‘‘Let me introduce you. This is Omar. Omar, this is Kennedy.”
‘‘Hi Omar, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
‘‘You seem to be really excited to see Greyson.’’
‘‘You have no idea!”
“Greyson, is this the same Kennedy you were telling me about?”
“Yes, it is!”
“This is the otherness? This is Naomi Campbell, Greyson?”
“I do not look like Naomi Campbell and what’s the otherness?”
“Never mind that! Like hell you do not, you’re a little lighter, but look at those legs!”
Some guy standing next to us overheard the conversation and shouted, “Man, I been watching Naomi all night. I hope she doesn’t have her attitude though!”
“I assure you I don’t!”
We all began to laugh, and the conversation flowed easily from there. It wasn’t long before we had taken it into the hotel lobby. Omar must have realized right about then that the evening hanging with his boy should end. He made an excuse to leave.
‘‘Greyson, I am about to leave. You two have fun.’’
‘‘It was nice meeting you, Omar. But before you go, I have to know. What is this ‘otherness’ you were referring to?’’
“I think I’ll let Greyson explain it.”
Greyson looked shocked; you could see he was carefully searching for the right words.
“You know how you have unicorns? Wait, a unicorn is something that doesn’t exist, right?”
“Go on, I’m listening!”
“So, people are always searching for something that does not exist, i.e., the unicorn. Well, otherness is kind of like that, but it does exist. It can be a place, a thing or, in this case, you. It’s something that’s pleasantly different from anything one can imagine.”
It was fun seeing Greyson squirm his way through the answer. I smiled at the response. Suddenly my night had taken a turn for the better.
In a matter of moments, Greyson and I were ditching the lounge and making our way downtown to dance. We went to a club that played electronic dance music. Little did he know that was one of my favorite types of music. Murphy and I used to dance all night to this music. Once I got on the dance floor, I let loose, I gave him my full Beyoncé. I twirled and swung my hair as I danced around him. Nothing too erotic or seductive, but I wanted him to notice me. At one point, as we danced, he was looking away, so I placed my hands on each side of his face and turned it toward me.
“I need you to look at me,’ I said.
I don’t know what came over me or why he appeased me; it had not been two weeks since I rejected Greyson’s interest, yet none of that seemed to matter to him. It was just Greyson and me dancing, holding hands and exploring each other’s thoughts for the rest of the evening.
The champagne flowed freely the remainder of the night and my mundane week had suddenly become perfect. The evening ended with plans for the next day. And the next day turned out to be every day.
Our friendship grew rapidly. We never went a day without seeing each other. The time I was spending with Greyson was so exciting I had completely forgotten about contacting Chase to give him an update on the house.
It had been three weeks since my last conversation with him and both of our life’s was abruptly changing. But he hadn’t contacted me either, which made me comfortable in the way I was feeling. I did not feel like we were drifting apart exactly, but it sure didn’t feel like we were coming closer together.
Greyson and I were able to let our friendship flourish once Chase and I realized that the engagement was not going to work. It was a difficult decision because I’d sort of made a commitment to Chase and our future. But Chase had received a career opportunity with the mayor in Arkansas. It was the kind of opportunity that he could not pass up, not for the career uncertainty that awaited him in Florida, and there was no way I was moving back to Arkansas.
So that made a difficult decision easier. It was a no brainer, and the timing could not have been more perfect.
Sitting at the kitchen table, I thought about the conversation we’d had. Chase called forty minutes past the time we’d set for the call.
“Hey, Babe.”
“Hey.”
A long silence followed. I sat there wondering who was going to speak first.
“Chase, you were supposed to call forty minutes ago.”
“I’m sorry. I got busy and lost track of time.”
“What was so important that you couldn’t call at the agreed time to talk about this wedding?”
“Before we start with the wedding, Kennedy, I’m seriously thinking of taking the position with the Mayor. I want to know how you feel about that.”
“To be honest, I think that’s great. I’m really happy for you.”
“You’re happy for me? Don’t you mean you’re happy for us?”
“I am happy for us, but I have my concerns.”
“Everything is going to be fine; so, we need to discuss when you’re returning to Little Rock.”
I took a big swallow from the glass of wine that sat on the counter and thought about how I should formulate my response. Now was not the time to be analytical with my thoughts; honesty was the only card to be played.
“I don’t think I can return to Arkansas.”
We negotiated several half-hearted solutions, but neither one of us wanted to budge. It was never spoken, but we both knew we did not want to be married to each other. A part of me hurt after making the decision but looking back I knew when he proposed that we would never make it to the altar. Maybe I only said yes because my mother had met Chase and she thought fondly of him.
Once I hung up the phone I sat there pondering over my life. Without thinking I began to write down my thoughts about what had just taken place. At first, I was angry with Chase, but then I began to reflect on the places I had lived and experiences I had.
