access to information she didn’t even know existed. If he wished to spend a night preparing for her trial, he certainly had his reasons.
She was beginning to understand the enormity of what she had done. She had committed a very serious crime. The just punishment was death, and she herself recognized it in good faith. Nonetheless, even Enkaz had confided in her: the Congregation had not yet decided to take her life. The Sages surely recognized that this was Diane’s one and only mistake. Or perhaps They wanted to know the seraph’s version before executing her. In any case, the Congregation was not yet determined to take action. Diane still had a chance.
“What do you propose?” she asked, staring at Lawskey with pure eyes.
“Despite your betrayal,” he replied, as he gazed at the Capitol, “the Decision-Makers have made it a point of preserving your honor. According to the official version of your disappearance, Lou never existed, you never betrayed
your people, you simply disappeared after a mission... Thus, your missionaries are still devoted to you.”
Diane nodded: that was exactly what Emily had told her.
“From the moment the Congregation decided to let you live,” Lawskey continued, “it was also decided that you could return to your duties if you proved yourself worthy of them, because as you know, we don’t take prisoners.”
“Why would They do me such an honor if I betrayed Them?”
“Everyone here knows you Diane,” reminded Lawskey, looking at her lovingly. “Some of your Defenders among the Sages think you were put under the spell of a demon. Those who support you are convinced that you had nothing to do with it. When They succeeded in making sure the Congregation allowed you to live, They also made sure that your honor remained intact.”
“Then how is it that you had access to all this information?”
Embarrassed, Lawskey didn’t answer straight away, but after a short hesitation, he said:
“When you disappeared, I was informed directly by the sentinels of the Congregation. Given our complicity, They thought you would come to me and try to corrupt me...”
“That’s absurd!” exclaimed Diane, still unable to imagine that she herself could have been an instrument of Evil.
Lawskey nodded gently, hoping to calm her down. He continued:
“I never doubted you Diane. If what They were saying was true, if you had truly deceived your own people, then I was sure it was because you were no longer in control of yourself.”
A long silence followed. Diane trembled with rage at the thought that she might have been bewitched by the forces of Evil and thus, alienated the people who mattered most to her. She only had one thing on her mind now: to go to the Congregation and reclaim her position amongst her people, and then destroy those who had taken a part of her life away from her.
“What are we going to do now?” asked Diane, impatient.
“First, breathe,” replied Lawskey calmly. “I need you to tell me every detail of what you remember. I’ll prepare you for your meeting with the Congregation and I’ll ask the seraphim and archangels to come and plead your case with us. You have allies here Diane, don’t forget that. There are dozens of us, seraphim, archangels, messengers, missionaries, light angels... All of us are ready to face the Congregation on your behalf if it can lighten the Sage’s verdict. Within a few days, we’ll be able to go to the Decision-Makers and obtain your full reintegration into the Fifth Legion.”
On these words, Diane’s heart leapt: she didn’t have "a few days", she barely had a few hours. Nina could die at any moment. Every second she spent arguing with Lawskey could be fatal to her legionary.
Overcome with anguish, she threw herself on the seraph, firmly grabbing his arms and looking desperately into his eyes:
“Lawskey!” she gasped. “My time here is short. I’ve come to save one of my legionaries and in a few hours, if nothing is done, it’ll be too late!”
Lawskey looked at her, extremely surprised, not knowing what to say. He stammered:
“But… what do you mean... Are you already on duty? I wasn’t aware that you were back in the League of the Seraphim...”
“Enkaz came to bring me a mission, ordered by the Decision-Makers.”
“Are you sure you can trust him? How do you know the order came from the Sphere? I didn’t hear that the Sages made up their minds about your fate.”
Suddenly aware of the grave mistake she may have made in trusting the guard, she didn’t respond. She too had been suspicious of the order passed on by Enkaz, however, at the time, it seemed to be the only means by which she could return to the Decision-Makers... So she took the risk.
Nonetheless, Nina was more important than Enkaz right now. She continued, tightening her grasp:
“Trustworthy or not, it’s too late now. My legionary will die if we do nothing Lawskey! She has a week to live at the very most, and that’s if she keeps on fighting for her life until the end.”
“What’s so special about her that you’re willing to put everything at stake to save her?” replied Lawskey, who didn’t understand the request.
Diane let go of him and took a step back, appalled by his words. The seraph continued:
“Legionaries are born and die in battle, it’s always been that way. If this legionary dies and your army is short of men, the Congregation will create new angels for you, as it’s always been done.”
Diane looked at him, unable to utter a word. Without understanding why, a feeling of extreme sorrow paralyzed her. Suddenly, incapable of holding them back, big, crystalline tears began to stream down her immaculate cheeks. Her sorrow dominated her, yet she had no idea why.
