by E. L. Todd
The tension was tight like a rope, and silence lingered.
The Slade spoke. “My gift was good too…”
Trinity rolled her eyes. “Let it go.”
Ryan stared at the sculpture on the table for a long time, examining the details in the grooves and lines.
I turned to Silke. “You did a beautiful job.”
Her voice came out quiet. “Thank you.”
“How long did you work on it for?”
“A few weeks.”
“You’re the most talented woman I’ve ever known.” It wasn’t just a line or way to get in her good graces. It was the truth.
But like she hadn’t heard me, she turned away.
***
We headed to Ryan’s apartment for cake, and we walked down the sidewalk as the lights from the city guided us. Ryan had his arm around Janice, and he carried the bag of gifts with one hand. Slade was grabbing Trinity’s ass and pecking her with kisses. Trinity giggled and half-heartedly smacked him away.
I walked beside Silke, my hands in my pockets.
She crossed her arms over her chest, closed off from me.
“How often do you sculpt?” I asked.
“Every day, lately.”
I nodded. “Practice makes perfect, and you’re a perfect artist.”
She stared at the ground below her feet.
“Have you tried painting?”
“No, I don’t think it’s for me.”
“Have you tried?” I questioned.
“No, but I don’t want to.” She didn’t look at me once, and she acted like she wanted to get away from me.
I spoke my mind. “Do you hate me?”
She stopped in her tracks then looked at me.
I halted and faced her. “If I’m overstepping my boundary with your family, I can disappear. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable around your own parents. If you want me to disappear, I can.”
She sighed. “Of course I don’t hate you.”
I stared at her, feeling my heart accelerate.
“And I don’t want you to stop spending time with my family. They’re your family too.”
“It just seems like you don’t want me around.”
She considered my words for a moment. “It’s just difficult for me. And it’ll always be difficult.”
“I don’t want it to be that way,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said. “Neither do I.”
I wanted to ask why she broke up with Pike but I didn’t dare say it.
“I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ll be better from now on.”
“Okay.” I wanted her to stop closing off from me. I wanted her to open up to me, to let herself feel everything in her heart.
We walked again, a little less tense.
“Where’s Abby?” she asked.
“Lydia has her this weekend,” I said with a sigh. “I asked her to switch weekends with me but she said she missed Abby too much.”
“It must be difficult to give her back.”
“It’s heartbreaking,” I said honestly.
Her arms hung by her sides as she walked. “How’s it going with Lydia?”
“It’s fine,” I said. “We get along.”
“Do you still do stuff together?”
“Yeah, during the week the three of us have dinner together. Lydia and I get along well and we never fight. I want Abby to understand we’re a family even if her mother and I don’t love each other.”
She nodded. “That’s good. Whatever is best for Abby.”
“I agree.”
She regarded me for a moment before she faced forward. “You’re so different.”
I moved my hands to my pockets. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No, it’s neither bad nor good. It’s just…different.”
“Well, the innate aspects of me are the same. I’ve just matured a lot and eradicated my flaws. And through education, I’ve become a more knowledgeable person. My self-awareness has increased, and I’m in a much better place than I used to be, a place where I can love someone completely and the way they deserve.” I watched her face out of the corner of my eye, wondering if my words would get a reaction out of here.
It didn’t. “I’m glad you’re happy.”
“I’m very happy. I hate to think of how different my life would have been if Ryan hadn’t been such a generous and compassionate man.”
“I hate to think about it too…”
I stared straight ahead and walked beside her. Naturally, I wanted to grab her hand and hold it within mine. Somehow, I resisted.
We reached the apartment then walked inside. Carrot cake was on the table, Janice’s favorite, and Ryan cut into it and passed the pieces around. I only took a few bites because I never cared for sweets. And I didn’t work this hard to look like this to lose it.
We made small talk at the table, and Slade ended up scarfing down three pieces on his own.
“I’m so glad obesity doesn’t run in your family,” Trinity noted.
“I’m a man,” Slade said. “I like to eat. Not everyone eats like a bird.”
“I don’t eat like a bird,” she argued.
“Do you guys ever not argue?” Silke asked.
“Yep,” Slade said. “Three times a day.”
Silke cringed and rolled her eyes.
“Trinity bit my lip a few weeks ago,” Slade said. “It was hot as hell.”
“Slade, we’re eating,” Ryan said.
Slade shrugged then kept eating.
Janice picked at her food and hardly ate, just like Trinity.
Silke ate her cake just like her brother, scarfing it down without thinking twice about it.
I missed that about her.
“Dad, I want to ask you something,” Slade said.
“Maybe this should wait for another time,” Ryan said, anticipating an inappropriate topic.
“No, it’s fine,” Slade said.
Trinity gave him a knowing look but didn’t say anything.
“You want to be one of my groomsmen?” Slade asked while he stared at him.
The table fell silent.
Janice dropped her fork and it clanked on the table.
Ryan stilled and stared at his son. “Are you being serious?”
“Yeah,” Slade said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, it’s not traditional for a dad to be in the wedding party,” Ryan reasoned.
