by Nancy Revell
‘Good afternoon,’ Bel said to the receptionist at the hospital, who, judging by the dark circles under her eyes, had been up all night.
‘Can I help?’ the young girl asked.
‘Are you all right?’ Bel said. ‘You look shattered.’
‘Of course she’s all reet,’ Pearl said, nudging her daughter out the way. ‘She’s still breathing, isn’t she?’
Pearl saw the look of disdain on Bel’s face.
She looked back at the receptionist.
‘Sorry, hinny, you go and get yerself a rest. But before yer dee, can yer tell us where a William David Lawson is?’
Bel glared at her mother.
‘Please,’ Pearl added.
The young girl smiled at Bel and looked down at an open ledger on her desk. She turned back the page and scrutinised a list of names.
‘I’m afraid he’s gone,’ she said.
Pearl staggered back a little.
‘He’s dead?’
The young girl looked up and shook her head.
‘No, no, I’m so sorry. He’s not gone gone. He’s just gone from here. They’ve had to ship a load of patients over to the Royal and out to the asylum.’
‘Eee,’ Pearl said, clasping her chest, ‘yer nearly had me a goner there.’
The receptionist looked up at the two women. ‘They’re worried about an unexploded bomb. Your friend,’ she said, looking back down at her ledger, ‘has been taken to the asylum.’ She looked back up. ‘Which is probably a good sign as the more seriously injured went straight to the Royal.’
Pearl let out a slightly deranged laugh.
‘Trust Bill to gan ’n get himself put in the local loony bin.’ She smacked her lips ‘Probably end up staying there.’
‘Come on, Ma,’ Bel said, ‘I think you need to sit down.’ She looked back at the receptionist and mouthed, ‘Thank you.’
Pearl allowed herself to be guided over to one of the chairs lined up along the wall of the foyer. She practically fell into it.
Bel looked at her ma. ‘Looks like we’re having ourselves a right day out.’
‘Yer telling me,’ Pearl huffed.
‘I haven’t been to Ryhope for ages,’ Bel said.
Pearl patted her daughter’s hand.
‘Nah, me neither.’
Driving the Jaguar along the stretch of road that ran parallel to the North Sea, Helen felt a welling-up of nerves and excitement.
She looked up at the sky. It was bright and cheery. It mirrored her own lightness of being, her excitement about seeing John, and the thrill of driving herself for the first time since she’d had her lessons. Her mind danced around as she tried to keep her focus on changing gears and not going too fast.
Thank goodness she had come to her senses before it was too late.
She wound down the window and smelled the sea air.
She’d craved love – and all along it had been there. Waiting for her to see sense.
Standing right in front of her.
Well, the blinkers had been removed. Her vision was now twenty-twenty.
John was the one for her.
And she was the one for him.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Helen’s heart began to thump in her chest as she reached the turn-off for the village.
Driving into the hospital grounds, she had to take some deep breaths.
Thinking about what she was going to do and actually doing it, she now realised, were two very different things. But she couldn’t – wouldn’t – back out.
As she pulled up and parked the Jaguar, heads turned. Those who continued to stare did a double-take on seeing it was a woman who was in sole charge of such a magnificent car.
Seeing the looks of appreciation as she walked up the main entrance to the Ryhope Emergency Hospital, Helen felt a surge of confidence. It was just the boost she needed.
As she trotted up the steps and walked into the main foyer, she was glad to see Denise sitting behind the reception desk.
‘Miss Crawford, how are you today?’
Helen smiled.
‘I’m fine, thank you, Denise.’
She looked around.
‘I thought you’d be run off your feet today after last night’s raid.’
‘Ah, it was the asylum’s turn last night. We’re full to bursting, so “next door” has had to take in the poor souls that were hurt.’
‘Ah.’ Helen paused. She suddenly felt a little awkward. She didn’t normally turn up unannounced. Especially during the day looking so done up. Even if her make-up and dress were subtle.