Lawskey was more and more surprised. Never before had he seen a seraph in such a state over the life of a simple soldier.
“What’s happening to you?”
“I don’t know!” answered Diane, who broke down in tears once again, curling her wings around her to protect herself from Lawskey’s disapproving eyes.
“Are you crying for your missionary?”
“I don’t know!” exclaimed Diane, sobbing openly now.
Lawskey took a step back and examined her from head to toe.
“What’s your missionary’s name?”
“Nina!” replied Diane, putting her hand in front of her mouth so as to hide her pain.
Lawskey slowly raised his chin, without taking his eyes off her. Finally, he said:
“I don’t know any missionaries named Nina... Are you sure that’s her angelic name?”
“No!” Diane replied, wiping her eyes with her trembling hand. “I forgot her angelic name.”
“How’s that possible? You’re connected to your legionaries, you know everything about them!”
“I know! But she’s the only missionary I can’t connect with!”
“Didn’t you ask her what her angel’s name is?”
“Yes, but she wouldn’t give it to me,” Diane confessed, wiping her eyes.
Lawskey's expression changed:
“Are you sure she’s an angel?”
“Yes!” she replied, putting her wings behind her. “I saw him, but he refused to speak to me.”
“But you’re his seraph, he can’t just disobey you like that!”
Lawskey was overcome with anxiety:
“Diane! He could be a spy working for the demons!”
“Impossible!” replied Diane, who had no doubt about Nina’s innocence. “I trust her completely!”
The two seraphs continued to stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments. Lawskey was obviously on his guard.
It was he who broke the silence first:
“Are you sure this angel belongs to your legion?”
“I have no doubt whatsoever,” she said unequivocally.
“Can you describe him to me? What does he look like?” asked Lawskey, as if an idea had just come to him and he wanted to confirm his hunch. “Does he have dark hair and blue eyes?”
“Yes.”
“His wings?”
“Very big. Spotted with...”
Lawskey became livid.
“What’s the matter?” she worried.
But Lawskey didn’t answer. He turned his back on her, devastated.
“Lawskey, answer me!” ordered Diane, who feared she had been spied on by an evil being this whole time. “Is this angel a traitor?”
Lawskey kept silent. He seemed agitated and in no mood to respond. Instead, he looked to the left and to the right, as though he were telling himself some kind of absurd story. Suddenly, he turned to her and lashed out in rage:
“Don’t tell me you don’t remember him!”
Diane was flabbergasted. She looked completely lost, which annoyed Lawskey even more. Nonetheless, he held back his exasperation and continued in a less aggressive tone, even though he felt wounded:
“It’s not my place to tell you who he is... Your stories are none of my business!”
Lawsk
ey approached the balcony again and gripped the stone railing, visibly enraged. He stared at the Congregation’s temple without giving her another glance as he continued his discourse:
“I believe you when you tell me you don’t remember him. Nonetheless, your heart remembers him perfectly. Only the Decision-Makers have the power to help you regain your memory without sacrificing your earthly body. That said, if you don’t have much time left to save your legionary... we’ll go to the Congregation today, in the hopes the Decision-Makers will help you in your quest. In the meantime, I need to be alone for a while. We’ll prepare for your trial later.”
Without acknowledging her, he crossed the terrace and took refuge inside his temple. As he walked past her, Diane felt the air vibrate behind his large wings that were firmly folded behind his back. She sensed all the sadness and resentment that emanated from her friend as he disappeared behind the golden veil.
Like most of the seraphs who worked with the Missionary Order, Lawskey’s sense of honor and respect was irrefutable. When he promised Diane that he would help her in her quest, he was aware of the risks and sacrifices that this commitment might involve, but he was willing to accept them. He called on his third archangel who he secretly sent to the Council of Sages with the message that Diane was back in the Sphere, and that she wished to meet the Congregation. He hoped that by doing so, they could be received in time to save Nina’s angel.
He left no details to chance: conscious more than anyone else of the dangers that Diane ran in the Sphere while her status had not yet been determined by the Congregation, he took care to protect her as much as possible from curious eyes. The seraph’s large red wings couldn’t be concealed, so he hid her face under a large purple hood so no one could guess who she was. Her long blonde hair had been attached into a carefully crafted bun, showing off her wholesome face and delicate neck.
Lawskey contemplated her as she got ready, his throat tight with worry. Did the beautiful seraph realize that by running to the Decision-Makers so quickly, she was perhaps only precipitating her annihilation? It hurt him to see her putting herself in danger voluntarily, without even taking the time to prepare her trial, and all of this for a mere soldier... However, it was her choice, and as always, he would respect it.
HAGEN: 1. Revelations Page 37