“But you’re my best friend,” Slade said, dead serious.
My heart swelled while I listened to the conversation.
“That’s so sweet,” Janice whispered.
“Don’t have any friends?” Ryan teased.
“No, Cayson is my best man, and the rest of the guys are going to be in it. But…I want you in there too. You’re my role model…I’ve looked up to you my whole life. You’ve taught me everything I know.”
Janice’s eyes watered and she fanned her face. “Oh god…”
“I mean, we have matching tattoos…” Slade said it like it explained everything.
Even Trinity was shaken up.
Ryan stared at the table for a moment before he looked his son in the eye. “I’d be honored, son.”
“Thanks.” Slade looked down because the emotion was too much.
Silke took a deep breath, clearly affected by the exchange.
Ryan picked at his cake but didn’t eat it. “I think I can speak for your mother when I say this is the best anniversary we’ve ever had—thanks to all of you.”
Damn, now I was getting choked up.
“Shit, my makeup.” Janice traced a napkin around her eyes.
Slade chuckled. “Try waterproof. It’s what Trinity uses.”
Janice finally recovered her composure.
We continued to eat the cake, falling silent. It was awkward and tense, but no one wanted to break the moment.
***
Everyone gathered around the TV and sat on the couches. Empty beer bottles scattered across the t
able, and more cake was eaten. While Ryan and Slade were arguing about sports teams, Silke stood up then walked outside. A balcony overlooked the street, and she stood there with her arms across her chest.
I watched her, wondering what she was thinking. Why did she go outside? I’d give anything to read her mind, to understand the true wonder of it.
Ryan caught my gaze. “Why don’t you go check on her?”
Any excuse to walk out there was good enough for me. I headed to the door and stepped outside.
Silke didn’t turn to me, like she expected me.
I stood beside her with my hands in my pockets. “The city is breathtaking, isn’t it?”
“Do you like living here?” she asked.
“I love it.”
“You never want to live anywhere else?” She stared straight ahead, not giving me her eyes.
“Why would I when everyone I love is here?” I turned to her, willing her to look at me.
She didn’t. “I loved Boston, but my heart has always been in New York.”
“I love Boston too, but for a very particular reason.” I didn’t need to say what it was. Silke knew.
“I couldn’t imagine living in a small city with pastures and farms. I need the chaos of the city, the constant change. People think I’m crazy, but I like listening to the sound of sirens in the middle of the night, the constant sound of traffic, and I love all the weirdoes.”
“I don’t think that makes you crazy.”
“People crave peace and quiet but I don’t want that.”
I leaned over the stone wall and looked out below. “I feel like I’m king of the world out here.”
“Me too,” she said. “I don’t have a balcony at my apartment.”
“I do,” I said. “You should come by and see it sometime.”
She didn’t accept the offer.
I felt the stone wall under my fingers while I looked out at the lights of the city. They shined like a wildfire and blocked out all the stars, but yet, it was still beautiful. The bridge could be seen faintly in the distance, and the breeze moved through my hair. “What are you thinking?”
She was quiet for a moment. “Nothing.”
I turned to her and faced her, not caring if my look made her uncomfortable. We were just a few inches apart. “Nothing?”
“Not a thing.”
“I find that unlikely.”
“You’ve never thought of nothing before?” she asked. “You just soaked in your surroundings without thought?”
“No, because there are two people I’m constantly thinking about. One of them is Abby and you can guess who the other is.”
She didn’t react noticeably, but I’d bet anything her heart sped up.
I stared at her, willing her to look at me. “Why didn’t you tell me you broke up with Pike?”
That finally got a reaction out of her. She turned to me, her eyes guarded. “I didn’t see why it mattered.”
“I distinctly spoke of him as your boyfriend. You didn’t correct me.”
“You didn’t ask me either.”
“In either case, you withheld the information on purpose.”
She held my gaze, like a soldier in battle unafraid to look death in the eye. “It’s none of your business, that’s why.”
“Excuse my rudeness, but I don’t believe that—not even for a second.”
Her chest rose and fell with increased breaths and her lips were pressed tightly together. Even when she was uncomfortable, she looked painfully beautiful. “I don’t care what you believe.”
“You withheld that information on purpose,” I pressed. “I want to know why.”
She finally looked away.
“Why?” I pressed.
She refused to answer me.
“I’ll tell you my theory.”
“I don’t care what your theory is,” she whispered.
“You didn’t want me to know because you knew I’d pursue you—and never give up.”
“Which would mean I don’t want you, Arsen.”
“Look at me,” I commanded.
“No.” Her voice came out as a whisper.
“Look at me,” I repeated.
She closed her eyes for a moment before she turned to me.
“You knew I would pursue you—and you knew you would give in to me. That’s why.”
She didn’t agree or disagree. She just stared at me, desperately trying to guard her thoughts with her standoff behavior. Her arms were crossed over her chest like that would protect her from me, like that would protect her heart from my grasp.
“Why are you pushing me away, Silke?”