‘I was hoping to catch Dr Parker.’
Now it was Denise’s turn to hesitate.
‘Oh, yes, of course … Let me just call the ward and see if he’s there.’
Helen turned and looked about. The hospital was busy, but it wasn’t frantic. Helen thought about the first time she had been here, looking for Theodore and instead finding John. She’d needed his help and he’d been there for her. And he’d been there for her ever since – through the bad and the good.
‘Miss Crawford.’
Helen spun round.
‘Yes, Denise, sorry, miles away.’
‘Dr Parker is over at the asylum.’
‘Oh, I suppose that makes sense,’ Helen said, suddenly feeling the nerves. ‘I’m guessing it’ll be all hands on deck over there.’
‘Mmm,’ Denise said. ‘They’ve had a few to take in, but not too many. I don’t think it’s terribly bad over there.’
Helen took a deep breath and straightened her dress.
‘Good,’ she said, smiling at Denise, ‘hopefully that will mean I can borrow him for a while.’
Denise smiled back. Helen seemed a little different today. More stunning than normal. She thought she might struggle to ‘borrow’ the lovely Dr Parker, though.
By all accounts he’d had a busy night.
Helen got back in the car and turned over the engine. She still had to concentrate on what she had to do. Left foot down on the clutch, rev the engine, find the ‘bite’ and then slowly accelerate. She was pleased she hadn’t managed to do her usual bunny hop, especially as there were people watching.
Driving out of the hospital grounds at a sedate pace, she squinted as she turned into bright sunlight and along the stretch of Waterworks Road. She briefly looked to her right to catch a glimpse of the rather magnificent Ryhope Pumping Station. It only took another few minutes before she had arrived outside the Sunderland County Borough Lunatic Asylum.
The asylum had been built forty-six years before the Ryhope Emergency Hospital, which had only come into being to cope with the huge numbers of injured soldiers after Dunkirk. The Ryhope might have been the younger and more modern of the two hospitals, but it was the ageing dame that caught your eye. She was beautiful, if a little foreboding, with her Gothic architecture. The architect George Hine had done an impressive job, as had those who had chosen the location. The surrounding countryside was picture-perfect, lush and green with views across to the North Sea.
Helen spotted a few military trucks and an ambulance as she parked. Denise had been right; it didn’t look swamped with casualties from the air raid. If anything, it seemed relatively calm.
After quickly checking herself in the mirror, she got out of the car and walked over to the main entrance. She noticed her grandfather’s name engraved on a brass plaque to the left of the door – he must have donated a substantial amount to this hospital, as well as to the Royal.
What was it about her grandfather and hospitals?
Thinking about her grandfather made Helen think of Bel and Pearl, and how she had yet to tell John the news.
Stepping over the threshold, Helen felt as though she was walking into a different world. It was imposing, but also surprisingly peaceful; almost serene.
‘Good afternoon,’ Helen said, walking over to the receptionist. The old woman appeared very stern and officious, but that changed when she smiled.
‘He
llo, my dear, how can I help you?’ Her tone was welcoming and sincere.
‘I’m looking for someone,’ Helen said, suddenly overwhelmed by the high ceiling and slightly hushed atmosphere.
‘Are you visiting?’ the elderly receptionist asked.
‘Sort of,’ Helen said. ‘Actually, I’m looking for a doctor. A friend of mine. He doesn’t work here. He works over at the Ryhope.’ Helen looked around on hearing the front door open. A nurse was coming through the main entrance, pushing a young girl in a wheelchair.
‘And his name is?’ the old woman asked, looking at Helen with curiosity. She thought she recognised her.
‘Dr Parker,’ Helen said, bringing her attention back to the receptionist. ‘His name’s Dr John Parker.’
‘Ah, the surgeon,’ the receptionist said. ‘Tall, blond. Specialises in prosthetics?’
‘That’s the one,’ Helen said, feeling another surge of nerves.
