I was dancing so hard I had not noticed that Lauren had stepped off the dance floor, nor did I notice the tall, dark handsome guy dancing behind me. When I turned around, he just smiled and continued to dance with me as if we knew each other. I was in my zone, and I didn’t mind him one bit because he was fine as hell. He had the sexiest pair of brown eyes.
Next up was a slow song, and before I could exit the dance floor, Mr. Handsome took my hand.
“Please stay! May I have this dance?”
I shook my head no, but my body never moved. He put his muscular arms around my waist and pulled me close to his chest.
“I noticed you and your friend the moment you walked through the door.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
He flashed an enormous smile. “What’s your name?”
“Nice smile.” It was a quick response; the only defense I could think of.
He chuckled. “Don’t try to redirect the question. What’s your name?” Only this time when he asked, he removed his hands from my waist and took both of my hands and held them, staring directly into my eyes.
This fine dude had persuaded me to look into those brown eyes. And that’s when I lost my advantage. Things started to become a little fuzzy, maybe from the margaritas, maybe form the music or lights. All I knew at that moment was that we were the only two people on the dancefloor, alone among the dozens of other dancers, like there was a mist hanging around us and no one could see us. Hell, at that point, we could have been the only two people in that club and I would not have known the difference.
“Kennedy.” My own voice sounded distant and foreign to me.
“It’s my pleasure to meet you. You are absolutely gorgeous, Kennedy.”
Smiling, I replied, “I’m glad you think so. I guess I’m alright.”
“Girl, I have been a lot of places, seen half of the world; let me tell you, you are way beyond alright. So, do not ever sell yourself short. Just trust me on this one.”
“Okay, so maybe I’m being a little modest.” I must have sounded like a schoolgirl when I spoke. “Thank you.”
I had never dated a dark-skinned guy or thought of being attracted to one, but Mr. Handsome had my attention. He was different, quite different. We danced a few more songs then stepped outside to talk. It was the first time since my mother’s death that I did not feel empty or alone. He told me he was visiting Little Rock and had to return to Jacksonville, FL. I thought to myself, why would you visit Little Rock, especially if you lived in Jacksonville? Mr. Handsome explained that he was in the U.S. Navy and had to be back on base in four days. It was unfortunate, he said, that we had just met.
Lauren had been looking for me. She opened the door and saw us together, in a lip lock that was far too premature for this relationship. She screamed, “Kennedy, what are you doing? Stop that!”
I pulled myself away from Mr. Handsome’s kiss. I do not know when it began, and I do not know how it would have ended if Lauren had not shown up.
“That was incredible,” Mr. Handsome whispered. “I never have evenings like this.”
“Neither do I,” I said. I pulled a compact and my lipstick from my clutch and reapplied it. And all the while I could sense him watching me.
“Let’s go, Kennedy.”
Mr. Handsome and I exchanged numbers before Lauren dragged me away toward the parking lot. We hopped into the car and drove off.
When I got home, Chase met me at the door. At some point, Lauren had called her boyfriend and told him about the entire evening, and he had called Chase. I did not want to deal with the problem even though I knew I was wrong. I had gotten caught making out with someone new and wanted to see where it would lead. I was out of control, but I did not care about anything or anybody. I was hurting inside and wanted everyone to hurt, too, even the people who loved me. It seems I was back in form, arrogant, selfish and independent of rules and responsibilities to myself or anyone else.
“Damn, Kennedy. How could you?”
“I’m sorry.” Even though part of me did not care.
“Sorry? Is that all that you have to say right now?”
“What do you want me to say, Chase?” I screamed and began to walk away. It was a classic defense mechanism. Make the other person feel guilty to divert attention away from your own mistake. Ask another question in response to a question. Clearly that did not make things better.
Chase got directly in my face. He was close enough for me to smell the vodka he had guzzled while waiting for me to get home.
“I allowed you to come and live here with me and my mother and she agreed to it. And this is what I get in return? You think this is appropriate? It’s bullshit, Kennedy!”
I pushed him away to create some distance between us. I wasn’t afraid. I was more disappointed in how my great evening was unfolding. It was late and I needed to sit down.
“You don’t own me Chase, and you didn’t allow me to do anything.”
Chase interrupted me before I could continue. “I thought we had an understanding, Kennedy. I thought we were an item. I know that you miss your mom and it’s clearly taking you a long time to adjust, and for that I am sorry. I understand you need a change, but when you make that change at least make sure I’m alright with it. I want you out. Get out!”
I got up from the chair and started pacing the floor. My head began to pound from the arguing. Even though it had been only a few minutes, it seemed like we had been at it for hours. I pointed my finger at him in anger.
“You have no idea. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You have a mom. Everything you need is right here for you. I have no one. I’m all alone in this world. Besides, Dr. Morgan promised. She promised my dying mother, Chase, so I’m not going no f-ing where!”
