“It was unbearable for me to see that someone I loved so much had no memory of me!”
Tara gulped as Nina wiped away her tears, trying to pull herself together. She continued in the same frail voice:
“I suffered so much when I lost you. I was happy to see that you weren’t suffering because of me, so I did everything I could to make sure you didn’t remember me.”
“Hence your bad temper,” Tara joked, feeling the tears welling up in her own eyes.
“I wanted as little contact with you as possible. I was afraid that if we connected, you would remember everything and want to disappear again. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I didn’t want to lose you again…”
Exhausted, she went silent. Nina grabbed her arm and put her head on her shoulder. Tara blushed but she didn’t push her away. Then, as Thece’s breath vibrated within her, she felt how profound Diane’s love for him was. She shivered.
Suddenly remembering Madeleine and Ruben’s deaths, she asked in an unbelieving voice:
“How is it that neither you nor I were annihilated if we were both beheaded by demons?”
Nina paused for a moment, deeply surprised by her question. Then, despite her sorrow, she burst out laughing. Both shaken and intrigued, Tara sat up straight and looked at her interrogatively. Nina blew her nose:
“Don’t tell me you still don’t get it.”
“Get what?” replied Tara, vexed.
“We weren’t killed by demons!”
Then, Nina let out a liberating laugh. All that pain and suffering had to come to an end, maybe now was the time to laugh about all this.
“What do you mean? I saw the demon Nina! He was right in front of me, he spoke to me!”
“You may have seen a demon,” said the coach smiling, “but he didn’t kill you. You wouldn’t be here right now if he had!”
“Who was it then?”
“It was your husband!”
“The duke?!” Tara cried. “I was killed by the duke?!”
Nina laughed out loud in affirmation. Desperate, Tara buried her face in her hands. The illustrious seraph inside of her couldn’t believe that such an affront was committed against her by a mere mortal. She, the warrior who had conquered hundreds of evil creatures, had given up two hundred and thirty-six years of her existence because of a miserable old man. She stood up, revolted.
“I can’t believe it!” she cried. “How could I? Are you sure?”
“Perfectly, I saw his reflection in the mirror when he was behind me, but I didn’t have time to move a finger...”
“What about the demon I saw in the forest?”
“Maybe he just helped the duke get wind of our adventure and made sure we were separated when your husband entered the castle... Or, maybe the demon just wanted to confuse you... I don’t know.”
“What was the point of him intervening for so little? I mean,” replied Tara, “he didn’t even try to kill us!”
“Oh, you know!” exclaimed Nina, a beautiful smile stretched across her face. “He probably just wanted to have the pleasure of torturing two angels, since he wasn’t allowed to annihilate us... And it worked! Diane deserted her army for over two centuries...”
“But,” Tara insisted, “if Diane was alive, she must have known that Thece was too. Why did she keep running away instead of looking for you?”
“Grief perhaps,” Nina answered in a small, evasive voice. “Despair, no doubt.”
“And you, did you look for me?”
In response, Nina grabbed her hand and looked her straight in the eyes. Her gaze was gentle and protective:
“What a question...”
Uncomfortable with her sudden tenderness, Tara released her hand and looked in the opposite direction. She blushed as her heart beat wildly. Next to her, Nina remained still.
After a long silence, the coach resumed in a timid voice:
“Tara, you’re not serious about this man Victor, are you?”
Tara gulped and turned her head to look out over the Seine:
“Please Nina, don’t ask me that question again.”
She felt like she was losing a part of her soul as she spoke. She was aware of the pain that she was causing, both to Nina and to herself.
“Alright,” the coach stammered as she got up. “Anyway, it’s much too early in the morning to be having this discussion. See you later Tara.”
On these words, Nina got up and walked away, leaving Tara alone. Feeling guilty, Tara let her leave without saying a word…
The minutes went by, but she wasn’t able to empty her head. Still, Nina’s departure had given her what she had wanted: peace and quiet. She decided to make the best of it. Sitting motionless by the riverside for almost two hours, she either closed her eyes or watched the water flow by, trying not to think about anything at all.
But, when the clock struck noon, her stomach suddenly brought her back to reality. That morning, Emily had decided that everyone would have lunch together.
Indeed, since their mission in the Dominican convent a few days earlier, the atmosphere in the house had been very tense. After her audience with the Decision-Makers, Tara had wanted to avoid questions from her missionaries, and she especially had wanted to avoid Nina. Thus, she had made sure that she left the apartment as early as she could in the morning, only to return at nightfall, after dinner. She had felt the need to escape. She had just unveiled a terrible part of her past and wasn’t yet ready to talk about it. On the other hand, she was also aware that her repeated absences weren’t helping to soothe the spirits of her soldiers.
Today, however, things were going to be different. Seeing her leave early again this morning, Emily had informed her that they would be waiting for her at lunchtime, and that she was strongly advised to be there. Then, after briefly confirming her presence to Van der Worthen, she had left the apartment with butterflies in her stomach, thinking of her imminent rendezvous with Victor. She was going to see him again for the first time in months, but it was to say goodbye... Hence, lunch with her missionaries had seemed to be the least of her worries.