‘I think you might find him over in the West Wing. I can get someone to fetch him for you, if you want?’
‘No, honestly, there’s no need,’ Helen said. ‘I want to surprise him.’
The receptionist hesitated.
‘And you’re a friend?’
Helen nodded.
‘As you wish. But I have to warn you, it’s easy to get lost here. If you keep following the signs to the West Wing, you’ll find your way. Once you’re there, go to Lodge Cottage and ask for him at the desk.’ Another slight hesitation. ‘It’s quite a walk. Are you sure I can’t get one of the porters to fetch him for you?’
‘No, honestly, I’ll manage,’ Helen smiled. ‘Thank you for your help.’
The receptionist watched Helen walk down the main corridor, her heels clacking along the polished tiled flooring.
Getting off the train at Ryhope railway station, Pearl had spotted a couple of Home Guard soldiers climbing into a military truck and asked them if they’d drop them at the asylum. They’d agreed as it was only a quarter of a mile out of their way.
‘Ta, lads,’ Pearl said, climbing out of the truck. ‘If yer ever in the east end, pop yer head into the Tatham and I’ll buy yer both a drink.’
Bel looked at her ma in surprise. She didn’t think she’d ever heard her offer to buy anyone a drink.
‘Aye, we might take yer up on that,’ the younger one said, smiling at Bel.
‘As long as yer knar that’s all yer’ll be getting. This one’s married.’ She grabbed Bel’s left hand and held it up as evidence. ‘And her bloke’s a war hero, so don’t be getting any funny ideas.’
Now this really did surprise Bel. She had never heard her ma say anything remotely nice about Joe. Never mind boast of his bravery.
The younger man’s face fell.
The older man chuckled. ‘And good luck with your fella. Hope he got out in one piece.’
Bel looked at her ma, waiting for her to put the man right and tell him that Bill was not her ‘fella’.
But she didn’t.
They both walked towards the main entrance, craning their necks and looking up at the towering entrance.
‘This place doesn’t half give me the willies,’ Pearl said.
Bel was inclined to agree – it felt overbearing and a little scary.
‘Bloody hell.’ Pearl spat the words out.
Bel looked at her ma. She was staring at a brass plaque.
‘“Mr Charles Havelock, philanthropist and entrepreneur”,’ Pearl read. ‘I could think of another name to add to that.’
As she started down what was to be the first of many corridors, Helen felt the return of nerves.
Nerves of excitement as well as apprehension.
Her plan to go for a walk with John around the grounds at Ryhope had now been scuppered, but she was sure they could walk around the grounds here.
She went over what she would do. She had decided actions would speak louder than words. A kiss would show him exactly how she felt.
Afterwards, she would tell him how she had always loved him, but that she had been too blind and stupid to realise it. That when she was pregnant she had only loved one being and that was the baby growing in her belly. Then when she had miscarried, there had only been sorrow in her heart. There had been no room for love.
But she had recovered and realised just how well they got on, how much they loved being in each other’s company, and how they knew each other inside out. ‘Warts and all’, as he himself had said.
Helen stopped to check her bearings.
She’d passed a number of wards, a chapel and a large recreation hall, but she’d not seen any signs to the West Wing. Honestly, the place was like a maze.
As she walked towards a T-junction of corridors, she spotted a large map of the asylum mounted under glass on a wooden plinth. Going over to it, she studied the layout of the hospital. There was a farm and bakehouse, which she presumed provided food for the patients, an admissions hospital, convalescent villas and a nurses’ home that appeared to be a part of the West Wing. The asylum certainly had everything it needed to be self-sufficient. It was like a castle minus a moat.
Continuing to walk, it took her another few minutes before she came to a sign for the West Wing. At last.
Walking through a set of double doors, she felt the sun on her face. What a lovely place.
It was like a small hamlet. A hundred yards away, she could see what looked like a little row of terraced cottages and further in the distance she saw a larger building that she knew from the map was the Isolation Hospital. John must be working there. Everywhere else looked like staff accommodation.