But why was I feeling angry? It was what I really felt was the right thing, wasn’t it? And if Chase felt it too it must be the right thing. Maybe I was just feeling rejected; he didn’t really want this either and I knew it, but I wanted it to be one-sided. I wanted to be the only one to do the rejecting. It was part of my self-entitled nature, I guess, the one I was raised with.
I thought of every blessing I had received, all of the angels that watched over me. Sure, some people would not understand my actions, and some would say I was careless and self-absorbed. But I know that was not the case. I am nothing like Phillip nor am I like my biological mother, Kim. I am the blessing to Mary and Earl, a couple who waited their entire marriage for a child. The couple who raised me to live every day as if I had already received the blessing and who taught me how to not live in fear or with boundaries.
And I had Greyson…at least for now.
It was okay to not want to live in the small town, and if someone felt I looked down on them because I did not want to be there then that was on them.
In that moment it all became clear to me. I had made a big difference to at least some people’s lives. Most people were happy that I had entered their life, even if they were helping me and I was on the receiving end.
After reading what I had written, my thoughts inspired me. I knew what I needed to do; I knew what I wanted to do. I was going to help those in need. I’d verbalized this sentiment before, but now I was truly convinced that this should be my ultimate goal, my path in life. I’d been blessed many times over, and I wanted to be more of a blessing to more people.
Any attempt to keep my new purpose to myself quickly went away once I saw Greyson. I told him I knew what my purpose was but did not know how to position myself to succeed at helping others. That is when he suggested I become a Big Sister and see where it led.
It turned out that Greyson was the man of my dreams. He was understanding and patient with me even during the times I did not deserve his patience. He encouraged me to be there for Chase if the breakup became too difficult for him. He was unlike any
man I had dated. He constantly thought of others before himself.
Greyson showed me the city, and it seemed like he knew everyone. It did not matter where we were or what we were doing. Someone he knew would invariably show up. I was finally starting to like the city of Orlando.
Even though we did not call it a date, he cooked dinner for me once. It was an utterly amazing seafood dish worthy of any 4-star restaurant. Afterward, I understood why he laughed the first time we met at Deco’s ‘outstanding’ lunch.
Greyson’s hands were gifted beyond belief; there seemed to be nothing he could not do with them. But what was more impressive was his relationship with his mother. He was very well mannered, and he treated his mother with the utmost respect.
He once told me how his father adored his mother, so he figured it was simply the way to treat a woman. When I met her, I found her to be very funny; she reminded me of my own mother. Greyson’s family were close. They were middle-class, not uppity or snooty. Class and status did not seem to matter one bit to them. They were comfortable and confident in their own skin and didn’t feel the need to put on airs or pretense.
Most importantly, to me at least, Greyson was caring and romantic. He constantly surprised me with beautiful gifts. He was everything I had dreamed of in a husband as a young woman. But I made sure not to allow myself to get carried away with that fantasy too soon.
I had seen it too many times before; a woman would meet a guy, go on a date and return home to start planning a wedding in their head. I always thought it was foolish of them, they knew good and well that they had chosen the wrong guy, yet there they were talking about a husband with their girlfriends. Maybe it was insecurity or a need to be with someone. Maybe it was peer pressure or the thought of being alone. I don’t know. But even when she knew how that story would end, which was usually her crying uncontrollably from a pain that no one’s religion could make go away, she did it anyway.
Greyson was different. He told me I was the first thing he thought of each morning. He wanted to make each of my days better than the one before, and he was making sure I knew it. To this day I still receive a just-because gift once a month from him. It could be something as simple as flowers or something extravagant like expensive jewelry or my favorite - a romantic dinner prepared by him.
Dating Greyson was like a dream come true to me; he was unlike any guy I had dated before--so much so that after the first time we made love, all I could say to him was, “Thank you, thank you, Greyson.” His love was as wide as the ocean; it was like that place where it kisses the sky. It was like pure water falling over rocks in a mountain stream; it was fresh and fragrant and alive, and it was a fountain of life to me. I could feel every molecule of me being rearranged. My resistance to his love was nonexistent. All my fears of being loved and letting someone close had vanished. Greyson had captured my heart and kept it, and all my love was infected with him.
We would spend hours talking. We talked about everything. Even our moments of silence did not seem silent. The more we talked and spent time together, the more I began to realize just how smart he was and just how much I could trust him with my secrets. Most of our evenings were spent walking the beach. It was the one place we could completely relax and be ourselves without distractions or interruptions.
The rumble of the waves rushing ashore seemed to serenade us. We walked along the beach, feeling the warmth of the sand between our toes. Each beach house we passed seemed larger than the last; you could see the occupants of the homes in their kitchens or watching TV. Occasionally someone would be on their pool deck and they would wave and watch us pass.
Our favorite home was the modern home with a side garage that could be seen from the beach. Parked just outside the garage sat a white Porsche Carrera 911 convertible. Greyson stopped in his tracks. It was his dream car. He knelt, gathered a hand full of sand and slowly let it sift through his fingers, never losing sight of the vehicle and home.
“You know, one day I’m going to have a life like this! Let me correct that; we’re going to have a life like this.”