“I told you why,” she said with emotion.
“I know you don’t trust me. That’s fine. I understand. But I will win it back.”
“I don’t want you to earn it back,” she argued. “I don’t want it at all.”
She was still hurt, broken, over what I did to her. I already knew this, but it still hurt me. If only I had gotten my shit together at that time things might be different. I hated myself for what I’d done to her. “Why did you break up with him?”
She shook her head slightly. “I’m not sure how I gave you the impression you can ask me whatever you want. We aren’t friends, Arsen.”
You’re right,” I said. “We aren’t. And that’s why I’m asking.”
She turned away again, her fidgety movements implying her discomfort.
“Answer me,” I said gently.
“No.”
I stared at her, silently pressing her.
“You were with him for six months. As soon as I come around, you end it with him. It’s a weird coincidence, isn’t it?”
She gave me a look full of rage then shoved me hard. “You’re still the cocky asshole I remember.” Her eyes were wide and unforgiving. “Nothing has changed. You’re still a jackass who—”
I pressed her against the ledge and kissed her hard on the mouth. I expected her to fight me, to push me as hard as she could and knee me in the groin, but she didn’t.
She kissed me back harder.
Her arms moved around my neck and her fingers dug into my hair. Her lips sought mine with a hunger that couldn’t be vanquished. She kissed me like she needed me, that she was desperate without me. Her fingers pressed into me like she didn’t want me to slip away. Her tongue found mine, and they danced together like they had so many times. But this time was different.
Our embraces had always been surged with power, kindling like a fire that couldn’t be fought. My entire body shook as I felt her chest against mine. Her mouth made my lips burn with a fire that couldn’t be distinguished. Every time she breathed into my mouth, she breathed life into me. “Beauty…” I held her close against me, feeling whole for the first time in my life.
She suddenly pushed me away, her fingers moving to her lips like she couldn’t believe we just kissed. Did she push me away because the emotion was too much? Or was it because I used such an intimate nickname that I hadn’t spoken in years?
She stared at me like she didn’t know what to do next. Her hand moved back to her side and she breathed hard. Then, she walked passed me and entered the apartment.
I stood there for a moment, feeling my lips burn. I hadn’t planned on kissing her. It just happened. And I didn’t regret it. I followed her back inside and watched her grab her purse. When her back was to everyone, they turned to me.
Slade winked at me and gave me a thumbs up.
Ryan smirked at me.
Janice looked like she wanted to scream.
“Happy anniversary,” Silke said to her parents. “But I have to go.” She walked out and shut the door.
I stood there, unsure what to do.
They all stared at me, waiting for me to do something.
“Arsen, go get her,” Ryan said.
“Hunt her down,” Slade said. “I have a reputation as a bit of a ladies man so listen to my advice. When a girl runs, she wants you to chase her.”
“Thanks.” I gave them a grin then walked out.
I jogged down the hallway then took the stairs, knowing she wouldn’t take the elevator. I moved quickly so I could catch up with her. When I reached her floor, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. Her eyes widened when she saw me. Then she kept running.
I chased after her, running this time. She wasn’t going to get away from me. When I was a few feet behind her, I spoke. “You broke up with him because you don’t love him.”
She kept going, trying to get away from me.
“And you love me.”
When she turned the corner, I grabbed her and threw her against the wall. Then I gripped her ass and lifted her, pinning her against the wall. My lips sought hers, and like last time, she kissed me back without resisting me.
Her arms moved around my neck and she kissed me hard, just like last time. Her legs wrapped around my waist and she squeezed me gently. My crotch was pressed to hers, and I was rock-hard. There was no doubt she felt it, that she knew what she did to me with just a look.
I pressed my body into hers as much as I could, wanting to rid any space that could possibly form. The curve of her breasts pressed against me, just the way they used to. Memories of our passionate nights came back to me, but they couldn’t compare with the chemistry we had now. She dug her nails into me, through my shirt, and practically pierced my skin. Her need was evident, and I wanted to give her everything. She could have every piece of me, my heart, as well as my soul. It was hers anyway.
She ended the kiss and caught her breath, her face still pressed to mine. She hadn’t released her hold on me, and she just stared at me. I kissed the corner of her mouth, silently treasuring her.
Then she pushed me off and moved to the floor. “Stop.”
I stayed back and looked at her with hungry eyes.
“Just…stop.” She held up her hand to me then walked away. She descended the stairs without looking back.
I wasn’t going to let her get away. I chased after her for a third time. “You say you don’t want me but you kiss me like you’ve fantasized about it for two years.”
She kept going and didn’t respond.
I grabbed her again and moved her back against the wall. Instead of kissing her lips, my mouth moved to her neck, sucking and nibbling the skin just the way I used to. My lips moved to her ear and I kissed the shell.
Like I expected, she held me close and let me kiss her and an involuntary moan escaped her lips. Like two wild animals trying to consume on another, we moved against each other. Her lips found my neck and she kissed me in the same carnal way, wanting to feel every inch of me, not just my lips