She started along the little pathway towards what looked like the lodge the receptionist had told her to report to.
As she did so, her attention was caught by a nurse coming out of one of the terraces. She was hurrying. Helen guessed she was late for her shift.
She continued walking, but seconds later she heard another door open.
She looked over at the row of cottages, expecting to see another nurse hurrying off to work, but on seeing the young woman coming out of the front door she stopped in her tracks.
Was that … ?
Yes, it definitely looked like her.
Helen continued staring.
It was.
It was Dr Eris.
She put her hand up to wave, but Dr Eris turned round. She was sure she had seen her, but she hadn’t waved back.
Helen looked as someone else appeared through the front door.
Was it?
No.
Please, no!
But it was who she thought it was.
How could she be wrong? She knew him inside and out.
Or thought she did.
Feeling sick to the pit of her stomach, Helen watched as Claire wrapped her arms around John’s neck and pulled him close.
Unable to move a muscle, Helen watched them kiss.
When she finally came to her senses, she quickly turned and walked away – back, as quickly as she could, from where she’d come.
Chapter Sixty-Three
‘Mr William David Lawson,’ the receptionist repeated as she looked down her list of new patients.
‘He was injured in last night’s air raid,’ Bel explained.
‘Oh, I see,’ the receptionist said, turning over a page and looking at another list.
‘Here we are,’ she said. ‘Yes, your Mr Lawson is under our care for the day – and probably the night too.’
She stood up and pointed to the far corridor.
‘If you go down that corridor, take the first left, then a right and just keep on walking. You’ll find him in our new admissions ward, the Willows.’
‘Thank you,’ Bel said, smiling.
Pearl forced a smile but didn’t speak as her daughter had told her to keep it zipped.
Helen staggered back along the corridors she had just walked down minutes earlier.
Had she not learnt anything?
Was she as delusional as the people in here?
Her love for John might not have been an illusion – but the love she’d thought he had for her clearly had been.
Her mother had been right. She was soiled goods. Sullied. No man like John would want to be serious with a woman like herself. Someone who had given her body to another man. Someone who had carried another man’s baby.
Tears started to fall down Helen’s face. Tears of anger. Resentment.
She thought she had moved on, grown older and wiser.
But she hadn’t.
She was exactly where she was before.
She must have been completely blind not to have seen it the other day in the cafeteria when she had learnt that Dr Eris was a woman. An educated, middle-class, attractive woman.
John had been spending time with her. He worked with her. Was often here at the asylum when she called.
She should have thought back to their past conversations and how John had gone on about Dr Eris and how brilliant she was – and what progress young Jacob had made because of her.
Of course John would want someone like Claire.
She was perfect.
Any fool could see that.
‘Oh my goodness,’ Bel said.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Pearl.
They both looked as Helen walked towards them. Or rather, staggered, occasionally touching the wall to steady herself.
And then Bel saw Helen’s face.
The tears.
‘Helen!’ Bel hurried over to her. ‘What’s happened? What’s the matter?’
Pearl stayed one step behind.
‘Are you all right?’ Bel took hold of her arm.
Helen stopped in her tracks and stared. It took her a while to focus on Bel.
‘It’s John,’ she blurted out.
‘Oh God, is he all right? Has he been hurt?’ Bel asked.
‘Committed?’ Pearl mumbled under her breath. Bel heard and threw her ma a death stare.
‘No, no, he’s fine,’ Helen said, trying to pull herself together. She wiped her eyes and straightened her back.
‘He’s fine,’ she repeated. Now there was bitterness. ‘Hunky-bloody-dory.’
Pearl nudged Bel.
‘I’ll gan ’n find Bill myself,’ she said, rolling her eyes towards Helen. ‘You sort this one out. I’ll meet yer out the front when I’m done. Give us a little while, though, eh? I need to have a bit of a chat with him.’