Chase and I argued until daylight. I had pushed him to his breaking point. Maybe it was my way of breaking ties. Hurt him so much that he’d want to leave me, and I would be off the hook, so to speak. It wouldn’t be my fault.
He needed an escape from my madness. Being cordial and understanding was no longer working. He really wanted me to get myself together or get out.
“I will need an answer by tomorrow morning. Go get some sleep and decide what it’s going to be, Kennedy.” He left the room, slamming the door behind him.
No sooner did that door slam then I had the phone in my hand. I called Mr. Handsome to wish him well. I told him that I was having problems with my boyfriend. I told him that I was an only child, both my parents were deceased, and I was homesick. I told him that I didn’t know if he was just being nice or what. Then he suggested that I come to Florida with him. Out of nowhere, I said yes without thinking it through.
I told him I would go only if I could drive my car. If nothing else, it made me feel like I had some control over what was rapidly unfolding. Mr. Handsome changed his arrangements to accommodate my demands. It felt like I was running away, and it felt good, so I just went with it. I packed my things, went to his sister’s house where he was staying and picked him up. I was on my way to Florida with a man I’d met only a few hours ago, without saying goodbye to Chase or thanking his mother. No explanation. Just moving on in my typical way, with no consideration for anyone but myself.
Along the ride, we got to know each other a little. It felt good being with someone new, and although my actions felt crazy, I was grieving and just needed something adventurous, something that would make everything seem okay.
Mr. Handsome was exceptionally smooth. He was very skilled with his words. He told me how he would treat me and all that he would do for me if I was his girlfriend. It all sounded nice, but I knew something about smooth-talking men. Somewhere within the fantasy he was spinning was the truth. I don’t know if I trusted him or not, but I was still willing to go along.
We had to go through Mississippi en route to Florida, so I told him that I had relatives living in Mississippi and would like to stop and see them. They were my siblings from my biological mother, Kim. But
I did not tell him that. I did not need him knowing too much about me just yet.
I had not seen them in years. Even though their father, Edward, had brought them to visit me every other summer when we were kids, our visits became few and far between once I got older and went off to college.
As much as I loved being an only child, I liked the idea of having siblings. Edward was a very nice man; every time he brought them, he seemed to be more worn and tired than the last time. My mother always asked him to stay awhile so he could rest, but he would leave the kids and go back to Mississippi. I think those few weeks every other summer were his opportunity to regroup and energize himself from being a single father–a widower under the constant pressure and responsibility of raising children on his own.
When we arrived, they were so excited to see me. We caught up and made small talk. They did not ask too many questions about Mr. Handsome, and I was not giving up too much information. Heck, I did not have much to give anyway. I had asked him to stay in the car while I caught up with them. He was cool with it and did not give me any problems about not meeting my family. My siblings offered for us to stay with them, but it was way too early in the relationship. I didn’t know much about this guy and was not comfortable with the area they lived in, so we decided to get a hotel. Checking into the hotel, I began to feel like I was with a stranger. And I was. What was I doing here? I must have been out of my mind to agree to this. If I wanted to go to Florida, I could have gone on my own.
I told him I was feeling uncomfortable being in a hotel room alone with him. He assured me that he would be a gentleman and that nothing would happen that I did not want to happen. I went along but I waited until he got into the shower before opening his wallet and taking his military ID.
The next morning, we continued traveling to Florida, and for some reason, once we were there, I felt better just being back. The first thing we did was go to the base. He showed me around and explained his job to me during the tour of the ship. He also introduced me to some of his friends and told them he was going to be looking for an apartment. He was a day early returning to base, so we checked into a hotel for the evening and immediately began planning our search for an apartment. We mapped out which complexes we would visit the next day because our time was short.
The next day, I awoke in a panic. I guess I was finally coming to my senses. Something was telling me, “Kennedy, you have to go back to school. You have already paid thousands of dollars for your classes.” At this point, I desperately needed an exit strategy. I just could not live the kind of life he was proposing.
Once we found the apartment we wanted and it was time to write the check, I had to put a stop to it all. I told him that I had to go back to school. Mr. Handsome looked at me, smiled and started laughing. I did not understand why he was laughing. He asked the apartment manager to excuse us for a moment and we stepped outside.
“Kennedy, I have been waiting for you to tell me that since Little Rock. What took you so long?”
I looked at him, a bit dumbfounded.
“I could sense that you had gone through something. I wasn’t sure if you are running from something or to something. But you need to remember that life gets easier, so take your time and live it.”
“Thank you so much. Someday, I may tell you all about it.”
“Fair enough, but I’m still getting the apartment. I need a place to live. If you ever want to get away, you are more than welcome to come here.
Before he signed the lease, I handed him his ID and said, “I think you might need this.” He just rolled his eyeballs and grinned at me.
We finished at the apartment and drove back to the hotel. He packed my bags into the car. “Ms. Kennedy, it has been my pleasure.” He kissed me and I was on my way back to Arkansas.