However, now that she had done the hardest part, confronting Victor and Nina, she had no intention of missing lunch with her soldiers. Determined to keep her word, she abruptly got up and marched towards the apartment.
Suddenly, as she savored the cool breeze that caressed her skin and her glossy hair as she walked, her cell phone rang. Her heart pounding, she hurriedly grabbed the phone and answered it. It was her sister, Emma.
She slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand, reprimanding herself for her absent-mindedness. After she returned from the Sphere, she had paid Emma an express visit to apologize for her two-month long absence, claiming she had gone on a last-minute trip into the depths of the New Zealand highlands. She was dying to tell her sister the truth, but she held back, fearing her reaction. A few days after that visit, she had received a phone call from Emma, insisting that she come get Julie today and keep her for several days. As Emma had seemed very tense at the time, Tara, who was surprised, had naturally accepted her sister’s request.
The problem was that her break-up with Victor and her pseudo-separation with Nina had totally taken her mind off her sister and niece. Feeling totally drained, she told Emma that she couldn’t take Julie today, but would come for her the following day.
“But Julie needs to see you today,” Emma said in an anxious voice.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be there tomorrow, I promise.”
“She’s asking for you Tara,” her sister insisted, emphasizing every word.
Tara had a bad feeling:
“Is something wrong with Julie, Emma?”
“No, not at all!” exclaimed her sister in a voice that she knew very well.
It was the voice Emma used whenever she felt she had to lie:
“No... It’s just that she wants to see you, so it would reassure me if you spent some time with her.”
“Why do you say "reassure"?”
She hung up. Perplexed, Tara looked skeptically at her phone. She hadn’t liked the trepidation she had heard in Emma’s voice. So much so that she decided she would go and pick up her niece after lunch.
When she arrived at Emily’s, the first thing that caught her attention was the delicious smell of pan-fried onions.
“I’m making a mushroom omelet!” cried Emily, as she brought a big bowl of homemade mashed potatoes from the kitchen to the main living room.
“It smells great,” Tara replied, taking off her shoes.
The lady of the house was returning to the kitchen when Tara spotted Hugo who had left his room to come sit at the table. The gladiator glanced at her from the corner of his eye but didn’t stop to greet her. Slightly offended, she caught up with him and asked:
“Hugo, are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he replied in a shaded voice.
Uncomfortable, he avoided her gaze by looking out the window. However, Tara didn’t let him off so easily. She knew something was disturbing him.
“Excuse me Tara,” he said, pulling himself together. “You’ve been through a lot lately... Don’t mind me. I tend to overthink things sometimes...”
Tara wanted to joke with him by replying: “Really, you can think?” but she held herself back, thinking that now wasn’t a good time to fool around. Instead, she gave him a much more suitable answer:
“That’s okay, don’t worry about it...”
“I haven’t had a chance to say it yet... but congratulations on your return among the Seraphim.”
“I haven’t gotten my position back yet you know... The Decision-Makers made it clear that They would summon me when the time comes.”
Hugo nodded, puzzled. Finally, he dodged her gaze and went straight to the table.
“Lunch is ready!” cried Emily as she came out of the kitchen with plates full of omelet.
She arrived in the main living room, followed by John who was carrying two large salad bowls full of a succulent mixture of diced tomatoes, parsley, diced cheese and spinach shoots. For the occasion, the table had been set with beautiful crockery, warm bread, just out of the oven, olive oil, salt and pepper. The feast smelled so good that Max, who had loads of dry cat food waiting for him in the kitchen, preferred to sit at John’s feet, as he had become accustomed to receiving large portions from John’s plate at meal time.
Shortly after Emily had called them to the table, Nina and Mark made their appearances, followed by Stanislas. When Tara met the coach’s gaze, her heart leaped powerfully in her chest. Uncomfortable, she took care not to sit in front of her, but on the same side of the table, separated from her by the Viking.
In an effort to lighten the atmosphere Hugo joked:
“You really went all out today grandma!”
“Don’t call me that,” snapped Emily dryly.
“I was talking to John.”
“Yeah, right...” he replied, setting the bowls down on the table.
Tense, Hugo sat down and helped himself to a large ladle of mashed potatoes.
Concerned about the atmosphere she felt around the table, Tara scrupulously observed the faces of her soldiers. They were all trying to keep up appearances, but something was definitely disturbing them. Now that she had regained her full seraph aura, they could no longer hide anything from her. She sensed a visceral fear emanating from the depths of their beings.
Emily, who, as an archangel, had taken it upon herself to bring good humor into their home, made conversation while serving everyone a portion of omelet:
“What wonderful weather! Tara, how was your walk this morning?”
Thinking back to her separation from Victor, Tara’s stomach knotted up:
“It was nice,” she lied. “I went to the Tuileries gardens before sitting by the Seine in the sun for a couple of hours.”
“Wonderful! And you, Nina?” she asked curiously.
“Pretty much the same...”