“Mmm hmmm.”
I could see his demeanor had changed. He was focused and firm as he spoke. “Kennedy, I have dedicated my life to this vision, nothing will get in my way. I refuse to be one of those people who are constantly talking about what they are going to do only to go home and watch TV. Not me. Not me.” Greyson stood to his feet and brushed the remaining sand from his fingers.
“I have a plan, and it doesn’t include the firm. I am grateful for all they have given me; they have shown me that people live ways I had no idea existed. But I have a plan, a plan that will get us there. When we get married, I mean if you were to marry me, I would wake up with the purpose of making you happy. I would never be afraid to give all of myself to you. I’d fight Jesus Christ himself for you! Ok, now I’m talking crap, but we’d definitely have a strong relationship.” He laughed in a way that made me believe that this was indeed possible. He spoke as though it were already true, and I remembered Mary’s similar words.
“Thank you, Greyson, but right now you’re in your feelings. Let me hear this plan.”
I was not surprised that he actually had a plan, but I was surprised at the length of time it would take to execute—how real and solid it was.
Later that evening, I lay across my bed thinking about Greyson’s plan. It was very detailed, every step well thought out. And I had no doubts about his ability to execute it.
I sprang to my feet once I remembered he’d given me his card. Retrieving the card from the stack of others I’d been given over the years; I noticed his card was different. The card was not a reproduction like all the others. The paper was of better quality, the logo was handmade, and all the calligraphy was handwritten and perfectly placed. It was the best handmade business card I had ever seen. It was the only handmade card I have ever seen.
Three days later, I met Greyson for a day of fun as usual. It was a day just like all the other days we had spent together, which meant everything centered on me.
“Before we start, I have great news Greyson. I met my first little sister and I also have something for you.” Then I gave Greyson a check. He just stared at me as I placed it in his hands.
‘‘What is this, Kennedy?’’
‘‘That is for you; it is for you to go to school and get your contractor’s license.’’
‘‘Kennedy, I can’t take this from you.’’
‘‘Why not?’’
‘‘Because that’s your money and I’m not with you for your money. I will continue to save until I have it.’’
“Look, Greyson, I have noticed you take care of your parents. I have watched how you take care of me. You put everyone above yourself, you deserve this.’’
“Kennedy, I can’t take this money; we haven’t even known each other that long.”
“Greyson, people have taken care of me all my life. People have blessed me even when I did not deserve it. I was not kidding the other day when I said I was going to dedicate myself to helping others, and no one is more deserving than you. You need money for school, and I just so happen to have money. It’s just a tool--to be used, not hoarded. I believe in you, Greyson; and do not think I am giving you this money contingent upon us continuing to date. I am giving you this money so that you can achieve your dream and become the man I know that you are.
“Now, this is what you are going to do,” I continued. “You are going to take this check, and you are going to enroll in the next class and not say another word about it. Then, you are going to take me to dinner because I am hungry. By the way, when did you make your business card?”
“It was a while ago. I made fifty of those cards, all identical, precise and perfect, to give to fifty people that I thought would somehow get me recognition or an opportunity for me to reach my dream.” He took my hands in his. “Kennedy, you weren’t supposed to get one of those cards, they were for business owners. I simply wanted you to have my number with the
hopes of you calling. I never thought in a million years this would be happening. You’re truly my beautiful otherness, Kennedy.”
*
It was the best money I had ever parted with. That was the best seed I have ever sown. God has blessed me in so many ways from that seed. From that seed, my business has grown to something I could never have imagined.
“Obviously, your father and I married and had you, Kylie, our beautiful daughter. That same four thousand dollars allowed him to get his license, start a business, and grow it into the largest minority-owned custom builder in the southeast. It was the seed to my future; it was the seed to happiness. It was that happiness that gave me the strength to fund scholarships for twenty wonderful deserving kids, become a board member for the American Cancer Society and raise $3 million for heart disease and the homeless. That same seed of happiness also gave me the courage to do something I needed to do for many years.”
THE THIN OLD MAN
I asked Kylie to go to her room to finish getting ready. I did not want to share the last parts of my story with her because they involved Phillip.
“Kylie, it’s time we finished getting dressed. The car service will be here any minute, and I don’t want us to be late.”
“Mom, it sounds like you are getting to the end and what might be one of the juiciest parts of your story. Can you save it for the car?” Kylie’s interest was piqued.
I simply was not ready to share any parts of Phillip with her. “Maybe one day we will get to finish. But, for now, I need for all of us to get dressed and be ready to go get this award.” I smiled from ear to ear. She obeyed and headed to her room.
*
Even though Greyson had been right by my side during this last painful part of my story, I still needed to get it out. Holding on to pain is the worst thing you can do to yourself and your family. It can cause you to do some crazy things, as I learned in my childhood and all throughout college. I was so grateful for Greyson coming into my life because he gave me the courage to do what I thought would be impossible. We were going to the prison to see Phillip.
Beautiful Otherness Page 21