Once I returned, I went back to Dr. Morgan’s house like nothing ever happened. Both Chase and his mother were overjoyed to have me back and to know that I was fine. I told them that I had driven to Florida to see my relatives. I’m sure they didn’t believe me, but they never asked another question, and it was never spoken of again.
*
“OMG, Mom! Were you a female version of a player?”
“Not at all, sweetheart. A least I do not think so. I was always clear about what I wanted and made that known to every boyfriend—everyone I dated. They knew my intentions, and I always reserved my right to change my mind. Especially when it came to a boyfriend or relationship that clearly had no future.”
“Mom, that sounds so harsh.”
“Think about it, Kylie. How many relationships are made to last at the age of 17 or through college? So, here I am dating a boy, my mother had passed, and I had just moved to the area. Everything was out of order. What are the chances that would have become a forever relationship?”
“Mom, more importantly I want to thank you for sharing how you dealt with things after your mother died. That could not have been easy. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, Mom. I can’t even think about it.” A small tear formed in Kylie’s eye.
“Looking back at all of it, I think I temporarily lost my mind. My mother was my world, and even though Dr. Morgan and Chase tried desperately to create a new life for me, I was emotionally unhinged. I was in a place where I didn’t care about anything or anyone; a part of me wanted to keep the people that cared about me at arm’s length, and another part of me was simply bored and in need of excitement.” Greyson held my hand.
“Yeah, I was a complete mess. I would go from happy to sad in a heartbeat. I was totally lost without my mom. She literally did everything for me.”
“Like you do for me?” Kylie’s revelation stopped me in my tracks.
“What? Kylie, what are you talking about?” I stared at her confused.
“Seriously, Mom! You have never disciplined me; only Dad has. I have no idea how to cook, all I do is straighten up my room, but I never have to do any other chores. I come home and my clothes are freshly washed and folded and lying on my bed. I get up in the morning and there’s breakfast ready and waiting. I’ve never washed a dish or cleared a table or vacuumed or dusted. I’ve never picked up my shoes after kicking them off at the front door, yet there they always are, neatly lined up in my closet. School and activities are the only things you make me adhere to. You guys just got me a car. Should I go on so you can see that you treat me like your mother treated you? I mean, I’m not complaining, mind you. Thinking about it now, hearing your story, I’m very grateful. I never actually thought about it before, but I realize now that responsibility has to be part of life. Without learning that, how can we go on to be responsible for anything else that matters, like children or a career?”
Greyson gave me a look that required me to reflect on Kylie’s statements. I was more like my mother in how I raised Kylie than I realized.
“Wow, honey! I never thought of it that way, but you are absolutely right. I do treat you how my mother treated me. I guess I wanted to shelter you like she sheltered me.” The revelation of that statement shifted the room for me.
I was like my mother. But more importantly, I had opened the door to my dating past with my daughter. I was not ashamed of my beliefs or how I had chosen to live my life, but it was becoming clear to me that perhaps Kylie didn’t share those beliefs.
They say we should always strive to make the lives of our children better than our own. That we should give them advantages that will help them succeed in life, not just with money or a career, but with values and integrity.
I vowed at that moment to require Kylie to begin doing some of the household chores, if only temporarily, so she could better understand what was involved. Even if she became wildly wealthy and could afford servants, it would serve her to know what they would be going through, the work they would be doing on her behalf.
I had no complaints about Kylie. She was a good kid, but this would help her understand that not everyone had a life like she had, and it would make her a more tolerant person in the
long run.
Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for the barrage of questions that were certain to come from my inquisitive sixteen-year-old. My interrogation was averted by a phone call before it could start, and with that, my dating past was forgotten.
“President Kylie Davenport speaking!” Placing her hand over the phone she whispered, “Mom, I have to take this call. Do you mind?”
Greyson and I both looked at each other and smiled. In unison we spoke, “Absolutely, Madame President.”
No sooner did the words fall from our then lips she was bolting from the room.
“That was close,” I said, turning my attention back to my husband.
“Babe, what’s up with Mr. Handsome? Did you really drive from Arkansas to Florida with a total stranger?” Greyson laughed trying to lighten the mood. “I could tell you weren’t ready to explain yourself to her so let’s move on before she returns.”
“That sounds good because I definitely don’t want her to hear this next part.”
YOU DON’T HAVE
MY PERMISSION
I had never considered Little Rock home, even though Dr. Morgan really went out of her way to make it feel that way for me. Everywhere we went, she would introduce me as her daughter, and I was beginning to enjoy it. Through Dr. Morgan and my circle of friends, my contacts expanded; my grades were better than they had ever been. Neither Chase nor I were home a lot, so we managed to avoid each other for the most part. When we did meet, it was generally just in passing, and there was little more than a frosty polite acknowledgment of the other’s presence.
I liked Chase. He had integrity, was smart and well-mannered, and I sort of missed being close to him. Eventually things got better between us as we remembered why we had been attracted to each other in the first place.
Beautiful Otherness Page 13