Realizing that Nina and Tara had spent the morning together, they all looked at them with inquisitive eyes. However, the vicious look Nina gave them in return made them understand that now wasn’t the time to ask questions.
“Well...” said Emily, who still believed their lunch would bring them back together, “what about you Hugo, what did you do this morning?”
“I worked out.”
He responded coldly, thus showing Emily that he wasn’t in the mood to chat. As for Mark, he filled up his mouth with bread the second Emily laid eyes on him.
“Well,” she said as she sat down. “Bon appétit.”
As soon as the mistress of the house sat down, everyone hurriedly began to eat so as not to have to speak, their eyes glued to their plates. Saddened, Emily watched the scene without saying a word. Tara, who was surprised by their attitudes, hadn’t realized beforehand that the atmosphere in the house had deteriorated this much.
Nevertheless, after allowing several minutes to go by in a heavy silence, she decided to push her soldiers to their limits. They had to tell her what was going on.
With the voice and the self-confidence of a leader, she first gave them an update on their situation: certainly, the mission in the convent had been physically and psychologically trying, especially with Nina’s injury, but that didn’t justify such despair.
After her outburst, everyone looked at her with innocent eyes, which annoyed her even more:
“Stop,” she said in a softer voice. “I can see there’s a problem. You’re all sitting here with your gloomy faces... It’s as though the sky has fallen on your heads...”
“Tara,” Mark began with phlegm. “All we have are insignificant speculations. We apologize for our bad moods. We’ll get ourselves together.”
“What speculations are you talking about Mark?” she replied in an authoritative voice. “If something is tormenting you, we need to talk about it...”
“Well, if you didn’t sneak out every morning...”
“Nina!” exclaimed Emily, shocked by her lack of respect.
Everyone fell silent. Tara, touched, took a moment to find her words:
“No Emily, she’s right. But I’m here now, so let’s talk.”
Her legionaries exchanged perplexed glances, hesitant to confide in her. Shocked that they had discussed important matters without telling her, she pursed her lips and waited for them to respond.
“We don’t want to burden you with our wild assumptions,” Stanislas explained.
“Your concerns are my concerns,” she said. “It’s better to talk about your supposedly crazy assumptions, rather than ignore them and allow them to torture your minds.”
After a short hesitation, they all looked back down at their plates. None of them seemed determined to talk. Faced with their attitudes, Tara had no choice but to appoint one of them to tell her what was going on:
“Emily! You seem to be aware of what’s eating away at your legionaries. Explain it to me.”
“Tara...”
“That’s an order,” she interrupted dryly.
The archangel looked down, nervously rubbing her hands. Determined to get to the bottom of this, Tara waited until she was ready to speak.
“First of all,” Emily began cautiously, “you should know that we have no proof of what I’m about to say.”
“I’m listening.”
Emily turned a questioning glance towards Stanislas who had his empty eye sockets fixed on her. He declared in a categorical tone:
“Go ahead, no one’s listening. I’ve already made sure of it.”
Emily was reassured. She turned to Tara again, this time with more confidence:
“We think that your intervention in the convent was an ambush. We don’t understand why the Decision-Makers wanted to send you to a place that should have been cleared out by the guards first.”
“Maybe because it wasn
’t necessary,” Tara replied, without hesitation. “There are demons everywhere, we have to accept that. On the other hand, killing the incarnations of demon children, that was really part of our mission and field of expertise. I agree that the mission was difficult, but it was within our scope.”
“Come on Tara!” protested Hugo, finally reacting. “The place was jam-packed with demons! It wasn’t a mission for us, it was for the guards. And if They really wanted to send missionaries, there should have been many more of us...”
“And we should have been accompanied by guards,” added Mark gravely.
“It was an execution!” Hugo concluded with conviction.
“One thousand five hundred and forty-three years in the service of the Fifth Legion, and I have never experienced such a thing,” assured John in a solemn voice.
Emily looked at Tara with profoundly regretful eyes. The two women stared at each other for a few moments. Then, Tara looked at her team. They were finally getting it off their chests. They were revolted. They felt betrayed by the Decision-Makers. They needed to understand.
“I don’t completely disagree with what you’re saying,” she finally replied. “In fact, I would even tend to agree with you. However, that would contradict the fact that They saved Nina and Thece. What would their interest in saving them have been if They really wanted to execute us?”
“They wanted you to surrender to the Congregation!” exclaimed Hugo. “They wanted to probe you like They did!”
“Hugo,” she replied gravely. “If They wanted me to go to the Congregation, They would have summoned me a long time ago, nothing prevented Them from doing so before.”
“Look, I don’t understand exactly why They did it when They did, but the fact remains that They did it! They sent us to a demon hideout when that sort of thing has never been part of our mission! We weren’t created for that kind of intervention. The guards are much more competent in that area. It was a trap, I’m telling you!”
Hugo spoke with force, banging his fist against his other hand. His muscles were contracted. If he were any more tense, Tara imagined that he would break the table in half.
HAGEN: 1. Revelations Page 41